BTW: Monkey helped me write this, so if it's insane or offensive, blame her.

Chapter 7

Of Crews and Hangovers

When we last saw our heroes, they were slowly getting drunker (Is that a word?) and drunker. Or at least Monkey and Rhee were. Monkey was on her 6th mug and was giggling insanely and trying to kiss Doctress. Rhee however was on her 12th and was staring murderously at Will and asking him crazy questions like, "Why is the grass purple?"

"It isn't." Will had never seen Rhee do this before.

"That's not relevant. WHY?!" Rhee continued. "Never mind. You're too stupid to understand. I'll go ask the sacred flames." Rhee punched Will in the nose conveniently knocking him out and continued with her crazy plan to sacrifice Tortuga to the "sacred flames."

"I hate to say I told you so. But considering the fact that I did, I have to say it. I told you so." Turtle was as sober and morbid as ever. "Now she's going to burn down Tortuga."

"How do YOU know?" Paprika questioned.

"I know everything," Turtle said mysteriously. Everyone in the bar silently stared at her. Suddenly they were interrupted by a loud scream from the barn where Mr. Gibbs was complacently sleeping on a pile of pigs. All the sober people ran outside. The drunks just giggled.

Monkey was chasing Doctress followed by Turtle-Bot who was yelling, "Mush! Mush!" Tibby was crying. While several stupid drunks went off to "comfort" Tibby, Rhee was insanely laughing as she took out her lucky lighter and lit everything that wasn't moving on fire. Mr. Gibbs got up and ran in circles for a couple of minutes before realizing that he wasn't on fire and jumped in the bay.

Suddenly Tibby started singing, "Why can't we be friends, why can't we be friends . . ."

Paprika started dancing and singing along. Some weirdo had slipped something in her drink.

Then suddenly, everyone froze and fell on the ground in a deep sleep, because Turtle had nothing better to end that chaos with when she wrote this. (Monkey's idea)

*The next morning*

"My head . . ." Monkey and Rhee moaned. Tortuga had survived the night. And they hadn't even been forced to use Escape Plan #36, at least not yet. . .

"It's your own durn fault," said Turtle. They all get up and start wandering aimlessly. Monkey and Rhiannon were complaining about their heads, stopping once every ten minutes to puke.

Suddenly, a portal opened and Penguin, Queen of Mushrooms fell out. Her glance fell on Monkey and Rhee and a mischievous grin appeared on her face. She opened her mouth and began singing loudly, "I wish I were 21, 21, 21. I wish I were 21 so I could drive a car!"

Monkey let out a shriek, covered her ears and ran away only to trip and fall into the bay.

Turtle started to sing the second verse, but doubled over laughing so hard that the water she had just drunk came spewing out of her nose. That made Paprika start laughing and soon the whole gang was on the ground laughing their asses off.

*Two hours later*

10 men, one who looked suspiciously like a woman, and the whole crazy gang stood in front of Jack and Will.

"You are all invited to be on my and young Turner's crew! We are going to rescue his bonnie lass and get my ship back." Jack declared, looking at all of them with his gorgeous, wacky grin. "Mr. Cotton!" he barked suddenly. "Do you agree to help us in the face of danger and stick to the code and all that crap?"

Mr. Cotton remained silent staring at Jack.

"ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!!"

"He's a mute, Cap'n," Mr. Gibbs spoke up. "Got his tongue cut out in the Black Trade." Cotton opened his mouth to let Jack see. "He trained the parrot to talk for 'im. No one's yet figgered out how."

Will raised his eyebrows.

"Mr. Cotton's parrot," Jack said. "Same question!"

"YES!" the parrot squacked. What they didn't know was that Tigris was sitting behind the parrot about to eat it.

"What's in it for us?" a voice said. It was the man who looked suspiciously like a woman. Jacked went over to him/her and pulled off the hat that covered his/her face.

"Anamaria!" Jack cried. "Fancy seein' you 'ere!" Anamaria slapped him.

"Let me guess," Will said. "You didn't deserve that?"

"No, no, that one I did deserve."

"You took my SHIP!!!" Anamaria yelled angrily.

"Well I'll get you another ship!" Jack cried. "Just don't slap me again," he muttered so only Paprika could hear him.

"A better ship!" Will chimed in.

"A better ship!" Jack echoed.

"That ship!" Will yelled pointing. He glanced to where he was pointing. It was at the Carnival Pride.

"I knew I should have closed that portal!" Turtle muttered.

"Uh, I mean that one!" he cried pointing at the Interceptor.

"What?!" Jack cried. "Uh, I mean yes that ship. You can have that ship!"

I'm so, so sorry, yall, but Monkey wrote a lot of this. I'm sorry if you have no sense of humor and find this offensive. Get a life.