Chapter 6

Monkey, Rhiannon, and Rum

"Um, Turtle?" Monkey had a crazy question.

"What?" Turtle was an impatient person.

"Since when in Tortuga, and they don't have age limits here, I was kind of, sort of wondering if I could try some rum." Of all the idiotic things Monkey wanted to do!

"No!" Turtle even had good reasons to go with her good answer. "If you and Rhee burn down Tortuga, we'll get caught here, which in case you've forgotten is a very bad thing! If these people start attempting to explore other worlds, our countries will be completely screwed up! What if somebody tries to take over Insartia or Carmenia or some other country? They have armies! We have happy frogs and clicky pens!"

"Rhee and I wouldn't burn anything down! We'd be good. I promise," Monkey whined.

"Stop whining!" Turtle said impatiently. "You and Rhee can have rum as long as one of us is supervising you other than Jack. And I'm not helping you when you get hung over."

"Yay!" Monkey finally got to try rum! And it was legal!

"Why can't I help supervise?" Jack asked indignantly.

"Because you're a drunk old coot who would only encourage Monkey to do something completely idiotic like burning down Tortuga or getting arrested!" Turtle was planning on becoming a lawyer.

"Oh, and you wouldn't?" Jack countered.

"But I'm not planning on drinking tonight." Turtle would have a point. Jack just gave up and started muttering under his breath. "Anyway, I have a way to get out of showing the locals that we don't have the right type of money for this place. Plan 86."

"Plan 86 being . . . ?" Paprika queried.

"You'll find out when we get there." Turtle was good at being secretive. When they got to the bar, Turtle shape-shifted into a waitress and got their drinks. "You are so lucky that I'm the shape-shifter, and you aren't.'

"Why?" asked Monkey.

"A drunk, fat, old guy thought I was a hooker. You'd think people would understand the "stay away from me" signs!"

"Really," Monkey said.

"Well, what can you expect with the clothes you wear nowadays?" Paprika answered accusingly.

"Well, it's not like I'm going to turn Muslim just because all the clothes they sell nowadays are skimpy," Turtle explained. "By the way, if Monkey does something stupid which she will undoubtedly do, we'll use Escape Plan #36."

"Which is?" Paprika asked.

"It's the one where Tigris, Aria, Stella, and Rhee fight off the hoard of angry villagers while the rest of us get in the ship and sail away while yelling at Monkey about how stupid she is. Oh, and if that doesn't work, I can always do my demon child routine," Turtle explained.

"Why does that sound so much like Escape Plan #42?" Paprika asked.

"It's basically the same thing except #42 involves angry hoardes of peasants and me turning into a dragon," Turtle explained.

"Right . . ." Paprika said.

I've got to go get something to eat. Bye!