Chapter 31 The ties that bind
-Buffy-
Angel is making dinner tonight, for everyone. Everyone means literally everyone I know. The gang from Sunnydale came down. Of course his LA gang is here. I really don't think I'm ready for this but Angel insists I have to do it. He says it will only get harder. I pointed out that he hid in an alley for 50 years or so before coming out into the world, so how hard could coming back be? He said he had a miracle to guide him back. It took me a minute before I realized that miracle was me. Just when I think I can't love the man anymore then I do, he goes and says something like that.
I'm standing in front of the mirror. I don't know why. It's one of those stupid hanging on habits of when I was human. It still bothers me that I can't actually see myself. I'm just not obsessed with it anymore. I can hear Angel coming up the stairs. His footfalls are lighter then anyone else's. I briefly wonder if he was as graceful in life as he is in death.
"You look beautiful. Everyone is downstairs, waiting."
I don't turn around to look at him. "Angel, I don't think I can do this. I can't face them."
"Buffy, they are your friends, they love you."
"How can I expect them to forgive me for the things I've done. I can't forgive myself." He steps up behind me and wraps his arms around me. He props his chin on my shoulder.
"Buffy, they love you enough to forgive Angelus the things he did. They certainly love you enough to forgive you for what your demon did."
I lean back against him, boneless, weightless. "Why does your demon get a neat little name and mine just gets called the demon?" I ask in a pretend pout voice.
He chuckles. "We'll have to come up with a name for her. I expect we're not going to be seeing much of her though. Willow's spell seemed to have worked like a charm. Unless, I'm obviously ignorant of what perfect happiness looks like?" He arches a brow at me and looks slightly doubtful.
I consider for a moment teasing him and decide against it. "No, you're not ignorant of what it is. In fact, you know just how to cause it, multiple times even."
"Multiple times, huh?" He nibbles at my neck. I wrap my fingers in his hair and pull him closer. I feel his face shift. His fangs sink into the thick arterial vein in my neck. I moan with pleasure. I bite down on my bottom lip and taste blood. Angel's hands are sliding my skirt up higher. He's not playing fair. I can't get to him but if I turn he'll retract his fangs and I don't want that right now.
"Angel, Buffy, I swear if your not down here in five minutes I'm coming up there!"
I wince as Cordy's voice drifts up the stairs. The girl's got projection. "I guess we don't really have time for this."
"Not for perfect happiness, I'll settle for a tiny slice of happiness though." Angel growls into my neck.
"Hmmm, you've got 5 minutes before we get an uninvited guest."
"I can do a lot with 5 minutes." He grins wickedly.
*
15 minutes later we're walking into the dining room of the Hyperion. I don't think I've ever seen this room, but it's beautiful. It's got one of those grand old crystal chandeliers and a huge dining room table.
"So glad you two could make it." Cordy remarks.
Everyone else is already seated around the table. The room goes silent as we sit down. Angel made prime rib. I notice his piece and mine are very rare. There are baby carrots and rosemary potatoes. Everyone has a glass of red wine, except Angel and I. Our glasses are the same as everyone else; they just have blood in them. The light from the fat candles in the middle of the table make it hard to distinguish that our place settings are any different from anyone else.
Angel clears his throat. "How are things on the Hellmouth, Giles?" Angel tries to break the ice. God, can I just go hide back in our room where it's safe and dark.
"Well, quite normal actually. A few vampires but nothing notable. Willow, Xander and I have managed quite well"
"Quite well, if you don't count that Giles and I combined have been knocked out 5 times in the last two weeks. You won't be out of a job anytime soon, Buff." Xander adds.
I smile. He's trying and I love him so much for that. I had thought out of everyone Xander would have the hardest time forgiving me. He'd been so gun ho on staking Angel. Well, it's not like I haven't made past mistakes. If he can forgive mine, I can forgive his.
"Well, Angel can't just up and leave LA. I mean we have a business to run here, not to mention visions." Cordelia says.
I look at Angel. I feel the panic rising up in me. We're still stuck in the same old destinies. Mine is in Sunnydale, his is in LA. The Powers are playing a cruel joke on us. We get literally forever to spend with each other, and we still can't be together. God I hate fate.
"Buffy and I haven't actually discussed what we're going to do, or where we're going to live. I suspect we'll do a lot of shuffling back and forth between cities. It's not as if they are that far apart." Angel says. I can't tell if he means it or he's just trying to be diplomatic and smooth things over.
I watch Dawn a few seats over. She's fiddling with her food and being uncharacteristically quiet. She keeps casting side long glances at me when she thinks I'm not looking. Part of me wants to be the big sis and ask what's up, what's bothering her. The other part of me screams at me, you stupid idiot what do you think is wrong with her. You killed a third of her class a few weeks ago, or did you just forget that. I tend to side with the stupid idiot and keep my mouth shut.
"Xander, I don't know why we came here tonight. I told you it would be like this. Everyone pretending Buffy didn't want to eat them and not saying anything." Anya speaks up.
God, where is a hole to crawl in when I need it?
"Anya, Hon, maybe we like the silence." Xander says uncomfortably.
"No one likes silences like this, Xander. Ok, since no one else is saying it, I will. Buffy, everyone is uncomfortable because we all know you wanted to eat us while you were evil, probably especially Xander because he's sexy. But here's the thing, we know that you aren't evil now so we're not afraid you're going to eat us now. And we've all talked about and we know that it wasn't you that wanted to eat us. It was the demon you. It's like when I was a vengeance demon, no one here holds me accountable for all the men I killed and I killed a whole lot more then you did. Of course I had hundreds of years, so it's not really a comparison. So, does anyone here hold Buffy accountable for the people her demon killed, show of hands please?" Anya looked around the table. "Ok, so see, can we please go back to eating our dinner and talking so that Xander and I can go have sex when we're done?"
Everyone stared open mouthed at Anya for a moment. It was Fred, of all people who finally broke the silence. "Well, yeah. So tell us about England."
*
The real purpose in having Willow, Tara and Giles there is to talk about Angel's soul. We want to anchor it, like mine is anchored. I don't want him to ever have to worry about being too happy ever again. I can't imagine being able to make love to him without him having to bring to bed whatever it is that he uses to make sure his soul stays intact. We all sit around the couches in the lobby. Willow and Tara have been doing a lot of research in the past few days.
"Basically, I don't think the Chinese soul spell will work, since Angel already has his soul. We'd have to remove the soul and then put it back. I really don't want to do that. The only soul removing spells I've ever heard about deal with really really dark magic. Darker then anything Giles has books on. I found some references on the net, but there are not many people who can do spells of that magnitude. The ones that can tend to be Necromancers."
"Will, he can't-I can't live the rest of eternity with his soul in question." I say.
"He may not-"Wesley starts. I notice Angel silence him with a look that could kill.
"I know. So we've been researching the curse and using some things from the books we got from Quentin. Tara thinks she may have found a way to anchor his soul without having to remove it first." Willow says.
The timid blond looks down at her hands and gathers her thoughts. "It's really a simple binding spell, just a very old one. There's a legend and no one really knows if its myth or fact, but the Muslims were rumored to have hired these demon sorcerers that collected souls for them. They sacrificed the souls and it supposedly made their armies stronger. So the Christians taught their priests this simple binding spell that was preformed before their warriors went into battle. It bound the soul to the body. Only a Christian priest could then release it to go onto the afterlife."
Angel wrinkled his brow the way he always does when he's concerned or worried. "So, you think this would work on me?"
Tara nods. "As long as priest doesn't release your soul."
"Tara, that's not even funny. What are the chances of that?"
"Really slim. You have no idea how hard I had to look to even find a reference of this spell I've actually been doing research on it for a long time. Willow told me about you and Angel when we first met. We were talking about spells we'd done and Willow mentioned the curse. That led us to the two of you. I thought it would be nice, even if you never got back together, if I could find a way to anchor your soul." Tara said.
I can't help impulsively hugging Tara. She blushes under the attention. "Tara, I don't even know how to thank you. And that you were working on this before, wow."
Tara shrugged and tried to make light of it. I wasn't going to let her. This wasn't something to be made light of.
"What do we need to do?" Angel asks.
"That's the only thing. It might be kind of painful, since it's a Christian ceremony." Willow says.
"If it doesn't kill me, I'll deal with it." Angel says.
The lobby smells like a catholic church. Tara has lit incense and fat beeswax candles all over the room. The only light comes from the candles. She and Angel are both wearing robes of unbleached cotton. The right sleeve of Angel's robe has been torn off. Tara holds a book and a cross in her hand.
"Ar-are you ready?" she asks.
Angel nods. I have tears in my eyes already.
Tara whispers a Hail Mary under breath. I don't know if she's reading it or she knows it. I notice Angel is whispering with her. It's easy to forget he was Catholic when he was human. Willow reaches over and laces her fingers with my own. I squeeze her hand gratefully.
Tara places the cross as lightly as she can on Angel's bared upper arm. She had explained to us earlier that traditionally the cross was placed on the forehead when the spell was done, but she didn't think the placement of the cross was important, as long as it touched bare skin. Angel decided his upper arm was an easy place to bandage. I can smell burning flesh. There's a lot of smoke coming off his skin. I try not to gag.
"Lord God Almighty take what is yours and bind it to this body. Let no being collect what is yours. Let it not be torn away via magic or death. Bind this soul to this body until it is granted your release."
Angel is struggling against vamping out. He's trying to hold still but the cross evokes a natural instinct to run. I want to run to him. I want to knock the cross away. I want to take him in my arms and soothe all the hurt away. The only thing holding me in place right now is Willow's hand. There is a bright flash, an audible pop and Tara removes the cross. Everyone is silent for a moment.
"I-I think that's it." Tara says.
I run to Angel and gather him in my arms. Cordy walks over and puts cream on his burn and a big gauze bandage without a word. I can see tears glistening unshed in her eyes. She finishes and gives the bandage a very light pat. Angel whispers a thank you.
Cordy flashes that patented Queen C smile. "Ok, who's for taking Angel's credit card and going to The Beverly Hills Hotel? I for one am not staying around while these two make like rabbits."
A/N Just a note. I completely totally absolutely made up the whole "myth" about the soul collecting and binding. I wanted a big real battle that Angel wasn't alive for. No offense or anything is intended.
-Buffy-
Angel is making dinner tonight, for everyone. Everyone means literally everyone I know. The gang from Sunnydale came down. Of course his LA gang is here. I really don't think I'm ready for this but Angel insists I have to do it. He says it will only get harder. I pointed out that he hid in an alley for 50 years or so before coming out into the world, so how hard could coming back be? He said he had a miracle to guide him back. It took me a minute before I realized that miracle was me. Just when I think I can't love the man anymore then I do, he goes and says something like that.
I'm standing in front of the mirror. I don't know why. It's one of those stupid hanging on habits of when I was human. It still bothers me that I can't actually see myself. I'm just not obsessed with it anymore. I can hear Angel coming up the stairs. His footfalls are lighter then anyone else's. I briefly wonder if he was as graceful in life as he is in death.
"You look beautiful. Everyone is downstairs, waiting."
I don't turn around to look at him. "Angel, I don't think I can do this. I can't face them."
"Buffy, they are your friends, they love you."
"How can I expect them to forgive me for the things I've done. I can't forgive myself." He steps up behind me and wraps his arms around me. He props his chin on my shoulder.
"Buffy, they love you enough to forgive Angelus the things he did. They certainly love you enough to forgive you for what your demon did."
I lean back against him, boneless, weightless. "Why does your demon get a neat little name and mine just gets called the demon?" I ask in a pretend pout voice.
He chuckles. "We'll have to come up with a name for her. I expect we're not going to be seeing much of her though. Willow's spell seemed to have worked like a charm. Unless, I'm obviously ignorant of what perfect happiness looks like?" He arches a brow at me and looks slightly doubtful.
I consider for a moment teasing him and decide against it. "No, you're not ignorant of what it is. In fact, you know just how to cause it, multiple times even."
"Multiple times, huh?" He nibbles at my neck. I wrap my fingers in his hair and pull him closer. I feel his face shift. His fangs sink into the thick arterial vein in my neck. I moan with pleasure. I bite down on my bottom lip and taste blood. Angel's hands are sliding my skirt up higher. He's not playing fair. I can't get to him but if I turn he'll retract his fangs and I don't want that right now.
"Angel, Buffy, I swear if your not down here in five minutes I'm coming up there!"
I wince as Cordy's voice drifts up the stairs. The girl's got projection. "I guess we don't really have time for this."
"Not for perfect happiness, I'll settle for a tiny slice of happiness though." Angel growls into my neck.
"Hmmm, you've got 5 minutes before we get an uninvited guest."
"I can do a lot with 5 minutes." He grins wickedly.
*
15 minutes later we're walking into the dining room of the Hyperion. I don't think I've ever seen this room, but it's beautiful. It's got one of those grand old crystal chandeliers and a huge dining room table.
"So glad you two could make it." Cordy remarks.
Everyone else is already seated around the table. The room goes silent as we sit down. Angel made prime rib. I notice his piece and mine are very rare. There are baby carrots and rosemary potatoes. Everyone has a glass of red wine, except Angel and I. Our glasses are the same as everyone else; they just have blood in them. The light from the fat candles in the middle of the table make it hard to distinguish that our place settings are any different from anyone else.
Angel clears his throat. "How are things on the Hellmouth, Giles?" Angel tries to break the ice. God, can I just go hide back in our room where it's safe and dark.
"Well, quite normal actually. A few vampires but nothing notable. Willow, Xander and I have managed quite well"
"Quite well, if you don't count that Giles and I combined have been knocked out 5 times in the last two weeks. You won't be out of a job anytime soon, Buff." Xander adds.
I smile. He's trying and I love him so much for that. I had thought out of everyone Xander would have the hardest time forgiving me. He'd been so gun ho on staking Angel. Well, it's not like I haven't made past mistakes. If he can forgive mine, I can forgive his.
"Well, Angel can't just up and leave LA. I mean we have a business to run here, not to mention visions." Cordelia says.
I look at Angel. I feel the panic rising up in me. We're still stuck in the same old destinies. Mine is in Sunnydale, his is in LA. The Powers are playing a cruel joke on us. We get literally forever to spend with each other, and we still can't be together. God I hate fate.
"Buffy and I haven't actually discussed what we're going to do, or where we're going to live. I suspect we'll do a lot of shuffling back and forth between cities. It's not as if they are that far apart." Angel says. I can't tell if he means it or he's just trying to be diplomatic and smooth things over.
I watch Dawn a few seats over. She's fiddling with her food and being uncharacteristically quiet. She keeps casting side long glances at me when she thinks I'm not looking. Part of me wants to be the big sis and ask what's up, what's bothering her. The other part of me screams at me, you stupid idiot what do you think is wrong with her. You killed a third of her class a few weeks ago, or did you just forget that. I tend to side with the stupid idiot and keep my mouth shut.
"Xander, I don't know why we came here tonight. I told you it would be like this. Everyone pretending Buffy didn't want to eat them and not saying anything." Anya speaks up.
God, where is a hole to crawl in when I need it?
"Anya, Hon, maybe we like the silence." Xander says uncomfortably.
"No one likes silences like this, Xander. Ok, since no one else is saying it, I will. Buffy, everyone is uncomfortable because we all know you wanted to eat us while you were evil, probably especially Xander because he's sexy. But here's the thing, we know that you aren't evil now so we're not afraid you're going to eat us now. And we've all talked about and we know that it wasn't you that wanted to eat us. It was the demon you. It's like when I was a vengeance demon, no one here holds me accountable for all the men I killed and I killed a whole lot more then you did. Of course I had hundreds of years, so it's not really a comparison. So, does anyone here hold Buffy accountable for the people her demon killed, show of hands please?" Anya looked around the table. "Ok, so see, can we please go back to eating our dinner and talking so that Xander and I can go have sex when we're done?"
Everyone stared open mouthed at Anya for a moment. It was Fred, of all people who finally broke the silence. "Well, yeah. So tell us about England."
*
The real purpose in having Willow, Tara and Giles there is to talk about Angel's soul. We want to anchor it, like mine is anchored. I don't want him to ever have to worry about being too happy ever again. I can't imagine being able to make love to him without him having to bring to bed whatever it is that he uses to make sure his soul stays intact. We all sit around the couches in the lobby. Willow and Tara have been doing a lot of research in the past few days.
"Basically, I don't think the Chinese soul spell will work, since Angel already has his soul. We'd have to remove the soul and then put it back. I really don't want to do that. The only soul removing spells I've ever heard about deal with really really dark magic. Darker then anything Giles has books on. I found some references on the net, but there are not many people who can do spells of that magnitude. The ones that can tend to be Necromancers."
"Will, he can't-I can't live the rest of eternity with his soul in question." I say.
"He may not-"Wesley starts. I notice Angel silence him with a look that could kill.
"I know. So we've been researching the curse and using some things from the books we got from Quentin. Tara thinks she may have found a way to anchor his soul without having to remove it first." Willow says.
The timid blond looks down at her hands and gathers her thoughts. "It's really a simple binding spell, just a very old one. There's a legend and no one really knows if its myth or fact, but the Muslims were rumored to have hired these demon sorcerers that collected souls for them. They sacrificed the souls and it supposedly made their armies stronger. So the Christians taught their priests this simple binding spell that was preformed before their warriors went into battle. It bound the soul to the body. Only a Christian priest could then release it to go onto the afterlife."
Angel wrinkled his brow the way he always does when he's concerned or worried. "So, you think this would work on me?"
Tara nods. "As long as priest doesn't release your soul."
"Tara, that's not even funny. What are the chances of that?"
"Really slim. You have no idea how hard I had to look to even find a reference of this spell I've actually been doing research on it for a long time. Willow told me about you and Angel when we first met. We were talking about spells we'd done and Willow mentioned the curse. That led us to the two of you. I thought it would be nice, even if you never got back together, if I could find a way to anchor your soul." Tara said.
I can't help impulsively hugging Tara. She blushes under the attention. "Tara, I don't even know how to thank you. And that you were working on this before, wow."
Tara shrugged and tried to make light of it. I wasn't going to let her. This wasn't something to be made light of.
"What do we need to do?" Angel asks.
"That's the only thing. It might be kind of painful, since it's a Christian ceremony." Willow says.
"If it doesn't kill me, I'll deal with it." Angel says.
The lobby smells like a catholic church. Tara has lit incense and fat beeswax candles all over the room. The only light comes from the candles. She and Angel are both wearing robes of unbleached cotton. The right sleeve of Angel's robe has been torn off. Tara holds a book and a cross in her hand.
"Ar-are you ready?" she asks.
Angel nods. I have tears in my eyes already.
Tara whispers a Hail Mary under breath. I don't know if she's reading it or she knows it. I notice Angel is whispering with her. It's easy to forget he was Catholic when he was human. Willow reaches over and laces her fingers with my own. I squeeze her hand gratefully.
Tara places the cross as lightly as she can on Angel's bared upper arm. She had explained to us earlier that traditionally the cross was placed on the forehead when the spell was done, but she didn't think the placement of the cross was important, as long as it touched bare skin. Angel decided his upper arm was an easy place to bandage. I can smell burning flesh. There's a lot of smoke coming off his skin. I try not to gag.
"Lord God Almighty take what is yours and bind it to this body. Let no being collect what is yours. Let it not be torn away via magic or death. Bind this soul to this body until it is granted your release."
Angel is struggling against vamping out. He's trying to hold still but the cross evokes a natural instinct to run. I want to run to him. I want to knock the cross away. I want to take him in my arms and soothe all the hurt away. The only thing holding me in place right now is Willow's hand. There is a bright flash, an audible pop and Tara removes the cross. Everyone is silent for a moment.
"I-I think that's it." Tara says.
I run to Angel and gather him in my arms. Cordy walks over and puts cream on his burn and a big gauze bandage without a word. I can see tears glistening unshed in her eyes. She finishes and gives the bandage a very light pat. Angel whispers a thank you.
Cordy flashes that patented Queen C smile. "Ok, who's for taking Angel's credit card and going to The Beverly Hills Hotel? I for one am not staying around while these two make like rabbits."
A/N Just a note. I completely totally absolutely made up the whole "myth" about the soul collecting and binding. I wanted a big real battle that Angel wasn't alive for. No offense or anything is intended.
