Disclaimer: I don't own anything, at all, including the song here. It
belongs to Sarah McLachlan and it called "Do what you have to Do."
Chapter Four- Do what you have to do
-Angel-
I'm watching her again at the Bronze. This time it's empty. It's closed for its annual fumigation. She's here to fumigate the vamps that have decided to nest here. When the Bronze reopens they will have an all you can eat buffet, or so they think. There are only two of them and they are young vamps. She can take them so I stand back on the catwalk and watch. That's the only place I have left in her life, maybe the only place I ever really had, apart from her, watching.
I notice she does not taunt them with her usual puns and witty quips. She is completely silent in her stalking. Something is bothering her. It hurts that our lives are so separate that I don't know what it is. I face the pain alone though, I chose this. I had noble intentions, sure, but I still made the choice.
I can see one of the vamps, the lackey of the two, hiding in the shadows. He jumps from his hiding spot and catches her from behind. She flips him over her shoulder and onto his back with ease. He is dust before he ever has a chance to call out. She stalks the other one with the same seriousness as the first.
The leader of the two is a bit wiser. He recognizes her for the challenge she is, a challenge that will prove to much for him, but he doesn't know this. He runs at her with a haymaker, she ducks underneath it and comes up with a strong jab to his solar plexus. He grunts and she stakes him before he has a chance to recover from her jab.
Music starts playing from somewhere as I walk down the catwalk to her. She smiles at me. The worries and troubles marring her beautiful face melt away. I can still see weariness in her eyes. She's not sleeping well.
I envelop her in my arms and begin swaying almost imperceptibly with the music.
What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster, broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it; you do what you have to do
Oh, and fate has led you through it, you do what you have to do
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I've got to stop meeting her like this. I know it will only hurt her in the end. I'll only have to let her go. But right now she feels so right in my arms. I feel whole and alive in a way I haven't since leaving Sunnydale. I'll just have this one dance and then I'll leave, never to return to her. It's what I have to do and you do the things you have to do.
Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving, trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you, I do what I have to do
Oh, the yearning to be near you, I do what I have to do
But I have a sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
And that I don't know how to let you go
It starts with a pinpoint of light glowing blue white. It grows silently behind her. It's too soon I want to cry out. It's not enough time! I lean down and gently kiss her lips. My soul screams.
Glowing ember, burning hot and burning slow
Deep within, I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you; I do what I have to do
Oh, I know I can't be with you; I do what I have to do.
But I have the sense to recognize
But I don't know how to let you go
Don't know how to let you go
Don't know how to let you go
She closes her eyes and leans into the kiss, a smile on her lips as she pulls away. I shove the long silver sword through her. It slices clean, like butter. Her eyes fly open and she looks at me. There is complete love and trust in her eyes. She presses her fingers to her lips and blows me one last kiss before the portal behind her devours her. I stand and stare at the place she had been standing; tears are running down my face. I drop the sword.
I don't know how
To let you go
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The saltiness of my tears on the pillow wakes me up. I scrub my face with my hands. This is getting completely out of control. Twice in one week I have had dreams of Buffy. This is not entirely unusual. I often dream of her. But there is something about these dreams that is different. They have texture and substance and for some reason I feel like I'm meeting her in my dreams. I am almost certain the woman crying on the phone the other night was Buffy. She hung up when I said her name, but so did I when I called her.
I get up and jump into a hot shower, hoping the steam will burn away the dream and I can go back to not living the life I have here in LA.
Chapter Four- Do what you have to do
-Angel-
I'm watching her again at the Bronze. This time it's empty. It's closed for its annual fumigation. She's here to fumigate the vamps that have decided to nest here. When the Bronze reopens they will have an all you can eat buffet, or so they think. There are only two of them and they are young vamps. She can take them so I stand back on the catwalk and watch. That's the only place I have left in her life, maybe the only place I ever really had, apart from her, watching.
I notice she does not taunt them with her usual puns and witty quips. She is completely silent in her stalking. Something is bothering her. It hurts that our lives are so separate that I don't know what it is. I face the pain alone though, I chose this. I had noble intentions, sure, but I still made the choice.
I can see one of the vamps, the lackey of the two, hiding in the shadows. He jumps from his hiding spot and catches her from behind. She flips him over her shoulder and onto his back with ease. He is dust before he ever has a chance to call out. She stalks the other one with the same seriousness as the first.
The leader of the two is a bit wiser. He recognizes her for the challenge she is, a challenge that will prove to much for him, but he doesn't know this. He runs at her with a haymaker, she ducks underneath it and comes up with a strong jab to his solar plexus. He grunts and she stakes him before he has a chance to recover from her jab.
Music starts playing from somewhere as I walk down the catwalk to her. She smiles at me. The worries and troubles marring her beautiful face melt away. I can still see weariness in her eyes. She's not sleeping well.
I envelop her in my arms and begin swaying almost imperceptibly with the music.
What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster, broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it; you do what you have to do
Oh, and fate has led you through it, you do what you have to do
But I have the sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
I've got to stop meeting her like this. I know it will only hurt her in the end. I'll only have to let her go. But right now she feels so right in my arms. I feel whole and alive in a way I haven't since leaving Sunnydale. I'll just have this one dance and then I'll leave, never to return to her. It's what I have to do and you do the things you have to do.
Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving, trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you, I do what I have to do
Oh, the yearning to be near you, I do what I have to do
But I have a sense to recognize
That I don't know how to let you go
And that I don't know how to let you go
It starts with a pinpoint of light glowing blue white. It grows silently behind her. It's too soon I want to cry out. It's not enough time! I lean down and gently kiss her lips. My soul screams.
Glowing ember, burning hot and burning slow
Deep within, I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you; I do what I have to do
Oh, I know I can't be with you; I do what I have to do.
But I have the sense to recognize
But I don't know how to let you go
Don't know how to let you go
Don't know how to let you go
She closes her eyes and leans into the kiss, a smile on her lips as she pulls away. I shove the long silver sword through her. It slices clean, like butter. Her eyes fly open and she looks at me. There is complete love and trust in her eyes. She presses her fingers to her lips and blows me one last kiss before the portal behind her devours her. I stand and stare at the place she had been standing; tears are running down my face. I drop the sword.
I don't know how
To let you go
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The saltiness of my tears on the pillow wakes me up. I scrub my face with my hands. This is getting completely out of control. Twice in one week I have had dreams of Buffy. This is not entirely unusual. I often dream of her. But there is something about these dreams that is different. They have texture and substance and for some reason I feel like I'm meeting her in my dreams. I am almost certain the woman crying on the phone the other night was Buffy. She hung up when I said her name, but so did I when I called her.
I get up and jump into a hot shower, hoping the steam will burn away the dream and I can go back to not living the life I have here in LA.
