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What Is To Be
-Fifteenth-
By Annie
2003-09-30
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤
She had reached the first goal for the evening and sunk down on her knees in the dirt and grind covering the edge of the seemingly endless hole. The ground in which it was located was nothing but a wasteland of dark-gray rubble and debris, soot and stone. The sky was clouded over and it looked as though a large storm was threatening to unleash its wrath upon her.
She had not even one thought to spare for it.
She brought out the rope which was to bring her down into the darkness, securing it around a thick metal pole sticking out of the ground before she threw the remaining rope down the gape of where she was headed. Bracing herself she then turned around and slowly began to make her way over the ledge and further downwards.
After what felt like an eternity being surrounded by nothing but black her feet finally touched down on what felt like solid rock and she let the rope go as she took a step back and turned around. Reaching into one of the back pockets of her black outfit she brought out a flare and lit it, bringing it over her head as she took her first in depth look at the Hellmouth.
Slowly the flare was being extinguished and she could feel a chill around her hand once it died completely. She realized instinctively that she needn't bother to even try lighting another one. This place was not kind to brightness, smothering it so sufficiently... Nothing good dwelled here, only dark magic and simmering evil. It went straight to the bone and she felt as if it crawled up her back and further up her neck as though it was actually a being.
Swallowing she carefully began to take step upon step upon step forward, moving toward something which she knew she had to find, but wasn't certain of how to locate. She knew she had to go on pure feeling, believing that her heart would lead her through the shadows.
Closing her eyes she let her senses reach out and cautiously she made her way towards the unknown second goal.
It was so dark.
Her voyage seemed to go on forever though she focused her thoughts away from that fact with determination as she knew every single step also brought her closer. And before she knew it there it was, a distinct scent in the still air - of water.
She nearly stumbled, but steadied herself and had the most overwhelming feel of déjà vu before she let it go and drew a small breath. Opening her eyes again she thought the high walls around her were stretched over with the farthest reaches of a light source stemming from up ahead and she felt a surge of conviction run through her as she understood that she was very close now.
The sound of a silent scratch against the rocks she had so far put behind her made her stiffen slightly before she whipped her head around, gazing through shadow, but her Slayer sight not revealing any movements. She listened for a few more moments, but when nothing more was heard she turned back to face forward and once more got herself going.
Reaching out a hand she put it against the harsh cave wall and traced it in order to help her keep her course, moving ever nearer and feeling her heart beat harder for every step forward.
After ten paces she rounded a corner and her eyes were hit by such a bright light that she had to shield them with one hand. However, they adjusted quickly enough and she slowly lowered her hand again as her gaze landed on the origin of the illumination: a well in the cavern floor.
For a second she was terribly convinced she had seen it before, and then she shook it off as she glanced about at her surroundings.
There was the sound of the ocean somewhere in the background, she realized. And the cavern was smaller than she had pictured it while approaching it. She had thought it would be grand, since it obviously was important, though she still wasn't sure exactly why. But this place wasn't any greater than fitting her old house within its trap.
Turning her eyes back on the well she frowned.
What was it with it? It tempted her with its clearness, yet it frightened her in some elusive way. Sickened her to the verge of not being able to move from her current position. There was something dark surrounding it. Some evil at play about it which wasn't strong enough to persuade her supernatural senses of the gentle disguise it had chosen for itself.
As she watched the mirror-like surface of the water her throat began to signal how much in need it was of tasting what lay beneath. How it craved the coolness of it slipping over its dusty-dry confinement and she swallowed. The hesitation she felt at approaching the spot finally gave way for this building thirst and she started up to it once the decision had been made.
As she got closer a ray of light suddenly shot up from the former source and it hit the cavern ceiling gently, she furrowed her brow as she tilted her head back and looked at the spot on which it now rested. There was an "A" carved into the stone and around it glowed a white ring. It was as though the light imbedded itself into the carving of the latter, circling within its dents and crannies and making it shimmer.
The notion of having seen all this before was taking over once more, and for a moment she thought she was about to be able to grasp it, but it still managed to escape her and she looked up at the "A" again before she turned her gaze back on the well, sinking to her knees by the edge and watching the surface for another moment, thinking she could see a drop of red swirling just beneath it before simply cupping her hands and then plunging them into the wetness.
She brought them deep down, closing her eyes as she pulled them up again, carrying the fluid with them and to her lips. She drank, greedily but deeply. Repeating the movement as she had finished the contents of the first trip. Her body was being revived, the water sliding through it, into her veins, being picked up by her nerves, her dried lungs, her beating heart. It coursed through her, joining her pulse. She was growing lightheaded.
She finished the second handful and once more dipped her arms down before having her hands by her mouth for a third time.
Then there was a whisper right by her ear, it was Dawn's voice and it said:
"It's poison to you."
As the last word of that sentence slid through her mind, before she had a chance to react, she had thrown the last of the liquid away from her with an unprovoked yell of disgust and as she opened her eyes they widened with that very same emotion.
The surface of the well rippled from her movement as the drops she had held in her palms splashed into it, only now it was a deep red. Only now - it was blood.
The coppery taste of it stuck to every single taste-bud of her mouth and she stared in abhorrer as she scrambled backwards.
The light had been extinguished by the thickness of the new contents, but an eerie residue seemed to linger against the walls and she could still see her surroundings as she got to her feet. Looking down at her hands she noticed they were clean.
Tilting her head back she frowned, this time deeply, as she caught the change the "A" had gone through as it was blackened, smudged, and how the black ring formed an ominous prison around it.
Suddenly there was a disturbance in the well and something floated to the surface, making her take her eyes off the confusing sign above to what now showed bopping calmly in the sticky waves. She eyed it in suspicion before it hit her. She recognized it and it wasn't a something at all - it was a someone.
She was by the edge in the next instant, reaching out her arms and grabbing the shoulder which was all that was really showing. Pulling the body forcefully to her and dragging it up, the legs still in the thick liquid as she rolled it over and stared down at the pale face of someone gone forever.
Oh, God, let him be okay. Let him live.
She was trembling as she bent over him and let her hands gently stroke his cheeks, his brow, his hair - realizing that he was clean as well, the blood had simply dripped off of him and now he lay there in alabaster splendor.
Please. Open your eyes. Look at me. Spike...
He coughed and stirred slightly before he did as she pleaded and eased his eyes open. They looked at her in wonderment, disoriented for a second before he smiled and reached up one hand to slide it over her cheek.
"Buffy," he whispered and she returned the smile as the tears that had been building ran over.
"Spike," she said. "There's so much... I want to say..."
But he shook his head, cutting her short before he caught his breath as his gaze grew pained.
The tender smile that had been on her lips now retracted as she looked at him with the questions rising within her.
"What's wrong?" she whispered, feeling how his body began to grow warmer against her, beneath her fingers.
"I will always..." he mumbled, then a brief smile touched his lips before his brow furrowed with agony and his eyes closed, his head lolling to the side and his muscles going limp.
"Spike?" she tried, putting one hand by his right cheek and moving his face so that she could look at it, search it for a clue as to what had just happened. "Spike?" she repeated, her tone close to begging him for a response.
There was none.
A tear slid down her nose and clung to the tip for just a second before letting go, hitting his cheek as she bent forward and kissed him softly on the mouth.
"I need you," she whispered, putting her forehead to his and having a quiet sob rip through her.
Then he was slowly pulled out of her arms and she raised her head as she watched him being almost carefully suspended in the air. She stared, her mouth dropping agape at the sight, and then he was slammed into the hard wall behind him and she let out a cry of objection as she got to her knees, ready to fight whatever element of hell or earth doing something so disrespectful, something so horribly wrong.
But she couldn't move, and he slid down the wall to the ground, still lifeless.
Dead.
She was weeping in stillness now, the defeat filling her with a hopelessness she had never experienced before.
"Spike..."
His name coming out in such a hushed voice it barely sounded and then she sat back, still on her knees, her hands in her lap as she bent her head in grief and desperation.
There was a flash of fire from where he had come to reside and she knew he was gone.
Her heart was breaking in such a way that it made it impossible for her to breathe. Her soul was crying and thrashing within her, shaking her emotions up even more and she chewed on the inside of her cheek as she tried to keep herself from getting up and ramming her head into one of the cavern walls.
And then there was the careful touch of hands on her head, sliding through her hair before someone got down before her and the hands moved to her shoulders and then to either side of her face as his voice said:
"Why are you crying?"
She drew a breath in surprise and looked up sharply, meeting the blueness of his eyes that were smiling at her through concern.
"You... died," she then replied to his question, her own eyes wide with growing shock. "You died!" she added and he blinked, then tilted his head a little to one side before he pulled her to him in a tight embrace and she held him back with the happiness beginning to spread throughout her.
"I had to," he said, voice low next to her ear. "I had to die..."
"William..." she mumbled and he pulled away to look at her.
She smiled, reaching up one hand and touching the spot of his left eyebrow which had preciously carried a trademark scar. Now it was gone.
"William," she said again and he returned her smile tentatively before he put one hand by hers and brought it down to his lips, kissing her palm gently before he got to his feet.
She looked up, tilting her head back and then following him with her eyes as he walked toward the passageway through which she had arrived.
"Remember what I said?" he asked and she felt at a loss for a short while before she was hit by what he was referring to, and she nodded. "It's watching you," he added, turning away and about to begin to walk again when he paused, turning partially to her and then smiling a small smile again, reaching out a hand to her.
She looked at it, then back in his eyes and she smiled widely as she quickly rose to her feet and walked up to him. Sliding her hand in his they softly eyed each other and in the next moment - she woke up.
With an intake of breath she was torn from the dream and her eyes opened as she stared up at the ceiling.
She turned on her side and her arm rested directly on Spike's chest, gently heaving with sleep-drenched breaths and she smiled to herself as she watched him in the stillness of the room.
How could anyone be that beautiful? How could she have spent so much time hating those features?
She held back a soft laugh at the thought, remembering just to what lengths he had gone in order to INSURE that he instilled nothing but fear and despise in her.
The man she loved with all her heart.
What a story they had.
How far had they not come since their first encounter in that darkened alley behind the Bronze? How much had not happened between them? It was amazing to even think of it.
She let the thoughts run freely as she relaxed her head in one hand, observing him intently.
She stayed that way for a long time, not wanting to move or make him stir. Wanting to remember the moment forever, burn it into her memory banks. That peaceful sleep her lover was in, that peaceful sound of his soft breathing, that true contentment she felt at simply lying there, next to him, close to him, watching over him.
It wasn't until an hour and a half later that she came to the conclusion that she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep; and the light falling in through the window was a sufficient tattletale on time and told her that it was morning.
She placed gentle kisses up his cheek before she smiled and carefully pulled away from him. Grabbing her nightgown and robe she pulled both on and then sneaked up to the door, glancing back at him and once again smiling before she slipped out into the hallway.
She was hungry and so she headed for the kitchen. Entering it she was greeted by Fred who just poured hot water into a mug before retrieving the teabag she had already gotten for herself. Buffy joined her, leaning against the kitchen counter. Fred took a cautious sip of her tea as she casually observed the Slayer.
The latter had a smile on; in fact, she hadn't taken it off since she first walked through the doorway. She looked... sublimely happy and Fred had to smile a little with her. The blonde seemed oblivious to the very accurate interpretation of her state; actually she seemed quite lost to any impressions of what was going on around her.
Then she suddenly drew a breath, straightened her posture and walked over to the fridge. As she was still wearing the smile Fred had to laugh silently, making the other turn her head to her questioningly.
"You look like a woman in love," Fred merely pointed out meaningfully, making Buffy's cheek flush slightly as the other left the room and walked out into the foyer.
"Surprise," the Slayer then murmured and giggled to herself.
***
Spike woke slowly, blinking at the daylight falling in across the bed and then smiling to himself before he stretched and rolled onto his side, turning his head to where he expected his love to be. Only, she wasn't. The bed was empty but for him and he blinked as a chill went through him.
It made him remember nothing of the night prior, made him remember nothing but all the mornings he had awoken to nothing but an abandoned place next to him; reminding him that forever he was to be nothing else but a cheap fuck to her. An easy lay. A quick escape out of the pain and loss and confusion she so obviously felt facing the so bleak everyday.
He sat up straight.
Throwing the sheet aside he got to his feet, about to walk right out the door when he realized he was very much naked. Turning back he grabbed his pajama bottoms off the floor and pulled them on rather harshly.
There was a twirl of emotions in his chest, the primary one being a crude panic at this whole scenario as it had taken place too many times before. With a clawing apprehension inside of him he rushed downstairs.
***
"She's humming," Cordelia murmured to Fred as the two watched the Slayer who had been wandering around the foyer seemingly aimlessly for nearly twenty minutes, touching a detail in one wall here or sliding her hand along the reception counter there.
She still wore the smile, her face growing into a look of dreamy thoughts once and again as she paused for a moment or two, her smile then widening just a tad or so before she got herself moving again.
Lost in thought of making love to him, having him make love to her, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, and holding him close as he held her. Nothing could compare to him, no one could ever come close. And he was hers... She had seen it in his eyes last night. No matter what words fell from his lips she knew now that his eyes would never lie to her, they couldn't hide anything from her because she knew them far too well for them to be able to. He had loved her then, and he loved her still. And she felt exhilarated, uplifted by this feeling of being loved by the one person on this earth that she needed to love her.
And now, yes, she was humming; no matter how unaware of it she was.
She hadn't felt this good since... She could barely remember since when.
And nothing could ruin it for her.
"So this is how it's gonna be?!" his voice suddenly bellowed and her eyes grew wide as she twirled around to face him coming down the stairs.
Her smile faded at the look of fury on his face.
"What?" she then asked, incredulous, thinking that he must be joking.
He approached her, stopping a few feet away from her and she stared at him as she determined that he truly was not.
"You'll come to me when you want to? Make me scratch your little itch and then you're gone?!" he exclaimed and now her jaw dropped in astonishment. "I CAN'T live like that!" he added and she blinked before she furrowed her brow.
"Exactly what the hell are you saying?" she then demanded and his eyebrows rose.
"I know this dance, love," he replied. "I was there when we bloody invented it! This old game of push-and-pull, who-wants-what, end-before-it-begins... Bloody hell, did you ever stop to think?!" he asked, voice still loud and Buffy felt a cold stab in her side, trailing up to her heart as she began to understand where he was going with this; and at the realization her eyes grew hard, the shock at this question mixing with a growing fury with him.
With his near-sighted, dumb-ass conclusions.
"I guess I didn't," she said coldly and he drew a breath, his chest heaving already from his anger and she clenched her jaws together with agitation.
"You forget I could feel now, pet?" he asked, the dripping sarcasm in his voice making her meet his gaze with one harsh before she voiced what was pushing to be screamed at him.
"Are you seriously standing there saying this to me?!" she burst out.
"Yeah," he nodded.
"What the hell gave you the right?!"
"I know you," he replied and her eyes grew before she cocked an eyebrow.
"Really?" she asked and he smirked in the way he always had and always would before he put his hands out to the sides and said:
"You're all about instant gratification, aren't you, love?"
She stared at him, speechless.
Then she moved her arm before she could stop herself and her palm met his cheek in a brutal slap. His head moved to the side and his upper body followed before he twisted thirty degrees and lost his balance, going down on his knees.
"How can you even THINK that of me?!" she screamed, her eyes glazed over with sudden tears.
But his hunched form, his slumped shoulders and his bent neck as he sat with his back to her made her feel a pang of sadness.
"God, how I must've hurt you," she said, voice low and then she tentatively got down on the floor next to him.
She carefully moved her hands up over his arms, to his jaw line, making him look at her as she blinked at her tears. His cheek was burning red and she frowned at the sight, the guilt coming over her like billowing smoke. His eyes did tell her of his pain, of his fear; of this blinding, paralyzing scare that she had just given him.
"You have to trust that I won't hurt you anymore," she mumbled, putting her forehead softly against his as her fingers carefully caressed the place they had just slammed into. "I won't..."
His arms slipped around her and he pulled her to him, making her let out a small sigh of relief as she buried her face against his shoulder.
"Can't you tell how much I love you?" she whispered in his ear and his hold tightened, making the smile reattach itself on her lips, the relief now filling every part of her with the speed of sound. "I love you," she repeated and he pressed her to him, his nose against the side of her throat.
He could have faced anything at that particular moment. Any demon sent from any corner of the underworld would have been no match for him. He felt invincible. The same way he had felt the first and only time she had ever spoken those words to him before.
"I love you too," he said, kissing her collarbone before he raised his head and rested his gaze in hers.
"I missed you so much," she practically sobbed, her lips meeting his as he nodded.
"I missed you too," he said, kissing her back.
"Why didn't you send for me?" she asked, pulling back and her tears welling over the edges of her eyes as she looked at him. "How could you not send for me? It's what's killing me! You were there for me through some of the hardest times of my life, and you wouldn't let me be there for you!"
"No, that's not... It wasn't that I didn't WANT to let you know... I just wanted, for once, to not ruin anything for you," he tried to explain, her eyebrows rising.
"Ruin?!" she exclaimed, letting him go as she got to her feet and he followed her movement. "You didn't believe what I told you in that godforsaken cave three-hundred-and-twenty years ago? You didn't think I meant every single word?!"
"I lived on those words! But I didn't bleeding well know if you..."
He trailed off and she shook her head.
"That's bull-shit!" she stated. "You were scared! You thought that I didn't mean them enough to have them STILL mean something. You thought that all you'd get from me was a letter of welcome-back, didn't you?"
"No," he shook his head.
"Yes, you did!"
"No, that was what I was AFRAID of, okay?!" he yelled. "Okay! So I WAS scared. I was bloody terrified, but not of you not feeling it then... but yeah, of you not feeling it now! Happy?!"
"But... why?" she asked and he looked away from her before he once again turned his eyes in hers.
"If someone handed you the moon," he answered, "would you keep it for yourself, or have it hung back up in the sky to shine for everyone to see?" She looked uncomprehending and so he elaborated with: "Angel told me about you, what you were doing. You had made a life for yourself, as far as I could tell. I didn't want to disrupt it for you, I've done that so many times before... And yeah, I was scared that if I got in touch with you, you'd write that you were happy I was okay, but that you were too busy to come straight away or that you'd pop by as soon as you had another reason taking you back here or... Well, down those lines it went. I couldn't be selfish, Buffy. You were made to shine."
"I haven't been shining like some frickin' star in the sky ever since you left!" she shot. "I've been miserable and alone and all I wanted was to see you again, talk with you..."
"I'm sorry," he said, his face displaying the truth of that sentence perfectly as he took a step toward her and she didn't hesitate before she took those dividing them, having his arms around her again as she hugged him hard. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."
"I know," she assured. "I know you didn't. I'm sorry too."
They pulled apart slightly again, looking at each other for something close to an eternity before she smiled a little. He smiled back and then he leaned forward, his lips meeting hers before they deepened the kiss softly
Cordelia and Fred, inconspicuous and still eager audience to the scene, shared a wide smile at the obvious finale just as Angel came out from his office and at the sight which met him he paused, looking over at the two ladies before he asked:
"What'd I miss?"
"A fight," Cordelia answered him.
"That's the making up," Fred added and Angel glanced at the two blondes before he smiled a little as well.
"I need to find someone to argue with," he muttered, giving Cordelia a discrete look before he smirked and walked out to the kitchen.
Buffy's arms had slid up around Spike's neck and now she smiled as they ended the kiss and once more faced each other. He gently kissed her forehead and then nudged the tip of her nose with his own. Her smile persisted as she kissed him on the lips before wrapping her arms around him and pulling herself close to him in a hard hug.
"Let's never fight again," she whispered in his ear and to that he laughed.
"What fun is there in that?" he replied and she giggled, relaxing into him and feeling a deeply rooted ease fill her as she understood that the final step was taken and now... now there was the future.
And, before then, the end-of-the-world thing to deal with, of course.
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************
Sooooo happy that you guys liked the previous chapter! :)
Big, warm thanks to Alyssa (*lol*)! :), Captain (Why, thank you! :) Oh, and don't drag me down with you, girl! BAD! I live off of hope and a determined belief in Joss! He has come through for the best before, I pray this time will be no different! *pout*) :), Winters1 (I'm happy you think so!!!) :), maribel (here was some more...) ;), Rachel9 (Okay, so here were the I love you's... Approved?) :), Taelyn (Oh, no need to apologize, glad you're here now. :) heh-heh, I'm glad you liked the kiss! Oh, I hope chapter 14 set your mind at ease. ;) And I thought it so sad that Anya died like that, too!) :), MissK (aww, *smiles* thank you!) :), Tobert (Indeed happy you liked it! And yup, the I love you's arrived... you liked?) :), SinisterChic Heather Martin (Nice! I'm glad that you're into it!!! And thanks for the "Egyptian legend" comment. That meant a lot!) :) and Keleven (*smile* Very, very, really great to read that! Hope this chapter passed the green light as well!) :)
As always I thank thee for thine support! Truly wouldn't be here without ya!
A.M.L, Annie.
What Is To Be
-Fifteenth-
By Annie
2003-09-30
¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤ ¤¤¤¤¤¤
She had reached the first goal for the evening and sunk down on her knees in the dirt and grind covering the edge of the seemingly endless hole. The ground in which it was located was nothing but a wasteland of dark-gray rubble and debris, soot and stone. The sky was clouded over and it looked as though a large storm was threatening to unleash its wrath upon her.
She had not even one thought to spare for it.
She brought out the rope which was to bring her down into the darkness, securing it around a thick metal pole sticking out of the ground before she threw the remaining rope down the gape of where she was headed. Bracing herself she then turned around and slowly began to make her way over the ledge and further downwards.
After what felt like an eternity being surrounded by nothing but black her feet finally touched down on what felt like solid rock and she let the rope go as she took a step back and turned around. Reaching into one of the back pockets of her black outfit she brought out a flare and lit it, bringing it over her head as she took her first in depth look at the Hellmouth.
Slowly the flare was being extinguished and she could feel a chill around her hand once it died completely. She realized instinctively that she needn't bother to even try lighting another one. This place was not kind to brightness, smothering it so sufficiently... Nothing good dwelled here, only dark magic and simmering evil. It went straight to the bone and she felt as if it crawled up her back and further up her neck as though it was actually a being.
Swallowing she carefully began to take step upon step upon step forward, moving toward something which she knew she had to find, but wasn't certain of how to locate. She knew she had to go on pure feeling, believing that her heart would lead her through the shadows.
Closing her eyes she let her senses reach out and cautiously she made her way towards the unknown second goal.
It was so dark.
Her voyage seemed to go on forever though she focused her thoughts away from that fact with determination as she knew every single step also brought her closer. And before she knew it there it was, a distinct scent in the still air - of water.
She nearly stumbled, but steadied herself and had the most overwhelming feel of déjà vu before she let it go and drew a small breath. Opening her eyes again she thought the high walls around her were stretched over with the farthest reaches of a light source stemming from up ahead and she felt a surge of conviction run through her as she understood that she was very close now.
The sound of a silent scratch against the rocks she had so far put behind her made her stiffen slightly before she whipped her head around, gazing through shadow, but her Slayer sight not revealing any movements. She listened for a few more moments, but when nothing more was heard she turned back to face forward and once more got herself going.
Reaching out a hand she put it against the harsh cave wall and traced it in order to help her keep her course, moving ever nearer and feeling her heart beat harder for every step forward.
After ten paces she rounded a corner and her eyes were hit by such a bright light that she had to shield them with one hand. However, they adjusted quickly enough and she slowly lowered her hand again as her gaze landed on the origin of the illumination: a well in the cavern floor.
For a second she was terribly convinced she had seen it before, and then she shook it off as she glanced about at her surroundings.
There was the sound of the ocean somewhere in the background, she realized. And the cavern was smaller than she had pictured it while approaching it. She had thought it would be grand, since it obviously was important, though she still wasn't sure exactly why. But this place wasn't any greater than fitting her old house within its trap.
Turning her eyes back on the well she frowned.
What was it with it? It tempted her with its clearness, yet it frightened her in some elusive way. Sickened her to the verge of not being able to move from her current position. There was something dark surrounding it. Some evil at play about it which wasn't strong enough to persuade her supernatural senses of the gentle disguise it had chosen for itself.
As she watched the mirror-like surface of the water her throat began to signal how much in need it was of tasting what lay beneath. How it craved the coolness of it slipping over its dusty-dry confinement and she swallowed. The hesitation she felt at approaching the spot finally gave way for this building thirst and she started up to it once the decision had been made.
As she got closer a ray of light suddenly shot up from the former source and it hit the cavern ceiling gently, she furrowed her brow as she tilted her head back and looked at the spot on which it now rested. There was an "A" carved into the stone and around it glowed a white ring. It was as though the light imbedded itself into the carving of the latter, circling within its dents and crannies and making it shimmer.
The notion of having seen all this before was taking over once more, and for a moment she thought she was about to be able to grasp it, but it still managed to escape her and she looked up at the "A" again before she turned her gaze back on the well, sinking to her knees by the edge and watching the surface for another moment, thinking she could see a drop of red swirling just beneath it before simply cupping her hands and then plunging them into the wetness.
She brought them deep down, closing her eyes as she pulled them up again, carrying the fluid with them and to her lips. She drank, greedily but deeply. Repeating the movement as she had finished the contents of the first trip. Her body was being revived, the water sliding through it, into her veins, being picked up by her nerves, her dried lungs, her beating heart. It coursed through her, joining her pulse. She was growing lightheaded.
She finished the second handful and once more dipped her arms down before having her hands by her mouth for a third time.
Then there was a whisper right by her ear, it was Dawn's voice and it said:
"It's poison to you."
As the last word of that sentence slid through her mind, before she had a chance to react, she had thrown the last of the liquid away from her with an unprovoked yell of disgust and as she opened her eyes they widened with that very same emotion.
The surface of the well rippled from her movement as the drops she had held in her palms splashed into it, only now it was a deep red. Only now - it was blood.
The coppery taste of it stuck to every single taste-bud of her mouth and she stared in abhorrer as she scrambled backwards.
The light had been extinguished by the thickness of the new contents, but an eerie residue seemed to linger against the walls and she could still see her surroundings as she got to her feet. Looking down at her hands she noticed they were clean.
Tilting her head back she frowned, this time deeply, as she caught the change the "A" had gone through as it was blackened, smudged, and how the black ring formed an ominous prison around it.
Suddenly there was a disturbance in the well and something floated to the surface, making her take her eyes off the confusing sign above to what now showed bopping calmly in the sticky waves. She eyed it in suspicion before it hit her. She recognized it and it wasn't a something at all - it was a someone.
She was by the edge in the next instant, reaching out her arms and grabbing the shoulder which was all that was really showing. Pulling the body forcefully to her and dragging it up, the legs still in the thick liquid as she rolled it over and stared down at the pale face of someone gone forever.
Oh, God, let him be okay. Let him live.
She was trembling as she bent over him and let her hands gently stroke his cheeks, his brow, his hair - realizing that he was clean as well, the blood had simply dripped off of him and now he lay there in alabaster splendor.
Please. Open your eyes. Look at me. Spike...
He coughed and stirred slightly before he did as she pleaded and eased his eyes open. They looked at her in wonderment, disoriented for a second before he smiled and reached up one hand to slide it over her cheek.
"Buffy," he whispered and she returned the smile as the tears that had been building ran over.
"Spike," she said. "There's so much... I want to say..."
But he shook his head, cutting her short before he caught his breath as his gaze grew pained.
The tender smile that had been on her lips now retracted as she looked at him with the questions rising within her.
"What's wrong?" she whispered, feeling how his body began to grow warmer against her, beneath her fingers.
"I will always..." he mumbled, then a brief smile touched his lips before his brow furrowed with agony and his eyes closed, his head lolling to the side and his muscles going limp.
"Spike?" she tried, putting one hand by his right cheek and moving his face so that she could look at it, search it for a clue as to what had just happened. "Spike?" she repeated, her tone close to begging him for a response.
There was none.
A tear slid down her nose and clung to the tip for just a second before letting go, hitting his cheek as she bent forward and kissed him softly on the mouth.
"I need you," she whispered, putting her forehead to his and having a quiet sob rip through her.
Then he was slowly pulled out of her arms and she raised her head as she watched him being almost carefully suspended in the air. She stared, her mouth dropping agape at the sight, and then he was slammed into the hard wall behind him and she let out a cry of objection as she got to her knees, ready to fight whatever element of hell or earth doing something so disrespectful, something so horribly wrong.
But she couldn't move, and he slid down the wall to the ground, still lifeless.
Dead.
She was weeping in stillness now, the defeat filling her with a hopelessness she had never experienced before.
"Spike..."
His name coming out in such a hushed voice it barely sounded and then she sat back, still on her knees, her hands in her lap as she bent her head in grief and desperation.
There was a flash of fire from where he had come to reside and she knew he was gone.
Her heart was breaking in such a way that it made it impossible for her to breathe. Her soul was crying and thrashing within her, shaking her emotions up even more and she chewed on the inside of her cheek as she tried to keep herself from getting up and ramming her head into one of the cavern walls.
And then there was the careful touch of hands on her head, sliding through her hair before someone got down before her and the hands moved to her shoulders and then to either side of her face as his voice said:
"Why are you crying?"
She drew a breath in surprise and looked up sharply, meeting the blueness of his eyes that were smiling at her through concern.
"You... died," she then replied to his question, her own eyes wide with growing shock. "You died!" she added and he blinked, then tilted his head a little to one side before he pulled her to him in a tight embrace and she held him back with the happiness beginning to spread throughout her.
"I had to," he said, voice low next to her ear. "I had to die..."
"William..." she mumbled and he pulled away to look at her.
She smiled, reaching up one hand and touching the spot of his left eyebrow which had preciously carried a trademark scar. Now it was gone.
"William," she said again and he returned her smile tentatively before he put one hand by hers and brought it down to his lips, kissing her palm gently before he got to his feet.
She looked up, tilting her head back and then following him with her eyes as he walked toward the passageway through which she had arrived.
"Remember what I said?" he asked and she felt at a loss for a short while before she was hit by what he was referring to, and she nodded. "It's watching you," he added, turning away and about to begin to walk again when he paused, turning partially to her and then smiling a small smile again, reaching out a hand to her.
She looked at it, then back in his eyes and she smiled widely as she quickly rose to her feet and walked up to him. Sliding her hand in his they softly eyed each other and in the next moment - she woke up.
With an intake of breath she was torn from the dream and her eyes opened as she stared up at the ceiling.
She turned on her side and her arm rested directly on Spike's chest, gently heaving with sleep-drenched breaths and she smiled to herself as she watched him in the stillness of the room.
How could anyone be that beautiful? How could she have spent so much time hating those features?
She held back a soft laugh at the thought, remembering just to what lengths he had gone in order to INSURE that he instilled nothing but fear and despise in her.
The man she loved with all her heart.
What a story they had.
How far had they not come since their first encounter in that darkened alley behind the Bronze? How much had not happened between them? It was amazing to even think of it.
She let the thoughts run freely as she relaxed her head in one hand, observing him intently.
She stayed that way for a long time, not wanting to move or make him stir. Wanting to remember the moment forever, burn it into her memory banks. That peaceful sleep her lover was in, that peaceful sound of his soft breathing, that true contentment she felt at simply lying there, next to him, close to him, watching over him.
It wasn't until an hour and a half later that she came to the conclusion that she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep; and the light falling in through the window was a sufficient tattletale on time and told her that it was morning.
She placed gentle kisses up his cheek before she smiled and carefully pulled away from him. Grabbing her nightgown and robe she pulled both on and then sneaked up to the door, glancing back at him and once again smiling before she slipped out into the hallway.
She was hungry and so she headed for the kitchen. Entering it she was greeted by Fred who just poured hot water into a mug before retrieving the teabag she had already gotten for herself. Buffy joined her, leaning against the kitchen counter. Fred took a cautious sip of her tea as she casually observed the Slayer.
The latter had a smile on; in fact, she hadn't taken it off since she first walked through the doorway. She looked... sublimely happy and Fred had to smile a little with her. The blonde seemed oblivious to the very accurate interpretation of her state; actually she seemed quite lost to any impressions of what was going on around her.
Then she suddenly drew a breath, straightened her posture and walked over to the fridge. As she was still wearing the smile Fred had to laugh silently, making the other turn her head to her questioningly.
"You look like a woman in love," Fred merely pointed out meaningfully, making Buffy's cheek flush slightly as the other left the room and walked out into the foyer.
"Surprise," the Slayer then murmured and giggled to herself.
***
Spike woke slowly, blinking at the daylight falling in across the bed and then smiling to himself before he stretched and rolled onto his side, turning his head to where he expected his love to be. Only, she wasn't. The bed was empty but for him and he blinked as a chill went through him.
It made him remember nothing of the night prior, made him remember nothing but all the mornings he had awoken to nothing but an abandoned place next to him; reminding him that forever he was to be nothing else but a cheap fuck to her. An easy lay. A quick escape out of the pain and loss and confusion she so obviously felt facing the so bleak everyday.
He sat up straight.
Throwing the sheet aside he got to his feet, about to walk right out the door when he realized he was very much naked. Turning back he grabbed his pajama bottoms off the floor and pulled them on rather harshly.
There was a twirl of emotions in his chest, the primary one being a crude panic at this whole scenario as it had taken place too many times before. With a clawing apprehension inside of him he rushed downstairs.
***
"She's humming," Cordelia murmured to Fred as the two watched the Slayer who had been wandering around the foyer seemingly aimlessly for nearly twenty minutes, touching a detail in one wall here or sliding her hand along the reception counter there.
She still wore the smile, her face growing into a look of dreamy thoughts once and again as she paused for a moment or two, her smile then widening just a tad or so before she got herself moving again.
Lost in thought of making love to him, having him make love to her, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, and holding him close as he held her. Nothing could compare to him, no one could ever come close. And he was hers... She had seen it in his eyes last night. No matter what words fell from his lips she knew now that his eyes would never lie to her, they couldn't hide anything from her because she knew them far too well for them to be able to. He had loved her then, and he loved her still. And she felt exhilarated, uplifted by this feeling of being loved by the one person on this earth that she needed to love her.
And now, yes, she was humming; no matter how unaware of it she was.
She hadn't felt this good since... She could barely remember since when.
And nothing could ruin it for her.
"So this is how it's gonna be?!" his voice suddenly bellowed and her eyes grew wide as she twirled around to face him coming down the stairs.
Her smile faded at the look of fury on his face.
"What?" she then asked, incredulous, thinking that he must be joking.
He approached her, stopping a few feet away from her and she stared at him as she determined that he truly was not.
"You'll come to me when you want to? Make me scratch your little itch and then you're gone?!" he exclaimed and now her jaw dropped in astonishment. "I CAN'T live like that!" he added and she blinked before she furrowed her brow.
"Exactly what the hell are you saying?" she then demanded and his eyebrows rose.
"I know this dance, love," he replied. "I was there when we bloody invented it! This old game of push-and-pull, who-wants-what, end-before-it-begins... Bloody hell, did you ever stop to think?!" he asked, voice still loud and Buffy felt a cold stab in her side, trailing up to her heart as she began to understand where he was going with this; and at the realization her eyes grew hard, the shock at this question mixing with a growing fury with him.
With his near-sighted, dumb-ass conclusions.
"I guess I didn't," she said coldly and he drew a breath, his chest heaving already from his anger and she clenched her jaws together with agitation.
"You forget I could feel now, pet?" he asked, the dripping sarcasm in his voice making her meet his gaze with one harsh before she voiced what was pushing to be screamed at him.
"Are you seriously standing there saying this to me?!" she burst out.
"Yeah," he nodded.
"What the hell gave you the right?!"
"I know you," he replied and her eyes grew before she cocked an eyebrow.
"Really?" she asked and he smirked in the way he always had and always would before he put his hands out to the sides and said:
"You're all about instant gratification, aren't you, love?"
She stared at him, speechless.
Then she moved her arm before she could stop herself and her palm met his cheek in a brutal slap. His head moved to the side and his upper body followed before he twisted thirty degrees and lost his balance, going down on his knees.
"How can you even THINK that of me?!" she screamed, her eyes glazed over with sudden tears.
But his hunched form, his slumped shoulders and his bent neck as he sat with his back to her made her feel a pang of sadness.
"God, how I must've hurt you," she said, voice low and then she tentatively got down on the floor next to him.
She carefully moved her hands up over his arms, to his jaw line, making him look at her as she blinked at her tears. His cheek was burning red and she frowned at the sight, the guilt coming over her like billowing smoke. His eyes did tell her of his pain, of his fear; of this blinding, paralyzing scare that she had just given him.
"You have to trust that I won't hurt you anymore," she mumbled, putting her forehead softly against his as her fingers carefully caressed the place they had just slammed into. "I won't..."
His arms slipped around her and he pulled her to him, making her let out a small sigh of relief as she buried her face against his shoulder.
"Can't you tell how much I love you?" she whispered in his ear and his hold tightened, making the smile reattach itself on her lips, the relief now filling every part of her with the speed of sound. "I love you," she repeated and he pressed her to him, his nose against the side of her throat.
He could have faced anything at that particular moment. Any demon sent from any corner of the underworld would have been no match for him. He felt invincible. The same way he had felt the first and only time she had ever spoken those words to him before.
"I love you too," he said, kissing her collarbone before he raised his head and rested his gaze in hers.
"I missed you so much," she practically sobbed, her lips meeting his as he nodded.
"I missed you too," he said, kissing her back.
"Why didn't you send for me?" she asked, pulling back and her tears welling over the edges of her eyes as she looked at him. "How could you not send for me? It's what's killing me! You were there for me through some of the hardest times of my life, and you wouldn't let me be there for you!"
"No, that's not... It wasn't that I didn't WANT to let you know... I just wanted, for once, to not ruin anything for you," he tried to explain, her eyebrows rising.
"Ruin?!" she exclaimed, letting him go as she got to her feet and he followed her movement. "You didn't believe what I told you in that godforsaken cave three-hundred-and-twenty years ago? You didn't think I meant every single word?!"
"I lived on those words! But I didn't bleeding well know if you..."
He trailed off and she shook her head.
"That's bull-shit!" she stated. "You were scared! You thought that I didn't mean them enough to have them STILL mean something. You thought that all you'd get from me was a letter of welcome-back, didn't you?"
"No," he shook his head.
"Yes, you did!"
"No, that was what I was AFRAID of, okay?!" he yelled. "Okay! So I WAS scared. I was bloody terrified, but not of you not feeling it then... but yeah, of you not feeling it now! Happy?!"
"But... why?" she asked and he looked away from her before he once again turned his eyes in hers.
"If someone handed you the moon," he answered, "would you keep it for yourself, or have it hung back up in the sky to shine for everyone to see?" She looked uncomprehending and so he elaborated with: "Angel told me about you, what you were doing. You had made a life for yourself, as far as I could tell. I didn't want to disrupt it for you, I've done that so many times before... And yeah, I was scared that if I got in touch with you, you'd write that you were happy I was okay, but that you were too busy to come straight away or that you'd pop by as soon as you had another reason taking you back here or... Well, down those lines it went. I couldn't be selfish, Buffy. You were made to shine."
"I haven't been shining like some frickin' star in the sky ever since you left!" she shot. "I've been miserable and alone and all I wanted was to see you again, talk with you..."
"I'm sorry," he said, his face displaying the truth of that sentence perfectly as he took a step toward her and she didn't hesitate before she took those dividing them, having his arms around her again as she hugged him hard. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."
"I know," she assured. "I know you didn't. I'm sorry too."
They pulled apart slightly again, looking at each other for something close to an eternity before she smiled a little. He smiled back and then he leaned forward, his lips meeting hers before they deepened the kiss softly
Cordelia and Fred, inconspicuous and still eager audience to the scene, shared a wide smile at the obvious finale just as Angel came out from his office and at the sight which met him he paused, looking over at the two ladies before he asked:
"What'd I miss?"
"A fight," Cordelia answered him.
"That's the making up," Fred added and Angel glanced at the two blondes before he smiled a little as well.
"I need to find someone to argue with," he muttered, giving Cordelia a discrete look before he smirked and walked out to the kitchen.
Buffy's arms had slid up around Spike's neck and now she smiled as they ended the kiss and once more faced each other. He gently kissed her forehead and then nudged the tip of her nose with his own. Her smile persisted as she kissed him on the lips before wrapping her arms around him and pulling herself close to him in a hard hug.
"Let's never fight again," she whispered in his ear and to that he laughed.
"What fun is there in that?" he replied and she giggled, relaxing into him and feeling a deeply rooted ease fill her as she understood that the final step was taken and now... now there was the future.
And, before then, the end-of-the-world thing to deal with, of course.
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Sooooo happy that you guys liked the previous chapter! :)
Big, warm thanks to Alyssa (*lol*)! :), Captain (Why, thank you! :) Oh, and don't drag me down with you, girl! BAD! I live off of hope and a determined belief in Joss! He has come through for the best before, I pray this time will be no different! *pout*) :), Winters1 (I'm happy you think so!!!) :), maribel (here was some more...) ;), Rachel9 (Okay, so here were the I love you's... Approved?) :), Taelyn (Oh, no need to apologize, glad you're here now. :) heh-heh, I'm glad you liked the kiss! Oh, I hope chapter 14 set your mind at ease. ;) And I thought it so sad that Anya died like that, too!) :), MissK (aww, *smiles* thank you!) :), Tobert (Indeed happy you liked it! And yup, the I love you's arrived... you liked?) :), SinisterChic Heather Martin (Nice! I'm glad that you're into it!!! And thanks for the "Egyptian legend" comment. That meant a lot!) :) and Keleven (*smile* Very, very, really great to read that! Hope this chapter passed the green light as well!) :)
As always I thank thee for thine support! Truly wouldn't be here without ya!
A.M.L, Annie.
