Title: Big Brother Stargate - Janet's Interview
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Details: Response to Heliopolis challenge #1865. Choose any ten members of Stargate SG1 and put them in big brother. Rules: Must include Sg1, Anise, Hathor, Martouf and Janet. Lines: "That is not legal." "Don't worry, they'll have to come up for breath soon.", "Um...Jack, you do know we're on national TV, right?"
Summary: Janet on life in the Big Brother house, her opinion of the Jack/Daniel/Chicken house incident, Harrys' disgusting habits and her best friend inside the house.
Disclaimer: None of the characters or places in this story belong to me, they are the property of Sci Fi, MGM Worldwide, Brad Wright, Gekko Film Corp and Double Secret productions. Obviously, you all know what Big Brother is and I certainly don't own it, so don't even try to sue me for that. No copyright infringement intended.
Author's Note: Just imagine the Big Brother guy's voice - it makes it funnier.
~ Big Brother Stargate - Janet's Interview ~
By Ruth
'Stargate Big Brother' Series Copyright (c) 2003 Ruth
**********
"Welcome back everybody, I'm here with this weeks's evictee JANET!"
(Wild cheering from audience)
"Hello, Janet. How did you find life in the house?"
"It was fun to start with - a good laugh, but once Daniel left it all started to get a bit harder to deal with, and of course you put Jonas back in..."
"Yeah. How did you feel about his horror-movie prank last night?"
"Well, I actually missed it because I was in the bedroom, but according to Sam he was running around in a scream mask with a huge knife and a black cloak, trying to kill them all."
"Yes, that's what he did. Cool, huh?"
"You really must be desperate for ratings, huh?"
"Yes, we are. Next - we have to ask you this - whose side did you take in the Chicken house incident?"
"I sided fully with Daniel. If Jack hadn't stolen and tried to hide his glasses, it would never have happened."
"This has nothing to do with the fact that you fancy the pants off of him?"
"No. Nothing at all."
(Cheering from audience, Daniel blushes and more women faint)
"Did you not think that he overreacted? Jack was in that house for a long time."
"No, I don't. He was beginning to annoy everyone, but the beauty of Jack is that you can never be annoyed with him for more than an hour."
(Cheering from the Jack supporters)
"Okay, now, what about Harry? Can you tell us about his habits inside of the house?"
"Well, he was disgusting. There's no other word for it. He would shave his armpits in the kitchen sink, leave the toilet seat up, forget to flush the toilet, walk around in his underwear, fart in the pool..."
(Audience groans in disgust)
"Okay, okay, I think we've heard enough, thank you Janet. He actually made both you and Sam physically sick at one point, didn't he?"
"Yes, he did, and Jack did the same yesterday - or was it the day before?"
"When he took his underwear off?"
"Yeah. He then went outside in Anise's shorts and did it to Sam and Jonas. I almost wanted Jonas to kill him, I tell you."
"Yeah - that thing with the shorts - what was going on? Do you think we could possibly have a transexual here?"
"Harry? Oh, God, no! He's just being his usual self - he wouldn't be a transexual."
"Now - the important question - we already know that Sam and Malcolm were only pretending to have sex during week 4 (my arse) but what about you and Daniel?"
"Well...we...we actually did..."
(Mad cheering from audience)
"Now, can you shed any light on this Sam and Malcolm business? Did they or didn't they?"
"I don't know - I wasn't watching."
"Yes, but you and Sam were very close - surely she must have told you."
"Trying to get personal information out of Sam is like trying to get blood out of a stone," Janet said, "She's still my best friend and I wouldn't change her for anyone in the entire world."
(Cheering from the Sam supporters)
"So...who do you think she will go for? Malcolm, the young NID agent, Jack, her CO or Jonas - the ex?"
"Well, it certainly won't be Jonas. I wouldn't have thought that she and Jack would on live TV, with the threat of court-martial hanging over them, but I wouldn't have thought that she would get with Malcolm either."
"Harry?"
"Oh, please give her some credit!"
"Well, Anise did."
"Anise is a two-timing whore."
(Booing from Anise supporters)
"Seriously! She was banging Harry, and then she was going off and flirting with Jack! She even tried it with Jonas the other night - he'll knock her head off."
"Who did you get on with best in the house?"
"Sam. Definitely Sam, but of course Daniel as well."
"And who did you hate most in the house?"
"Anise and Harry. Ugh..."
"Finally, Janet, who would you like to win Stargate Big Brother 2003?"
"I think either Sam, Jack or Malcolm. It would be funny if Jonas won it, though."
"Thank you, everybody - JANET!!"
(More wild cheering)
"Here are your best moments, Janet, thank you for an entertaining 6 weeks."
'Heaven' by DJ Sammy plays, accompanied by clips of Sam and Janet, followed by Daniel and Janet, and all of the lovely moments that I can't remember right now.
**********
Next Time:
"It's week 7 in the Big Brother house. Yes, Jonas has actually maimed someone. Who is it?"
TO BE CONTINUED...
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Details: Response to Heliopolis challenge #1865. Choose any ten members of Stargate SG1 and put them in big brother. Rules: Must include Sg1, Anise, Hathor, Martouf and Janet. Lines: "That is not legal." "Don't worry, they'll have to come up for breath soon.", "Um...Jack, you do know we're on national TV, right?"
Summary: Janet on life in the Big Brother house, her opinion of the Jack/Daniel/Chicken house incident, Harrys' disgusting habits and her best friend inside the house.
Disclaimer: None of the characters or places in this story belong to me, they are the property of Sci Fi, MGM Worldwide, Brad Wright, Gekko Film Corp and Double Secret productions. Obviously, you all know what Big Brother is and I certainly don't own it, so don't even try to sue me for that. No copyright infringement intended.
Author's Note: Just imagine the Big Brother guy's voice - it makes it funnier.
~ Big Brother Stargate - Janet's Interview ~
By Ruth
'Stargate Big Brother' Series Copyright (c) 2003 Ruth
**********
"Welcome back everybody, I'm here with this weeks's evictee JANET!"
(Wild cheering from audience)
"Hello, Janet. How did you find life in the house?"
"It was fun to start with - a good laugh, but once Daniel left it all started to get a bit harder to deal with, and of course you put Jonas back in..."
"Yeah. How did you feel about his horror-movie prank last night?"
"Well, I actually missed it because I was in the bedroom, but according to Sam he was running around in a scream mask with a huge knife and a black cloak, trying to kill them all."
"Yes, that's what he did. Cool, huh?"
"You really must be desperate for ratings, huh?"
"Yes, we are. Next - we have to ask you this - whose side did you take in the Chicken house incident?"
"I sided fully with Daniel. If Jack hadn't stolen and tried to hide his glasses, it would never have happened."
"This has nothing to do with the fact that you fancy the pants off of him?"
"No. Nothing at all."
(Cheering from audience, Daniel blushes and more women faint)
"Did you not think that he overreacted? Jack was in that house for a long time."
"No, I don't. He was beginning to annoy everyone, but the beauty of Jack is that you can never be annoyed with him for more than an hour."
(Cheering from the Jack supporters)
"Okay, now, what about Harry? Can you tell us about his habits inside of the house?"
"Well, he was disgusting. There's no other word for it. He would shave his armpits in the kitchen sink, leave the toilet seat up, forget to flush the toilet, walk around in his underwear, fart in the pool..."
(Audience groans in disgust)
"Okay, okay, I think we've heard enough, thank you Janet. He actually made both you and Sam physically sick at one point, didn't he?"
"Yes, he did, and Jack did the same yesterday - or was it the day before?"
"When he took his underwear off?"
"Yeah. He then went outside in Anise's shorts and did it to Sam and Jonas. I almost wanted Jonas to kill him, I tell you."
"Yeah - that thing with the shorts - what was going on? Do you think we could possibly have a transexual here?"
"Harry? Oh, God, no! He's just being his usual self - he wouldn't be a transexual."
"Now - the important question - we already know that Sam and Malcolm were only pretending to have sex during week 4 (my arse) but what about you and Daniel?"
"Well...we...we actually did..."
(Mad cheering from audience)
"Now, can you shed any light on this Sam and Malcolm business? Did they or didn't they?"
"I don't know - I wasn't watching."
"Yes, but you and Sam were very close - surely she must have told you."
"Trying to get personal information out of Sam is like trying to get blood out of a stone," Janet said, "She's still my best friend and I wouldn't change her for anyone in the entire world."
(Cheering from the Sam supporters)
"So...who do you think she will go for? Malcolm, the young NID agent, Jack, her CO or Jonas - the ex?"
"Well, it certainly won't be Jonas. I wouldn't have thought that she and Jack would on live TV, with the threat of court-martial hanging over them, but I wouldn't have thought that she would get with Malcolm either."
"Harry?"
"Oh, please give her some credit!"
"Well, Anise did."
"Anise is a two-timing whore."
(Booing from Anise supporters)
"Seriously! She was banging Harry, and then she was going off and flirting with Jack! She even tried it with Jonas the other night - he'll knock her head off."
"Who did you get on with best in the house?"
"Sam. Definitely Sam, but of course Daniel as well."
"And who did you hate most in the house?"
"Anise and Harry. Ugh..."
"Finally, Janet, who would you like to win Stargate Big Brother 2003?"
"I think either Sam, Jack or Malcolm. It would be funny if Jonas won it, though."
"Thank you, everybody - JANET!!"
(More wild cheering)
"Here are your best moments, Janet, thank you for an entertaining 6 weeks."
'Heaven' by DJ Sammy plays, accompanied by clips of Sam and Janet, followed by Daniel and Janet, and all of the lovely moments that I can't remember right now.
**********
Next Time:
"It's week 7 in the Big Brother house. Yes, Jonas has actually maimed someone. Who is it?"
TO BE CONTINUED...
