Diamonds Are a Robot's Best Friend

A "My Life as a Teenage Robot" Fanfic

Chapter Six – The Queen of Denial


There was one good thing about being terrified – it pumped a body full of adrenaline, and Brad was using all of his right now.  He lunged wildly to his right, rolling onto the concrete and bowling into Drew's legs, sending him crashing onto his back.  The diamond-tipped boomerang sailed over his head with a thwang, and sliced through an air conditioning unit, filling the night with a shower of electrical sparks.

"What is your problem, pal?!?" shouted Brad.  "You almost took my head off!  Twice!"

Drew blinked a couple of times, as a new pair of eyes formed from the ample supply of nanobots in his body.  "What the heck is going on out there … yeep."

Rojack reached up to catch his boomerang again, which folded and stowed away in his right hand.  Then he silently walked towards Brad and Drew with a confident, lumbering stride.  He looked down at the two trespassers, letting his intimidating presence do the talking for him.

Brad just stared back at him, then gathered some nerve and stuck out his chest.  "Oh, I'll just bet you'd like for us to run off scared.  After all, you've got something to hide here, don't you?  You and your money-bags boss?  Well, I work for the Tremorton Tribune.  Um … sort of … well, for the rest of this week, anyway!  And I've got a few questions for you, tough guy."

Rojack smiled, and looked at the camera that Brad was still clutching onto.  He gestured with a massive hand – give it to me.

"My camera?!  No way, it belongs to the newspaper!  I'll get in trouble!"

The eight-foot robot reached out to grab the camera, but Drew stepped forward to block him.  "Look, Ro-jerk, knock off the robot gangster act.  He said you can't have the camera ..."

Rojack's left arm grabbed Drew around the neck, and lifted him six feet into the air.  His hand briefly glowed yellowish-white, then a massive electrical surge shot through Drew's entire body.  His arms and legs flailed wildly, until he finally lost solid form and flowed out of Rojack's grip, sloshing into a pile of silver sludge.  It bubbled for a few seconds, and then a blob flowed up, oozing into the shape of Drew's head.

His eyes were still spinning around in their sockets.  "Like I was saying … he'd be more than happy to give you the camera."

Brad gripped it tightly in his hands, then grinned with an idea.  "Okay, okay.  You win, Rojack.  Please don't hurt us.  Here, the camera's all yours."  He held up the camera …

And set off the flash on rapid-fire at its highest setting.  Rojack shielded his eyes, dazzled and distracted.  Brad grabbed Drew by his still-reforming shoulders and shook him.  "Let's get our butts out of here!"

They took off in a sprint, back towards the alleyway.  It was forty feet back down to street level.  They looked back to see Rojack barreling towards them at a full charge.  "No time for climbing," said Drew.  "We gotta take the express elevator."  He wrapped his arms around Brad's chest from behind, and jumped off of the ledge.

Before he could even shout in protest, Brad felt himself rushing towards the ground face-first.  Drew's supple legs formed extra joints, and his feet turned into long claws.  He dug his claw-feet into the brick wall, filling the air with dust and grit, but also slowing their falling speed.  Carving two huge grooves in the wall, they came to a stop a few inches from the ground.

Drew set Brad down, and pulled his legs out of the wall, flowing them back to normal.  "Hey, after this is over," laughed Brad, "I want to do that again!"

They both jumped as the whole alley shuddered violently.  Rojack had jumped down from the roof, landing with crushing force on the pavement.  The robot brute stood up, unfazed by the fall, and deployed the boomerang from his right arm …

"Run, Forrest, run!" shouted Drew.  They were still in the narrow alleyway, which was a little too confining for comfort.  They made it around the corner just as a shrieking whine whistled past them.  Brad could swear he felt the diamond tips nipping at the lapels of his jacket.  The boomerang sailed past them and sliced through a streetlight post, toppling it to the sidewalk with a metallic crash.

Drew glanced back to see Rojack roar around the corner, gaining on them with surprising speed.  He looked around frantically, desperate for ideas.  He got one as he noticed a delivery truck speed past them.

"What do you say we hitch a ride?!?" he shouted to Brad.  They ran into the street and jumped onto the back of the delivery van.  Brad got his footing and held on with one hand, while protecting the camera in the other.  Drew slushed himself onto the top of the van, and pulled Brad up after him.

Brad held the camera in his hand like a trophy, and waved, laughing.  Rojack was still running down the sidewalk after them, but rapidly falling behind.  "Buh-bye, Ro-joke!  Go soak your head in a bucket of oil!  Your boss is going to turn you into a Coke machine!  You pile of rusty …"

Rojack took a pair of long strides, then planted his feet and propelled himself into the air.  Brad and Drew stared, amazed, as Rojack jumped over a hundred feet, sailing directly towards them.  He was about to land right on top of the delivery van.  Rojack grinned down at them viciously …

Drew flattened his body out, and flowed into a smooth layer on top of the delivery van's roof.  Rojack crashed down on the slick, silvery-green surface … and kept on going.  There was zero friction, like a super non-stick coating.  An eighteen-wheeler was speeding towards them in the oncoming lane.  The black-and-silver robot slid off of the roof of the delivery van and fell directly into the path of the big rig.  With a horrific crash, twenty tons of truck slammed into Rojack, then rumbled over his body, as it rolled and clattered down the street.

Drew's head popped back up, and his body started to re-form.  "Now that's gotta hurt," he smiled to Brad.

"Yes!  We did it!" Brad shouted into the wind, as the truck sped along.  "And best of all, I've got everything on film, right in this little baby."  He patted the camera, which was filled with all of the photos he'd taken of Marquis' workshop, and the weird stuff inside of it …

And the camera split neatly into two halves, sliced right down the middle.

Brad and Drew shared a shocked expression for a few seconds.  Then Brad just screamed in disgust and frustration.  The boomerang hadn't missed its target after all.


More than a mile behind them, a horrified driver climbed down from the cab of his diesel truck.  Smoke and steam poured from an gash in the grill, and oil was leaking onto the road.  The trucker ran back to see what he had run over …

He was stunned to see the massive black and silver, barrel-chested robot sit up, get to its feet, and gather its bearings.  Rojack regained his composure, and brushed some dust off of his double-M insignia.  He looked down the road, in the direction that the teenagers had escaped, with a cold, nasty stare.  Then he silently stepped around the astounded truck driver, walked past his ruined vehicle, and calmly headed back towards the Marquis Diamonds building.


Brad nervously paced back and forth in front of his locker.  Normally, he and Jenny shared first period geometry, but she hadn't been to class this morning.  That wasn't completely unusual for Jenny, and she might have been off fighting aliens, or stopping a natural disaster.  But after what he'd seen last night, Brad was starting to get a little worried for his best friend.  Maximillian Marquis was not the charming patron that he pretended to be.  Jenny might be in real danger, from someone she trusted.  Maybe something bad had already happened.

"Okay, Brad, calm down," said Drew, who didn't look all that calm himself.  "I asked around a little and nobody's seen her yet today.  But come on, Jenny can take care of herself, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose so," sighed Brad, "but she's been acting a little goofy ever since this whole modeling thing started.  I don't think she's thinking straight.  By the way, did you have any luck in the library?"

Drew shook his head.  "Couldn't find anything on Moonsword that made any sense.  It sounds like something from one of those goofy dungeons-and-dragons games.  We should find ourselves a nerd and see if he knows what it means."

"Speaking of nerds," smiled Brad, watching a clumsy figure make his way down the hallway.  Sheldon was walking towards them, with an eager look on his face, clutching a dozen roses.  Brad laughed to himself … poor Sheldon just didn't give up.

"Hey guys," he panted, "have either of you seen Jenny?  She wasn't in second period, and nobody knows where she is.  I wanted to give her a good-luck bouquet for her big debut."

"We were just wondering the same thing, Sheldon," answered Brad.  "Nobody's seen her since she went to work last night."  He didn't say, since we were spying on her last night.

"We probably won't see much of her after tonight, either," he sighed, almost mournfully.  "I suppose I should have realized that a beauty like hers was too great to be confined to one tiny little town like Tremorton.  She belongs to the world now, gentlemen.  We should count ourselves lucky to have caught a glimpse of the beginning of her epic journey to stardom."

Brad and Drew just rolled their eyes at each other.

Just then, the double doors at the end of hall swung open, and Brad had to shield his eyes from a bright, dazzling light.  Drew couldn't believe his eyes.  Sheldon just stared, with his jaw hanging down around his navel.

Jenny strolled elegantly down the hallway towards them, with flashes and twinkles of light shining from nearly every part of her body.  Her normal teal color had been painted over with an icy, sparkling bluish white that seemed to be mixed with thousands of tiny glimmering crystals.  Her arms and face were glistening with a frosty glaze.  She looked like a walking jewel, covered with an cloak of dazzling sparkles that nearly overwhelmed the senses.  She wasn't glowing … she was shining.

And she was trailing a huge crowd of astonished admirers, amazed at her transformation from clumsy teenager into school celebrity.  She smiled to herself, pretending not to notice the effect she was having on her fellow students – but she knew, and she was enjoying it immensely.

The boys stared, dumbstruck, as Jenny approached them.  She spoke with a casual, almost flippant tone as students crowded around her.  "Hello.  Yes, hello there.  No touching, please.  Hello, darling.  Ah … Bradley, Andrew, Sheldon … always nice to see you."

Brad arched an eyebrow, trying to make sense of things.  "Ahhhh … hey there, Jenny.  What's with …"

"Ah, ah, ah," she said, wagging a finger.  "Jennifère, please.  'Jenny' is so pedestrian, so …déclassé."

Sheldon, lost in a lovestruck gaze, managed to croak out a few incoherent squeaks.

Holy smoke, what's with the attitude? Brad wondered.  "Well, Jennifère, where have you been all morning?  And … and what's the deal with that stuff all over you?"

Jenny struck a pose, resting her hand on her hip.  "Ha, ha, ha … oh, Bradley, your concern is so amusing.  This, 'stuff', as you put it, is a special surprise that Max – oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Marquis – had made just for me, for the show tonight.  It's paint, mixed up with finely ground diamond dust.  I had to get my first application last night, and another this morning, to give it proper time to dry.  You can't rush beauty, you know."

Sheldon finally managed to untangle his tongue.  "Jenny!  I mean … Jennifère!  I mean … these are for you!"  He held out the bouquet of roses to her, with sweat rolling down his forehead, still stunned by Jenny's sparkling new look.

"More flowers.  Yes, very charming, Sheldon," she said with a patronizing tone.  Then she snapped her fingers and raised her voice.  "Brit!  Tiff!"

The Krust cousins fought their way through the mob, elbowing and shoving students aside, in answer to Jenny's summons.  Brit was carrying Jenny's backpack, and Tiff was carrying several bags stuffed with supplies in each hand.  They each looked tired, and huffed as they finally caught up to Jenny.  Brit pasted a big smile on her face and wiped a loose strand of hair from her face.  "I'm so sorry we fell behind, Jennifère!  We got a little … er … trampled by your fans."

"Yes, they do get a little enthusiastic, don't they?"  Jenny gestured towards Sheldon's roses.  "Tiffany, be a dear and do something with these, will you?"

"I'm all over it, ma'am!"  Tiff snatched the roses out of Sheldon's hand and jammed them in one of her tote bags.

"I can't let anything smudge the finish on my outer shell, you see.  It's all so very inconvenient," smiled Jenny.

Brad was starting to lose his patience.  "Listen, Jenny, we've got something really important to tell you.  I don't think you can trust that Marquis guy!  I know I sure don't trust him.  And I don't think you should go to that fancy show at his mansion tonight.  You might be in danger!"

Jenny laughed.  "Oh, Bradley, still with your fantasies about evil masterminds and master plots?  The only thing I'll be in danger of tonight is going blind from all of the camera flashbulbs going off in my face.  Max has been a perfect gentleman to me all week long, and he's going to make me an international supermodel.  Maybe you're just a little bit jealous that I'm spending so much time around a rich, successful, cultured man?  Don't worry, Bradley.  I won't forget the little people when I'm famous."

She fanned her face a bit.  "My, I'm feeling a bit overheated.  Brittany, be a sweetie and open up a can for me, will you?"

Brit grabbed a tote bag from Tiff, fumbled around, and pulled out a can of motor oil.  "Here you go, dear!  Just give me a second!"  It took Brit a few tries to get the spout in the can, and she spilled some oil on her blouse in the process.  "My fault!  Clumsy me.  Here you are!"

Jenny leaned to sip from the spout, then … "What is this?  This is 10-W-40!  Do I look like a farm tractor to you?!?  I specifically asked for 10-W-30!  Lightweight!"

"I'm so sorry!  Stupid, stupid me!  I … I'll be right back!"  Brit took off down the hall.

"And make sure it's Venezuelan this time!" Jenny shouted after her.  She turned with a smile.  "Well this has all been so much fun, boys – we really must do it again soon.  Have your people call my people.  Gotta run now.  Toodles.  Come on, Tiffany."  And with that, Jenny, Tiff, and her entourage paraded away, down the hall.

Drew stared in absolute disbelief.  "Parallel universe.  That's gotta be it.  We've been flung into a parallel universe."  He nudged Sheldon's shoulder, looking for signs of life.  The poor fellow was a statue, with a look of rapturous bliss pasted over his face.

Sheldon finally spoke.  "I never knew … that angels flew so low," he sighed.

Brad frowned.  "I'm not sure if angel is the word I'm looking for.  Man, there's no way she's going to listen to us.  I'm telling you, something big is going to happen at that mansion tonight.  Something big is going to happen, and we need to be there to keep an eye on Jenny, whether she wants it or not."

"Oh, and just how are we supposed to do that?" Drew asked sarcastically.  "You'd have to be a millionaire to get invited to that place tonight.  And seeing as how you're … oh, about a million dollars short, I can't say that I like your chances.  And without one of Jennifère's invitations, there's no way that a high school student is getting in to the diamond show."

"I'm going to be at the diamond show," said a voice from behind them.  Miguel had been getting a few books from his locker, and had overheard their conversation.

"You're going to be at Maximillian Marquis' swanky mansion tonight?" asked Brad, surprised.

"Yeah, I'm working there.  My dad owns a temp agency, and he got the contract to supply a whole bunch of extra servants for that big fancy shindig.  Those millionaires love having guys come around with the little trays of cheese and fish eggs and junk!  Kind of a drag, but hey, alls I know is that those are some muy grande tippers.  This time tomorrow, I'm going to be shopping for my new mountain bike!"

A wide smile grew on Brad's face.  "You say that Marquis is hiring a whole bunch of temps to work at his party tonight?"

Drew slapped his face.  "Oh, no."

Brad patted Miguel on the shoulder.  "Think he could use two more?  Who agree to give you all the money they make on the night?"

Miguel grinned.  "Brad, amigo … let's talk business!"


Continued in Chapter Seven