Chapter 18-Awakenings

-Buffy-

Dawnie has been here two weeks. I think it's working out well. She's out of school for the summer and working with Giles at the Magic Box. She spends a lot of time with her friends and I try not to harp on her about it. I mean really, I'm not the role model for staying out of trouble. As long as she doesn't burn down the school gym, get her friends killed or manage to get turned into a vampire, I'll be happy.
She seems to have gotten used to seeing pig's blood in the fridge. I've gotten used to drinking out of a glass since I was afraid drinking from Angel would freak Dawn out. I think both Angel and I miss that, but he doesn't like to talk about it so I don't know.
For the most part I'm handling being a vampire better then Angel is handling it. He feels a lot of guilt I know and I've tried to tell him its okay. He just gets this far away look and goes off to brood. I try not to think about the things I won't have or the things I won't see. I try not to think about my friends all dying and me staying 20 forever. My only comfort is knowing Angel will always be there with me.
I'm lying awake watching him sleep. He's on his stomach. I run my fingers along his spine. Who knew a back could be so beautiful. I place a kiss on his tattoo and he groans, letting me know he is awake. I lay my body over his back and whisper in his ear.
"Good morning." I say, even though it's really afternoon.

He smiles lazily at me and turns over, his arms capturing me and pulling me down to his lips. This is definitely the best way to wake up. My hands roam over his chest, fingers slipping in the waistband of his boxers, of their own accord. His kisses fire off every one of my nerve endings and the only things that exist are want and need. I place demanding kisses on his collarbone and at the base of his neck. My tongue slips out to lick the place where a pulse would be. Desire overcomes and I vamp out, my fangs sinking into his neck. He does that purr/growl thing I love and arches up into my mouth. He grabs my hips and pulls me closer to him with a moan. I retract my fangs and gently lap at the wound I've made. This elicits mewling sounds from him and somehow it turns me on even more.
With a gasp he shoves me away. His voice is ragged when he speaks. "Buffy, we can't."
Frustration overtakes me. "Angel, I've seen the way you look at me, the way you touch me. Your guilt overshadows everything. Do you really think either of us could be completely happy knowing that's between us, knowing that will always be between us?" My voice is pitched louder then I intended for it to be.
He turns his gaze away from, unable to admit that I am right, at least about the guilt part. "I can't help it, Buffy. I touch you and I remember when you were warm, I remember the first time I saw you in the sunlight, where you belong."
I shake my head. "No, Angel. Where I belong is right here, with you. I miss the sunlight. I won't lie to you. It kills me to know I'll see all my friends die, I'll see Dawn die. It doesn't change that this is still where I belong, since the beginning of time, this where I've always belonged."

Angel touches my face like he can't quite believe I'm real. I don't know how he does it. He somehow manages to make me feel like something rare and fragile. Our lips meet and the world around us melts away. His hands are all over me, cool hands, cool lips. Somehow both of us have been divested of our clothing and there's nothing between us but skin and even that's too much.

-Angel-

The sun has already set. I can smell the cool night air even before I open my eyes. I reach a hand out and my fingers brush Buffy's cold skin. I can not help but mourn for a time when it would be warm. I open my eyes, hazy with sleep and lean over to kiss her awake. I brush blonde hair back from her face and choke. I stumble back off the bed and half crouch on the floor. The woman in my bed isn't Buffy. I don't know who she is but her throat has been savagely ripped out.

"Buffy!" I scream. Her name echoes off the walls of the room.

Dawn pushes open the door to the bedroom and pokes her head in. "Angel?"

I look up at her from my crouch on the floor. "Run, run to Giles and don't come back."