Diamonds Are a Robot's Best Friend
A "My Life as a Teenage Robot" Fanfic
Chapter Four – The Right Side of the Popularity Fence
Brad paid for his lunch, but he was too worked up to even think about eating. He had to find Jenny and show her his discovery about her boss's supposedly trusted robot. Brad grabbed his tray and scanned the crowd in the cafeteria. It wasn't exactly hard to find Jenny – just look for a table with one solitary metal teenager sitting at it. And there it was – except this time the metal teenager didn't have pigtails.
"Brad!" shouted Drew, looking up from a copy of the school paper. "Come on over. Plenty of good seats available."
Brad sat down across from him. "Drew! Hey, I didn't expect to see you here."
"Yeah, I usually don't eat, but I decided to pack a lunch today."
"That's great, because I've got something …" Brad paused for moment. "Hey, how come you're going with the natural look today? Gray and green stripes sort of sticks out in a crowd. You were doing the camouflage thing pretty well – you looked just like your old self."
Drew gave Brad a sarcastic grin, and held up the school paper. Page five sported a replica of the Drew-splattered-on-a-bus-windshield picture from the Tremorton Tribune. The one that Brad had taken. "This picture is stuck on every bulletin board in school. I don't think there's really much point in the camouflage thing anymore. Hey … there's a caption-writing contest. My best so far is 'Dang, the mosquitoes are big this year!' What do you think?"
"Not bad," said Brad. "Mine was 'Gumby forgot to look both ways before crossing.' Anyways, as I was saying … I've got something important to show you and Jenny. Have you seen her around?"
"Nope. She's usually here by now. I thought you two shared Math in third period?"
"Yeah, we do, but …" Brad stopped again, as Drew lifted up a heavy plastic bag and dropped it on the table with a loud, rattling clunk.
"What the heck is that?!?"
"Like I said, it's my lunch," said Drew. "I haven't eaten in a couple of days." Drew reached into his "lunch bag", pulled out a handful of steel rivets, and started popping them in his mouth, like popcorn.
Brad's faced twisted into a bizarre expression. "Umm … shouldn't you be chewing those?"
"Nah, they just melt in my mouth," explained Drew, tossing in another rivet. "Literally. You know, nanobots, rearranging atoms, all that good nano-stuff."
"Whatever. Anyway, I've got big news," grinned Brad. "I've got a lead on a story for my Career Week project that's gonna blow everyone away. This is not only an A-plus, they'll probably give me one of them Pulitzer prizes, too. When Jenny sees this, she's gonna freak!"
Jenny walked up just then, carrying a tray with her usual – lightweight motor oil. "Hey there guys - when I see what, Brad?"
"Just the person I wanted to see," said Brad, smiling theatrically. He pulled out a brown manila envelope and laid it on the table. "If you'll have a seat?"
Jenny sat next to Drew with a quizzical expression, silently asking: so what's the deal? Drew just shrugged. Brad had been trying to talk to her all morning long, but she'd been having fun yakking with her new girlfriends almost nonstop. "All right Brad," she chuckled, "you've finally got my undivided attention. So what's with all the drama?"
"Ladies and gentlemen … I give you the Marquis Jewelry store bandit." Brad pulled a photograph out of the envelope and flipped it over for everyone to see.
Jenny and Drew exchanged a glace, unimpressed. "Uh, Brad," Jenny replied, "I caught that guy. About a minute after he robbed the store, remember? Okay, technically, he blew himself up. But I got the diamonds back. End of story." She laughed. "You'll notice that I am not freaking."
Brad folded his arms, smiling confidently. "Then explain the photo. Check the reflection in the window."
Drew was actually the first to notice. "That sort of looks like that big robot that hangs around with your boss, Jenny. You know – your limo driver," he chuckled.
Jenny tapped her chin, a little more interested now. "Hmmm, it does sort of look like Rojack. And it looks like he's watching me chase the robot bandit."
"And he is holding a remote control," announced Brad. "I think we can all see where this is leading. Maximillian Marquis, the richest man in Tremorton, was robbed by his very own personal robot assistant! Rojack was controlling that black-and-red robot by remote control. Betraying the trust of his employer to satisfy his own greed. I knew there was something rotten about that guy! Remember the nasty look he gave us yesterday, Drew? That was because he recognized us from the crime scene!"
"Oh, come on, Brad!" groaned Jenny. "Rojack isn't like that at all! Sure, he's not exactly Mister Personality … actually, it kind of gives me the heebie-jeebies just standing around him. But he's completely loyal to Mr. Marquis! He may be creepy, but he's not a thief."
"Completely loyal, huh?" Brad rubbed his chin, thinking aloud. "So then … maybe … Maximillian Marquis ordered him to steal the diamonds! Oh, wow, this is even bigger than I thought! He steals his own diamonds, gets rich off of the insurance money, and laughs all the way to the bank. I can see the headline now! 'Student Reporter Uncovers Maximillian Marquis in Insurance Fraud!'"
"All right, now you're just being crazy. 'Gets rich off of the insurance money?' He's already a billionaire! Look, I'll admit that looks like Rojack standing on the roof. But that doesn't mean anything! That thing he's holding could be anything. It could be a … radio. Maybe he was just listening to some music! Robots do listen to music, you know. I listen to music. Drew listens to music, right?"
"Yeah, but I probably don't count." It was a little hard to understand him with his mouth full. Drew was munching on a shard of broken glass.
Now Jenny and Brad were both giving Drew a perplexed look. On the table in front of him sat more steel rivets, pieces of broken glass, copper tubing, a small bag of charcoal, and a dozen old computer circuit boards. Drew picked up a circuit board, started eating it like it was a piece of pizza, and noticed them staring at him.
"What?!?" he protested, shrugging his shoulders. "It's iron, silicon, copper, carbon … periodic table pot luck. My nanobots use all of this stuff."
Jenny shook her head and continued. "… Anyway, as I was saying, that picture doesn't prove anything. Rojack could have been up there for any number of reasons."
"Maybe so," smiled Brad. "In that case, you can ask him yourself when you see him again tonight."
"Ohhhhhh, no," she said, wagging her finger at Brad. "If you want to cook up some ridiculous story for your assignment, be my guest. Go look for Bigfoot, or something. But don't drag me into it! And don't make up any goofy stories about Maximillian Marquis. This job he gave me is the best thing that's ever happened, and I don't want anything to mess it up before tomorrow night!"
"What's so special about tomorrow night?" asked Drew … as he sucked on a tube of bathtub caulking.
"It's the big Diamond Exposition up at Mr. Marquis' mansion," Jenny smiled. "Everybody's going to be dressed up in fancy clothes, tuxedos and dresses. People from all around the world will be there, eating fancy food and talking about fancy things. And Mr. Marquis says that I'm going to be the star of the show." She wriggled in her seat. "Ohhh, I can't wait! I've been getting my … modeling training … and everybody there is being so nice to me."
"Pfffft. Model training," huffed Brad. "How hard can it be to just stand there?"
"I have to have poise and grace," Jenny huffed right back. "It's a lot more work than you think, but Mr. Marquis says that I'm a natural. You know, it's going to be nice to forget about crime-fighting and saving the world for one night. Everyone's going to be watching me, taking my picture with all those beautiful diamonds … you know, maybe this Career Week thing isn't so bad after all. Who knows? Maybe I'll become a world-famous model!"
"Uh-oh," Brad said to Drew. "You know, if you watch really close, you can actually see her head getting bigger." Drew fought back a chuckle.
Jenny folded her arms across her chest, angrily. "Big head, huh? Sounds to me like you two are just jealous of my great new career. You're just fetching coffee for a bunch of newspaper hacks," she said, pointing at Brad. "And you're just … what in the world are you doing?"
"I've been there two days, and I'm still not sure," Drew answered, rolling his eyes. "It involves a lot of filing."
"That's what I thought. Well then, you two can just forget about being invited to Mr. Marquis' mansion. He told me that I could bring a couple of friends."
"That's just what we'd like to talk to you about," said a swooning British accent, "Jenny, old pal!"
Their isolated table of three suddenly started to crowd over, as a riot of girls formed around their table, giggling and talking and causing a commotion. And they were being led by none other than Brit, Tiff, and the exclusive clique of popular girls, all wearing the friendliest faces you could imagine. Soon the table was filled to overflowing, surrounded wih a ring of standing room only. Jenny sat amazed, as the highest layer of the Tremorton High School social order circled around her like a drones around a queen bee.
Brad and Drew were nearly crushed themselves, not that either one of them minded that much.
"Hey there," Brad grinned to one of the cheerleaders. All he got in response was an upturned nose and a hmmmph.
"Uhh … hi," Drew gulped nervously, as Jantrice squeezed in between him and Jenny.
She gave him a strange look. "Are you … eating garbage?"
"No!" Drew's face dulled to a paler shade of gray. "Maybe."
"Never mind that," purred Brit, "we're all just dying to hear about Jenny's fascinating new job, aren't we girls?" The crowd nodded their heads with a chorus of you-bet and uh-huh. "We're all so very thrilled for you, Jenny darling. To think that one of our very own … homegirls … is modeling for Maximillian Marquis, why, it's the most fantastic thing I've ever heard of! You simply must tell us all about it."
"You said it!" Tiff chimed in. "We wanna hear every last little detail. Dish, girlfriend."
"R-really?" gasped Jenny, basking in the attention. "You girls want to hear about my modeling job?"
"Tell us all about working with all those models," grinned Stephanie.
"Tell us all about being surrounded by those gorgeous diamonds," swooned Pteresa.
"For Pete's sake, what's the big deal about diamonds already?" said Drew, rolling his eyes. "They're just really expensive rocks. Chunks of carbon, like … like this charcoal."
Drew grabbed a piece of charcoal from his "lunch" and closed his fist around it. A faint hummm-schlorp sound filled the air, and Drew's hand shimmered silver-green. A few seconds later, Drew opened his fist, revealing a sparkling, milky white diamond.
Everyone at the table was stunned, and Jantrice grabbed the diamond out of Drew's hand. "Wow!" she squealed with delight. "It's really a diamond! Look at it sparkle!"
Drew drummed his fingers on the table nervously. "Ah … you might want to give that back …"
But now the girls were mooning over the diamond, ooohing and ahhing. "Can I keep it?" "Make another one!" "Make one for me!"
Drew grew more nervous. "No, I can't. Ummm – you see –"
Suddenly the diamond shuddered slightly, and with a soft yellow flash, poof, it disintegrated into a fine gray ash. Several girls got ash all over their hands, faces, and trendy clothes, and as quickly as they had warmed to Drew, the girls were now furious with him – Jenny included.
"That wasn't a very funny joke!" growled Jenny.
"B-but it wasn't a joke! I didn't do that on purpose! I was just showing you, carbon is carbon. Look, if I could turn charcoal into diamonds permanently, do you think I'd still be going to school?"
"Never mind Android, Jenny dear, he's had his little fun," cooed Brit. Now she was practically fawning over Jenny. "Now tell us about the real diamonds. You know, the ones that'll be at the big show tomorrow night. I imagine they must so very beautiful. I certainly wish that I could go see them …"
Connie couldn't contain herself any longer. "Jenny, take me to the diamond show, and I'll give you my new purse!"
"Take me, and I'll do your homework for a month!" shouted Pteresa.
"She's a robot," growled Brit, "it takes her ten seconds to do her homework. Take me, Jenny, and I will personally guarantee that you will be popular for the rest of the school year."
Brad finally flung his arms into the air. "For crying out loud! Jenny, these are the same girls who treat you like dirt all week long. As soon as your big modeling gig is over tomorrow night, they'll throw you away like an old soda can! Can't you see that?!?"
Jenny crossed her arms and glared at Brad. "So I'm an 'old soda can' now, am I?"
Brad slapped his forehead. "That's not what I said!"
"Look, you two are wasting valuable real estate here!" grumbled Stephanie. Arms shot out of the crowd of girls, grabbed Brad and Drew by the shoulders, and pulled them out of their seats. The ladies were very serious about a chance at a scarce invitation to a billionaire's ball. Brad landed on the floor ten feet away, with his 'Rojack' photograph in his hands. Drew clanked down next to him, with the rest of his "lunch bag" tossed at his feet.
"Girls, girls," smiled Jenny, motioning for her new crowd of admirers to calm down. "There's no need for that sort of thing. We're all civilized here. Now, I'm very flattered by all the attention, and I wish I could take all of you to the diamond show tomorrow night!" A sly smile started to grow on her face. "But, of course, I can only take two. I honestly just don't know how I'm going to decide."
There was a few seconds' silence, and then … "I'll give you my new CD player!"
"I'll carry your backpack for you!"
"I'll invite you to my next house party!"
As the noise grew, Brad and Drew slowly shook their heads, looked over their shoulders at the bidding war, then looked at each other.
"Uhhh … what just happened here?" asked Drew.
"Something is rotten in the state of Tremorton," grumbled Brad, "and I intend to find out what it is. Jenny said that I didn't have any proof that Maximillian Marquis is up to some monkey business. Well, I'm not giving up just yet! We're going to get some proof. The motto of the Tremorton Tribune is, 'Nothing must stop the pursuit of the truth!' We're going to pursue that truth tonight after work. Yessirree, tonight, Drew, you and I are going to return to the scene of the crime!"
"We!?! What do you mean, we? What the heck are we supposed to do there?"
"We're gonna snoop around the roof of Marquis Diamonds, and look for clues."
"Clues?" sneered Drew. "You wanna get together with Scooby and Shaggy, and ride over in the Mystery Machine?"
"I've got something better than that." Brad smiled, and put his arm on Drew's shoulder. "I've got my good, good friend and his freaky robot abilities."
"Oh, that's just pathetic," Drew said, rolling his eyes. "Jenny might be able to get away with a line like that, but what makes you think I want to sneak around on a rooftop with you after work tonight?"
"Because we're friends. And because if you don't, I'll go by myself, and you'll worry about me getting into trouble and embarrassing Jenny. And because you're bored out of your mind at your Career Week job, filing stuff all afternoon. And because you've got nothing better to do."
Drew thought for a moment, and sighed. "Man, you're good at this."
Brad grinned. "Where do you think Tuck gets it from?"
Continued in Chapter Five
A/N: The story has been a little slow so far, but things pick up in the next chapter. Trust me!
