Disclaimer: Don't own, so don't sue!

*Meanwhil, amongst all the commotion the phone rings*

Lude: Hello, Croft public house, wall to wall vomiting and broken furniture welcome. What would you like, and if you're buying, can I have a beer please?

Caller: Lude is that you?

Lude: Hang on. I'll just check...

*Lude taps TTL on the shoulder*

Lude: What's my name?

TTL: Depends, what day is it?

Lude: It's today.

TTL: Oh well, it's me then.

Lude: Thanks, *back to the phone* Yes, it's me.

Caller: Lude, it's DK here... It's a terrible line on this end.

Lude: Hold on DK, I'll just put someone else on the phone who is NOT about to pass out. *Lude hands the phone to LM* It's DK...something about having a lion up his end...

*Lude then passes out*

LM: DK? Why are you phoning us when you are in the other room?

DK: I am not in the other room, I am here at home, in the Spam Palace!

LM: No, you are not. You are in the other room! I can see you from here, you silly man!

DK: LM, of all the things I am unsure of, this I can assure you, I am HERE not THERE!

LM: DK, have you been drinking?

DK: Of course I have! What kind of a stupid question is that?

LM: Well, explain yourself!

DK: I can't, not just like that! I'm a complicated person- it would take days to do that and even then I am not sure I could.

LM: OK, well then, just explain what you are talking about...

DK: Well...I got this call from someone called MJ telling me to get my butt to Croft Manor, then I get this package on my doorstep, which explodes and...

LM: Don't tell me... Basil Brush was inside?

DK: Who?

LM: Hold on... I have to pass you over to someone who doesn't know you just said that!

DK: Oh for God's sake! Will someone listen to me???

*LM hands the phone to TheDiva who doesn't even ask who is on the other end*

TD: You will never believe the bargains I got today, I got.....

*15 minutes later*

DK: Diva please can I talk to someone else before one of us dies!

TD: Sure thing hon, hold on...

DK: Who is this now and what the hell is going on there?

TTL: It's TTL, who is this?

DK: Ah! At last! Someone who will listen! TTL? It's DK here.

TTL: DK! Why are you ringing when you are in the other room?

DK: Not this again... Just listen to me, whoever that is there it is NOT me. I am leaving to come over there - I have something to tell you all....

*silence*

DK: Hello? Hello?

TTL: Yes I'm still here, I was just building the tense moment.

DK: Well, it worked... I think I soiled myself.

*click*

*TTL rejoins the mayhem in the other room*

Lara: Who was that?

TTL: Oh it was just DK. He is on his way over...

*DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN*

*The Crofteers all look towards the DK standing in the hall with a doughnut sticking out of his ear..*

TTL: More tea, anyone?