Disclaimer: All Tolkien's and Murphy's stuff is theirs. I'm just
borrowing it for a while. This is what happens when a Texan has wayyy too
much time on her hands. God Bless.
Arabiasil
Murphy's Law for Elves – Part I
By Arabiasil
That "deserted orc camp" will only be deserted long enough for you to walk to the middle alone.
You will always have one arrow left just as you are being charged by two orcs.
The weight of the deer you shoot is always directly proportional to the distance from camp.
If you run out of arrows and have to use your bow for a weapon you will usually hit other elves more than the orcs you are swinging at.
Arrows work on seasoned warriors too. They also work on orcs, wargs, wild men, evil wizards, the occasional rookie elven warrior and others who consider themselves "bulletproof."
When you are a lone elf and you spot a large contingent of orcs remember; whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn't do it.
Wargs don't see an elf lord as a person of authority; they see lunch.
When working high in the trees, the weapon you drop will always land to do the most damage to the weapon.
If you drop a valuable object from the treetops it will always land in a place impossible to get to.
Dwarves have no sense of humor about accidental shots.
There is always an easy way back to Imladris. However, it is usually blocked by a very large, hacked off warg who hasn't eaten in a week.
Falling trees and angry elf lords have the right of way.
When dealing with humans try to look important. They may find someone else to pose that stupid question to.
Never worry about that falling tree branch with your name on it. Worry about the huge oak tree addressed "To whom it may concern."
A clean tunic is a magnet for mud and orc blood.
The force you use in a blow to stop an intruder in the dark will be directly proportional to the rank of the elf you just hit.
The force you use in a blow to stop an intruder in the dark will be directly proportional to the quality of the supper prepared by the cook you just hit.
Dwarves don't make the same mistake twice; they make it three, four or five times.
In war, the authority of a warrior is directly proportional to the number of arrows he is carrying.
Never challenge a balrog to hand to hand combat. You're immortal, not indestructible.
It's no disgrace to be captured by orc, but it's awfully inconvenient.
The sturdiness of an object is inversely proportional to how useful it is.
If the human says, "All you have to do is..." you know you're in trouble.
If the human comes running up to you and says, "It wasn't my fault but..." you know you're in trouble.
When the dwarf makes you a weapon and then says, "it's perfect except..." you know you are going to have to redo the whole piece.
A dwarf's willingness to do something will be inversely proportional to A) the need for it to be done. B) the number of elves who are relying on them to do it.
You are not invincible. Elf lords and fledgling archers take note.
During a battle, try to look unimportant. The orcs may be low on ammunition and decide not to waste an arrow on you.
An arrow in the chest is nature's way of telling you to slow down
If your attack is going really well, it's probably an ambush.
Never go on patrol with anyone crazier than you are.
Arabiasil
Murphy's Law for Elves – Part I
By Arabiasil
That "deserted orc camp" will only be deserted long enough for you to walk to the middle alone.
You will always have one arrow left just as you are being charged by two orcs.
The weight of the deer you shoot is always directly proportional to the distance from camp.
If you run out of arrows and have to use your bow for a weapon you will usually hit other elves more than the orcs you are swinging at.
Arrows work on seasoned warriors too. They also work on orcs, wargs, wild men, evil wizards, the occasional rookie elven warrior and others who consider themselves "bulletproof."
When you are a lone elf and you spot a large contingent of orcs remember; whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn't do it.
Wargs don't see an elf lord as a person of authority; they see lunch.
When working high in the trees, the weapon you drop will always land to do the most damage to the weapon.
If you drop a valuable object from the treetops it will always land in a place impossible to get to.
Dwarves have no sense of humor about accidental shots.
There is always an easy way back to Imladris. However, it is usually blocked by a very large, hacked off warg who hasn't eaten in a week.
Falling trees and angry elf lords have the right of way.
When dealing with humans try to look important. They may find someone else to pose that stupid question to.
Never worry about that falling tree branch with your name on it. Worry about the huge oak tree addressed "To whom it may concern."
A clean tunic is a magnet for mud and orc blood.
The force you use in a blow to stop an intruder in the dark will be directly proportional to the rank of the elf you just hit.
The force you use in a blow to stop an intruder in the dark will be directly proportional to the quality of the supper prepared by the cook you just hit.
Dwarves don't make the same mistake twice; they make it three, four or five times.
In war, the authority of a warrior is directly proportional to the number of arrows he is carrying.
Never challenge a balrog to hand to hand combat. You're immortal, not indestructible.
It's no disgrace to be captured by orc, but it's awfully inconvenient.
The sturdiness of an object is inversely proportional to how useful it is.
If the human says, "All you have to do is..." you know you're in trouble.
If the human comes running up to you and says, "It wasn't my fault but..." you know you're in trouble.
When the dwarf makes you a weapon and then says, "it's perfect except..." you know you are going to have to redo the whole piece.
A dwarf's willingness to do something will be inversely proportional to A) the need for it to be done. B) the number of elves who are relying on them to do it.
You are not invincible. Elf lords and fledgling archers take note.
During a battle, try to look unimportant. The orcs may be low on ammunition and decide not to waste an arrow on you.
An arrow in the chest is nature's way of telling you to slow down
If your attack is going really well, it's probably an ambush.
Never go on patrol with anyone crazier than you are.
