A/N: I've named each chapter after the person who wrote it just to avoid confusion regarding different writing styles.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything, so don't sue.

Calling All Crofteers: Quest For The ????

It is the next day and the Crofteers begin arriving one by one on a cold and rainy morning at the Croft Manor. Aquarius is the first one to arrive after being summoned by the Lude signal in the sky.

AQ: This had better be good a quest this time. I'm getting my AE clothes all wet! *shakes head* What a waste...oh well time to go blow off more money after this mission.

Aquarius arrives at the door, and rings. The door opens and the Mission: Impossible theme starts playing.

AQ: What the....

He stands dumbfounded as 'Lude, dressed as a ninja for some odd reason, comes jumping over to the door doing all these fancy karate moves!!!

'Lude: Wax on, wax off! You surrender now! Aiiiiiiiiieeeeeeee!

Lara: (coming up from behind) You never cease to amaze me ,'Lude, with your insanity. Here. Go bury your face in a Cherry Bakewell and beer.

'Lude: Food food food! Beer beer beer! 'Lude goes running off still in ninja uniform to gorge herself with the cake and beer.

AQ: (still standing in the doorway, completely dumbfounded by what he just saw) Well, looks like nothing has changed. So, Lara m'dear, what are we up to this time? Are we going to save the Iguanaphamockonopus?

Lara: Ha. No. We're going to save you from that god-awful fashion sense of yours. Men.....

AQ: Ha ha ha. We are not amused.

'Lude appears again

'Lude: (in a Darth Vader voice) Come to the Dark Side!

AQ: Why? Why.....

Lara: How on Earth did you get out of the cage again? Why doesn't TTL have you locked up while we're off on this mission. You know I got outright bloody pissed last time when you piddled all over my hardwood floors the last time I left you here by yourself.

AQ: Anyway. 'Lude's bladder control issues are fascinating and all, but what are we up to this time? What are we looking for and where?

Lara: Well....