Disclaimer: Nope, again, I don't own Harry, Ron, Hermione, Snape,
Draco, Hogwarts, etc, etc, etc. Wow, that's a lot of commas O.o *coughs*
Anywho... I also don't own J.K. Rowling. I do believe she owns herself.
Author's ramblings: Right. Now, I realize that many people who read this might think, "Harry doesn't act like that!" and so on. Well, I know that, because I've read all the books, duh XP But since this is a parody of sorts, I thought it would be much funner(does that make sense?) if Harry and company were a bit... different. In a funny way, of course. I'm in no way trying to insult Harry Potter or those who read the books. Because I love the books, so... yeah. I'm definately rambling O.o
*coughs* Well, carry on, then! Go, be free to read and hopefully laugh! ^_^
----------------------------------
Spells, Umbridge, and Acting Natural
Back at the Hogwarts School for Dark Magic and Evil Potion Brewing... I mean, for Witchcraft and Wizardry, the students are eating lunch in the Great Big Hall. Also known as just 'the Great Hall', though it is rather big. We settle upon Harry Potter, the boy who died... errr... lived!
Harry: And that, my friends, is how Muggles scrub the toilet bowl!
Ron: Facinating! And to think, they do it all without magic!
Hermione: Oh honestly, Ron. You really should take Muggle Studies. Then you would learn loads more about Muggles than simply about scrubing toilets.
Ron: *blinks, staring at Hermione* So, Harry, show me the way they hold a toilet brush again?
Hermione: *sighs* I suppose I would find the conversation much more interesting if I wasn't Muggle-born...
Suddenly, a lightbulb shines brightly over Hermione's head. So brightly, in fact, that everyone nearby is blinded.
Hermione: I've got it!
Nearby Students: Ow, my eyes! My eeeyyess!!!
Hermione: *not listening* I shall perform a spell, that will rid me of all my Muggle thoughts and ways! I will forget all of it! Then, Harry can tell me all about cleaning toilets and I won't be bored! Why, it's... it's... brilliant!
Harry: Ron? Ron, where are you?
Ron: Harry? I... I can't see you!
Hermione:*still not listening* Oh, the cleverness of me!
Peter Pan: Hey, that's my line!
Suddenly... dun dun dunnnn... Draco Malfoy walks over to their table!
Peter Pan: Hah, you had to walk, but I can fly! *flies* See? Ha ha!
Draco: So? I'm rich! Ha, so there! *throws money*
A gold coin thing, also known as a Galleon, hits Peter in the head. He falls to the ground, passed out.
Wendy: Gasp! You killed Peter Pan! *cries and drags Peter away*
Draco: I'm rich! Hahahahahhaa!!! *throws more money*
Hermione: I should get to work on that spell right away! *flies off*
Draco: *watches* That's odd... *pause* I'm rich! I'm rich! Just call me... Richie Rich!
Random person: That name's taken, duh!
Ahem... leaving Draco alone with his money, we head along to the teacher's table... also called the 'Head Table' or something... Or maybe it was called the 'Staff Table'? Oh well...
Snape: I can't believe this! It'll take me forever to get this pumpkin juice out of my hair! *tugs*
Dumbledore: *points and laughs*
Snape: *glare*
McGonagall: Cow manure.
Snape: Huh?
McGonagall: I said cow manure. Use it to get the pumpkin juice out. It works every time. I should know.
Snape: ......Why cow manure?
McGonagall: DO NOT QUESTION ME!!!
Snape: *frowns* FINE! THEN DON'T YELL AT MEEE!!!
McGonagall: I'M NOT YELLING!!!
Snape: YES YOU AREEE!!!
McGonagall: FINE, I'LL STOP!!!
Snape: GOOD!!!
Suddenly, for some unknown and completely strange reason, Snape and McGonagall begin making out.
..............
Hahaha... Just kidding.
Snape: I hate you. A lot.
McGonagall: And I hate you, too. More, even. Times a hundred.
Dumbledore: Suching loving people you all are! *giggles and tosses flowers*
McGonagall: *stares* Gasp... Dumbledore!
Hagrid: I 'new it! 'E stole it, din' 'e?!
McGonagall: ....Huh?
Hagrid: Eh... neve'min' meh... *knocks down the nearest wall and runs off*
Sprout: Oh no, he'll crush my killer tomatoes! *runs after*
Dumbledore: Well, that wasn't strange at all! *giggles more*
Snape: But that was.
Dumbledore: Hmmm? What was that, Double S? I didn't quite catch it...
Snape: Oh, uh... nothing. *pause* Double S???
Dumbledore: Yes, Double S! Because your name's Severus Snape. SS! Two of them! Double! S! Double S! Do you li-
McGonagall: WILL YOU TWO SHUSH FOR A MINUTE?!
Snape: *blinks* Somebody's got major PMS...
McGonagall: DO NOT! *clears throat* Now... Dumbledore! Care to explain to me why you're in a... wheelchair?
Dumbledore: No. You're mean. You interrupted my talk with Double S! *sticks tongue out* So there!
McGonagall: ....... *bursts into tears* Nobody likes me! I'm just the batty old teacher who can turn into a cat! Everyone hates me! *weep weep*
Ahem... time to visit the students once more! So... back to the, uh... Gryffindor table we go!
Harry: Thank goodness I can see again! But where's Hermione?
Ron: Who cares! Tell me more about how Muggles scrub the toilet bowl!
Harry: Errr... maybe later.
Ron: Awww, come on! I'll uh... be your best friend!
Harry: ...You already are my best friend...
Ron: Oh, right... Well, then, I'll give you all my money! *nods*
Draco, who was standing right behind them and listening, bursts out laughing.
Draco: Since... when... *gasp* does... Weasley... *laugh* have money?! *more laughter*
Ron: *blush* I have money! It's just... uh... invisible! Yeah, invisible! *nods*
Draco stops laughing immediately.
Draco: Really?! Where, where??? *looks around* Tell me!
He starts running around, searching.
Draco: Is it here? No. Here? No. Here? *looks inside Neville Longbottom's ear* Ewww... no. Here? *looks under a girl's skirt*
Girl: *screams and punches Draco* Creep!
Draco: Guess not... X_x *passes out*
Another girl: Ohhh... fresh meat! *turns into a wolf and starts knawing Draco's arm*
Harry: O.o Bad wolf, bad! *shoots*
Wolf-girl: Nooo!!! *dies* X_X
Ron: Harry! What'd you go and do a thing like that for?!
Harry: Hey, it's hunting season! Lighten up!
Ron: Not that! Draco was about to get eaten! And now, thanks to you, he won't! *cries*
Harry: Oh... right. *un-shoots wolf*
Wolf-girl: *revived* Yes, I liiiive!!!
Lupin: Hey, how come I can't talk in wolf form but she can?
Harry was about to say something naughty.. ahem, I mean... ask Lupin a question, when he stopped.
Harry: Oh no! May day, may day! Umbridge is coming! I repeat, Umbridge is coming! Everyone, act natural!
So, everyone starts to 'act natural.' Lupin scratches his ear... with his foot, Ron stands on his head, Harry chews his fingers, Neville picks his nose, Draco tap dances (though still passed out) etc...
Umbridge: *waddles up* Hem hem *coughs* GO TO CLASS!!! Hem hem.
Ron: *blood rushing to his head* But, lunch isn't over yet!
Umbridge: Hem hem *coughs* I SAID GO TO CLASS!!! Hem hem.
Everyone starts to cry, whimper, etc because Umbridge is such an evil, evil, person! Grrrr...
Wolf-girl: *eats Umbridge*
Everyone: Yaaaaaaay!!!
Wolf-girl: Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick...
Everyone: Yaaaaaaay!!!
Wolf-girl: *throws up*
Everyone: Yaaaa- Ewwwwwww!!!
They all climb up onto the table. Suddenly, the thrown-up Umbridge leaps to her feet, still alive. Darn. Hermione chooses that moment to come back, too.
Umbridge: YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!! Hem hem.
Hermione: Fired? But... we're students! You can't-
Neville: Oh my god?! Fired??? FIRED?!?! What am I gonna tell the children?! *weeps* This is too much! *runs off*
Umbridge: Hem hem FINE! THEN YOU'RE ALL GROUNDED!!! Hem hem.
Hermione: ....You can't ground us, either. Only a parent or guardian can-
Ron: I'm grounded?! But, that's not fair! I want a re-match! *pounds fist onto Harry's head*
Harry: *bites down onto fingers* Owwww!!!
Umbridge: *grumbles* Ugh... FINE! YOU ALL HAVE DETENTION! GOOD DAY!!! Hem hem *waddles off*
Draco: *tap dances over to a window* Hey... *looks out* What's that big black thing? *points*
Hermione: Why, it's a jet! *pause* Oh no! My spell didn't work! *sigh*
Dumbledore: *rolls over to them* Spell? What spell?
Hermione: Oh! Professor Dumbledore! Errrr, well, you see, I placed a spell upon myself so that I would forget all my Muggle thoughts and such, but... it didn't work! *wrings hands*
Dumbledore: Ahhh... well, don't worry! I took down the magical barrier thing, remember? So, no one can casts spells! And our school isn't hidden from non-magical beings, either! *giggles*
Harry: Right, the magic's gone! I forgot about that!
Hermione: Oh dear! So did I...
Ron: Uhhhh... hey guys... *points out the window* Look.
Harry, Draco, Hermione, Dumbledore, and whoever else happened to be nearby, looks out the window.
Hermione: Oh no! People are coming out of the jet!
Harry: Well, what did you expect? Chipmunks?
Hermione: *thwaps* Quiet, Harry.
Draco: I'm rich, hahahahaha! But are they???
Snape: I think the real quesion is... Who are they?
Yes, who are the mysterious people (not chipmunks) coming out of the black jet? Where did they come from? What do they want? And why is Snape putting his hands around Harry's neck?
Harry: O.o Help... me....
------------------------------
Ending Stuff: Well, that's the end of chapter four. I hope you all liked it, and I also hope it made you laugh. Even if just a little ^_^ Can't think of much else to say, so... Keep checking back for the next chappie! XD
Author's ramblings: Right. Now, I realize that many people who read this might think, "Harry doesn't act like that!" and so on. Well, I know that, because I've read all the books, duh XP But since this is a parody of sorts, I thought it would be much funner(does that make sense?) if Harry and company were a bit... different. In a funny way, of course. I'm in no way trying to insult Harry Potter or those who read the books. Because I love the books, so... yeah. I'm definately rambling O.o
*coughs* Well, carry on, then! Go, be free to read and hopefully laugh! ^_^
----------------------------------
Spells, Umbridge, and Acting Natural
Back at the Hogwarts School for Dark Magic and Evil Potion Brewing... I mean, for Witchcraft and Wizardry, the students are eating lunch in the Great Big Hall. Also known as just 'the Great Hall', though it is rather big. We settle upon Harry Potter, the boy who died... errr... lived!
Harry: And that, my friends, is how Muggles scrub the toilet bowl!
Ron: Facinating! And to think, they do it all without magic!
Hermione: Oh honestly, Ron. You really should take Muggle Studies. Then you would learn loads more about Muggles than simply about scrubing toilets.
Ron: *blinks, staring at Hermione* So, Harry, show me the way they hold a toilet brush again?
Hermione: *sighs* I suppose I would find the conversation much more interesting if I wasn't Muggle-born...
Suddenly, a lightbulb shines brightly over Hermione's head. So brightly, in fact, that everyone nearby is blinded.
Hermione: I've got it!
Nearby Students: Ow, my eyes! My eeeyyess!!!
Hermione: *not listening* I shall perform a spell, that will rid me of all my Muggle thoughts and ways! I will forget all of it! Then, Harry can tell me all about cleaning toilets and I won't be bored! Why, it's... it's... brilliant!
Harry: Ron? Ron, where are you?
Ron: Harry? I... I can't see you!
Hermione:*still not listening* Oh, the cleverness of me!
Peter Pan: Hey, that's my line!
Suddenly... dun dun dunnnn... Draco Malfoy walks over to their table!
Peter Pan: Hah, you had to walk, but I can fly! *flies* See? Ha ha!
Draco: So? I'm rich! Ha, so there! *throws money*
A gold coin thing, also known as a Galleon, hits Peter in the head. He falls to the ground, passed out.
Wendy: Gasp! You killed Peter Pan! *cries and drags Peter away*
Draco: I'm rich! Hahahahahhaa!!! *throws more money*
Hermione: I should get to work on that spell right away! *flies off*
Draco: *watches* That's odd... *pause* I'm rich! I'm rich! Just call me... Richie Rich!
Random person: That name's taken, duh!
Ahem... leaving Draco alone with his money, we head along to the teacher's table... also called the 'Head Table' or something... Or maybe it was called the 'Staff Table'? Oh well...
Snape: I can't believe this! It'll take me forever to get this pumpkin juice out of my hair! *tugs*
Dumbledore: *points and laughs*
Snape: *glare*
McGonagall: Cow manure.
Snape: Huh?
McGonagall: I said cow manure. Use it to get the pumpkin juice out. It works every time. I should know.
Snape: ......Why cow manure?
McGonagall: DO NOT QUESTION ME!!!
Snape: *frowns* FINE! THEN DON'T YELL AT MEEE!!!
McGonagall: I'M NOT YELLING!!!
Snape: YES YOU AREEE!!!
McGonagall: FINE, I'LL STOP!!!
Snape: GOOD!!!
Suddenly, for some unknown and completely strange reason, Snape and McGonagall begin making out.
..............
Hahaha... Just kidding.
Snape: I hate you. A lot.
McGonagall: And I hate you, too. More, even. Times a hundred.
Dumbledore: Suching loving people you all are! *giggles and tosses flowers*
McGonagall: *stares* Gasp... Dumbledore!
Hagrid: I 'new it! 'E stole it, din' 'e?!
McGonagall: ....Huh?
Hagrid: Eh... neve'min' meh... *knocks down the nearest wall and runs off*
Sprout: Oh no, he'll crush my killer tomatoes! *runs after*
Dumbledore: Well, that wasn't strange at all! *giggles more*
Snape: But that was.
Dumbledore: Hmmm? What was that, Double S? I didn't quite catch it...
Snape: Oh, uh... nothing. *pause* Double S???
Dumbledore: Yes, Double S! Because your name's Severus Snape. SS! Two of them! Double! S! Double S! Do you li-
McGonagall: WILL YOU TWO SHUSH FOR A MINUTE?!
Snape: *blinks* Somebody's got major PMS...
McGonagall: DO NOT! *clears throat* Now... Dumbledore! Care to explain to me why you're in a... wheelchair?
Dumbledore: No. You're mean. You interrupted my talk with Double S! *sticks tongue out* So there!
McGonagall: ....... *bursts into tears* Nobody likes me! I'm just the batty old teacher who can turn into a cat! Everyone hates me! *weep weep*
Ahem... time to visit the students once more! So... back to the, uh... Gryffindor table we go!
Harry: Thank goodness I can see again! But where's Hermione?
Ron: Who cares! Tell me more about how Muggles scrub the toilet bowl!
Harry: Errr... maybe later.
Ron: Awww, come on! I'll uh... be your best friend!
Harry: ...You already are my best friend...
Ron: Oh, right... Well, then, I'll give you all my money! *nods*
Draco, who was standing right behind them and listening, bursts out laughing.
Draco: Since... when... *gasp* does... Weasley... *laugh* have money?! *more laughter*
Ron: *blush* I have money! It's just... uh... invisible! Yeah, invisible! *nods*
Draco stops laughing immediately.
Draco: Really?! Where, where??? *looks around* Tell me!
He starts running around, searching.
Draco: Is it here? No. Here? No. Here? *looks inside Neville Longbottom's ear* Ewww... no. Here? *looks under a girl's skirt*
Girl: *screams and punches Draco* Creep!
Draco: Guess not... X_x *passes out*
Another girl: Ohhh... fresh meat! *turns into a wolf and starts knawing Draco's arm*
Harry: O.o Bad wolf, bad! *shoots*
Wolf-girl: Nooo!!! *dies* X_X
Ron: Harry! What'd you go and do a thing like that for?!
Harry: Hey, it's hunting season! Lighten up!
Ron: Not that! Draco was about to get eaten! And now, thanks to you, he won't! *cries*
Harry: Oh... right. *un-shoots wolf*
Wolf-girl: *revived* Yes, I liiiive!!!
Lupin: Hey, how come I can't talk in wolf form but she can?
Harry was about to say something naughty.. ahem, I mean... ask Lupin a question, when he stopped.
Harry: Oh no! May day, may day! Umbridge is coming! I repeat, Umbridge is coming! Everyone, act natural!
So, everyone starts to 'act natural.' Lupin scratches his ear... with his foot, Ron stands on his head, Harry chews his fingers, Neville picks his nose, Draco tap dances (though still passed out) etc...
Umbridge: *waddles up* Hem hem *coughs* GO TO CLASS!!! Hem hem.
Ron: *blood rushing to his head* But, lunch isn't over yet!
Umbridge: Hem hem *coughs* I SAID GO TO CLASS!!! Hem hem.
Everyone starts to cry, whimper, etc because Umbridge is such an evil, evil, person! Grrrr...
Wolf-girl: *eats Umbridge*
Everyone: Yaaaaaaay!!!
Wolf-girl: Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick...
Everyone: Yaaaaaaay!!!
Wolf-girl: *throws up*
Everyone: Yaaaa- Ewwwwwww!!!
They all climb up onto the table. Suddenly, the thrown-up Umbridge leaps to her feet, still alive. Darn. Hermione chooses that moment to come back, too.
Umbridge: YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!! Hem hem.
Hermione: Fired? But... we're students! You can't-
Neville: Oh my god?! Fired??? FIRED?!?! What am I gonna tell the children?! *weeps* This is too much! *runs off*
Umbridge: Hem hem FINE! THEN YOU'RE ALL GROUNDED!!! Hem hem.
Hermione: ....You can't ground us, either. Only a parent or guardian can-
Ron: I'm grounded?! But, that's not fair! I want a re-match! *pounds fist onto Harry's head*
Harry: *bites down onto fingers* Owwww!!!
Umbridge: *grumbles* Ugh... FINE! YOU ALL HAVE DETENTION! GOOD DAY!!! Hem hem *waddles off*
Draco: *tap dances over to a window* Hey... *looks out* What's that big black thing? *points*
Hermione: Why, it's a jet! *pause* Oh no! My spell didn't work! *sigh*
Dumbledore: *rolls over to them* Spell? What spell?
Hermione: Oh! Professor Dumbledore! Errrr, well, you see, I placed a spell upon myself so that I would forget all my Muggle thoughts and such, but... it didn't work! *wrings hands*
Dumbledore: Ahhh... well, don't worry! I took down the magical barrier thing, remember? So, no one can casts spells! And our school isn't hidden from non-magical beings, either! *giggles*
Harry: Right, the magic's gone! I forgot about that!
Hermione: Oh dear! So did I...
Ron: Uhhhh... hey guys... *points out the window* Look.
Harry, Draco, Hermione, Dumbledore, and whoever else happened to be nearby, looks out the window.
Hermione: Oh no! People are coming out of the jet!
Harry: Well, what did you expect? Chipmunks?
Hermione: *thwaps* Quiet, Harry.
Draco: I'm rich, hahahahaha! But are they???
Snape: I think the real quesion is... Who are they?
Yes, who are the mysterious people (not chipmunks) coming out of the black jet? Where did they come from? What do they want? And why is Snape putting his hands around Harry's neck?
Harry: O.o Help... me....
------------------------------
Ending Stuff: Well, that's the end of chapter four. I hope you all liked it, and I also hope it made you laugh. Even if just a little ^_^ Can't think of much else to say, so... Keep checking back for the next chappie! XD
