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What Is To Be

-Seventeenth-

By Annie

2003-10-09

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"I can't believe it," Cordelia stated for about the hundredth time.

"You can't; I can't; none of us can," Spike replied with a sigh, glancing at Buffy who had a look cut in stone on her features.

He recognized it well and he knew exactly how attentive her instincts were at that very moment. Her acute sense of when to take precaution and when to let it rip was so clearly active that it had a small smirk occur on his lips. The Slayer was truly cleverly designed, her make-up tasteful in a way which made it near impossible for an outsider to spot it whenever she needed to apply it. But he was an insider, and he knew her.

Now she turned her head as Angel came down the stairs. He had carried Susannah up them and to her room as she had still been out cold five minutes after Buffy had knocked her to the floor; Gunn and Fred had followed.

"She come to yet?" Buffy asked as Angel joined her and the others in the middle of the foyer.

"No," he answered her. "Gunn's watching her," he added and Buffy nodded.

"Wonderful. I hope he's good and armed," she muttered, making Angel raise his eyebrows and she cracked her neck a little, massaging it with one hand with a meaningful expression on her face which seemed to be enough of a reply.

"What was going on with her eyes?" Cordelia now inquired. "And her voice?! It was like something out of 'The Exorcist' and frankly - I never enjoyed that movie."

"It's not exactly a movie you're meant to 'enjoy'," Spike pointed out and she gave him a look to stuff it before she turned her eyes on Angel for the anticipated explanation.

"Actually," Wesley was the one who offered it, "you might not be too far off... She acted quite possessed... wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, yes, quite," Spike concurred with his best posh accent and Angel smirked before he grew serious again.

"This whole situation could easily spin out of control," he said.

"By George, I think he's got it," Buffy chimed in. "Trouble is it's already spinning - and picking up pace. Fast."

"Buffy," he began to try and protest, but she gave him a look which made him drop the attempt.

"She's strong," Buffy stated; her voice solemn and her face even more so. "Possessed or not... right now she's a threat. Somehow we need to restrain her until we can figure this whole thing out. Either how to exorcise her demons or how to... well, we'll get it straight somehow. And I wasn't kidding about arming ourselves, either. I hope Gunn and Fred are keeping their eye on the job," she finished and Angel gave her a reassuring nod that they most certainly were.

"What can we do then?" Cordelia asked. "I suppose the best option is to talk with Susie, right? I mean, at least that's what the priests did in the movie... Should we take some holy water with us to splash at her... just in case?"

"Do you always look to cinema for answers in cases like these?" Spike wondered sarcastically. "I mean, you do realize 'The Exorcist' was inspired by situations not even in comparison to some that you've lived through, right?"

She glared at him, then looked away from him as she replied in an exaggeratedly patient tone:

"Arming ourselves seem to implicate we're in need of protection - and as long as I've been 'living through situations' a bottle of holy water can get you real far. YOU should be an expert on this particular form of weapon, now shouldn't you? I'm sure you've taken a few stings during your whole big-bad themed years."

Spike smirked. Good comeback.

"Watch that tongue of yours, Cor," he said. "Soon holy water just might scorch it."

"I take that as a compliment," she smiled and he laughed.

Buffy had been listening to the exchange and she turned to Angel as part of the conversation had reminded her of something.

"The research of the bottle Susannah spoke of?" she asked and the vampire nodded.

"We barely started. And there are too many in the spell books alone. When Susannah couldn't give us anything specific to go on we had to let it go," he replied and Buffy frowned, crossing her arms over her chest as she grew thoughtful.

She had the strongest feeling that she should be connecting one dot to the picture herself, but she couldn't seem to be able to find it. And the more she looked for it, the more shrouded in shadows it became, of course.

Bottle. Bottle. Bottle...

Suddenly her face lit up as it hit her.

The image of a small bottle made of copper, carvings slithering their way around it in a complex pattern.

"Forte," she said and Angel raised his eyebrows questioningly. "I saw a bottle at the night of the ball..."

"It could've been anything," he tried but she shook her head.

"Trust me," she stated. "It wasn't. But, when Susannah wakes up we'll ask her more questions. Believe me, I'm up for getting some answers. And Cordelia," she added, making the other look at her. "The magical world of film is one of the best resources I had fighting vamps in the early years, I'd never underestimate it. You were right - we need to talk with her to find out what's going on. Hopefully her demon will be as big a blabber mouth as the Devil was."

***

Fred had closed the curtains of Susannah's bedroom and it lay in a dim light spread by the lamp of the bedside table. As Buffy stepped through the door and looked at Gunn he shook his head a little as a sign that there had been nothing eventful to talk about. Buffy gave a nod and turned her eyes on the young woman lying underneath blankets and sheets in the bed. Her face was almost grayish and her lips were dry.

Buffy swallowed.

Something was more than terribly wrong here.

"Would you give me a minute?" she then asked and Fred stared at her for a moment before she replied:

"She's still pretty out of it. I'm not sure..."

"Please," Buffy interrupted and Fred seemed to retract slightly before she nodded, having Gunn's hand slip into hers before they walked up to the door.

"Hey," Gunn said, pausing in the doorway and Buffy turned her head to him as he finished: "Be careful with her... Most of her might still be in there..."

He trailed off and Buffy gave another nod before she turned back toward the bed.

She heard the sound of the door sliding shut and she felt herself be put on alert as she took one step closer to the other's resting place.

"Susannah?" she tried. "Susannah...?"

Nothing.

Perhaps she shouldn't have been the one to take this upon herself. Perhaps she had been foolish in thinking it the safest way to go, since she had no real personal ties to the girl... The girl, after all, also had no personal ties to her and so getting her to wake, getting her to open, might be too large a task. William should have been the one to take a seat on the side of the bed... he could have made Susannah open her eyes faster than Buffy could say "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious".

The Slayer still had the foreign voice taking on Susannah's vocal cords ringing in her ears. The fury and disgust behind them had been what got to her the most.

'The jealousy rips her in two.'

'Deep down she wishes you dead.'

Buffy couldn't help but be saddened by that. She had come to respect Susannah for the obvious love she held for not only William, but for the rest of the gang as well. All were her friends, the closest ones she had, or so Buffy recalled her saying on the night of the Slayer's arrival.

"And what now?" Buffy murmured as she had reached the edge of the bed and tentatively took a seat. "What's the plan, Susie?"

"William?" Susannah whispered practically inaudibly and Buffy rose as her heart began to hammer in her chest. "Will?"

"Spike!" Buffy called, turning and running up to the door. "Spike, come here! Hurry!"

The sound of feet on the stairs and then how it shifted as they swiftly came down the hallway followed the Slayer's yell and Spike entered the room as Buffy once more sat down on the bedside, taking Susannah's hand in a firm grip.

"He's here," Buffy said. "Come on, open your eyes."

Spike stopped beside her, hesitating only a moment before he leaned forward and carefully stroked a few strands of sweat-soaked hair out of Susannah's forehead.

"Hey," he grumbled, ignoring the lump in his throat at how frail she looked. "Time to wake up," he added and her head moved slightly as she stirred and then her eyes struggled into slits, her gaze locking in his.

"What... happened?" she asked, voice cracking and she swallowed with effort. "What...?" she repeated, trailing off as she turned her eyes in Buffy's and her own slowly grew as she tried to pull herself up a little. "I dreamed about you," she said, voice lowered and the slight shock on her face made Buffy want to cringe with discomfort, still not at all sure what to trust and what not to. "We fought," Susannah now embellished her previous statement. "I..." she added, reaching up her hand to touch the back of her head and when her fingers graced the bump there she had a mask of pain on for a few seconds before she seemed to be hit by realization and she slowly finished: "I hit my head."

"Not before YOU hit MINE," Buffy then replied lightly, but Susannah's eyes now filled with tears as she turned them on Spike.

"Tell me... Oh, God, please, tell me I didn't," she begged, her fingers grasping Buffy's hand tightly and the Slayer had no defense against the wave of sympathy coursing through her in that moment.

Susannah truly looked heart-broken.

She kept an act up for six months, Buffy reminded herself. What's to say she isn't acting now?

"It's okay," Spike soothed, sinking down on his knees beside the bed, his arms on the bedside and one hand reaching up to gently touch Susannah's cheek. "It's all right."

She closed her eyes, her tears running over as she shook her head slowly.

"I told you," she then mumbled, opening her eyes again, her gaze filled with agony. "I told you I wasn't safe."

Spike clenched his jaws together, in complete disbelief that this harmless creature could have anything to do with anything horrible. He knew her!

"Tell me," he said, voice soft, "about what's going on. Sannah, you have to tell us everything."

"I'm scared," she whispered. "He might... wake up again."

"Who?" Buffy asked, her attention back in full.

"Him," Susannah merely replied, her gaze now so frightened that Spike signaled to Buffy not to push it any further.

"He won't," he then assured the other with a smile. "And even if he did, I wouldn't let him make even one single hair on your head crooked. You believe that, right?"

She nodded again, returning his smile weakly before her eyes darted around the room and her breathing became a little bit faster. The hand of Buffy's still holding the other's registered how hard it was trembling and the Slayer understood that they didn't have much time before Susannah either went back into a state of unconsciousness or simply cracked right before their eyes.

"We need to know about the bottle," Buffy then said, keeping her tone as friendly and patient as she possibly could.

"The bottle..." Susannah repeated, then she nodded.

"Why did you want Angel to find it?" Buffy asked and Susannah swallowed hard, her grip tightening again and Buffy placed her other hand over the two already locked together. "Take it slow," she then encouraged. "Easy," she added.

"Find it," Susannah said; the words seemingly difficult to get out and her tears beginning to well up once more from the strain of it. "It's the only way."

"Only way to what?" Buffy inquired.

Susannah's eyes widened and the Slayer helplessly witnessed as the fear was beginning to take over completely.

"Do you know where it is?" Spike now asked and Susannah nodded twitchily. "Where?" he demanded.

"Behind... glass," she answered, voice now so strained with both held down sobs as well as the strengthening dread that it was more of a whisper. "With the... music."

"Susannah...?" Buffy tried, but the other seemed to fight for air and then she sunk back against her pillows.

Spike reached up and checked her pulse, then relaxed a little, turning his head to Buffy.

"She's asleep," he said.

Buffy moved her hands out of the hold of the other's and then she rose.

"You okay?" she asked as she could see how shaken he was.

"As long as we get that bottle," he grumbled and Buffy followed him as he headed for the door.

"It's at Forte's," she said as he closed the door behind them, and when they started down the hallway he looked at her questioningly.

"How can you be sure?" he asked.

"Because the bottle I saw there is behind glass," she replied simply, taking the lead down the stairs; he followed.

"With what? The enchanted harp and a set of maracas?" he wondered.

"Don't be stupid," she shot and he gave her a mock-shocked look which made her smile in spite of herself before she added: "'The music' is Forte."

"Didn't know you took so kindly to him," Spike muttered and she gave him a friendly push to stop with the pouting already before she clarified her statement with:

"You're an educated man, aren't you? You didn't take music? Don't you know what Forte means?"

He suddenly smirked.

"Now, that's my girl," he commended her quick brains and she smiled.

"Yeah, it is," she then agreed and his smirk widened as he put an arm around her waist and pulled her to him just as they reached the last steps of the stairs and looked out on the foyer.

The others seemed to have moved back into the conference room and Buffy exchanged a look with Spike, who nodded. Still close together they walked down the final set of steps and headed for said room.

***

"It's done," Angel said as he walked into the kitchen, having Spike and Buffy both turn their heads to him, stopping their conversation.

It was two hours later; lunch had come and gone and a thick blanket of growing impatience was stretching out over the Hyperion as all its inhabitants could do nothing but wait. Angel came up to the table at which his former kin and the Slayer was sitting, stopping by them as he looked down at the latter.

"Are you really sure about this?" he asked and she nodded. "Okay, fine. Into the lion's den we trot," he sighed, taking a seat next to Spike, opposite Buffy, on one of the high chairs.

For the past hour Angel had been on the phone, climbing the ladder of importance at Forte Incorporated; slowly but steadily he had been connected from one person to another as he tried to gain access to Forte's personal assistant. And for the last ten minutes of his work he had finally reached her. She had been forthcoming after a short wait on his part - during which he was convinced she had called her boss to ask of his approval - and she had set up a meeting for the vampire, Buffy and Spike the following morning.

"Something's bothering me," Angel now said. "I think Forte knows were coming."

"I know," Buffy immediately replied, as though she had just thought the very same thing and both men rested their eyes on her questioningly. "Getting the info last night was way too easy. What - you didn't feel it? The energy in that place wasn't all brought on by hormones dancing around thanks to large quantities of alcohol, you know."

"I did feel it," Angel nodded.

"Then we should assume, for some reason, we weren't unexpected. He must have known that what we found would be worthless to us. I've been thinking this over and over ever since Susannah said what she did... Forte knows more about this than we thought from the beginning. He must. So, what do we deduce? That nothing's unexpected anymore. We go in there prepared for anything. Forte is a demon, remember? I think - now that the phone's available - I'll go call Giles. Maybe he has some strings left to pull on this... Can't hurt us if he has the energy to ask a few more questions on our behalf."

Angel took a moment before he raised his eyebrows slightly and Buffy realized how tired he looked.

"Do that," he then said. "Please. Anything that's in our favor..." he added and she reached across the table to give his arm a squeeze before she rose, walking passed Spike and stopping to place a hand gently on his cheek as he looked up at her.

He smiled, turning his head to kiss her palm and she bent down to brush her lips against his before she left the room.

The two still in it sat quiet for a while. Spike looking at his thumbs, which he was twirling slowly around each other. Angel lost in thought.

"What do you think?" he finally asked, his words placing themselves in the air between them in wait for a reply.

"Is the world going to end?" Spike offered that reply as another question and Angel didn't respond, having that be a simple affirmative. "No," the former then stated simply.

"When you're in love everything seems possible," Angel muttered, though there was an ease behind his words which made Spike turn his head to him with the most overwhelming notion that the vampire wasn't merely referring to the bleached blonde. "Doesn't it?" Angel then added.

Spike suddenly smirked.

"Yeah," he agreed. "It does... So, have you finally found the guts to spell it out to the poor woman?" he added and Angel smirked as well.

"In due time, brother," he then replied as he got off the chair, giving one of Spike's shoulders a pat.

"Be careful, though," Spike advised. "Time has this nasty tendency to run out. One way or another."

***

"Okay. Miss you too. Take care. Bye."

Buffy hung up the phone and turned around to lean against the desk as Spike stopped in the doorway of the office, which she was currently in. He rested one shoulder casually against the doorpost and she smiled a little.

"Aren't we the sight for soar eyes?" she mumbled and he left his position for approaching her.

"How are you doing?" he asked and she sighed as he stepped into her, slipping his arms around her as she moved her hands up his chest.

"Not quite sure yet," she then replied, looking up at him with an expression in her eyes that had him smile before he leaned forward and kissed her softly.

As he pulled away she glanced up at him with a mock-coy look now on her features.

"Didn't help?" he asked and the corners of her mouth curled as she shook her head slowly.

As he once again joined their lips she parted hers and she had a twirl of flutters in her stomach as he pulled her tight against him, responding to the caresses of her tongue with his own. She wrapped her arms around his neck and felt the throb he always instilled in her start up as his hands slid down her back and to her hips, further to her buttocks, lifting her up to sit on the desk and her thighs parted so that he could fit himself between them.

He moved his mouth from hers and down the side of her neck, her deliberate breathing heavy in his left ear and he stopped his kisses for biting his lower lip as he buried his face against her throat.

"Tell me what you feel right now," he murmured and she felt another surge of desire at the husky sound of his voice.

"Hot..." she mumbled; taking his earlobe between her teeth and making him wince slightly as his grip on her hips grew tighter. "Wet," she added in a whisper and his intake of breath was all she needed to make a small smile occur on her mouth. "Needy," she grumbled as she pulled back and found his lips again. "Aching..." she got out in between newborn kisses and he merely nodded as he pulled her even closer to him. "Shaking..." she murmured, stopping the kiss as she leaned back and made him look at her, holding his gaze as she finished: "Complete."

He smiled at that and she returned it.

"Wanna...?" she then asked and he smirked as he nodded and she got to her feet, grabbing his hand as they headed out of the room and toward the stairs.

***

"I talked to Dawn," Buffy said an hour later, her head resting on Spike's chest and one hands fingertips leisurely drawing patterns across the smooth skin and muscles of his torso.

Spike had his eyes closed, the tingles Buffy's caresses kept sending through him having him in quiet rapture and he let himself get absorbed by the emotion. At her words he got himself to slowly reply, scared that words from his mouth might mess up the sensation of her. They didn't, however, and he relaxed even further.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"That I love her, and miss her... and that I'll see her soon," she answered and he cocked an eyebrow, eyes still closed.

"You didn't tell her?" he wondered and he could feel her cheek slide against his skin as she shook her head a little. "Why?"

"Because there's nothing to do about it... you know? If this time's it, then I won't get to see her again... I couldn't tell her that. Besides... I think she already knew, in a way. She didn't say anything either, and we tried not to sound like it might be one of the last times we ever spoke... but somewhere in the back were this feeling that she got how serious this is, and like she was saying that no matter what... she believes in me... No need to freak, you know?"

The arm of his that was around her shoulders gave a short squeeze before he replied:

"Yeah."

Buffy smiled a little, moving her head to look at him before she pulled herself up and had her face by his as she said:

"Let's not leave this room. Ever."

"What would we do in this room forever?" he asked as if he didn't already know the answer and she gave him a look to accommodate that.

He smirked, seemingly pleased with her reaction, and she pushed him gently in the side with one arm.

"I mean it," she then said. "I could stay here for the rest of my life and be pretty content with that," she added and his smirk broadened.

"Color me flattered," he murmured and she smiled as well, joining their lips in a deep kiss before she moved away enough to rest her forehead against his, her eyes closed.

"This feeling, right now, it's the best I've ever known," she said and he let her words wrap around him as he closed his eyes as well.

"Me too," he then agreed silently.

She opened her eyes again, pulled her head slightly back and as he opened his eyes as well she rested her gaze in his for a long time before she smiled a small smile, and he returned it.

"I've been thinking about something," she said and he raised his eyebrows slightly. "Well, your name... I think I should call you William. I just have to get used to it. I mean, it's always been there, I've always known that was your name, so it shouldn't be hard or anything."

He watched her face for a moment, then smiled widely and she looked wondering.

"It's just gonna be a little bit weird having you call me 'Will'..." he confessed and she smirked.

"William," she then said, observing him in the manner he just had her and then she nodded a little. "William... I love you."

He felt as though he would explode with sudden pride, drawing a breath before he pulled her closer, having her mouth by his again and proceeding with kissing her, this time with raw and real passion and her arms slid up to either side of his face as she retaliated with her tongue, moving so that she could straddle him.

***

Susannah opened her eyes slowly.

The room was shadowed and she blinked, trying to focus her disoriented mind but failing miserably. Everything went in grays and she couldn't make her thoughts out. And there was a presence within her which was impossible to ignore.

Suddenly the claw holding her heart in an iron grip once more tightened and she took in a mouthful of air before she clenched her jaws together against the pain.

"Please," she then whispered, her eyes darting around at her surroundings. "Don't hurt them..."

The voice which answered her slipped through her brain like a serpent and she knew, in that moment, that she was lost.

Unless...

As she began to grow dizzy and her eyes fluttered shut once more, she said a silent prayer for strength as she knew there was but one hope left, and toward it she turned with her entire soul as she drifted back into the blackness.

**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************

Wow. Thanks for wonderful feed back! As always so great to hear from you in the positive way that is you manner! :)

Sorry that this chapter, again, is late. I tried posting it last night, but then I couldn't access the site. And no, we still have no Internet at home. *grumble* I will try my best to get the next chapter up there at least a bit quicker though. Thanks for your patience! ;)

Warm, warm thank you's to wolf116 (Oh really? Figured it out, have you? Well, it'll be fun to see if you actually have. And THANK YOU for not putting all your thoughts on it in the review. I'm like you, I really dislike that because I do believe it kinda spoils the sport of thinking for themselves for the rest of the readers. Oh, and nope, no Angel airing over here. But right now I'm keeping a low profile on the Angel front anyways. I get the jitters just thinking about the show and what might happen on it and so I pray you, please, do not tell me anything, k? I'm not 'ready' yet... Glad you like this, though!) :), Caitlin (*smiles* As always great comments from you, girl. Thanks! I'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter! I will be expecting my Spike-clones...mh, any day now, right?) ;P, maribel (nice to hear! Hope you still think so!) :), Winters1 (Yeah, again, sorry about the lateness on the posting but between working full time and trying to match my schedule with that of the having-a-car one and thus getting to the office isn't always the easiest thing, so do forgive me, okay? ...:) Glad you liked and hey, what does the code say about slashing possible Innocents before giving them a fair chance to come through? That's right - naughty, naughty.) ;), Hot4Spike (hey! So great you enjoy! And hey, a kiss at the Hyperion is not a kiss at the Hyperion without having the bore stumbe in and ruining the action!) ;), Mel (hey you! Yup, Mel P.I. here you come! ;) Happy you liked!!! And I am feeling happier, though am still locked out of the Net! Grr-Argh!) :), skyz (ugha, don't I know exactly what you mean with 12h shifts! *shudder* Ah, laptops - the greatest invention of modern society! And ARGH! I want to see Angel, but still I don't want to hear anything about it so thanks for not going overboard with info! :) No, I haven't seen it. They don't air it here!!! But please, don't tell me. I really don't want to know anything about it right now. I crawl outta my skin just thinking about it... nervous jitters and all. *shiver* Okay, SO glad you're enjoying this story!) :), Captain (Yep, your theories were correct! And yeah, I am really fighting to just stay out of the spoiler swamp, it's too icky for me right now. And I'm just so not ready, or what you will, to face the whole Angel thing yet. So thank you for understanding. And it's really nice to read that you're liking how I'm writing this story. I just wanna keep you coming back for more, 'cause if I failed in that - what use would there be?!) :), Keleven (I'll take that promise seriously!) ;), Hope (Happy happy that you love them!!! Very, very awesome to read!) :), Adrianna (So cool to have a new name up there and even cooler that you're liking it. :) Oh, and thanks for all the helpful info! I had no idea how to spell it except for the help of the Swedish translation strip of text - they have that here, you know - at the bottom of the screen and so I simply used that. But now I can correct it, and shall as soon as I can. Don't have the blueprints for those chapters with me, unfortunately. Well, next time! I am fascinated with Egyptian history myself, but I'm afraid I'm not very educated in it so I guess I couldn't actually hold up an in depth discussion about it, but thanks for the tips on the lit! And don't apologize, it's great! So happy that you like it, truly! And on 16th: that is always the best compliment to get, you know! That I make you feel something, anything! *happy here* And Susannah, yes...) :) and SC Heather (*smirk* me too. You're welcome, and I hope you forgive the tardiness.) :)

Always, always so glad to hear from you all. You always have such great comments and you know that's the best part. But I will stress once again, as in the last chapter, that I wish to know nothing of Angel. And I don't merely mean spoilers, I mean of the series. I can't watch it where I am and right now I go into melt-down mode whenever I think of how what Joss does or doesn't do with the story line will affect me! *shudders and shivers* I'm really not at a place right now where I wanna dig into that whole mess so please, tell me all your thoughts on everything - except the show. I know it may sound silly, but it's just how I feel right now. There may come a day when I'll be begging for information but as of now I try not to jump to any conclusions, not to read anything into anything at all, and to succeed in the best way possible I just don't want to have even a particle to do with what's happening. Granted I am linked to the whole thing through this story - but that's very different. I'm writing my own ending here. Terrified of what Joss have cooked up in reality! Ugha! Okay, thank you again and AGAIN, please, no mention of what's going on, okay?

I so hope you liked this chapter!

A.M.L, Annie.