Title: Big Brother Stargate – Anise's Interview

Rating: PG-15

Spoilers: None

Details: Response to Heliopolis challenge #1865. Choose any ten members of Stargate SG1 and put them in big brother. Rules: Must include Sg1, Anise, Hathor, Martouf and Janet. Lines: "That is not legal." "Don't worry, they'll have to come up for breath soon.", "Um...Jack, you do know we're on national TV, right?"

Summary: Anise on life in the Big Brother house, why she hates Sam so much, how cruel Daniel has become and if she really did sleep with Harry!

Disclaimer: None of the characters or places in this story belong to me, they are the property of Sci Fi, MGM Worldwide, Brad Wright, Gekko Film Corp and Double Secret productions. Obviously, you all know what Big Brother is and I certainly don't own it, so don't even try to sue me for that. No copyright infringement intended.

Author's Note: Just imagine the Big Brother guy's voice – it makes it funnier.

~ Big Brother Stargate – Anise's Interview ~

By Ruth

'Stargate Big Brother' Series Copyright © 2003 Ruth

**********

"Welcome back! I'm here with the third week's evictee – ANISE!!"

(Cheering from audience, with a couple of people booing)

"Shut up!"

(Silence)

"Well, Anise, how did you find your time in the Big Brother house?"

"I enjoyed myself very much, though there were certain people that tested my patience more than once."

"And who would these people be?"

"Sam, Janet, Malcolm and Daniel."

"Why did Janet annoy you?"

"She was always like "Oh, no, Anise is never grateful for anything I do, blah blah blah – I was so bored with her!"

"What about Daniel?"

"He shut Jack in the chicken house for 25 hours! That was just so cruel!"

"Okay, Anise, we'll come back to that later. Why didn't you like Malcolm?"

"He was a snivelling little twerp."

(Booing from audience)

"Shut up!"

"Now, Anise, we did notice over the three weeks that you had a particular hatred for Sam. What we can't work out is why. Can you tell us?"

"She's competition where Jack is concerned."

"Yes, Anise, are you aware that you nominated Sam three times in a row with that exact same reason?"

"I am. I also do not like her for…other reasons."

"Such as?"

Someone from audience shouts: "She's thinner than you!"

"Shut up!"

"Okay, Anise, how would you feel if Sam won?"

"Extraordinarily annoyed."

"Right. Oh – one other thing we must know – DID YOU SLEEP WITH HARRY?"

"Yes, I did."

(Cheering and some vomiting from the audience)

"What was he like?"

"It was good."

(More cheering)

"Now we've got that cleared up, let's talk about the Daniel and Jack chicken house incident."

"Daniel started off lovely, and after that he just got so cruel!"

"Why do you think Daniel shut Jack in the chicken house?"

"He claimed that it was something about his glasses, but I think he was just showing off to the cameras and Janet – he so blatantly fancies her!"

"How did Jack cope with this?"

"He shut himself in the diary room and cried – the poor sweetheart!"

"Right. How do you feel about him wanting Sam to look after him instead of you?"

"He clearly wasn't thinking straight – I have forgiven him."

"Did you think it was funny when he was sick on Sam's bed?"

"Yes."

(Booing from audience)

"Shut up! What is your problem – are you all Sam supporters or something?"

"Yes!"

"Why? What is it that you like about her? She's boring! At least I had the decency to hate almost everybody and bitch about them, I even slept with one of them!"

(Some cheering and applause, but not much)

"Anise, do you know that Jack nominated Sam for eviction today?"

"No, I didn't. Why? Oh, please tell me why!"

"He said that she could have let him out of the chicken house."

"Oh, yes, I remember now. That was when she started running around the house screaming and swearing at him."

"Yes."

"But…you are also aware that Jack nominated you a couple of times?"

"Oh my God." (Starts crying)

(Sniggering from audience)

"Shut up!"

"Okay, Anise – who would you like to win?"

"Jack. He deserves to win – he's such a sweetie."

"Thank you, Anise. You've been the most interesting housemate by far. Here are your best moments."

('Bitch' by Meredith Brooks plays, accompanied by various clips of Anise's bitching, flirting with Jack and glaring at anything.)

"Thank you ANISE!!"

**********

Next Time…

"It's day twenty in the Big Brother house. Last night, Jack slepwalked into the kitchen and ate EVERYTHING."

TO BE CONTINUED…