Chapter 44- Normal or something like it.

-Buffy-

He's been human a month. From the shadows of the arbor, I've watched him play in the sun like a little boy. He and Gunn put up a basketball goal. The Powers let him keep his vampiric strength and natural athleticism. Within a few hours, it looks like he's been playing the game his whole life. His skin is permanently sunburned. I rub Aloe Vera gel on it every night and warn him against the dangers of skin cancer.
I watch him do everything. He loves food. He's like a little kid every time he tries something new. He's got a wicked sweet tooth. The pantry in the kitchen is stocked with treats that make Xander look like an amateur. To his credit, he does try and eat healthy in between the sweet tooth attacks. I've tried to get him to go to the beach. I want him to see how blue the ocean is with the sun shining on it. I've suggested he go to the park and play or take Fred, Gunn and Wes for a picnic. He refuses. He doesn't say it but I know he wants to play in the sun in the courtyard, where I can watch him. He's told me before that watching me in the sun, when I was human, was as close to walking in the sun as he got. I tried to talk to him about it at first, but it just turned into an argument so I've stopped making suggestions.
He slams the basketball into the hoop with a gleeful laugh. It's a good sound. He and Gunn trade punches to the arm. He looks up and catches me watching him and this change comes over his face. It's part love and part pain. The big ear to ear smile goes away and is replaced by that half grin, the one he always saved just for me. He drops the basketball and walks into the shadows to me. I wrap my arms around him and welcome him into the darkness.

I miss Willow so much. I know I could talk to her and she would be on my side. Willow would understand and always support me. She was always the only one I could talk to Angel about. She was my best friend, my Willow. I need her so much right now.
I watch Angel sleep. The rise and fall of his chest is hypnotic to me. He's beginning to get a tan and I'm so pale next to him. I lightly trace my fingers over an old bruise on his ribs. We were training, sparring, and I hit him to hard. He's still got the vampiric strength, but his healing is more like a human slayer. He heals but not like I do now, not like he did when he was a vamp. I'm more careful with him now. I pull my punches; I don't use my preternatural speed. I hate to see the purple black bruises discoloring his beautiful skin. I brush a kiss across his lips. He smiles in his sleep. He sleeps so much more soundly now.

-Angel-

I reach over to her side of the bed. She's not there. She always wakes up before me now. I guess even a super human needs more sleep then a vampire. I stretch. My muscles are slightly sore from playing basketball with Gunn the day before. I almost giggle a manly giggle though. It's a novel to be sore after two and a half centuries as a vampire. I get up and jump in the shower. I have to be careful and test the water properly. The first time I took a shower after turning human, I jumped in without thinking and scalded myself.
I towel dry my hair and put some gel in it. My reflection still takes some getting used to and the hair, I'm just not so sure. I tried combing it down at first. Buffy ruffled her fingers through it and messed it up again. She swears this I got out of bed and can't comb my hair because I don't have a reflection look works for me. I turn away from the mirror to shave. If I watch myself I invariably cut myself. I've been shaving by touch so long that I can't remember how to shave with a mirror.
I take the stairs two at a time. What to have for breakfast, eggs and bacon or Fruit Loops or Lucky Charms. I really want the Lucky Charms. I like the little marshmallows, but I know I should have the eggs and bacon with juice and toast. Buffy lectures me about a balanced breakfast and eating healthy. Her voice trembles when she adds that it will help me live longer. I eat as healthy as I can make myself. I can't stand to hear that tremble.

Fred and Gunn are in the hotel lobby. I can see Wes closeted in his office. Giles went back to Sunnydale days after the battle.

"Where's Buffy?" I ask.

"Morning, Boss." Gunn says.

Fred shrugs. "I don't know. I haven't seen her today."

I nod. "She's probably in the training room." I head down to the basement. Buffy has been spending a lot of time there, honing those brooding skills.

"Buffy?" I call from the foot of the steps. She doesn't answer. I wander a bit further into the training room. She's not here. I walk into the laundry room. She's not there. I wander back into the training room. My glance catches sight of a book sitting in the leather chair I used for so much brooding. There's a folded piece my heavy parchment paper sticking out of it. My stomach twists and I'm glad I didn't eat breakfast.

The letter marks a poem by Alfred Austin.

Soul, heart and body, we thus singly name,
Are not in love divisible and distinct
But each with inseparably linked
One is not honor and the other shame
But burn as closely fused as fuel, heat and flame

They do not love who give the body and keep
The heart ungiven, nor they who yield the soul
And guard the body. Love doth give the whole.
It's range being as high as Heaven, as ocean deep
Wide as the realms of air or planet's curving sweep.

I sit down heavily in the chair and stare at the letter. I can imagine what it says and I don't want to. I unfold it, tears already clouding my vision.

Angel,

I love you. It's important you know that above all things. I'm sorry to do this like this, but I wasn't sure I could do it if I woke up one more morning with you. I get it now. I know why you left me in Sunnydale all those years ago. You've got this wonderful chance for a normal life, a life you've wanted for two and half centuries. I can't take that away from you. I love you too much. I want you to play in the sunlight. I want you to go to the beach. I want you to laugh and love. You should have children with someone who loves you. You would have the most beautiful children and you'd be an amazing father.

I will love you forever. That will never diminish with time or absence. I will love long after everyone and everything we know is gone. Our souls are one, remember.

Eternally yours,

Buffy