Title: Being
Nice Doesn't Always Pay Off…
Author: Cactuskitty
Chapter: fifteen
Summary: Ginny gets angry with a friend and decides that it's time for
her to change. In this chapter, Pandora's box is opened.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters from the Harry Potter book series, they belong to J. K. Rowling, so please don't sue. All I own is the little plot there is, Hillary, Tibby, and Ryan… But that's not muck to brag about. I don't own Liz Phair's Polyester Bride
Chapter Fifteen: Polyester Bride
"You're lucky to even know me,
You're lucky to be alive.
You're lucky to be drinking here for free,
'cause I'm a sucker for your lucky, pretty eyes."
-Polyester Bride
Liz Phair
Journal-
How is it possible to suffer so much and no one notices? He's gone. He's really gone. Dead, buried, everything. I know I feel worse about myself than I do for him and it's terrible, but he was just so young . . .
No more.
I refuse to think of him ever again because, as I said, he's dead and buried, literally and in my mind. But if that's true then why does it feel like something inside me has died with him? Screw it, I'm through with this feeling of unknowing. However, it's one of those damned unavoidable things in life, and with unpredictability being banned I never would be able to talk to Malfoy. I'm not even sure if I hate him even more. He's been my biggest escape since I read that article. The bastard's been so good about not bringing it up again also.
No, he's probably just screwing with me . . . Damn. That is one strange little ferret. Every time I get close to figuring out how his mind works, he goes and changes again.
Anyhow, school sucks as usual. As if classes weren't enough, the idiot girls in my year still think that I'm after their boyfriends; maybe I should just break someone else's arm so they'll see that it's the other way around . . . The rest of the school is either too busy being scared of me or starting rumors to notice anything, and Harry is as odd as ever. I think he's waiting for me to blow up at him, he's acting real guilty. And I don't know why, other than the fact that he's annoying the hell outta me with all this "It's okay to mourn, Ginny" bullshit that he sprouts when seeing me in the library. Doesn't he see that thinking about it only hurts more? I think Voldermort is robbing him of brain cells, because he seems to have forgotten how awful it was for him when Cedric died. I think he's having bad dreams again. Harry's been really pale lately and looks kind of weaker than usual. He's also had a lot of scratches of his arms. I just think the old bugger is screwing with 'em, digging in the locked box Harry calls a brain.
Whatever. It's not my problem, he doesn't tell me anything anyway. He's the one who wants to be friends, yet he hasn't opened up to me. Not once. What a bloody hypocrite that boy is . . . I think he's up to something big, I can sense it with my little sister intuition. He'll be damned if he thinks he can just keep paining me with all this bull he spews at me without getting some pain in return. I know it's cruel, but hat Potter's really driving me insane and Harry never works without a motive. Other than that, nothing else is new. I'll try to write more often, but the schoolwork is pilling up. I have a meter long essay in potions due tomorrow and I'm only half way through. It's already ten thirty, Procrastination, the most addicting and unnamed drug known to man, or woman in my case.
Moving on,
Virginia E. Weasley
Ginny tossed down her journal and inhaled deeply the soft autumn breeze as she kicked off her shoes and sock. She stepped into the lake and began splashing her feet gently in the icy lake water while the mossy rocks tickled her toes. She knew that the cold air would not aid the recovery of her cold, but it was a fine cure for emotional confusion and frustration. It had been over three weeks since she read the article, but pain of his death still was eating away all her energies. Trying to push it out of her mind only seemed to make the task harder, and the only times she could really feel at peace were these evenings by the lake.
Every night she would pick at her food until eating just enough to get Ron off her back, then grab her winter cloak and head out toward the lake. She then pulled her knees up to her chin while she sat on the shore counting the stars as they slowly appeared in the late November sky. And on nights when she felt very courageous she would slip out of the black dragon hide boots Charlie had given her, and wade in the frigid water until she could no longer stand the numbness. Ginny liked being unable to feel, because for a moment she embodied everything she wished on herself, to be cold, uncaring, and numb to the world. It was great . . . for a while, that was until it became too much for her to stand and she had to warm her feet. Ginny knew it was a sign of weakness, but no matter how much she tried she couldn't stay in there that long, sometimes it wasn't even long enough for her toes to prune. However, it was in that time where her feet were frozen that she did her best thinking, especially about him . . .
"You know, that's a surefire way to catch pneumonia, especially with a wretched cold like yours." Ginny ignored the cool drawl that interrupted her thoughts and continued her chilling meditation.
"However, since you're a Weasley I doubt that you could harbor any sense in that puny little crimson head of yours . . ." the voice continued, and Ginny stopped for a moment to think before she replied in an aloof manner.
"It's so nice to hear that you care about me, Malfoy . . .Almost considerate . . . However that would be impossible, because since you're a Malfoy I doubt that you could harbor a heart in that slimy little body of yours."
"Touché, although in case you haven't noticed little Weasel, I'm not very little in any way." She didn't even have to look at him to know that there was a smirk plastered on his face.
She rolled her eyes, "No, but you are slimy . . .and in more than just a physical sense."
"Damn, you're really in a fine mood today aren't you? More feisty than usual . . ."
After hearing that comment Ginny turned to sneer at the blond behind her, however, she felt her breath catch as Ginny found that he was barefooted and less than a foot behind her, "I thought you liked girls with an attitude . . ."
"I do." He said before slowly lowering his pale lips to meet hers. Everything seemed to be happing in slow motion. She watched as he closed his eyes and his head smoothly tilted to the right as it grew nearer, she could smell his sweet cologne, and feel his arms as they began to wrap around her. Though, Ginny had different plans than sucking face with a Malfoy, and a second before he came "in for the kill" she managed to turn her head leaving him planting a bone chilling kiss on her ear.
Draco's eyes flew open as he realized that his lips had come in contact with something not of their own kind but, oddly shaped and made of cartilage. However, he had always been known for being quick on his feet, and quickly did what he knew she wouldn't expect in a million years and began gnawing on her ear . . .
Gin froze for a second before sighing, "I don't know why your kind always insist in partaking in such actives, but frankly it's really boring. And I was beginning to think you were above all that . . . Then again you are just a dumb Malfoy." Draco stopped gnawing for a second before realizing that was what she wanted, so he instead just mumbled in a low tone between nips,
"Oh really, and what is my kind exactly, Miss . . . Virginia?" He noticed how she shivered at her name, and he went back to his nibbling.
"The entire male population. Whenever there's a moment of silence or just a period of pleasantness, you all have to go and ruin it with pulling your mouth in it, either talking or kissing. I'm not saying that it's like this with any girl, just the ones they other wise have no connection to. But just because there's really nothing else you say, your hormones automatically kick in and you end up with this."
"What exactly is this . . .Virginia?" He loved watching that little shudder she gave every time he said that word. She was just too much fun to ignore, he decided as his arms began to wrap themselves around her waist, but she didn't react as he predicted. Instead her voice was a bit more jagged as she replied,
"Whatever the hell you're doing to my ear." However, by then his mouth was heading down her lobe and starting on her neck, once again causing shivers as his warm breath caressed her skin. But, before he could truly begin, Ginny turned to face him, lightly running her hands over his chest. She stood there for a minute toying with his cloak and staring at him coyly, Draco had never felt so eager in his life. He wasn't sure what he was waiting for, but by the look on her face he wouldn't have been surprised if it were something big. That was until she suddenly turned and began walking away. She wasn't running, or even walking quickly for that matter, she gave sign of trying to escape or being angry in any way. She just silently walked back to the shore, summoned a towel to try her feet and silently put on her shoes. Ginny was almost done with the second boot when Draco finally came out of the water and his shock,
"How is it that every time something happens between us you walk away totally unfazed?" Draco leered, although he was entirely serious and they both knew it. Even if he wasn't exactly sure that he really wanted to get involved with the youngest daughter of a pathetic low class family who had a lot of emotional problems, he did know that one person could only take so many rejections and stupid games before they lost interest. Especially if it's from someone who constantly gave him mixed signals. She hated him, however, she never left when he sat next to her, and the foreplay was so evident that even that thickheaded Gryfs noticed it. There was something drawing him to this pathetic excuse of a juvenile delinquent; perhaps her obvious internal pain that she hid from the world, but was so apparent to him. Draco didn't want to help her, but he didn't want to hurt her either. Although his feelings were anything but apathetic, he found himself happy when she was, and concerned when she wasn't. He reasoned with himself that he just wanted to know what twisted little thoughts went on in her dyed crimson head; her mind was something kept off limits and inaccessible to everyone. Even the infamous Harry Potter . . . Competition, that was all. He felt nothing for the female weasel, nothing more than his desire to out do the infamous Potter in something other than studies. That was good and fine, but it didn't explain the pain and anxiety he felt as she stared at him blankly thinking of a response.
Ginny's sad chocolate brown eyes that glistened reflected the orange glow of the last bit of sunlight hitting the lake's surface. Her hair blazed like fire, and contrasted greatly from her soft pale unblemished skin. And for a second Draco was lost in her sadness that showed through her every being of her existence. He felt cruel for an unknown reason, usually when he felt cold like this he was proud of his coldness and ability to degrade others. However, this was wrong, he couldn't feel sad for her? Could he? That was an unthinkable reason, yet he could think of no other possible explanation.
Her cautious voice cut through his thoughts like a razor, "Because we're both playing a game Malfoy. It's all just a stupid game. You're nothing to me, and I'm just another candidate for the next notch on your bed post."
Draco froze, a game, but of course, no wonder he was being played. Though it didn't matter how much truth her explanation held, he refused to believe that he really meant nothing to her, and there was no logical way she could be so damn sure of their relationship. Relationship? What relationship? Study buddies? She had said it herself, he didn't care about her, yet he couldn't help but ask a question that might change this 'no rules relationship' they had. All because of her eyes, her sad, beautiful chocolate eyes, that drew him in like a magnet and refused to let her escape his mind, "Is that how you want it?"
Ginny wasn't sure. That wasn't part of the plan, she was supposed to be able to react in every sort of situation, not freeze up like this. He would not be allowed to do this to her. Why must he always try to screw with her mind? How was she to know what she wanted out of their…well, whatever they were? He just had to open the Pandora's box she had been avoiding and controlling for the last three months. She didn't know what she wanted out of herself, let alone someone else . . .That was a lie, she was lying o herself, Ginny knew she didn't hate him. And she had always known exactly what she wanted from him,
"No, Malfoy, it's not. I want to bee seen as a peer, not that weak little weasel girl who's scary and broke that guy's arm… Anything else between us can be figured out later."
She sighed, she knew it was coming; it was inevitable. She had decided to be honest with him and this jerk was going to mock her for it. She waited for his laugh, his usual sarcastic comment, but it never came. He just stood there staring in silence, contemplating his stance on her speech. She was about to get up and leave when he finally replied,
"Done, actually I've never seen you as anything less. Why do you girls always degrade yourselves, and it's never the ones who need to that do…" he smirked, and for some reason she was unable to doubt his seriousness in his explanation.
"So you see me as your peer?" she responded dryly, without any sort of emotion prevailing though her tone.
"How could I not? You'd break my arm otherwise." And there it was, the sarcasm, but she overlooked it.
"What do you mean?"
Draco paused and stared at her blankly for a moment before replying matter-of-factly, "Well, you'd do it the same as you did to that Gryffindor bastard who groped you I suppose…" He seemed a bit put off as he mentioned the last part of his statement and looked far off.
She rolled her eyes, that wanker always had to make things difficult didn't he? "No, what do you mean you've seen me as a peer the whole time."
"I believe I said, 'I'd never seen you as anything less.'" Draco raised an eyebrow, ignoring her question. He smirked at her defeat, while he jauntily began back towards the castle, but not before he called out, "So when are we going discuss the other stuff between us, weasel, since that's been settled?" He laughed as she groaned loudly and somehow managed to duck the rock that she threw at his head, it must have been those seeker reflexes.
A/N: I'm, so sorry I haven't uploaded forever, but I don't get home until late at night, and then I only have time for homework . . . And not even enough time for that, plus it doesn't help that I have been totally uninspired lately . . . (That's what happens when you have no guys at your school.) Plus I have been emotionally and physically drained lately with the billion trillion activities I have been forced to take on this year. But I hope the little bit of fluff I put in here made up for it . . . ^____^
Thank you reviewers and my beta Mists of Avalon. You rock my world, so do it again and click that button. If I get more than ten it just might push me to type faster if you catch my drift… And I'm sure you do. ^__~
