Title: Big Brother Stargate – Hathor's Interview

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Hathor

Details: Response to Heliopolis challenge #1865. Choose any ten members of Stargate SG1 and put them in big brother. Rules: Must include Sg1, Anise, Hathor, Martouf and Janet. Lines:"That is not legal.", "Don't worry, they'll have to come up for breath soon.", "Um...Jack, you do know we're on national TV, right?"

Summary: Hathor on life in the Big Brother house, Daniel Jackson and why she wanted to maim Sam. Also, we catch up with what the other housemates are doing.

Disclaimer: None of the characters or places in this story belong to me, they are the property of Sci Fi, MGM Worldwide, Brad Wright, Gekko Film Corp and Double Secret productions. Obviously, you all know what Big Brother is and I certainly don't own it, so don't even try to sue me for that. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Note: Just imagine the Big Brother guy's voice – it makes it funnier.

~ Big Brother Stargate – Hathor's Interview ~

By Ruth

'Stargate Big Brother' Series Copyright © 2003 Ruth

**********

"Welcome back. I'm here with the first week's evictee – HATHOR!"

(Mad cheering and whooping from the crowd)

"Silence!"

(Cheering and whooping stops)

"So…Hathor…how did you find your week in the Big Brother house?"

"It was most irritating. As you told me, I was not allowed to kill or even maim anyone, so Samantha was spared from death, and you from entertainment."

"Why do you hate Sam so much?"

"She is the one that would defeat us!"

(Long pause)

"Ah…well…was there anyone that you particularly liked in the house?"

Hathor smiled. "Daniel Jackson."

"Yes – you did like him, didn't you? Want to tell us some more about him?"

"He was my chosen one, who provided me with the code of life."

(Long pause)

"Okay. We also noticed that you didn't get on very well with Anise – why is that?"

"The woman annoyed me greatly. She is Tok'ra, to begin with, she was practically crawling over Jack for most of the time – my first jaffa – and she was so arrgoant! She told me that my legs were shorter than hers!"

"But they are, Hathor."

(Long Pause)

"Maybe, but she had the nerve to tell me on live television. That can't be legal."

"Oh…it is legal, Hathor, very legal. In fact, we strongly encourage any kind of insulting remarks, because it makes the show more interesting."

"Then why would you not allow me to maim Samantha Carter? This would have been entertaining, as all I had to do it with was a wooden spoon and a frozen rainbow trout."

"There is a large difference between insulting and maiming a person, Hathor."

"She deserved it. She was the one who would c…"

"Challenge you. Yes, we know, Hathor."

(Long, awkward pause)

"You do not understand the seriousness of the situation."

"Ookkaayyy. Who do you think nominated you, Hathor?"

"I do not care."

(Long pause)

"Maybe not, but you must have some idea!"

"Anise, certainly, and Samantha – the one that would challenge us!"

"Anyone who wouldn't have nominated you, do you think?"

"Jack and Daniel Jackson."

(Sniggers from audience)

"Silence!"

"Well, actually, Hathor, both Jack AND Daniel nominated you."

(Long Pause)

"Okay – why don't we take a look at the house and see what the other housemates are doing?"

**********

"It's 10:30 in the Big Brother house. Jack is painting Martouf with peanut butter whilst he is asleep. Sam, Janet and Malcolm are in the bedroom, having a pillow fight."

Sam gasped as Malcolm lobbed a pillow at her. Janet promptly threw one back at the NID agent, who was already in his pyjamas.

Janet was wearing blue pyjamas, Sam pink and Malcolm yellow. They were just enjoying their fight when Maybourne walked in.

"Ooh – hope I'm not interrupting anything! Trying to get a threesome, are we Mal? First time, eh?"

Sam threw her pillow at Maybourne. Janet and Malcolm followed suit, and Maybourne soon found himself being beaten to death, choking on feathers at the same time.

(Obviously, he wasn't killed, because the Big Brother regulations don't allow for this.)

**********

"Right, so, that's what all the other housemates are doing. We're almost out of time, so, Hathor – who do you think will win Big Brother?"

"Daniel Jackson."

"Here are some of your best moments, Hathor. Enjoy – thank you for being so evil for five days."

"It was my pleasure."

'Daughter of Darkness' by Tom Jones plays in the background, accompanied by various clips of Hathor glaring.


**********

"Next time – "

"Jack, your first nomination?"

"Malcolm – he's gonna jump Sam before long, and I can't allow that to happen. That's my job."

(Long Pause)

"Did I just say that live?"

"Uh huh."

"On air?"

"Uh huh."

"Oh, f-BEEEEEEP!"

TO BE CONTINUED…

Author's Note: Ya know there's going to be a plea for feedback, don't you? Please! It's very gratefully accepted.