Chapter 17- New obsessions
-Angel-
I'm not really sure I should be here. She wanted me here though, and that's all that matters anymore. I'm leaning against the wall in the corner of her training room at the Magic Box. There are 4 stuffy council members here, one of which is Quentin Travers. I could rip the man's throat out and break his fingers one by one and it still wouldn't be enough payback for the things he's done to Buffy in the name of the Watcher's Council. I turn my attention back to Buffy. She is holding center court and I am struck once again by the incredible woman she has become.
"Giles said you guys told him no new slayer had been called. Why?" she asks.
Quentin looks down at his fingernails and for a moment seems as if he's not going to answer her. "To the best of our reasoning, the active slayer line ended with you when you died, the first time." He somehow manages to make that seem like a cosmic screw-up and I want to pop his head off of his shoulders for him. "Kendra was called, her death called Faith. We believe the next slayer will only be called when Faith dies."
Buffy nods and paces the center of the room a moment. "And she's doing 15 to 20 in prison. That doesn't leave you guys with a lot of options. We had this discussion earlier this year, before I defeated Glory but I'll recap for you. I can't do your drills; I can't execute your pointless exercises. I'm not even going to try. Being turned didn't increase my understanding of Japanese. It did increase some things. I'm faster, I'm stronger and I'm 98% more invulnerable then I was before. I'm a vampire. I've got a soul and I'm still a slayer. If you want to go back to watching Masterpiece Theater, be my guest. I'm still gonna slay, you guys just can't watch. But, if you're willing to work with me and Angel." She nods over in my direction. "We can do a lot of damage together. And the same conditions I gave you before, those still apply."
Quentin clears his throat before speaking. "Yes well, we'd have to speak to Mr. Giles and see if he is still willing to hold the position of watcher to a-"he trails off as Buffy stalks closer to him.
"I'd be honored to take the position, Quentin. She is still, very much my slayer." Giles speaks up.
"And the civilians?" Another watcher asks.
"The civilians will still be assisting me, provided they want to." Buffy says, looking at her friends lined along the wall. "I've got one more condition."
Buffy walks closer to Quentin. She was standing inches away from him. "The council once had a policy in dealing with vampires with souls. I want that policy reversed. In fact, I want it written down in your watcher laws, or whatever you call it, that as long as Angel is walking this earth, the watcher's council will assist him if he is ever in need of it."
"Miss Summers, that's preposterous. It's one thing for us to assist you, you were a slayer. It's quite another for us to assist Angelus."
"His name is Angel and this is sort of one of those conditions where if you don't agree, I don't slay. I'll put my stake up in a drawer and sit for the rest of eternity just to spite you guys."
"Err, well, I'll have to discuss this with the rest of my colleagues." Quentin refuses to make eye contact with Buffy.
She steps back. "Make it quick. Having forever hasn't increased my patience." Buffy walks over to Giles. She whispers so the council can't hear her, but my sensitive ears pick it up.
"You are okay with this, right Giles? I mean still being my watcher and all."
"Indeed. I'm rather looking forward to it. I think it will prove quite fascinating to chronicle." Giles says.
Buffy smiles at him. "So that's a yes, right?"
Giles chuckles, "That's a yes."
The huddle of watchers breaks apart and Quentin steps forward. "We believe can make such an exception for Angel, as long as he has his soul."
"Good, then I can make an exception and slay for you, as long as you stay out of my way. If that's settled, don't you guys have a plane to catch back to the Mother country?"
*
Buffy and Willow are out shopping, again. Dawn is scheduled to move in with us next week. Buffy is determined to make the mansion "homey". Her words, not mine. I still don't see a problem with it. Buffy has at least tried to take my tastes into account. There is an expensive oriental rug on the floor in front of the fireplace now. There are throw pillows all over the couch, which is now positioned in front of the wide screen TV. There are prints by classical artists on the walls, a Rembrandt, and a Picasso. I hadn't even known Buffy knew who either were.
There are also mirrors hanging on the walls. It started with one. Dawn being Buffy's excuse for buying it. There are now six scattered all over the mansion. I can't stand them. Every time I pass a mirror and see nothing it bothers me. It reminds me what I am. It throws me into a brood that even Buffy has a hard time pulling me out of. I've started to avoid them like I avoid patches of sunlight.
She's home. I feel her long before she gets out of the car. She and Willow walk in laden with packages. She kisses me lightly and sets her bags down. "I missed you." She declares.
I smile. I can't help it. The idea of this beautiful creature missing me never fails to bring a smile to my face. I'm still uncertain what I have ever done to deserve her love, but it's not something I'm going to argue with. "I missed you too. What did you buy?" I ask, even though I'm fairly certain I'd be happy not knowing.
"Well, I noticed we needed more of those beeswax candles you like, so I got those and some more towels, new sheets for Dawn's bed. Gap had a sale I couldn't pass up." She looks guilty as she pulls an item from a bag. It's another damn mirror.
"Buffy, I hope that's going in Dawn's room." My tone is harsher then I intended for it to be.
"Actually, I thought it'd look nice in our bedroom."
"No. I am not having mirrors in our bedroom." I cross my arms over my chest. It's the final straw.
"Oh come on, Angel. It's not like it's going to kill you to not see yourself." She argues with me.
"Buffy, what is your obsession with mirrors. You don't cast a reflection, you never will, no matter how many of the damn things you buy." I can't help but notice Willow trying to sneak into the kitchen, out of the line of fire.
She shrugs. "I don't know. I can't get used to it. It's like if I buy the right mirror, I'll look inside of it and I'll be there. For some reason it bothers me. It just always seemed right that you didn't have a reflection. I used to love to sit on my bed with you, me reflected in the mirror even though you weren't. It was like even though I couldn't see you, you were there and maybe that would always be the case. It didn't matter if I couldn't see you, you were there with me. And I'm not making any sense now but if I can't see me, am I still there? And then I think are you still there? Will I forget what I look like? If I can forget what I look like then I can forget what Mom looks like and I won't remember that I have her nose or her mouth." Buffy's voice trembles and she's fighting tears. Finally, the real reason for all the mirrors.
"Buffy, look at me." I tuck my fingers under her chin and turn her face up to mine. "Every time I look at you I see a reflection of my self, how I look to you, in your soul. It makes me smile because I realize how beautiful you see me. No one has ever seen me that way and its better then a mirror, because no mirror has ever given me such a reflection. If you look at me, see inside my soul, you'll see a reflection of yourself there, just as I see you."
She looks deeply into my eyes, her own hazel ones searching mine. Her brow is furrowed with concentration. After a moment she smiles and tears of a different sort fill her eyes. She brings her hand up to my cheek and touches it gently. "You're right. I like the way you see me better then any mirror." She leans up and kisses me gently, careful to pull away before it gets too heated. "Thank you. Now can we get rid of all these mirrors?"
It doesn't take long before most of the mirrors are in the dumpster. Willow takes a couple home and Buffy puts two in Dawn's room that she thinks she'll particularly like. The house has taken on a decidedly less creepy feel for me at least. We take a quick sweep of the cemeteries, accompanied by Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya. I am not surprised when we fail to turn up any vampires. The group makes enough noise to scare the freshly risen undead. Xander and Anya's bickering alone would irritate a vampire to death. I would know, as it is currently irritating me to a breaking point.
"Do you two do anything besides bicker?" I snap.
"Well, we have a lot of sex. We don't argue when we have sex." Anya says cheerily.
"An, sweetheart, remember the no sex talk in front of my friends rule?" Xander says slightly embarrassed.
"Well, yes, but Angel isn't your friend. You can't stand him. Don't you remember? You told me all this just the other night." Anya says.
Xander rolls his eyes and manages to look sheepishly at Buffy. "Anya, honey that was weeks ago, weeks and weeks."
"Oh, he's trying to save face now, you see. He doesn't want Buffy to know that he hates her bloodsucking boyfriend. I tried to explain to him that it's much more natural for the two of you to be together now since she's also a blood sucking vampire but he always tries to hush me when I get that far into the logic." Anya helpfully explains to me and Buffy.
"Yeah, we get it, Anya. Thanks for the insight." Buffy says with a glower directed at Xander.
"No problem, we demon girls have to stick together. Maybe I could make a union or a support group. Of course, I'm demon in the ex but I still stay we have to stick together." Anya continues.
"Anya, honey, less talking, more patrolling." Xander makes another attempt at shutting Anya up.
"You know, I think the patrolling is a completely monster free zone tonight. Let's just throw in the towel. We can go back and watch Monster movies if you can stand to be in the company of two blood suckers, Xander. Think before you answer because all that fake blood and killing in the movie might spur Angel and me to a killing frenzy. I could rip your throat out." Buffy says with a scathing glance at Xander.
Have I mentioned another one of Buffy's obsessions I can't stand are her Monster movies? It's not because the fake blood or the killing bothers me. I've done much worse then anything Hollywood can dream up and if they did think of it, there would be no way to portray it in its true horror. I just think she would rather watch something a little further from our reality, like The Sound of Music or a romantic comedy. Something with daylight and laughter, or maybe it hurts too much, seeing the things she can never have again. Guilt crashes down on me like a wave, holding me under.
-Angel-
I'm not really sure I should be here. She wanted me here though, and that's all that matters anymore. I'm leaning against the wall in the corner of her training room at the Magic Box. There are 4 stuffy council members here, one of which is Quentin Travers. I could rip the man's throat out and break his fingers one by one and it still wouldn't be enough payback for the things he's done to Buffy in the name of the Watcher's Council. I turn my attention back to Buffy. She is holding center court and I am struck once again by the incredible woman she has become.
"Giles said you guys told him no new slayer had been called. Why?" she asks.
Quentin looks down at his fingernails and for a moment seems as if he's not going to answer her. "To the best of our reasoning, the active slayer line ended with you when you died, the first time." He somehow manages to make that seem like a cosmic screw-up and I want to pop his head off of his shoulders for him. "Kendra was called, her death called Faith. We believe the next slayer will only be called when Faith dies."
Buffy nods and paces the center of the room a moment. "And she's doing 15 to 20 in prison. That doesn't leave you guys with a lot of options. We had this discussion earlier this year, before I defeated Glory but I'll recap for you. I can't do your drills; I can't execute your pointless exercises. I'm not even going to try. Being turned didn't increase my understanding of Japanese. It did increase some things. I'm faster, I'm stronger and I'm 98% more invulnerable then I was before. I'm a vampire. I've got a soul and I'm still a slayer. If you want to go back to watching Masterpiece Theater, be my guest. I'm still gonna slay, you guys just can't watch. But, if you're willing to work with me and Angel." She nods over in my direction. "We can do a lot of damage together. And the same conditions I gave you before, those still apply."
Quentin clears his throat before speaking. "Yes well, we'd have to speak to Mr. Giles and see if he is still willing to hold the position of watcher to a-"he trails off as Buffy stalks closer to him.
"I'd be honored to take the position, Quentin. She is still, very much my slayer." Giles speaks up.
"And the civilians?" Another watcher asks.
"The civilians will still be assisting me, provided they want to." Buffy says, looking at her friends lined along the wall. "I've got one more condition."
Buffy walks closer to Quentin. She was standing inches away from him. "The council once had a policy in dealing with vampires with souls. I want that policy reversed. In fact, I want it written down in your watcher laws, or whatever you call it, that as long as Angel is walking this earth, the watcher's council will assist him if he is ever in need of it."
"Miss Summers, that's preposterous. It's one thing for us to assist you, you were a slayer. It's quite another for us to assist Angelus."
"His name is Angel and this is sort of one of those conditions where if you don't agree, I don't slay. I'll put my stake up in a drawer and sit for the rest of eternity just to spite you guys."
"Err, well, I'll have to discuss this with the rest of my colleagues." Quentin refuses to make eye contact with Buffy.
She steps back. "Make it quick. Having forever hasn't increased my patience." Buffy walks over to Giles. She whispers so the council can't hear her, but my sensitive ears pick it up.
"You are okay with this, right Giles? I mean still being my watcher and all."
"Indeed. I'm rather looking forward to it. I think it will prove quite fascinating to chronicle." Giles says.
Buffy smiles at him. "So that's a yes, right?"
Giles chuckles, "That's a yes."
The huddle of watchers breaks apart and Quentin steps forward. "We believe can make such an exception for Angel, as long as he has his soul."
"Good, then I can make an exception and slay for you, as long as you stay out of my way. If that's settled, don't you guys have a plane to catch back to the Mother country?"
*
Buffy and Willow are out shopping, again. Dawn is scheduled to move in with us next week. Buffy is determined to make the mansion "homey". Her words, not mine. I still don't see a problem with it. Buffy has at least tried to take my tastes into account. There is an expensive oriental rug on the floor in front of the fireplace now. There are throw pillows all over the couch, which is now positioned in front of the wide screen TV. There are prints by classical artists on the walls, a Rembrandt, and a Picasso. I hadn't even known Buffy knew who either were.
There are also mirrors hanging on the walls. It started with one. Dawn being Buffy's excuse for buying it. There are now six scattered all over the mansion. I can't stand them. Every time I pass a mirror and see nothing it bothers me. It reminds me what I am. It throws me into a brood that even Buffy has a hard time pulling me out of. I've started to avoid them like I avoid patches of sunlight.
She's home. I feel her long before she gets out of the car. She and Willow walk in laden with packages. She kisses me lightly and sets her bags down. "I missed you." She declares.
I smile. I can't help it. The idea of this beautiful creature missing me never fails to bring a smile to my face. I'm still uncertain what I have ever done to deserve her love, but it's not something I'm going to argue with. "I missed you too. What did you buy?" I ask, even though I'm fairly certain I'd be happy not knowing.
"Well, I noticed we needed more of those beeswax candles you like, so I got those and some more towels, new sheets for Dawn's bed. Gap had a sale I couldn't pass up." She looks guilty as she pulls an item from a bag. It's another damn mirror.
"Buffy, I hope that's going in Dawn's room." My tone is harsher then I intended for it to be.
"Actually, I thought it'd look nice in our bedroom."
"No. I am not having mirrors in our bedroom." I cross my arms over my chest. It's the final straw.
"Oh come on, Angel. It's not like it's going to kill you to not see yourself." She argues with me.
"Buffy, what is your obsession with mirrors. You don't cast a reflection, you never will, no matter how many of the damn things you buy." I can't help but notice Willow trying to sneak into the kitchen, out of the line of fire.
She shrugs. "I don't know. I can't get used to it. It's like if I buy the right mirror, I'll look inside of it and I'll be there. For some reason it bothers me. It just always seemed right that you didn't have a reflection. I used to love to sit on my bed with you, me reflected in the mirror even though you weren't. It was like even though I couldn't see you, you were there and maybe that would always be the case. It didn't matter if I couldn't see you, you were there with me. And I'm not making any sense now but if I can't see me, am I still there? And then I think are you still there? Will I forget what I look like? If I can forget what I look like then I can forget what Mom looks like and I won't remember that I have her nose or her mouth." Buffy's voice trembles and she's fighting tears. Finally, the real reason for all the mirrors.
"Buffy, look at me." I tuck my fingers under her chin and turn her face up to mine. "Every time I look at you I see a reflection of my self, how I look to you, in your soul. It makes me smile because I realize how beautiful you see me. No one has ever seen me that way and its better then a mirror, because no mirror has ever given me such a reflection. If you look at me, see inside my soul, you'll see a reflection of yourself there, just as I see you."
She looks deeply into my eyes, her own hazel ones searching mine. Her brow is furrowed with concentration. After a moment she smiles and tears of a different sort fill her eyes. She brings her hand up to my cheek and touches it gently. "You're right. I like the way you see me better then any mirror." She leans up and kisses me gently, careful to pull away before it gets too heated. "Thank you. Now can we get rid of all these mirrors?"
It doesn't take long before most of the mirrors are in the dumpster. Willow takes a couple home and Buffy puts two in Dawn's room that she thinks she'll particularly like. The house has taken on a decidedly less creepy feel for me at least. We take a quick sweep of the cemeteries, accompanied by Willow, Tara, Xander, and Anya. I am not surprised when we fail to turn up any vampires. The group makes enough noise to scare the freshly risen undead. Xander and Anya's bickering alone would irritate a vampire to death. I would know, as it is currently irritating me to a breaking point.
"Do you two do anything besides bicker?" I snap.
"Well, we have a lot of sex. We don't argue when we have sex." Anya says cheerily.
"An, sweetheart, remember the no sex talk in front of my friends rule?" Xander says slightly embarrassed.
"Well, yes, but Angel isn't your friend. You can't stand him. Don't you remember? You told me all this just the other night." Anya says.
Xander rolls his eyes and manages to look sheepishly at Buffy. "Anya, honey that was weeks ago, weeks and weeks."
"Oh, he's trying to save face now, you see. He doesn't want Buffy to know that he hates her bloodsucking boyfriend. I tried to explain to him that it's much more natural for the two of you to be together now since she's also a blood sucking vampire but he always tries to hush me when I get that far into the logic." Anya helpfully explains to me and Buffy.
"Yeah, we get it, Anya. Thanks for the insight." Buffy says with a glower directed at Xander.
"No problem, we demon girls have to stick together. Maybe I could make a union or a support group. Of course, I'm demon in the ex but I still stay we have to stick together." Anya continues.
"Anya, honey, less talking, more patrolling." Xander makes another attempt at shutting Anya up.
"You know, I think the patrolling is a completely monster free zone tonight. Let's just throw in the towel. We can go back and watch Monster movies if you can stand to be in the company of two blood suckers, Xander. Think before you answer because all that fake blood and killing in the movie might spur Angel and me to a killing frenzy. I could rip your throat out." Buffy says with a scathing glance at Xander.
Have I mentioned another one of Buffy's obsessions I can't stand are her Monster movies? It's not because the fake blood or the killing bothers me. I've done much worse then anything Hollywood can dream up and if they did think of it, there would be no way to portray it in its true horror. I just think she would rather watch something a little further from our reality, like The Sound of Music or a romantic comedy. Something with daylight and laughter, or maybe it hurts too much, seeing the things she can never have again. Guilt crashes down on me like a wave, holding me under.
