CLOUD'S LETHAL HAIRDO – PART 3, OUTSIDE SHINRA HQ
NOW, I MUST STRESS I AM NOT THE PRESEDENT OF SQUARESOFT SO IF DIDN'T SAY I
DON'T OWN THIS FINAL FANTASY BUISNESS, I WOULD BE IN BIG TROUBLE WITH THE
LAW, SO THERE WE GO I'M SAFE FROM THE LAW PEOPLE FOR NOW.
On with the third instalment of c.l.h!!!
Cloud: oh man, this fanfic makes me look like a right idiot!
Cloud, you always look like a right idiot, If you know what I mean.
Cloud: No I don't! Tell meeeeeeeee!!!!
Crikey, he acts like a little kid more each day!
By the way (!) is sarcasm
(Cut to outside SHINRA headquarters)
Cloud: please?
Tifa: no
Cloud: please?
Tifa: nope.
Cloud: just a tiny, ickle bit?
Tifa: nope.
Cloud: pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?
Tifa: NO! You are not using the gel!
Cloud: awwwwww..... (Whispers) mean old lady...
Tifa: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!
Cloud: nothing! (whispers) hmmmmm... is that a wrinkle I see?
WHACK!
Cloud: ow! Pain!
Cid: Cloud if you want your hair re-styled so badly ask Vincent- he was a
professional hairdresser and worked in a unisex hair salon till he had
enough money to buy a gun
Vincent: (nervous laugh) I don't what you're talking about cid! (Hisses)
you are so dead!
Cloud: (pictures image while rubbing his head) heheh... Unisex!
Tifa: you are so immature!
Cloud: (thinks hard, something quite tricky for cloud to do, like multi
tasking) did you ever cut any hot girl's hair, or even hit on them? The
only hot girl round here is Aeris-
Tifa: (ahem!)
Cloud: yep, she's about the only pretty girl round here... maybe Elena, but
she's a turk...
Tifa: (scowls)
Vincent: (points gun at Cloud's head) move AWAY from the subject!
Cloud: no! Not the hair! PLEASE NOT THE HAIR! (Grabs Vincent's ankles and
start crying hysterically)
Vincent: (blushes)(a~n Vincent blushing?) fine, can you get off my feet,
you're cutting off the blood circulating to them
Red XIII: hey, are we actually gonna go in or what? We're getting some
funny looks.
Cait Sith: whoah! Hold your chocobos Red!
Red: I don't have any.
Cait Sith: (sighs) figure of speech
Red XIII: oh
Aeris: wait a minute, won't we be seen going inside?
Tifa: No (!) we're invisible!
Aeris: (sticks out tongue)
Tifa: (sticks nose in the air)
Yuffie: so how are we gonna get in without being seen?
Cloud: hmmmmm... (Looks sideways at a rack of SHINRA uniforms guarded by a
couple of SHINRA troops)
Tifa: (follows Cloud's gaze) Cloud, I think that is one of the smartest
things you've ever come up with!
Cloud: I know. Let me handle it!
Cid: you sure?
Cloud: yes! CHAAAAAAAAAAAARGE! (Runs over to the rack and pushes it over,
squashing the guards. A door is revealed)
Tifa: I think I was wrong
Barret: whoooo! Lets go!
Everyone: o.O?
Cloud: have you been drinking?
Barret: (raises gun arm) and what if I have?
Cloud: (gulps) no reason!
(Cut to inside SHINRA headquarters, there is a very big flight of stairs as
those of you who have played the game may recall...)
Yuffie: oh god... please tell me there's an elevator...
Red XIII: I can't even see the top...
Cloud: no you guys, you're looking at the wrong one (points to an even
bigger staircase)
Vincent: I'll climb those stairs when I go to hell
Cid: isn't that quite likely though?
Vincent: shut up
Cait Sith: I'm a toy! I'm designed for entertaining kids, not climbing
stairs!
Cid: I'm getting too old for this
Barret: me too
Red XIII: I have four legs, I can't climb stairs!
Aeris: I'm wearing a dress
Tifa: I'm wearing a skirt and I don't want Cid looking up it
Cid: (nervous laugh) as if I'd do a thing like that!
Yuffie: well..i..um..i..er..i have a...rare stair climbing condition! Yeah!
That's it!
Cloud: well, I'm going, really I am! (runs back down the stairs) I'm
scared! Can you come with me?
Everyone: ^_^ ;; fine!
Cloud: yay!
(An hour later, everyone is sprawled at the top of the staircase gasping
for air like fish out of water- (people stare) me- what? Ok fine it was a
bad simile ive learnt my lesson! Never use similes in a play script!)
Cloud: oh look! There was an elevator after all!
Everyone: Grrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
Cloud: oh well!
(Reno walks past a~n you remember Reno don't you?)
Reno: well, well, well! If it isn't-
Cloud: (headlocks Reno ands stuffs his hair in his mouth) tell us where the
hair gel is red head! Hey that rhymes!
(Reno makes muffled sounds)
Aeris: Cloud, I don't think he can talk with his hair stuffed in his mouth
Cloud: fine (un-clogs Reno's mouth)
Reno: what gel? Anyway you ruined my hair!
Tifa: you know what gel I'm talking about, buddy (raises fists)
Reno: no I don't
Vincent: (raises gun)
Reno: ok! Ok! Its just, well sometimes we run a little low on money and
well sometimes we have some leftover mako energy and well....
Red XIII: you put mako energy in it?!
Reno: um...yeah
Vincent: where d'you keep it? (Gun still raised)
Reno: f..fifth floor on the left
Vincent: right.
BANG!
Tifa: oh my god! You shot him! Is he dead?!
Vincent: hey you don't think I really keep bullets in here do you?
(Everyone nods)
Vincent: they're only tranquillisers!
Everyone: (sigh)
Aeris: how long will he be out for?
Vincent: 'bout 3 hours
Cait Sith: good good, lets go find the fifth floor!
Cloud: yeah! (Does over dramatic pose)
Everyone: ^-^;;
WELL, WILL THE FINAL FANTASY CREW EVER FIND THE FIFTH FLOOR, WILL RENO COME
ROUND AND TELL RUFUS? AND WILL CLOUD FIND HIS COMMON SENSE? FIND OUT ON THE
NEXT CHAPTER OF CLOUD'S LETHAL HAIRDO!
(man I need a coffee...)
NOW, I MUST STRESS I AM NOT THE PRESEDENT OF SQUARESOFT SO IF DIDN'T SAY I
DON'T OWN THIS FINAL FANTASY BUISNESS, I WOULD BE IN BIG TROUBLE WITH THE
LAW, SO THERE WE GO I'M SAFE FROM THE LAW PEOPLE FOR NOW.
On with the third instalment of c.l.h!!!
Cloud: oh man, this fanfic makes me look like a right idiot!
Cloud, you always look like a right idiot, If you know what I mean.
Cloud: No I don't! Tell meeeeeeeee!!!!
Crikey, he acts like a little kid more each day!
By the way (!) is sarcasm
(Cut to outside SHINRA headquarters)
Cloud: please?
Tifa: no
Cloud: please?
Tifa: nope.
Cloud: just a tiny, ickle bit?
Tifa: nope.
Cloud: pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?
Tifa: NO! You are not using the gel!
Cloud: awwwwww..... (Whispers) mean old lady...
Tifa: WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!
Cloud: nothing! (whispers) hmmmmm... is that a wrinkle I see?
WHACK!
Cloud: ow! Pain!
Cid: Cloud if you want your hair re-styled so badly ask Vincent- he was a
professional hairdresser and worked in a unisex hair salon till he had
enough money to buy a gun
Vincent: (nervous laugh) I don't what you're talking about cid! (Hisses)
you are so dead!
Cloud: (pictures image while rubbing his head) heheh... Unisex!
Tifa: you are so immature!
Cloud: (thinks hard, something quite tricky for cloud to do, like multi
tasking) did you ever cut any hot girl's hair, or even hit on them? The
only hot girl round here is Aeris-
Tifa: (ahem!)
Cloud: yep, she's about the only pretty girl round here... maybe Elena, but
she's a turk...
Tifa: (scowls)
Vincent: (points gun at Cloud's head) move AWAY from the subject!
Cloud: no! Not the hair! PLEASE NOT THE HAIR! (Grabs Vincent's ankles and
start crying hysterically)
Vincent: (blushes)(a~n Vincent blushing?) fine, can you get off my feet,
you're cutting off the blood circulating to them
Red XIII: hey, are we actually gonna go in or what? We're getting some
funny looks.
Cait Sith: whoah! Hold your chocobos Red!
Red: I don't have any.
Cait Sith: (sighs) figure of speech
Red XIII: oh
Aeris: wait a minute, won't we be seen going inside?
Tifa: No (!) we're invisible!
Aeris: (sticks out tongue)
Tifa: (sticks nose in the air)
Yuffie: so how are we gonna get in without being seen?
Cloud: hmmmmm... (Looks sideways at a rack of SHINRA uniforms guarded by a
couple of SHINRA troops)
Tifa: (follows Cloud's gaze) Cloud, I think that is one of the smartest
things you've ever come up with!
Cloud: I know. Let me handle it!
Cid: you sure?
Cloud: yes! CHAAAAAAAAAAAARGE! (Runs over to the rack and pushes it over,
squashing the guards. A door is revealed)
Tifa: I think I was wrong
Barret: whoooo! Lets go!
Everyone: o.O?
Cloud: have you been drinking?
Barret: (raises gun arm) and what if I have?
Cloud: (gulps) no reason!
(Cut to inside SHINRA headquarters, there is a very big flight of stairs as
those of you who have played the game may recall...)
Yuffie: oh god... please tell me there's an elevator...
Red XIII: I can't even see the top...
Cloud: no you guys, you're looking at the wrong one (points to an even
bigger staircase)
Vincent: I'll climb those stairs when I go to hell
Cid: isn't that quite likely though?
Vincent: shut up
Cait Sith: I'm a toy! I'm designed for entertaining kids, not climbing
stairs!
Cid: I'm getting too old for this
Barret: me too
Red XIII: I have four legs, I can't climb stairs!
Aeris: I'm wearing a dress
Tifa: I'm wearing a skirt and I don't want Cid looking up it
Cid: (nervous laugh) as if I'd do a thing like that!
Yuffie: well..i..um..i..er..i have a...rare stair climbing condition! Yeah!
That's it!
Cloud: well, I'm going, really I am! (runs back down the stairs) I'm
scared! Can you come with me?
Everyone: ^_^ ;; fine!
Cloud: yay!
(An hour later, everyone is sprawled at the top of the staircase gasping
for air like fish out of water- (people stare) me- what? Ok fine it was a
bad simile ive learnt my lesson! Never use similes in a play script!)
Cloud: oh look! There was an elevator after all!
Everyone: Grrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
Cloud: oh well!
(Reno walks past a~n you remember Reno don't you?)
Reno: well, well, well! If it isn't-
Cloud: (headlocks Reno ands stuffs his hair in his mouth) tell us where the
hair gel is red head! Hey that rhymes!
(Reno makes muffled sounds)
Aeris: Cloud, I don't think he can talk with his hair stuffed in his mouth
Cloud: fine (un-clogs Reno's mouth)
Reno: what gel? Anyway you ruined my hair!
Tifa: you know what gel I'm talking about, buddy (raises fists)
Reno: no I don't
Vincent: (raises gun)
Reno: ok! Ok! Its just, well sometimes we run a little low on money and
well sometimes we have some leftover mako energy and well....
Red XIII: you put mako energy in it?!
Reno: um...yeah
Vincent: where d'you keep it? (Gun still raised)
Reno: f..fifth floor on the left
Vincent: right.
BANG!
Tifa: oh my god! You shot him! Is he dead?!
Vincent: hey you don't think I really keep bullets in here do you?
(Everyone nods)
Vincent: they're only tranquillisers!
Everyone: (sigh)
Aeris: how long will he be out for?
Vincent: 'bout 3 hours
Cait Sith: good good, lets go find the fifth floor!
Cloud: yeah! (Does over dramatic pose)
Everyone: ^-^;;
WELL, WILL THE FINAL FANTASY CREW EVER FIND THE FIFTH FLOOR, WILL RENO COME
ROUND AND TELL RUFUS? AND WILL CLOUD FIND HIS COMMON SENSE? FIND OUT ON THE
NEXT CHAPTER OF CLOUD'S LETHAL HAIRDO!
(man I need a coffee...)
