Chapter Three

A wine glass clattered to the floor and smashed into a thousand pieces. Nobody jumped. It was as if everybody was expecting it. Maybe it was perfectly normal for people to smash expensive, "only-for special- occaisions" glasses at Jade's parties. The puddle of champagne slowly travelled across the floor, leaking into the gaps in the floorboards. For a few moments, nobody moved to pick up the pieces.Everybody was silent, staring into the doorway where the figure stood. Jade eventually got herself together and began retrieving the pieces of glass. Anything to keep busy, distract herself from what was going on. It was like something out of a nightmare.

Dani stood still, her hand frozen where she had been holding the cup, before she lost control of what she was doing and the glass had slipped to the floor. She couldn't even open her mouth to say that she was sorry. A wave of emotions was washing over her, all of them so strong that they brought her tears. She threw her arms around her sister and sobbed on to her shoulder. She didn't know the reasons behind Kirsty being there. She didn't know anything except that it had been ten long, empty years and she had missed her sister so much, despite everything that had happened.

"I had to come back."Kirsty explained, looking at Jade, whose hands were fluttering wild with nerves. "I'm sick of hiding away."

"Wh...What do you mean?" Dani stuttered, the tears pouring down her cheeks. "Have you left Kane?"

Kirsty opened her mouth to answer but Jade jumped in before she had a chance. She said something about talking about all that later and the most important thing was to sit down and calm down. Kirsty felt anger boiling inside her stomach. Why did Jade seem so determined to hide the truth? If there was one person that Kirsty hadn't been worried about facing it had been Jade. In her letters and phonecalls it had seemed as if she had really, truly begun to accept and forgive. It was because of her that they were back in the bay in the first place. Now, she was the one who was jumping around nervously, she was the one who was desperate for Kirst to keep her mouth shut. What was her problem?

Dani was still gripping hard on to her sister's hand. When it had become obvious that Kirsty wasn't returning and no amount of searching would find her, her parents had sat down and told her the real reason that Kirsty had ran away and who she was with. It had totally disrupted her life. She had started sinking lower again, feeling similar to the way she had felt after the rape. She shut out all of her family and friends, they had been the ones who had kept the secret from her. Her mind fought with itself, trying to understand Kirsty, trying to understand why it still hurt so much inside. The years passed by and she had begun to think she would never get over it, that her mind was full of these inner battles that she would never defeat. It was only when she had met Scott, that she had started to get her life sorted out again. The two of them had travelled the world together and with that time of growing up, and Scott's help, she had made up with her family. The two of them moved back to Summer Bay and Dani got a job reporting for the local newspaper. She gradually made her way up to editor and she had Scott had been married. Now, they were expecting a child and everything seemed complete but she had still wondered about Kirsty. Jade had told the family she was in touch with Kirsty and she, Kane and two kids were living somewhere in the country but no more. Dani wasn;'t sure if she wanted to hear more. But sometimes her eyes had fell upon a photograph of Kirsty or her mind stumbled on a memory she had locked away somewhere. And she would miss her with the same strength she had when she had gone. Now, she was back. She looked so much older and sophisticated with her hair tied back that way. She smelt different, her skin felt different. Dani sighed, she had obviously grown and matured so much and she hadn't been around to see it. But she was back now and she had that angry, hurt look in her eyes. Something had happened. That's why she was back. Something had hurt her. Kane. Dani felt sick. She prayed with all of her heart that Kirsty wasn't feeling how she had felt. She had to be there for her now. Even if she felt terrified inside, she had to help her sister.

"Dani was just telling us about her and Scott," Jade said desperately, "They're going to have a baby."

"Jade...." Seb gave her a angry glare. This was hardly the time to be telling her that, it was obvious something bad had happened with Kirsty and Kane. He turned all his concentration back on to Kirsty. His heart was beating loudly in his ears. She was still as beautiful as she had been when he had last seen her. And his heart had ached for so long, remembering that moment. Remembering the pain of losing her to someone he knew would hurt her and he couldn't protect her from it. He had wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms. He knew he could have made her happy. He knew Kane Phillips would only bring her pain. And here she was, back again, her eyes portraying some inner hurt. He felt like he had lived this moment before, heard this uncomfortable silence, in some long forgotten dream. First love stays with you forever, makes some invisible scar on your heart that will be tender as long as you live.

"Dani had us gathered here espeically to tell us the news, didn't you, Dan?" Jade continued, ignoring Seb and sending messages to Kirsty with her eyes. "We were all having a glass of champagne, to celebrate the good news."

Kirsty picked up on these messages. They angered her and she wanted nothing better than to start talking like she had planned but somehow she couldn't get the words out. She looked around at her family, Jade's eyes darting around and fingers nervously twirling around her necklace. Seb looking at her so intently, as if waiting for something, Scott glancing worriedly at Dani, fearing that their new happiness would soon be over again. And Dani, clinging on to her arm like she was the younger one, tears streaking her dark cheeks. This isn't right, she thought to herself.

"There's loads we need to catch up on." She said, rising from the table, "But it's late and......" She was about to say "Kane and the children are expecting me." but something held her back.

"Oh no, Kirsty. Please don't go." Dani said, standing up too. "You have only just arrived and you have got nowhere to stay. You can come and stay at our place."

"I have....."

"She's staying at the caravan park." Jade said quickly.

"You mean...You knew she was here?" All eyes went towards Jade. She fumbled around for an excuse.

"Look," Dani interupted, saving Jade, "Will someone just please tell me what's going on? Kirsty, have you has something happened with Kane? That's why you are here isn't it?"

Kirsty looked around again at those desperate faces. It was Dani she stared at the longest. She never meant to hurt her. She never meant to wreck her life. There are somethings that you just can't stop from happening. No matter how hard you try you can't stop yourself from doing them. No matter how many people it was going to hurt you had to go through with it. It was how she had been with Kane, she had loved him too much to give him up. It was how she had thought she had felt about coming back here. But how could she hurt Dani again after everything she had already done? She had thought it would be different, she had thought things might have changed but Dani still wore that desperate, lost look. The same she had worn on the day Kirsty had come home from school to find her Mum and Dad going crazy and Dani sitting on the stairs, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Yes.." Kirsty forced the word out of her. Her fists clenching to hold back tears for another lie. "Yeah.....Me and Kane have split up."

...........................................................................

"I just don't get you, Jade." Seb whispered into the darkness of the bedroom. He turned away from her, pulling the covers tightly around himself. "We promised, no secrets and no lies. First oppurtunity you get you hide the truth. It was obvious that you knew all this about Kirsty. You didn't think it was nessesary to tell me about it. What does that make us look like? What does it make me look like?"

"You don't understand." Jade sighed, "I tried to tell you she was coming back but I just couldn't bring myself. We had just got ourselves sorted out and I didn't wnat to ruin that. I didn't want to ruin anything."

"You're not making sense." He gave up, he was fed up with trying to get to the reasons behind her deception. It had happened before. They had both kept things back to protect each other. He couldn't preach about it. Only a few months ago, Seb had lost his job at the hospital. He didn't want to tell Jade, who was so happy in their new home. He kept the truth from her and pretended to go to work everyday. When she had found out she went ballistic, saying that she didn't want to be protected and they couldn't continue to lie to each other. Now she was doing it. He didn't have the energy to get out his words. Maybe there were no words to be said anyway.

Jade tossed and turned late into the night. Guilt churned into the bottom of her stomach on top of the burning hole of emptiness. A couple of days ago, everything had been so perfect. No maybe it hadn't, it had just seemed to be. Now, even the pretence of happiness was crashing down upon her and soon there would be nothing left. The last time she had been truly happy was fading further and further into the past. She began to lose faith that she would ever feel that happy again. She held up her hand and gazed once again at the wedding ring that had been so lovingly placed on her finger. It was supposed to be a symbol of love and committment to each other. All it symbolised to Jade was sacrifice and sercurity. She glanced again at her husband-to-be who was sleeping like a baby now. She sighed and climbed out of bed, wrapping her silken dressing gown tight around herself. In the kitchen, she fumbled around and found her mobile phone. With shaking fingers, she dialled the number she knew so well.

"It's me....." She said, when his voice answered. "I need to see you......I just need you right now..........Okay, no...No....I understand. That's okay. Can I see you tomorrow then? Tomorrow morning on the beach......Okay.........You know I love you, don't you?"

............................................................................ ..

"Are you sure, babe?" He asked for the thousandth time that morning. He was watching her tie back her hair, the morning sun bouncing off the mirror and making her screw up her eyes. He had Lilly-Anne on his back with her arms around his neck. KK was sitting at the table scribbling in a colouring book.

"Yes." Kirsty sighed, "It was the biggest mistake I've ever made coming back here."

"Yeah, I know you think that now but you were so set on coming before....."

"Before I thought things might have changed. But it's obvious they haven't. And I'm not lying about you."

"Okay." Kane sighed, he couldn't deny that it was all he wanted to be back home in their house but he didn't want Kirsty to give up on something that she had been so desperate to do. She wasn't a quitter. "Well, I'll take the kids down to see the beach before we leave, yeah?"

"Alright. I'll get everything packed up while you're gone."

"Okay babe" He kissed her forehead. "I'll not be long. I've only got to meet somebody down there and let the kids see the sea, then I'll be straight back."