(Leisurely jogging on a sidewalk in Times Square)
JAI: (Throws his arms up & inhales) Ah…breathe in the sweet smell of the city!
JEBEDIAH: (Inhales, then coughs & grimaces) It's disgusting. There's never this much pollution back in Lancaster!
JAI: Oh, you're in the best city in the world right now. Savor the moment! Now, I know some of your kids like to bowl in their free time. How about you?
JEBEDIAH: Well, let's see. I spend a lot of my free time at church. Buggy racing is fun though. So is fishing.
JAI: (Taking what he said into consideration) I'll see what I can do. OK, here we are at Toys R Us. Let's go in.
(Both enter the giant Toys R Us Megastore, which happens to be 3 stories high, with a huge Ferris wheel in the middle of the store. Upon walking in, Jebediah is astonished.)
JEBEDIAH: Wow! This is amazing! (Points to Ferris wheel) What in the Lord's name is that circular object with trucks & crayons hanging off of it?!
JAI: It's a Ferris wheel. Come with me. (They run over to the ticket booth, and Jai buys tickets for each of them. They wait on line to get on the ride) Here are our tickets. This is gonna be so much fun. Have you ever been to a carnival, or a state fair?
JEBEDIAH: No…
(Now their turn)
JAI: There's a first time for everything. (Hops into the Bob the Builder car, then slaps the seat next to him, signaling for Jebediah to get on. Jeb is hesitant at first, but he decides to get in.) I love rides!
(The ride begins, and Jebediah is scared & shocked)
JEBEDIAH: (Trembling, yelling at Jai) DEAR JESUS! Jai, you know I am totally against anything of this nature. I will not ride in a car, and this is 10 times worse! (Stands up) I swear, if you…
JAI: (Trying to calm him down) Sit down! You won't get hurt! Stop making a scene. I'm sorry you don't like this and it's against your beliefs, but it'll be over in less than 5 minutes. Just sit tight. (Both sit quietly and uncomfortably for the remainder of the ride. Then they exit) Jeb, I'm sorry that made you uneasy, but please forgive me. Trust me, I wouldn't do anything that would harm you. Can we continue?
JEBEDIAH: (Rolling eyes, sighing) Fine. Let's go shopping.
JAI: (Smiles widely and claps hands at Jebediah's decision) Yay! I know your kids would love to have an X-box. But we need to get you a TV for that.
JEBEDIAH: (Giving a dirty look) Electronics?
JAI: (Puts hand on Jebediah's shoulder) Listen, I understand that you might be against the use of electricity, but don't you want your kids to experience & try new things?
JEBEDIAH: Yes, I do. (Defensively) But did Adam & Eve use electrical power? No. Did Cain & Abel? No. Were their Christmas lights in the Garden of Eden? No. Unless the concept existed in the days of the bible, my family will not associate ourselves with it. My children can experiment with other things.
JAI: (Smiles) Hehe, so I guess Ted can set you up with a martini shaker, huh?
JEBEDIAH: No alcohol or drugs, either.
JAI: Just kidding. Wait, aren't the cows on your farm hooked up to milking machines? That's electricity, Jeb!
JEBEDIAH: (Realizes Jai has a point) Oh…you're right. As "illegal" as it is for us Plain people to do this, I'll allow you to get one—just one—television set.
JAI: Great. You're gonna be such a cool dad…not that you already aren't one.
JEBEDIAH: (Trying to shut him up) Yeah, yeah, yeah…let's get what we have to and leave.
JAI: How old is your youngest child?
JEBEDIAH: Michael turns 3 years old next week.
JAI: Guess what. We're gonna get you a DVD player with your new TV. And a stereo system, so you can play CDs. Now, I'm sure he'll love this new Teletubbies collection. He'll like the Wiggles also. (In a joking matter) Your oldest is 24, right? Was Mikey a mistake?
JEBEDIAH: (Offended) How dare you imply that my wife and I
carelessly engage in sexual relations!
JAI: Chill out! It's OK to have an impulse bang-bang-bang with the woman you've
been married to for almost 30 years. (Pats Jebediah on back) I think you're
starting to get a little thin-skinned and stressed out, so I'll send you off to
Kyan now. I'll be heading off to Virgin to pick up some DVDs & CDs for you.
(Giggles) Isn't it ironic that I'm heading off to the Virgin store to buy
things for a man with 17 kids! (Jebediah gives him another dirty look, and Jai
sighs) Loosen up already, will you?
