"These wounds won't seem to heal.
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time can not erase."
But the years passed, my love, three years passed and my questions came. I loved you, Tom, the love stayed, but the blindness, that blindness of young love, went away.
I wanted to keep it, desperately wanted to hold it, but I couldn't.
Even though you were so sweet with me. For you were sweet.
Never, never ever, did you insult me.
Never, never did you hurt me.
But you hurt other people, my love.
And that hurt me as well.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears."
I was twenty-one, my love, a beautiful, intelligent girl of twenty-one who'd always wanted to become an Auror. But who didn't, my love, because of you. Because of you, yes, only because of you I didn't start with the training. They would have accepted me, my love, I am sure of that. I was already famous since I was sixteen… "Youngest Animagus in over a century. Star pupil. Very promising future prospects." I still know the exact words Headmaster Dippet spoke to me. I was so proud. And I've thrown it all away, yes. For you.
For you, who already knew by then that you where the Heir of Slytherin. Who knew that you would become the one, Dark Lord, whose name would make millions of people shiver and pray.
I fully know that people will never understand my feelings for you. They will never understand why I followed you, why I, always on about emancipation and women's rights, became your loyal little house-wife when I was barely eighteen. The answer to all their questions is one word… love.
'"And I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me."
I held your hand, my love, and yet I left you.
I left you, three years after I had left with you.
I remember it, my love, even now, now I am an aging, stern and well-respected Professor at a wizarding school, I still remember that night. But how could I ever have forgotten it? It was the night after my twenty-first birthday…
The night when you proposed.
I still see you, there, on you knees before me, the look in your eyes, your soft hold on my hand. The tone of your voice when you spoke those words
"Minerva, I love you. Marry me and I'll make you my queen forever."
So many girls would have melted for those words. As would I.
If I hadn't found out, just a day earlier…
I still see you sitting there, yes, but I also see myself, as I fell on my knees beside you. As I told you my one condition. As I asked you my one question.
"Will you then give up Lord Voldemort?"
That was my plea, yes, that exactly was my plea. To give up Lord Voldemort, to give up the Heir of Slytherin, to just be my Tom and to just be happy.
And you shook your head as you stroked my cheek once more.
"That I can't, Minerva. That is my destiny."
I stood up.
"Fight it, Tom. For me." I exclaimed in a last, desperate attempt to save you from yourself.
And you shook your head again.
And I knew what I had to do.
I bowed my head- I, who did never bow!- and spoke
"Then I cannot stay. Farewell, my love."
No further explanations did I give. Just that one, last word. My "love". Understand, now finally understand, Tom, that I loved you! That I still do love you! That I didn't leave you because my love for you had parted! That I did ascend my broom and flew away, not because I didn't love you anymore. Or because I lacked the courage to live with you.
Oh, God knows I would have stayed with you, would have supported you, even when you would have grown darker and darker. If you hadn't wanted to fight your destiny, oh then I would have, believe me!
But there was something- someone- who forced me to go away.
It was not Albus, let me firstly tell you that. Albus had nothing to do with this.
I left you because I, Tom, yes, I, Minerva Katherine McGonagall, bore your child.
"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
But though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along."
I was pregnant, Tom. Your child, our child, grew inside of me. And though I could sacrifice my life for you, I could not sacrifice our child. Our child, whom would inherit your thick, black hairs and my blue eyes. I knew you would have loved him. I knew you would have tried to give him everything he needed.
But I knew as well that you would have corrupted him.
And I could not let that happen.
My James would not be sacrificed.
And that, my love, is now the last piece of the puzzle. Isn't it ironic?
Yes, that, Tom, is my well-kept secret: James Potter was my son. Our son.
You have murdered your own son.
You have murdered the last token of our love in this world.
Isn't it ironic, my love?
I ran away to Hogwarts after I'd left you. I went to Albus, as I had always gone to Albus when I was in trouble. For I was in trouble and I knew it.
He was simply wonderful.
I confessed everything- even what I hadn't told you, that I would become a mother very soon.
And he remained… simply wonderful.
The idea of termination of my pregnancy didn't even occur to him. He immediately offered me a job at Hogwarts, which I accepted. What could I have done otherwise? And I knew I had a talent for teaching… I knew I would love to teach.
Then, he offered me his hand in marriage.
He was willing to take care of your child, Tom! He was willing to adopt your child as one of our own!
But I refused.
And even then he found a solution: Richard and Maggie Potter- friends of his who could never have children of their own. They would raise James as if he were their own son. And they have.
It hurt me, Tom, to leave him, though I knew that his foster parents would love him. Albus comforted me. He asked me to marry him again.
I refused again, saying that I would not just marry him because I needed a shoulder to cry on. I told him that I would marry him one day because I loved him and wanted to share my life with him.
That day came two months later.
So that is it, my love, the utter and complete truth which you have never known.
James has, though. Just two days before you killed him. I still see his reaction.
No insults, no blames even.
He just embraced me.
My son.
Your son.
Our son.
And now the truth is finally told.
But one thing I still have to tell you.
That Albus makes my life complete.
That you are just a shadow of a once beloved for me.
With James you've murdered my love for you.
I have been alone all along.
And listen to me now, Tom. Living with you was life in the darkness.
Living with Albus is life in the light.
That means there will be no darkness anymore.
This pain is just too real.
There's just too much that time can not erase."
But the years passed, my love, three years passed and my questions came. I loved you, Tom, the love stayed, but the blindness, that blindness of young love, went away.
I wanted to keep it, desperately wanted to hold it, but I couldn't.
Even though you were so sweet with me. For you were sweet.
Never, never ever, did you insult me.
Never, never did you hurt me.
But you hurt other people, my love.
And that hurt me as well.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears.
When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears."
I was twenty-one, my love, a beautiful, intelligent girl of twenty-one who'd always wanted to become an Auror. But who didn't, my love, because of you. Because of you, yes, only because of you I didn't start with the training. They would have accepted me, my love, I am sure of that. I was already famous since I was sixteen… "Youngest Animagus in over a century. Star pupil. Very promising future prospects." I still know the exact words Headmaster Dippet spoke to me. I was so proud. And I've thrown it all away, yes. For you.
For you, who already knew by then that you where the Heir of Slytherin. Who knew that you would become the one, Dark Lord, whose name would make millions of people shiver and pray.
I fully know that people will never understand my feelings for you. They will never understand why I followed you, why I, always on about emancipation and women's rights, became your loyal little house-wife when I was barely eighteen. The answer to all their questions is one word… love.
'"And I held your hand through all of these years.
But you still have all of me."
I held your hand, my love, and yet I left you.
I left you, three years after I had left with you.
I remember it, my love, even now, now I am an aging, stern and well-respected Professor at a wizarding school, I still remember that night. But how could I ever have forgotten it? It was the night after my twenty-first birthday…
The night when you proposed.
I still see you, there, on you knees before me, the look in your eyes, your soft hold on my hand. The tone of your voice when you spoke those words
"Minerva, I love you. Marry me and I'll make you my queen forever."
So many girls would have melted for those words. As would I.
If I hadn't found out, just a day earlier…
I still see you sitting there, yes, but I also see myself, as I fell on my knees beside you. As I told you my one condition. As I asked you my one question.
"Will you then give up Lord Voldemort?"
That was my plea, yes, that exactly was my plea. To give up Lord Voldemort, to give up the Heir of Slytherin, to just be my Tom and to just be happy.
And you shook your head as you stroked my cheek once more.
"That I can't, Minerva. That is my destiny."
I stood up.
"Fight it, Tom. For me." I exclaimed in a last, desperate attempt to save you from yourself.
And you shook your head again.
And I knew what I had to do.
I bowed my head- I, who did never bow!- and spoke
"Then I cannot stay. Farewell, my love."
No further explanations did I give. Just that one, last word. My "love". Understand, now finally understand, Tom, that I loved you! That I still do love you! That I didn't leave you because my love for you had parted! That I did ascend my broom and flew away, not because I didn't love you anymore. Or because I lacked the courage to live with you.
Oh, God knows I would have stayed with you, would have supported you, even when you would have grown darker and darker. If you hadn't wanted to fight your destiny, oh then I would have, believe me!
But there was something- someone- who forced me to go away.
It was not Albus, let me firstly tell you that. Albus had nothing to do with this.
I left you because I, Tom, yes, I, Minerva Katherine McGonagall, bore your child.
"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.
But though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along."
I was pregnant, Tom. Your child, our child, grew inside of me. And though I could sacrifice my life for you, I could not sacrifice our child. Our child, whom would inherit your thick, black hairs and my blue eyes. I knew you would have loved him. I knew you would have tried to give him everything he needed.
But I knew as well that you would have corrupted him.
And I could not let that happen.
My James would not be sacrificed.
And that, my love, is now the last piece of the puzzle. Isn't it ironic?
Yes, that, Tom, is my well-kept secret: James Potter was my son. Our son.
You have murdered your own son.
You have murdered the last token of our love in this world.
Isn't it ironic, my love?
I ran away to Hogwarts after I'd left you. I went to Albus, as I had always gone to Albus when I was in trouble. For I was in trouble and I knew it.
He was simply wonderful.
I confessed everything- even what I hadn't told you, that I would become a mother very soon.
And he remained… simply wonderful.
The idea of termination of my pregnancy didn't even occur to him. He immediately offered me a job at Hogwarts, which I accepted. What could I have done otherwise? And I knew I had a talent for teaching… I knew I would love to teach.
Then, he offered me his hand in marriage.
He was willing to take care of your child, Tom! He was willing to adopt your child as one of our own!
But I refused.
And even then he found a solution: Richard and Maggie Potter- friends of his who could never have children of their own. They would raise James as if he were their own son. And they have.
It hurt me, Tom, to leave him, though I knew that his foster parents would love him. Albus comforted me. He asked me to marry him again.
I refused again, saying that I would not just marry him because I needed a shoulder to cry on. I told him that I would marry him one day because I loved him and wanted to share my life with him.
That day came two months later.
So that is it, my love, the utter and complete truth which you have never known.
James has, though. Just two days before you killed him. I still see his reaction.
No insults, no blames even.
He just embraced me.
My son.
Your son.
Our son.
And now the truth is finally told.
But one thing I still have to tell you.
That Albus makes my life complete.
That you are just a shadow of a once beloved for me.
With James you've murdered my love for you.
I have been alone all along.
And listen to me now, Tom. Living with you was life in the darkness.
Living with Albus is life in the light.
That means there will be no darkness anymore.
