Diamonds Are a Robot's Best Friend

A "My Life as a Teenage Robot" Fanfic

Chapter Eight – Curtain Going Up


Jenny peeked through the curtain out into the crowd of wealthy socialites, chatting amongst themselves, noses in the air – definitely not a very friendly-looking bunch.  She'd been looking forward to this moment all week long, and now that it was finally here, she was having a serious case of stage fright.  "I – I'm not sure if I can do this," she stammered to her "coach".  "What if they just see a robot freak?  What if they don't like me?"

The older lady was putting a final polish on the blue-white diamond-paint highlights covering Jenny's pigtails.  "Don't worry about it, sweetie.  Just pick your friends out of the audience and focus on them."

Jenny smiled weakly.  "Yeah … my friends."  It had been so satisfying to give the Diamond Expo invitations to Brit and Tiff earlier today; it had been a lot of fun making them run around and tend to her every whim.  But she hadn't seen them since they arrived at the mansion, and they hadn't said two words to her all night.  They're probably chasing after millionaires' sons.  So for all practical purposes, she was here all alone.  The greatest night of her life, spent in a room filled with strangers.

"Jennifer, Jennifer … why do you look so sad?"

Maximillian Marquis was walking around "backstage", in the room adjoining the main ballroom, performing a last-minute "inspection" of his employees.  He walked over to Jenny, beaming a confident smile.  "My, just look at you!  You are a truly sight to behold!"

And she had to admit, the transformation was astounding.  The coatings of diamond-paint made her metal skin shine like a crystal from head to toe.  "I suppose I'm just a little anxious.  Are you sure I look all right?"

Marquis made a grand, sweeping gesture.  "Jennifer, you would shame Aphrodite herself into hiding!  But you are missing one very important thing."

She grimaced, concerned.  "Oh, no!  What is it?  What did I forget?!?"

Marquis pulled out a black velvet case, and opened the lid.  Inside was an amazing diamond necklace, with rows of blue-white diamonds strung together, encircling a single, large icy blue lunar diamond.  Jenny thought that it might be the most beautiful thing she had ever seen before in her life.

He slid it around her slim neck, fastened it, then stepped back to admire the masterpiece.  Then he gestured to one of the dressing-room mirrors.  "What do you think?" he impishly smiled.

Jenny just stared at her reflection, in a dreamy fog.  "It's beautiful," she finally mouthed.  "The big diamond actually matches my paint color!"

"It does at that," said Marquis.  "It is as if it were made just for you."  Marquis had to grin to himself at his little joke.  Of course it was made just for you, foolish girl.  So was the microchip hidden behind that diamond.  Marquis stroked the large blue-white diamond capstone of his walking-stick.  Everything was coming together.  It was only a matter of time now.


The side hallway was the best place to slip back into the crowd unnoticed.  As soon as the tuxedo-clad security guard rounded the corner, a river of silver molasses flowed from the small ventilation grate and piled itself up into a six-foot tall pillar of shiny goo.  After a few seconds of schlorping, Drew had re-formed himself into his human appearance, complete with waiter's uniform.

He started walking in the direction of the kitchen, but then he remembered that he was early …it was only eight-thirty.  Brad had said that he was going to check out the main ballroom.  Pffft.  Yeah, like he got in there, Drew sneered to himself.  Brad was a persistent guy, though, and he was probably still trying to figure out a way to weasel in, so Drew turned around and headed for the main ballroom.


Ruby gestured to a huge blue jewel sitting on a velvet pillow.  "And at over seven hundred carats, this is the world's largest sapphire, unearthed from one of our mines in South Africa.  The King of England wanted to buy it for his wife, but Monsieur Marquis would not sell," she laughed.

"Just as well," quipped Brad, "a girl could hurt herself wearing that on her finger."  He was still trying to be charming – and succeeding, I might add! – but he started to realize that Ruby had more than a passing knowledge about jewels.  "You certainly know a lot about pretty rocks, Miss LaRose.  Do you sell them?"

"No, I find them.  I am one of Monsieur Marquis' chief geologists."  Brad was amazed at how seductive the word geologist could be when spoken in a French accent.

"A geologist?  I must say, it's a bit difficult to picture you with a pick-axe and a miner's helmet."

"Oh, I have a pick-axe," she laughed.  "But I do not wear a miner's helmet.  I wear an astronaut's helmet.  My specialty is lunar geology."

"Wow, you work on the moon!?!  That's so cool!"  Brad caught himself, and coughed a few times.  "I mean … how very interesting.  The commute must be terrible."

"Monsieur Marquis has always been fond of lunar diamonds," explained Ruby.  She led Brad over to an exhibit at the back of the room, where some lunar diamonds were on display below a large color mural depicting a mining outpost on the moon's surface.  There were other photos showing some of the equipment used to extract the diamonds.  One photo showed space-suited workers and robots riding down into a deep mine shaft.

"Looks like difficult work," said Brad, back in character.  Lunar diamonds … that's what we heard the old rich guy talking about last night.  "So is that all a geologist does?  Dig for diamonds in the dirt?"  Brad gave her a playful, suave smile.

"It's a bit more than that," she grinned.  "We use sophisticated equipment to locate the diamonds before we ever start digging.  Diamonds are buried much, much deeper than they are here on Earth.  Sometimes hundreds of miles."

"Must take a while to drill a hole that long," Brad wondered aloud, looking at the photos.

"We use lasers now," explained Ruby.  "Some of the lasers that you see in these photographs actually use diamonds to generate the beam.  Humorous, is it not?  Using a diamond to dig for more diamonds?"

Wait a second … he remembered a bit more.  "Do they use Jovian diamonds for the laser beams?"

Suddenly Ruby's mood seemed to cool off a bit, as if she was upset that he knew that little fact.  "The show is about to begin," she said, "but sadly, I do not believe that you will be staying to enjoy the festivities."

That surprised him.  "What do you mean by that?!?"

Ruby smiled, and nodded to somebody – Brad suddenly realized that someone was standing directly behind him.  Somebody tall.  And robotic.  He turned around, and found himself staring into a silver-black, double-M insignia, painted on a large, powerful metallic chest.  He gulped hard, and slowly looked up, and up, until his eyes met with an annoyed face, arrogantly smiling back down at him.

"Allow me to introduce you to Rojack," she said, in a mocking voice.  "But then again, I believe that you two have already met, n'est-ce pas?"

Brad turned to Ruby with a hurt expression on his face.  "You … you were just playing with me the whole time!  Aw, man … that really blows!"

"Oh, Mister Brad … or should I call you 'James'?"  She laughed, and shrugged her shoulders.  "C'est la guerre.  Now, you are trespassing, and Rojack would like you to quietly leave the room with him.  I believe he would like to have a little … conversation with you."


Maximillian Marquis gestured dramatically towards the velvet curtains.  "… and so, ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to present to you, my premier collection … Jewels of the Cosmos!"

Jenny fought a wave of panic as the curtains drew back, revealing a crowd of several hundred people staring right at her.  A few gasps filled the room as they took in her sparkling appearance, and the lunar diamonds draped over her metal skin.  She was surrounded by six pedestals, three on each side, each showcasing one of the football-sized purple Jovian diamonds that she had cut a few days ago.  The large quartz mirrors stood in a semicircle around the platform, reflecting the brilliance of the jewels many times over.  All she could hear were hushed whispers and the clicking of camera shutters.

Okay, okay, get it together, girl … poise and grace.  You are … Jennifère.  She took a few steps forward, posed just as she'd practiced, and flashed her biggest smile for the audience.  Lamps in the floor and ceiling reflected off of her diamond paint coating, filled the room with a dazzling brilliance.  Now the sound of shutters and flashbulbs filled the room.  Even the jaded millionaires decided that they were impressed with Marquis' latest extravaganza, and they started to applaud.

Omigosh!  They're clapping!  She sighed in relief.  Now that the tension was broken, Jenny started to relax, and enjoy her moment in the spotlight.  Oh right – I'm supposed to show off the big purple diamonds.  She strolled over towards one of the pedestals on her right, smiling to all the people in the room.  There was a group of jewel buyers.  Next to them stood Maximillian Marquis, smiling confidently.  Over there was a group of rich, handsome young men – giggle! – and over there was Rojack, dragging away a teenage boy with spiky red hair …

Her eyes almost sprung out of their sockets.  "BRAD?!?" she shouted, to the confusion of the crowd.


Drew rushed past the door attendant and into the main ballroom after hearing Jenny's shout.  Nobody seemed too concerned about him at the moment, though – in fact, they were turning with a bit of disgust to see what the commotion was at the side of the room, where … oh, crap.  Brad was squirming back and forth in Rojack's iron grip, unsuccessfully trying to break free.  He was probably safe as long as he was in a crowd, but if Rojack got him alone somewhere – he did try to kill us both last night.

Brad twisted himself around just enough to face the main platform.  "JENNY!  Listen to me!  Take off that necklace!  Take it off!!!"  He grunted in discomfort as Rojack yanked him forcefully towards the door.

"Take off the necklace?" Jenny muttered to herself.  Has Brad gone nuts?!?  He was ruining her big night!  But … there was something about the look on his face that seemed intensely serious.  And why was Rojack handling him so rough?

"Get that young ruffian out of here immediately!" barked Marquis.  Jenny glanced at him – it was the first time she'd ever heard him raise his voice.  Then, calming … "Please forgive the interruption, ladies and gentlemen.  I can assure you that everything is under control …"

Drew tried to think.  Okay, if everything's under control, then maybe what we need is a little chaos.  With a warbling, liquid schlorrrrrp, he oozed into formless pillar of silver-green paste.  Then he leapt twenty feet through the air, as if shot out of a fire hose, and landed next to a ten-million dollar diamond tiara.  Drew reformed into his silver-green android form, and grabbed the tiara from its display setting.

Klaxon alarms sounded, and people all around him shrieked in terror.  For once, that was exactly what Drew wanted.  He tossed the tiara aside; all he wanted to do was set off the alarm.  He knocked over a few other display pedestals for good measure, crashing display cases to the floor.  In the span of six seconds, Drew had started a nice little panic.

Brad seized on the opportunity for escape.  A waiter standing next to him was holding an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne, staring at Drew as he oozed and slithered his way around the security guards.  Brad grabbed the bottle, and tossed it backwards, over his head – smashing it directly into Rojack's metal face.

The bottle didn't hurt him, but alcohol conducted electricity, and Rojack staggered momentarily as a shower of short circuits danced around his eyes.  That was enough for Brad to wrestle himself free of the towering brute.  "Looks like that champagne went right to your head, Ro-jerk!" he laughed.  Then Brad broke for the main platform.

"Jenny!" shouted Brad.  "Jenny, take off that necklace!  There's some kind of microchip in it!"

Drew jumped over two more security guards.  "For Pete's sake, Brad, we've got to get out of here!"

Jenny left the platform and took a few steps into the crowd.  "Brad, what do you think you're doing?!?  Have you completely lost your mind?!?"

Marquis grabbed her by the shoulder.  "Jennifer, concern yourself with your duties.  My personal guards will deal with these intruders.  Return to the stage!"  His voice had more of an edge to it than usual …

"But we can straighten all of this out, if I just talk to the big knucklehead for a minute to see why he's so upset about …"

Marquis' hand gripped her arm forcefully, and yanked her backwards.  "I said, GET BACK ON STAGE, girl!  NOW!  Do as you are told!"

The words hit her like a sledgehammer; it was as if a mask had fallen off of Marquis' face, and someone different was lying underneath.  Marquis' calm demeanor disappeared, and a face of quiet rage looked back at her.  There's no way that … that Brad could actually be right.  Is there?  Jenny stared at Marquis with a combination of anger and confusion.

Brad shoved his way through stunned and panicked guests, trying to get closer to the platform while avoiding the approaching security guards.  "Jenny, you're in danger!" he shouted.  Then the room shuddered slightly as a pair of heavy footsteps shook the floor.  Rojack had recovered from Brad's champagne attack, and he started to lumber towards him in pursuit.  Rojack didn't have to shove people aside; the crowd parted like the Red Sea as he approached, his metal face growling with anger.

But Rojack staggered sideways a few steps as he was tackled from out of nowhere by a silver-green blur.  Drew clung to the massive robot's chest, trying to force him to the ground; but it had been a mistake to try and out-muscle the black-and-silver giant.  Rojack managed to get his left hand wrapped around a piece of silver taffy, and he sent a blast of his paralyzing beam into Drew's body.  With one swift motion, Rojack spun and through the silver-green blob crashing through a large window, onto the estate grounds below.

"Drew!" screamed Jenny.  The she turned to Marquis.  "All right, I don't know what's going on here, but you tell that big gorilla to leave my friends alone!"  She yanked her arm free from his grip, and stumbled backwards into one of the pedestals … knocking it hard enough to tip over one of the giant Jovian diamonds.  She watched, horrified, as the purple diamond tumbled to the floor …

… and shattered into a million pieces.

Oh no oh no oh no … I just broke diamond worth more money than I can count … then she straightened up, with a puzzled look on her face.  "Wait a second.  A diamond shouldn't break like that!"  With a soft whirr, a pair of magnifying scopes extended from the back of her head, and she examined the rubble on the floor.  "These diamonds are fakes!"

Brad was still pushing his way through the crowd, now almost up to the platform.  "He's using the real ones on something called a Moonsword," he shouted.  "Ask him for yourself!"

Jenny stomped over to confront Maximillian Marquis, who was growing more agitated by the second.  "All right, Mister, care to explain what's going on here?"

Marquis growled, and took a deep breath … and suddenly was calm once more, although he had look of malevolence to him.  "My dear Jennifer," he purred, "have I never told you why I so enjoy having robots in my employ?  Robots are efficient.  Robots are reliable ..."

He grinned, and twisted the giant moon-diamond on top of his walking-stick.  A pair of beeps chirped from the large blue diamond on Jenny's necklace.  She shuddered slightly, and her face twitched once – then she relaxed, and her eyes glazed over with a frosty blue.

"… And robots are obedient."

Brad made his way to the front of the crowd just in time to see Jenny's necklace activate.  Her face took on a neutral, lifeless expression, and she stared straight ahead at an empty point in space.  "J-Jenny?" he asked weakly.

"YOU!" growled Marquis.  "XJ-9, your first task is to restrain your hooligan friend here, while I make some arrangements to the evenings' schedule."  He withdrew a cell phone from the pocket of his tuxedo and started giving orders.  "Move the schedule forward!  Immediately!  Yes, I want to be ready to go as soon as I arrive.  Have the guards locate that bizarre silver android and capture it, or destroy it.  I don't care which."

To Brad's astonishment, Jenny stepped forward and grabbed him by the shoulders.  "Jenny!  It's me, Brad!  Jenny?  Jenny?!?"

"Mister Marquis has ordered me to restrain you," she murmured in a dull voice.

Marquis raised his voice to the crowd, still in a frenzy over the activity.  "Ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing to worry about.  I apologize for the … excitement … but I assure you, there will be no further disturbances.  Please enjoy yourselves for the remainder of the evening.  Now, if you will excuse me … an urgent matter has come up which requires my attention."   He gestured towards Rojack.  "Have the helicopter prepared.  We will be heading to the Moonsword site at once."

Marquis left the main ballroom through the velvet curtains, into a private area of his mansion.  Jenny followed obediently, dragging a stunned Brad by the shoulders.  Marquis looked over his shoulder at Brad with a smirk.  "Well, my troublesome young friend, it seems you are curious as to the nature of the Moonsword.  I will be most happy to show it to you.  However, I imagine that you will not … enjoy your visit very much."


Continued in Chapter Nine