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What Is To Be
-Twenty-Fifth-
By Annie
2003-12-16
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"If I can wake up beside you for the rest of my life, I'll be a very happy woman," her voice whispered in his ear and a smile slowly spread on his lips as sleep began to elude him.
"If I can fall asleep next to you for the rest of MY life, I'll be a very happy man..." he then mumbled, feeling the tip of her nose brush against his cheek right before he opened his eyes and rested them in hers. She smiled a little, and he returned it. "I guess that works out nicely then, eh?" he added and her expression was warm as she nodded, then kissed him softly on the lips.
"I love you," she said, still whispering, and his smile turned content.
"And I you," he replied gently.
"Even if the world ends tomorrow?" she asked and now he couldn't help but look wondering as her question brought him to be fully awake. "Even if I can't stop it this time?" she added, her voice lowered into a grumble and he pulled her to him before he answered her.
"I think we already had the session with the twenty 'even?', love. And you went to bed with what sounded like a mind made up - that there's no question what outcome we'll have tomorrow. What happened?"
She suddenly looked apprehensive and terribly sad and he had something grip his heart as he realized just how little he could stand seeing her like that.
"My dream," she finally said.
"What? Did it change?" he asked. "Was there anything more in there? Any new details that...?"
"No," she interrupted, though her voice sounded defeated and not annoyed. She slowly sat up, sighing as her shoulders slumped slightly. She looked as though she actually hadn't slept all night. "It's just that I feel like there should be, you know? Like there's something I'm missing. It's just so much stuff flying around in my head these days it's hard to choose what to shoot down and what to let go."
At that he smirked widely before sitting up as well, his face stopping an inch from hers before he leaned forward and connected their foreheads.
"You're the Slayer," he said, "no matter what - when it's time, it'll come to you. You won't have to shoot at anything, sweetheart. And you don't have to be afraid of letting the important stuff go, 'cause if you need it, it's not going anywhere. Alright?"
She smiled another small smile, then nodded a little.
"Alright," she mumbled, slipping her arms up and around his neck before she moved her head so that she could nestle closer to him. "God, you've always been so good at this."
He furrowed his brow, holding her to him; then wondered:
"What?"
"Calming me," she answered and he had to smile again.
"'Always'?" he asked and she seemed to think her reply over for a short while before she said:
"Yeah."
He chuckled, kissing her shoulder.
"Forgive me if I'm colored a bit surprised," he said and she pulled away to look at him.
"More like amused," she remarked and he smirked again.
"Well, you have to see the humor in you saying that I always calmed you down! Bloody hell, I'd say I ALWAYS had the exact OPPOSITE effect, wouldn't you?" he inquired, making her smile as well and then shake her head.
"I didn't say you 'always calmed me down', I said you always knew HOW to calm me down. Even when I hated or distrusted you the most, one look from you and a few well-chosen words of comfort and everything'll-be-okay's and I felt like that was the truth... So strange, when I think of it now, how I never saw it back then. Or maybe... I just didn't want to see it," she finished thoughtfully, adding: "I'm sorry."
It was his turn to shake his head, dismissively.
"No need for those," he said. "I think we're done apologizing to each other for the past, don't you agree?"
Her eyes turned tender and then she wrapped her arms around him again, as silent confirmation that he was absolutely right.
"I loved you 'til the end of the world and back, Buffy," he then said. "Do you really think my love could ever die?"
"No," she whispered, mouth against the side of his throat and her hold tightening. "Never."
***
Susannah looked up when her door slid open. She smiled as Angel came through it and he smiled back. Approaching the bed and taking a seat beside her, reaching out and taking one of her hands carefully in his.
"Hi, girl," he said.
"Hello, boy," she replied.
They grew quiet, and serious. She got the feeling that he had come to her room not only to see her, but to speak to her about something. Something important. She didn't know how to set his mind at ease so that he would tell her what it was.
Suddenly he smiled again, and when he spoke she understood that it might take a while for him to get to the point.
"What prompted the Peter Pan analogy in the first place?" he asked.
She smiled as well, tentatively.
"Well," she then answered. "The first time I saw you - in a conscious state, I mean - I noticed you didn't have a shadow... I didn't connect the dots right from the start. Thought I was losing my mind even more. But then... I remember Peter Pan as the savior. And what he stands for. Vitality, eternal youth and laughter... You don't share some of his more annoying traits of childishness and selfishness, that's for sure," she stated and his smile widened. "But," she continued, "you saved me. You made me believe in magic." She paused, then gave a small shrug. "I guess that's why."
"I didn't save you," he mumbled and she raised her eyebrows. "I didn't," he repeated. "Look at you," he added, clenching his jaws together. "Lying here, fighting that... thing. And I know... how it is. And I'm so sorry."
Susannah stared at him in taken astonishment.
"Don't you dare come here and say you're sorry!" she exclaimed, sounding close to offended but only semi-serious this time. "Angel, you've done more for me than I ever would've expected! I can't believe you'd sit there and think that I would think anything else!"
"I didn't see what you were really suffering. If I'd understood it sooner, maybe..."
"Stop," she shook her head, but he didn't seem to listen as he simply continued:
"If I'd been able to see that something was off..."
"How could you have? I hid it from MYSELF!"
"Susannah, I still don't know how to help you. We're running out of time. And..."
He hesitated and she furrowed her brow in wait, encouraging him to continue.
"I don't want to cause you to have a set back in your control over the demon," he said, and she shook her head that it was okay. "Satoch lead us to Forte," he now continued. "And Forte's coming here in less than an hour. I just wanted you to be prepared. We still don't know what sort of link he has to you, or the demon. He seems to know more than he wants to admit, though."
Susannah observed him for a few moments, then she nodded.
"It's okay. I'll be fine...I hope. And for the record," she said. "It IS me. Here. Now. For what it's worth."
He smiled a little, his hand squeezing hers lightly.
"I know," he replied, pausing again before going on with: "There's something else I need to tell you." She looked wondering and he drew a small, unnecessary breath before saying: "Last night my heart started beating..."
Susannah listened with growing eyes as he told her the whole story.
***
Twenty minutes later he stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him.
He didn't know what he felt.
Last night he had talked with Cordelia for a while, but they hadn't even approached the subject which had had her storm out of his room and kept her away from him for the more part of the evening. They had spoken about the first time they met, and those that followed. About Buffy and William and Willow and Xander and Giles. About Sunnydale and Los Angeles. About good times and not so good times. Old times and new.
But as they had said good night and they had laid in the dark for a while without saying anything, when he assumed she had gone to sleep and she must've done the same thing about him, she started crying.
He had never wanted to hold another as much as he had right then, and not being able to had been damn near intolerable. Without thinking he had started humming an old tune from his homeland, and when he began reciting old sayings and folklore from his human ancestors - in Irish - her sobs had hushed. She had moved over on her side, her still teary eyes fixing on him and then she had given him the most heavenly smile.
He had spent an unknown amount of hours watching her sleep. Feeling like he was beginning to have two split sides to him. One side was still at peace with what he knew he had to do; he knew he had no choice in the matter, not really. The other side refused to reconcile with that thought. That side wanted to help with the research for some other way, some other road they could take, so that he could survive. Looking at her, having her before him and so close, made the feeling of loss that more real.
Then there was his own words still lingering in his head.
What life would they ever have together?
No, he would be rid of his demon; he would get to rest, truly rest, for the first time in nearly three centuries. It might be selfish reasons for which to die for the rest of the world, but he needed them there; in plain sight.
The world he would be leaving had given him its share of pain and of pleasure. It was his time to give something in return. He wasn't like Spike had been, and Angelus had seen that sappy romantic at heart in Spike from the day Drusilla brought him into the Scourge's closed circle. Angelus would never have fallen in love, would never have given his way of life up for another being. Never. Angelus would never have gone willingly to retrieve a soul the demon in him knew would hold his instincts back, would probably dull them into something unrecognizable with a big dose of conscience and leashes of human emotional drivel.
Spike had gotten some sort of second chance. With Buffy and with the world he had saved. William had deserved that chance.
Angel knew there was none of that for him.
It wasn't about him being less worthy, because he wasn't.
It was about the order of things.
This was the meaning he had lasted for so long. The reason for his life was these fatal last days of it. He had accepted that. What he hadn't accepted was how this was affecting those around him. People he knew relied on him, one way or another. People whom he loved, and who loved him.
Cordelia...
"Angel?"
He jerked at the sound of her voice, barely realizing he had been so deep in thought.
"Hey," he mumbled, then had a smile curl the corners of his mouth as he rested his gaze in hers.
She mirrored his expression, but those eyes of hers carried a trace of a shadow now that was unmistakable.
"Do you grieve me already?" he asked silently and she blinked, then looked away from him. "I'm sorry," he hurriedly added. "I didn't mean it to sound so... harsh."
"I don't know how to deal with this," she replied, glancing at him. "I don't know how to act or what to say anymore. I don't..." she trailed off before facing him fully again, finishing: "I don't wanna let you go."
He bit his jaws together, trying to find something supportive to say. Some insight which would lead her to conclude that this was their only option. That it was pointless, what she was doing; trying to save him from his own fate.
"I don't wanna let YOU go," he finally murmured, and it was the truth. "You're the one thing I don't know how to give up," he added quietly and her eyes grew just a little before a flash of happiness appeared in them.
She opened her mouth to say something when Buffy called from the foyer that Forte's car was pulling up in front.
"We'd better get down there, don't you think?" Cordelia asked and Angel paused, then smiled a little, nodding his consent and they headed for the stairs.
***
The sleek silver Cadillac announced the presence of someone reeking with power, elegance and self-assurance just as much as the air about the man himself did as he stepped out of it. He wore a pale chalk suit for the occasion, impeccable in presentation as always. It was hard for anyone of those who saw him to remember that in actuality he wasn't human.
He gave them all gracious smiles as he stepped up the short set of stairs to the entrance doors, shaking Angel's hand firmly - since the latter now had taken front space to greet the guest after he and Cordelia had ascended to the bottom floor - and then he walked inside, the soles of his shoes sounding hard against the floor as he proceeded to the floor of the foyer and then stopped abruptly. He seemed to sense something, but clearly shook whatever it was off before he turned to face the others again.
"Interesting place you've got here, Mr. McLaughlin," he said with another smile. "I would love to get in touch with your decorator."
"I realize it may be a long run from the splendor you're used to," Angel replied, keeping the sarcasm out of his voice as he added: "But I believe it's the people - not the design - that make it home."
"Touché," Forte smirked. "I meant not to offend you," he then stated. "I'm afraid my mind is much too used to making itself heard. It doesn't think before connecting itself to my mouth. I apologize."
"There's no need," Angel assured. "However, had you said something demeaning about any of the people you see surround me I believe an apology might not have been enough."
Forte's smirk changed once more into a smile, this time a warmer one as he nodded.
"Very well, then. I'm happy I have nothing but praise for those you keep close," he said and Angel returned the smile, all be it not with as much friendliness. "Shall we get on with the reason for my visit?" Forte added with a raise of his eyebrows, seemingly waiting for someone to lead the way.
Angel exchanged a look with Buffy, who gave a small shrug of what-else? And then he looked at Spike, who kept his eyes on Forte and showed no sign of letting the latter escape the surveillance for even a second.
Angel knew exactly how the former vampire felt, but for now there wasn't much they could do and so he had to rely on Buffy's Slayer instincts being right - what else was there but to give Forte access?
Angel now turned his head to Wesley, giving a small nod and Wesley returned it before walking down to join Forte and then showing him into the conference room.
"Bad feelings all over," Spike grumbled.
"Hon, not to sound putting-you-down-y or anything, but you're human now. And everyone knows the male side of the species have intuition worth jack," Buffy said, slipping one hand comfortingly in his as she gave him a sympathetic look.
He gave her a faked smile at that before replying:
"I WAS a vamp for a long time; some things are bound to stick. And I didn't lose my bloody eyes, Slayer. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about him..."
"Anyone else feel it might be a good enough time as any to join in on the exploring of OUR prophecy before that demon 'changes' into something big and hairy and topples only-human-with-intuition-worth-jack Wesley over and perhaps, I dunno, bolts with our only key to saving the day?" Cordelia cut in and everybody paused as they looked at each other.
Then they moved as one and soon they were all cramped into the conference room, where no one were even about to change OR get toppled. However, Forte's eyes were shining with excitement as he surveyed the last page of the first part of the prophecy.
"This is amazing," he breathed. "Amazing!"
"And - ripped in two," Buffy pointed out.
There was one thing to give Forte access, a completely other to give him ALL access; or so Angel had figured as he had ordered the second part of the prophecy be put in the safe in his office. At leas they had some sort of upper hand. But for how long? He wasn't exactly sure how large a being a changer could change into, or even what countenance the changer had in its original form; but Cordelia's comment about big-and-hairy hadn't flown too well with the vamp and now he was even more on the edge and ready to leap on top of Forte's head - if duty called - than he had been before.
"Yes, indeed," Forte now nodded to Buffy's earlier input. "Torn in half, just as the legend foretells. Amazing. Simply amazing. You have the second part as well, of course," he added, looking up at Angel who stared at him; about to deny it when Forte smiled and shook his head. "No need to worry, if I had been in your shoes I wouldn't have shown it to me either. I would love to see it, naturally. But I cannot blame you for taking precautions. After all, what do you know of me?"
Now they were all silent and he smiled again before bending closer to the prophecy and slipping one finger along the rows of letters.
"'And on the second day their cries shall eclipse all and fear shall rule the world,'" he recited, looking up at them as he asked: "Last night the stars aligned, did they not? The first crucial step of this prophecy has been taken, and the second one is about to be set in motion."
"Who are you?" Fred spoke up. "How can you know this?"
"It is of little consequence who I am," Forte replied. "And how I know...? The Coming has been told of among my people for centuries. It's rather strange it took so long for someone to write it down. Perhaps it had to do with so many considering it to be myth; folklore, if you will."
"But..." Fred paused, looking a little uncertain before she finished: "But it was a human who wrote the prophecy, wasn't it?"
Forte chuckled, shaking his head again and straightening his posture before making a gesture to his form.
"Ever heard the saying: never judge a being by its exterior," he replied and her eyes grew.
"Are you saying..." Wesley began, "that Alliande was in fact a demon? ...That he was a Changer?"
Forte observed him in silence for a few seconds, then he nodded; growing serious.
"Yes, that is what I'm saying," he confirmed.
"But then you can help us!" Cordelia burst out. "You can finish the translation. You can tell us what to do...!"
"No," Forte shook his head. "I can't. You see, this prophecy has changed over time. The marrow of it stays the same, but the meaning of what is to be done is as much a mystery to me as it is to you. For some reason this text found its way into your hands. It did so for a reason. The task is yours and yours alone. It has to be."
"Save the Matrix mumbo-jumbo, would you?" Buffy asked, not able to hide her annoyance. "People might die if we don't solve this. If there is anything you can do to help..."
"My part in this has already been played," he stopped her. "The bottle was in my safe-keep, and I delivered it onto you. And people 'might' not die, they will. The whole world will die if you don't stop it. The Coming tells of the final plague upon man and beast. It will eat its way through time and essence, through dimension and space until there is nothing left but an infinite black hole."
He turned his eyes back on the prophecy and pointed to a row of letters situated beneath the ones he had spoken out loud earlier.
"That is what this part of the prophecy refers to. 'There shall be no end'," he said, having his eyes in Angel's as he finished: "'and no beginning'."
Suddenly there was a scream ringing through the room. It seeped through the walls, hung loosely in the air, crashed into their hearing and made their eyes tear up with what seemed not far from pain. Pain seemed to be coming from everywhere, wrapping around them tightly and making it difficult to breathe.
"Soon chaos shall rule," Forte said, looking at those surrounding him as they went to their knees with their hands before their ears.
**************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** **************************************************************************** ******************
Hi all! Happy about getting this out before Christmas. Speaking of which -
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!!!
Thanks a lot for the great reviews! And all your positive energy must have helped 'cause I'm finally well and up-and-at-em. So, thank you! ;)
Special and warm thanks to wolf116 (Why, thank you! And, again, merry Christmas! ;) Oh, I know exactly what you mean with the annoyance of people writing TOO much in their reviews. Haven't had one in a very long time now, but yeah, that ticks me off, actually. So thanks a lot for not wanting to spoil it for everyone else!) :), blackeyedgurl (Thanks especially for the focused positivity! I am much better now! Oh, and the comment about Joss still writing while not being all put together granted me a spur of inspiration, just so you know. Yes, merry Christmas - and God Jul, which is the Swedish way to say it so there, now you know another one.) ;), Taelyn (VERY great to hear that you think I capture Angel and Cordy in a fair way. I actually really like that pairing as well, but perhaps that shows. And you know, if I get Spike to feed me chicken soup when I'm sick I don't ever wanna be restored to full health again! Ah well, too late for that, but I have to give the boy credit. He is one picker-upper, that one. Thanks for sending him! ;) *smiling* Happy to have made your mouth water, it IS delicious. Glad you enjoyed the chapter and Merry Christmas!) :), Hot4Spike (Great that you're loving it, but hey, give me a break about the Angel deal, k? I mean, all of it's set in L.A. and the story line demands the Angel cast to be part of the whole. More than that, I want them to be part of the story. If you crave Spuffy and pure Spuffy, please try reading TRAppED, Scruffy and Fang, True Hearts or any of the other more fluffy fics I've written. Thanks again for your interest and for liking this story so far! A.M.L.) :), Winters1 (Heheh, sorry if there's too "little" Spuffy, but this story line just goes like that. Forgive me? ;) Hope this chapter was soon enough and Merry Christmas to you too!) :), timeends (thanks for the three reviews! *smiles* Cool that you liked the Belle thing. Sorry that the whole Christmas-timewarp-only fluffiness-thing just didn't work out. :) Thanks a lot for the prayer, it must've been one of many aids that helped because I am better and have a very merry Christmas you too!) :), darklover (Seasons Greetings right back at ya and here was that other update! Hope you liked!) :)
I hope you get a white Christmas if you want it - I got the one I wished for! Over ten inches of snow and this country is simply beautiful! Also pray that you have a warm and happy Christmas with those important to you. That you have a peaceful and joyful Christmas, and - of course - that you get lots and lots of marvellous, useful things to be glad about! 'Tis the giving season people, give the greatest gift of all - love!
Have a blast! Santa's coming to town!
All My LOVE - Annie.
What Is To Be
-Twenty-Fifth-
By Annie
2003-12-16
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"If I can wake up beside you for the rest of my life, I'll be a very happy woman," her voice whispered in his ear and a smile slowly spread on his lips as sleep began to elude him.
"If I can fall asleep next to you for the rest of MY life, I'll be a very happy man..." he then mumbled, feeling the tip of her nose brush against his cheek right before he opened his eyes and rested them in hers. She smiled a little, and he returned it. "I guess that works out nicely then, eh?" he added and her expression was warm as she nodded, then kissed him softly on the lips.
"I love you," she said, still whispering, and his smile turned content.
"And I you," he replied gently.
"Even if the world ends tomorrow?" she asked and now he couldn't help but look wondering as her question brought him to be fully awake. "Even if I can't stop it this time?" she added, her voice lowered into a grumble and he pulled her to him before he answered her.
"I think we already had the session with the twenty 'even?', love. And you went to bed with what sounded like a mind made up - that there's no question what outcome we'll have tomorrow. What happened?"
She suddenly looked apprehensive and terribly sad and he had something grip his heart as he realized just how little he could stand seeing her like that.
"My dream," she finally said.
"What? Did it change?" he asked. "Was there anything more in there? Any new details that...?"
"No," she interrupted, though her voice sounded defeated and not annoyed. She slowly sat up, sighing as her shoulders slumped slightly. She looked as though she actually hadn't slept all night. "It's just that I feel like there should be, you know? Like there's something I'm missing. It's just so much stuff flying around in my head these days it's hard to choose what to shoot down and what to let go."
At that he smirked widely before sitting up as well, his face stopping an inch from hers before he leaned forward and connected their foreheads.
"You're the Slayer," he said, "no matter what - when it's time, it'll come to you. You won't have to shoot at anything, sweetheart. And you don't have to be afraid of letting the important stuff go, 'cause if you need it, it's not going anywhere. Alright?"
She smiled another small smile, then nodded a little.
"Alright," she mumbled, slipping her arms up and around his neck before she moved her head so that she could nestle closer to him. "God, you've always been so good at this."
He furrowed his brow, holding her to him; then wondered:
"What?"
"Calming me," she answered and he had to smile again.
"'Always'?" he asked and she seemed to think her reply over for a short while before she said:
"Yeah."
He chuckled, kissing her shoulder.
"Forgive me if I'm colored a bit surprised," he said and she pulled away to look at him.
"More like amused," she remarked and he smirked again.
"Well, you have to see the humor in you saying that I always calmed you down! Bloody hell, I'd say I ALWAYS had the exact OPPOSITE effect, wouldn't you?" he inquired, making her smile as well and then shake her head.
"I didn't say you 'always calmed me down', I said you always knew HOW to calm me down. Even when I hated or distrusted you the most, one look from you and a few well-chosen words of comfort and everything'll-be-okay's and I felt like that was the truth... So strange, when I think of it now, how I never saw it back then. Or maybe... I just didn't want to see it," she finished thoughtfully, adding: "I'm sorry."
It was his turn to shake his head, dismissively.
"No need for those," he said. "I think we're done apologizing to each other for the past, don't you agree?"
Her eyes turned tender and then she wrapped her arms around him again, as silent confirmation that he was absolutely right.
"I loved you 'til the end of the world and back, Buffy," he then said. "Do you really think my love could ever die?"
"No," she whispered, mouth against the side of his throat and her hold tightening. "Never."
***
Susannah looked up when her door slid open. She smiled as Angel came through it and he smiled back. Approaching the bed and taking a seat beside her, reaching out and taking one of her hands carefully in his.
"Hi, girl," he said.
"Hello, boy," she replied.
They grew quiet, and serious. She got the feeling that he had come to her room not only to see her, but to speak to her about something. Something important. She didn't know how to set his mind at ease so that he would tell her what it was.
Suddenly he smiled again, and when he spoke she understood that it might take a while for him to get to the point.
"What prompted the Peter Pan analogy in the first place?" he asked.
She smiled as well, tentatively.
"Well," she then answered. "The first time I saw you - in a conscious state, I mean - I noticed you didn't have a shadow... I didn't connect the dots right from the start. Thought I was losing my mind even more. But then... I remember Peter Pan as the savior. And what he stands for. Vitality, eternal youth and laughter... You don't share some of his more annoying traits of childishness and selfishness, that's for sure," she stated and his smile widened. "But," she continued, "you saved me. You made me believe in magic." She paused, then gave a small shrug. "I guess that's why."
"I didn't save you," he mumbled and she raised her eyebrows. "I didn't," he repeated. "Look at you," he added, clenching his jaws together. "Lying here, fighting that... thing. And I know... how it is. And I'm so sorry."
Susannah stared at him in taken astonishment.
"Don't you dare come here and say you're sorry!" she exclaimed, sounding close to offended but only semi-serious this time. "Angel, you've done more for me than I ever would've expected! I can't believe you'd sit there and think that I would think anything else!"
"I didn't see what you were really suffering. If I'd understood it sooner, maybe..."
"Stop," she shook her head, but he didn't seem to listen as he simply continued:
"If I'd been able to see that something was off..."
"How could you have? I hid it from MYSELF!"
"Susannah, I still don't know how to help you. We're running out of time. And..."
He hesitated and she furrowed her brow in wait, encouraging him to continue.
"I don't want to cause you to have a set back in your control over the demon," he said, and she shook her head that it was okay. "Satoch lead us to Forte," he now continued. "And Forte's coming here in less than an hour. I just wanted you to be prepared. We still don't know what sort of link he has to you, or the demon. He seems to know more than he wants to admit, though."
Susannah observed him for a few moments, then she nodded.
"It's okay. I'll be fine...I hope. And for the record," she said. "It IS me. Here. Now. For what it's worth."
He smiled a little, his hand squeezing hers lightly.
"I know," he replied, pausing again before going on with: "There's something else I need to tell you." She looked wondering and he drew a small, unnecessary breath before saying: "Last night my heart started beating..."
Susannah listened with growing eyes as he told her the whole story.
***
Twenty minutes later he stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him.
He didn't know what he felt.
Last night he had talked with Cordelia for a while, but they hadn't even approached the subject which had had her storm out of his room and kept her away from him for the more part of the evening. They had spoken about the first time they met, and those that followed. About Buffy and William and Willow and Xander and Giles. About Sunnydale and Los Angeles. About good times and not so good times. Old times and new.
But as they had said good night and they had laid in the dark for a while without saying anything, when he assumed she had gone to sleep and she must've done the same thing about him, she started crying.
He had never wanted to hold another as much as he had right then, and not being able to had been damn near intolerable. Without thinking he had started humming an old tune from his homeland, and when he began reciting old sayings and folklore from his human ancestors - in Irish - her sobs had hushed. She had moved over on her side, her still teary eyes fixing on him and then she had given him the most heavenly smile.
He had spent an unknown amount of hours watching her sleep. Feeling like he was beginning to have two split sides to him. One side was still at peace with what he knew he had to do; he knew he had no choice in the matter, not really. The other side refused to reconcile with that thought. That side wanted to help with the research for some other way, some other road they could take, so that he could survive. Looking at her, having her before him and so close, made the feeling of loss that more real.
Then there was his own words still lingering in his head.
What life would they ever have together?
No, he would be rid of his demon; he would get to rest, truly rest, for the first time in nearly three centuries. It might be selfish reasons for which to die for the rest of the world, but he needed them there; in plain sight.
The world he would be leaving had given him its share of pain and of pleasure. It was his time to give something in return. He wasn't like Spike had been, and Angelus had seen that sappy romantic at heart in Spike from the day Drusilla brought him into the Scourge's closed circle. Angelus would never have fallen in love, would never have given his way of life up for another being. Never. Angelus would never have gone willingly to retrieve a soul the demon in him knew would hold his instincts back, would probably dull them into something unrecognizable with a big dose of conscience and leashes of human emotional drivel.
Spike had gotten some sort of second chance. With Buffy and with the world he had saved. William had deserved that chance.
Angel knew there was none of that for him.
It wasn't about him being less worthy, because he wasn't.
It was about the order of things.
This was the meaning he had lasted for so long. The reason for his life was these fatal last days of it. He had accepted that. What he hadn't accepted was how this was affecting those around him. People he knew relied on him, one way or another. People whom he loved, and who loved him.
Cordelia...
"Angel?"
He jerked at the sound of her voice, barely realizing he had been so deep in thought.
"Hey," he mumbled, then had a smile curl the corners of his mouth as he rested his gaze in hers.
She mirrored his expression, but those eyes of hers carried a trace of a shadow now that was unmistakable.
"Do you grieve me already?" he asked silently and she blinked, then looked away from him. "I'm sorry," he hurriedly added. "I didn't mean it to sound so... harsh."
"I don't know how to deal with this," she replied, glancing at him. "I don't know how to act or what to say anymore. I don't..." she trailed off before facing him fully again, finishing: "I don't wanna let you go."
He bit his jaws together, trying to find something supportive to say. Some insight which would lead her to conclude that this was their only option. That it was pointless, what she was doing; trying to save him from his own fate.
"I don't wanna let YOU go," he finally murmured, and it was the truth. "You're the one thing I don't know how to give up," he added quietly and her eyes grew just a little before a flash of happiness appeared in them.
She opened her mouth to say something when Buffy called from the foyer that Forte's car was pulling up in front.
"We'd better get down there, don't you think?" Cordelia asked and Angel paused, then smiled a little, nodding his consent and they headed for the stairs.
***
The sleek silver Cadillac announced the presence of someone reeking with power, elegance and self-assurance just as much as the air about the man himself did as he stepped out of it. He wore a pale chalk suit for the occasion, impeccable in presentation as always. It was hard for anyone of those who saw him to remember that in actuality he wasn't human.
He gave them all gracious smiles as he stepped up the short set of stairs to the entrance doors, shaking Angel's hand firmly - since the latter now had taken front space to greet the guest after he and Cordelia had ascended to the bottom floor - and then he walked inside, the soles of his shoes sounding hard against the floor as he proceeded to the floor of the foyer and then stopped abruptly. He seemed to sense something, but clearly shook whatever it was off before he turned to face the others again.
"Interesting place you've got here, Mr. McLaughlin," he said with another smile. "I would love to get in touch with your decorator."
"I realize it may be a long run from the splendor you're used to," Angel replied, keeping the sarcasm out of his voice as he added: "But I believe it's the people - not the design - that make it home."
"Touché," Forte smirked. "I meant not to offend you," he then stated. "I'm afraid my mind is much too used to making itself heard. It doesn't think before connecting itself to my mouth. I apologize."
"There's no need," Angel assured. "However, had you said something demeaning about any of the people you see surround me I believe an apology might not have been enough."
Forte's smirk changed once more into a smile, this time a warmer one as he nodded.
"Very well, then. I'm happy I have nothing but praise for those you keep close," he said and Angel returned the smile, all be it not with as much friendliness. "Shall we get on with the reason for my visit?" Forte added with a raise of his eyebrows, seemingly waiting for someone to lead the way.
Angel exchanged a look with Buffy, who gave a small shrug of what-else? And then he looked at Spike, who kept his eyes on Forte and showed no sign of letting the latter escape the surveillance for even a second.
Angel knew exactly how the former vampire felt, but for now there wasn't much they could do and so he had to rely on Buffy's Slayer instincts being right - what else was there but to give Forte access?
Angel now turned his head to Wesley, giving a small nod and Wesley returned it before walking down to join Forte and then showing him into the conference room.
"Bad feelings all over," Spike grumbled.
"Hon, not to sound putting-you-down-y or anything, but you're human now. And everyone knows the male side of the species have intuition worth jack," Buffy said, slipping one hand comfortingly in his as she gave him a sympathetic look.
He gave her a faked smile at that before replying:
"I WAS a vamp for a long time; some things are bound to stick. And I didn't lose my bloody eyes, Slayer. I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about him..."
"Anyone else feel it might be a good enough time as any to join in on the exploring of OUR prophecy before that demon 'changes' into something big and hairy and topples only-human-with-intuition-worth-jack Wesley over and perhaps, I dunno, bolts with our only key to saving the day?" Cordelia cut in and everybody paused as they looked at each other.
Then they moved as one and soon they were all cramped into the conference room, where no one were even about to change OR get toppled. However, Forte's eyes were shining with excitement as he surveyed the last page of the first part of the prophecy.
"This is amazing," he breathed. "Amazing!"
"And - ripped in two," Buffy pointed out.
There was one thing to give Forte access, a completely other to give him ALL access; or so Angel had figured as he had ordered the second part of the prophecy be put in the safe in his office. At leas they had some sort of upper hand. But for how long? He wasn't exactly sure how large a being a changer could change into, or even what countenance the changer had in its original form; but Cordelia's comment about big-and-hairy hadn't flown too well with the vamp and now he was even more on the edge and ready to leap on top of Forte's head - if duty called - than he had been before.
"Yes, indeed," Forte now nodded to Buffy's earlier input. "Torn in half, just as the legend foretells. Amazing. Simply amazing. You have the second part as well, of course," he added, looking up at Angel who stared at him; about to deny it when Forte smiled and shook his head. "No need to worry, if I had been in your shoes I wouldn't have shown it to me either. I would love to see it, naturally. But I cannot blame you for taking precautions. After all, what do you know of me?"
Now they were all silent and he smiled again before bending closer to the prophecy and slipping one finger along the rows of letters.
"'And on the second day their cries shall eclipse all and fear shall rule the world,'" he recited, looking up at them as he asked: "Last night the stars aligned, did they not? The first crucial step of this prophecy has been taken, and the second one is about to be set in motion."
"Who are you?" Fred spoke up. "How can you know this?"
"It is of little consequence who I am," Forte replied. "And how I know...? The Coming has been told of among my people for centuries. It's rather strange it took so long for someone to write it down. Perhaps it had to do with so many considering it to be myth; folklore, if you will."
"But..." Fred paused, looking a little uncertain before she finished: "But it was a human who wrote the prophecy, wasn't it?"
Forte chuckled, shaking his head again and straightening his posture before making a gesture to his form.
"Ever heard the saying: never judge a being by its exterior," he replied and her eyes grew.
"Are you saying..." Wesley began, "that Alliande was in fact a demon? ...That he was a Changer?"
Forte observed him in silence for a few seconds, then he nodded; growing serious.
"Yes, that is what I'm saying," he confirmed.
"But then you can help us!" Cordelia burst out. "You can finish the translation. You can tell us what to do...!"
"No," Forte shook his head. "I can't. You see, this prophecy has changed over time. The marrow of it stays the same, but the meaning of what is to be done is as much a mystery to me as it is to you. For some reason this text found its way into your hands. It did so for a reason. The task is yours and yours alone. It has to be."
"Save the Matrix mumbo-jumbo, would you?" Buffy asked, not able to hide her annoyance. "People might die if we don't solve this. If there is anything you can do to help..."
"My part in this has already been played," he stopped her. "The bottle was in my safe-keep, and I delivered it onto you. And people 'might' not die, they will. The whole world will die if you don't stop it. The Coming tells of the final plague upon man and beast. It will eat its way through time and essence, through dimension and space until there is nothing left but an infinite black hole."
He turned his eyes back on the prophecy and pointed to a row of letters situated beneath the ones he had spoken out loud earlier.
"That is what this part of the prophecy refers to. 'There shall be no end'," he said, having his eyes in Angel's as he finished: "'and no beginning'."
Suddenly there was a scream ringing through the room. It seeped through the walls, hung loosely in the air, crashed into their hearing and made their eyes tear up with what seemed not far from pain. Pain seemed to be coming from everywhere, wrapping around them tightly and making it difficult to breathe.
"Soon chaos shall rule," Forte said, looking at those surrounding him as they went to their knees with their hands before their ears.
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Hi all! Happy about getting this out before Christmas. Speaking of which -
MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!!!
Thanks a lot for the great reviews! And all your positive energy must have helped 'cause I'm finally well and up-and-at-em. So, thank you! ;)
Special and warm thanks to wolf116 (Why, thank you! And, again, merry Christmas! ;) Oh, I know exactly what you mean with the annoyance of people writing TOO much in their reviews. Haven't had one in a very long time now, but yeah, that ticks me off, actually. So thanks a lot for not wanting to spoil it for everyone else!) :), blackeyedgurl (Thanks especially for the focused positivity! I am much better now! Oh, and the comment about Joss still writing while not being all put together granted me a spur of inspiration, just so you know. Yes, merry Christmas - and God Jul, which is the Swedish way to say it so there, now you know another one.) ;), Taelyn (VERY great to hear that you think I capture Angel and Cordy in a fair way. I actually really like that pairing as well, but perhaps that shows. And you know, if I get Spike to feed me chicken soup when I'm sick I don't ever wanna be restored to full health again! Ah well, too late for that, but I have to give the boy credit. He is one picker-upper, that one. Thanks for sending him! ;) *smiling* Happy to have made your mouth water, it IS delicious. Glad you enjoyed the chapter and Merry Christmas!) :), Hot4Spike (Great that you're loving it, but hey, give me a break about the Angel deal, k? I mean, all of it's set in L.A. and the story line demands the Angel cast to be part of the whole. More than that, I want them to be part of the story. If you crave Spuffy and pure Spuffy, please try reading TRAppED, Scruffy and Fang, True Hearts or any of the other more fluffy fics I've written. Thanks again for your interest and for liking this story so far! A.M.L.) :), Winters1 (Heheh, sorry if there's too "little" Spuffy, but this story line just goes like that. Forgive me? ;) Hope this chapter was soon enough and Merry Christmas to you too!) :), timeends (thanks for the three reviews! *smiles* Cool that you liked the Belle thing. Sorry that the whole Christmas-timewarp-only fluffiness-thing just didn't work out. :) Thanks a lot for the prayer, it must've been one of many aids that helped because I am better and have a very merry Christmas you too!) :), darklover (Seasons Greetings right back at ya and here was that other update! Hope you liked!) :)
I hope you get a white Christmas if you want it - I got the one I wished for! Over ten inches of snow and this country is simply beautiful! Also pray that you have a warm and happy Christmas with those important to you. That you have a peaceful and joyful Christmas, and - of course - that you get lots and lots of marvellous, useful things to be glad about! 'Tis the giving season people, give the greatest gift of all - love!
Have a blast! Santa's coming to town!
All My LOVE - Annie.
