(The next day, around mid-morning. Thom & Jebediah enter Crate & Barrel.)

THOM: Our first stop today will be here, Crate & Barrel, which I absolutely love. A lot of their merchandise is considered modern, but I think we can mix an assortment of different styles & colors together, which will create a nice, eclectic feel. It's really gonna jazz up your home.

JEBEDIAH: (In awe of his surroundings) Wow. This is quite an interesting place. (Picks up candelabrum) I'm not used to seeing orange candleholders.

THOM: (Smiles) It's called a candelabrum. Put that down before you break it. (Laughs politely) Yeah, New York's a lot different from Lancaster, huh? And after we finish here, the U-Haul is gonna ship the new stuff back to your house and I'll fly out and redecorate your house. Now how about trying out this ottoman? (Points to polka-dotted ottoman)

JEBEDIAH: (Sits down on armchair, then puts feet up and smiles) Ooh, I like.

THOM: You can also use it as a chair. It's a pretty versatile piece of furniture.

JEBEDIAH: (Sits on ottoman) I can see many of these in our house. But I have one complaint.

THOM: …which is…

JEBEDIAH: (Serious tone of voice) I am not fond of the fabric design at all!

THOM: Surprise! You can put a cover on it in any color, fabric, or pattern you choose!

HIP TIP: Customize your furniture with changeable fabric covers!

THOM: You don't like the fabric design and you're man enough to admit it! Great! Now I know I'm doing a good job metrosexualizing you.

JEBEDIAH: (Confused) Is that a good thing?

THOM: Of course it is, sweetie!

JEBEDIAH: (Baffled, trying to change subject) Now two of my sons, Amos & Levi, like to bowl in their free time.

THOM: Oh wow, did Kingpin influence them? (Laughs)

JEBEDIAH: (Disgusted) Oh, I heard of that movie. My wife & I do not approve of crude humor. Nor do we appreciate our ways of life being mocked like that. Usually we make our children do a lot of farm work & praying, plus they must do their homework everyday, so they don't have much leisure time.

THOM: (Nodding inquisitively) I see.

JEBEDIAH: So how about we buy this bowling ball for them? (Picks up round ice bucket, thinking it's a bowling ball) But I don't understand why it has a removable lid, or why it comes with these bizarre scissors [tongs]! Quite strange.

THOM: (Wrings head in heads) Oh Jeb…dear Jeb…(pats Jebediah on his back, and sighs) it's an ice bucket.

JEBEDIAH: (Blushing due to embarrassment) Oh. (Smiles) Can we still get it?

THOM: Eh, sure. That's a model though…get one that's in a box. Now, instead of your current wooden coffee table, how about this funky one? It's made of marble, which can resist a lot of spills and stains and whatnot. But don't forget to use a coaster! (Smiles & giggles) Plus you can put things inside of it. (In high-pitched, fake Southern accent) Now how about them apples?

JEBEDIAH: Hmm… (Knocks on it, then puts his ear to it) What apples? There aren't any apples!

THOM: (Perplexed) I know…I was joking. But what are you doing?

JEBEDIAH: This is a very odd table! It's hollow.

THOM: You're acting like a very odd man! It's not hollow—its drawers are empty.

JEBEDIAH: (Amazed at the concept of storing objects inside a table) That's remarkable!

THOM: Hmm…yeah…you came in a little late on that one. I think you're starting to enjoy yourself a little too much here. Let's check out and I'll pass you on to Jai. You're gonna have a lot of fun in Times Square.

JEBEDIAH: (Excited) OK! Wow…this is more fun than the buttermilk keg parties I had when I was younger!

THOM: (Under his breath) Oh Jesus.