Disclaimer: I want, I want, but I can't, and don't! ;_; Unless someone would be willing to buy both the rights of RK and WK for me as an early Christmas present! XD lol. Shigano Sakura, on the other hand is a creation of my imagination, so I have all the rights to her!
A/N: Hey peeps! Welcome back for another dose of 'Need to Kill' ne! ^^ Glad that a lot of ya'll are still 'round with me, and the chapters are gonna keep rolling in. Been fairly busy this week preparing for a bio test and a law essay, as well as running away from freaky wanna-be stalkers. ^^;; I swear, my life is just this one big adventure race or something. This chapter, Kenshin bares his past to his friends and his beloved, and we find out just what role Katsura, Hiko, Tomoe, Sakura and Enishi had to play in his teenage years! A story within a story I say! Words of wisdom from Sano, Sou, Kaoru, and even Yahiko and Tsubame. Suffice to say that Kenshin's inferiority complex kicks in again, and there's more KxK WAFF! Well, hope you'll enjoy it!
Question: Should I make an FAQ? To like compile stuff about the characters and everything as well as the different types of abilities? Tell me if you think I should make one or not. It'll of course, be separate from the chapters, so don't worry about that.
Question 2 (totally unrelated to the fic!): Does anyone have any ideas as to how to get rid of wanna-be stalkers? There's this *really* irritating guy who keeps following me and my friends around during lunch, and he's just really really strange (we're not the only ones who think that, believe you me). So far, all we've been doing is run away from him, but somehow, he always seems to find us wherever we go; we've got a theory that he goes around to every restaurant to look for us or something (*_* and our theory was soooo totally confirmed!). Another thing is that every time he shows up, our moods change abruptly, and we can't even talk freely among ourselves. It's like he's some kind of inhibitor or something. Did I mention that I get murderous tendencies when he's around? Oh, yes I do. So. Any suggestions as to how we could get rid of this strange nut would be very welcome.
Reviewers' Space!
Dragona2007 - No problemo, just read when you're free ^^ Glad that you enjoyed it, and here's the next one already!
Kaoru23 - Hey there girl! No problemo, just update when you're able to, as long as you update! Lol :p I love reviews, so yeah, you get the point ne? School is on huh? Yuck. Hrmm...as for the Misao and Kaoru thing...hrm...oh well we'll see. I think Enishi is downright evil! But don't mind me, I'm just like that, ne? I'm a hopeless romantic too! Hehe, a hopeless KxK romantic that is, as you can probably tell from all my chapters. Well, here's the next chapter, and hope that you enjoy it!
CharlieTheOtakuNymph - Wow, really? Kewl, glad that you found it then ^^ And absolutely happy that you like it! Here's the next chapter and hope to see you around again!
Dragowolf - ^^;;; When is the next chapter? Hehe…eetoo…Sunday probably; I need time to work to get up good chapters! Ah, Misao-chan will show up again with our beloved okashira in tail soon enough, and yesh, I can tell that you *are* indeed a big Misao fan! ^^ Thanks for R&Ring and I'll see you in the next update!
KeNsHiN – XD If ya like it, then keep reading, ne? Ah, what on earth *did* Kenshin do? You'll definitely find out in this chapter! As for Kaoru getting sad, well, urm… _ I think I'll be guilty of that. XD Poor Oro-chan; always getting bullied by his over-bearing shishou, hehe. Yup, will definitely continue soon! Thanks for R&Ring and see ya in the next chapter!
Flyinange777 – glad that you enjoyed it girl! ^^;; Lol, Hiko probably won't be turning up for quite a bit, and as for whether he'll ever fight with Kaoru? Hrm…that'll be hard to work a scene in like that, but we'll see. Anyways, thanks for R&Ring and see ya again in the next chapter!
Cherry – Konnichiwa! Yup, I used that episode alright. XD Ah, Kenshin being daring eh? Hehe~ go Oro-chan! Hiko is a loveable arrogant nut, I tell ya! In my fic, he *is* kinda like Kenshin's dad, in some sense; if you read the chapters that I've got up currently on 'Fallen Path', then you'll understand why. Thanks for R&Ring and I'll see you again in the next chapter!
Chris37 – ^^ Well your lucky guesses are pretty accurate! Ah, what indeed? ^^ Couldn't resist putting hiko-itis in there! Yup strong telepaths only, and well, you'll see why Black Dawn can't remove it soon enough. Thanks for R&Ring and I'll see you again in the next chapter!
Ana – Thank you! ^^ Will do, and thanx for R&Ring!
DragonTamer9741 – Ahah! ^^ *sends Sou through the phone line to pop out on the other side* *Sou waves* XD Mwahha~ you can have Sou for the whole chapter now! ^^;;; lol, but I need him back for the next one, otherwise they'll be one person short! (Noo!) Glad that you enjoyed the chapter, and yup, I'll definitely write again soon! Thanks for R&Ring!
Missaw – Mmrm, yes Megumi. Next chapter, I promise! (I can practically hear all the cheers from the Megumi and Sano fans now -_-) ^^ Glad that you enjoyed the chapter! XD Always good to be able to please the reviewers. ^^ Yesh, Hiko rocks, does he not! *_* I think he lives to annoy people, just like Saitou does, lol. Will see you again in the next chapter girl, and thanx for R&Ring! ^^
Irksome one – *bows five times and starts getting swirly-eyed* @_@ Oro~ Glad you approve of it! XD just had to bring in the evil white-haired one sooner or later, and tar-dum! There he is! Ah, he has everything to do with Kenshin and vice versa, as you'll find out soon enough. Thanks for R&Ring and I'll see you again in the next chapter!
InuYasha22 – Oro~ ^^;;; You've finished reading it already? Mou _ I took forever to write that chapter and you guys finish reading it in like 10 minutes or less. *sigh* Ah, such is an author's life. Yup, will write more soon, and you're welcome! Thanks for R&Ring and I'll see you around in the next chapter!
Eeevee - ^^;; I guess it is a pretty good tag to have, huh? Lol. Yesh, Hiko-itis. ^^; Oro-chan suffers from it! XD Yes, Hiko the superman it is! It's a wonder that he doesn't get tangled up in that darned cloak of his! O_O And it's a wonder how it manages to stay white all the time! Thanks for R&Ring and I'll update ASAP!
The Girl Who Cried Oro – Ah ^^ I see. I only wish that they'd put up a section for SDK here at ff.net. _ Mou! I'm sure that there are some around; heck, I wrote a one-shot myself! XD KyoxYuya NC-17ness, mwahahhaha~ if you'd like to read it, then I could always send the file to you, so tell me, ne? Mrm, like your story 'Project Battousai', so keep the chapters coming yeah? ^^ and I'll keep reading! Thanks for R&Ring and I guess I'll see you again in the next chapter!
On to the chapter!
Chapter 18: Retelling the Past
Thoughts are in ' '
Speech is in " "
Telepathy is in italics.
"Tadaima." Kenshin announced as he opened the front door to the house. He looked up to see that everyone was at the dining table in the kitchen, and felt his heart warm as Kaoru smiled cheerfully at him. "Okaeri!" The group chorused, and he dumped his bag on the floor, placing the two swords carefully beside it, before moving towards them. Kaoru slipped from her seat to come to the entrance of the kitchen, slipping her arms around his neck as he slid his arms around her waist, pulling her in for a kiss. She frowned slightly; his hair was damp. Had it been raining when he had been training? It had looked dark outside when she had come back from seeing Saitou off, but it hadn't rained in this side of Tokyo.
Daijoubu da yo, koishii. I was just training out in the rain with shishou. His teeth nibbled lightly into her lips as he pulled her out of her musings. She smiled in return as she tugged lightly at his ponytail playfully, returning his kiss. Sanosuke grinned lewdly, then coughed to get their attention. The pair turned to him, and he returned their looks with a raised eyebrow.
"If you're gonna get it on, then at least be considerate enough to get a room eh? You wouldn't want to pollute the minds of these kids here ne?" If looks could kill, he would have been a burning spot on the floor; Kenshin and Kaoru narrowed their eyes at him as Soujirou shook his head, smiling lightly. Yahiko rolled his eyes as he continued to eat while Tsubame blushed pink.
They rejoined the table to finish off their dinner, returning to their own activities as soon as the meal was over; Sanosuke and Yahiko to the PS2, Tsubame to a book, Soujirou to his room to finish an essay, while Kaoru and Kenshin stayed in the kitchen to wash up. Kaoru hummed softly, enjoying the comfortable silence with Kenshin when the red head spoke up.
"Ne, koishii."
"Hai, Kenshin?" The smile never left her face as she inclined her head to meet his eyes that were almost hidden underneath his long bangs. Through their HalfSoul connection, she could sense his anxiety, and wondered what bothered him. She had felt a mix of emotions including confusion and anxiety when he had come back from his training with Hiko, curious as to what could have transpired between master and student. "What is it?"
Kenshin's voice was filled with trepidation and hesitation as he answered her question. Should he tell her? Should he not tell her? He didn't want to let her see the monster he had been back then, didn't want to involve her in his dirty past. The circumstances that they had found themselves in, however, contradicted this. A sad smile touched his lips.
"There is something that I must tell you…and everyone else…it's…about my past. I must tell you tonight."
Her azure eyes widened; it was the last thing that she had thought he would ever say.
"Kenshin…" His name was a soft whisper upon her lips.
Pained amethyst eyes met shocked ocean depths. "Koishii, can you promise me this?"
"Nani?" It pained Kaoru to see him like this; it didn't suit him at all. 'Anything for you, itoshii, if you would just stop being so sad…' She brought her hand up to stroke his cheek and he leaned into the palm of her hand.
"This is selfish of me, but…stay by my side always? No matter what? Even if I turn into a monster?"
The overwhelming guilt and self-hatred that she could feel from him would have floored any other woman, but Kaoru just pulled him close to mutter softly into his sweater as her mind enveloped his mentally, trying to provide him with soothing comfort.
"Kenshin no baka. Of course I'll stay by your side no matter what! And you're not a monster at all."
His smile became slightly less pained as one hand entangled itself in her raven locks, the other going around her waist. "Arigatou, koishii. You don't know how much it means to me."
She pulled back slightly, tilting her head to kiss his chin. "Of course I do, baka. We are HalfSouls after all."
"Aa." Came the simple response.
"Well then, if you are going to tell us about your past tonight, then we can all get ready for it ne?" Kaoru winked playfully at him. "And you, itoshii, need to go take a hot shower before you catch a cold after being out in the rain for so long."
His eyes widened slightly, eyebrows rising, as she smacked his bottom lightly, a mischievous grin on her face.
"As you wish, koishii." He drawled dryly before kissing her again and leaving the kitchen.
You sure know how to cheer a man up. Kenshin's voice tickled her mind. She responded with a small chuckle.
Not just any man. You!
~*~
When Kenshin came down from the bathroom again, he found the rest of the household waiting expectantly for him in the living room, turning their heads to look at him in curiousity. What tale would he hold for them tonight? What did his past hide? Would they get to know the real him? Many questions swirled within their minds as he made his way down the stairs to his captivated audience. As his weight sank into the couch beside Kaoru, he sighed inwardly, slightly relieved that his pseudo-family would finally know the truth, and apprehensive as to how they would judge him after his tale was done. Kaoru's hand sneaked into his and she squeezed it comfortingly, eliciting a smile from the red head as he smiled back at her gratefully. Kenshin took a deep breath and started talking.
"What you are going to hear now may frighten and shock you, and my story will be long, but I would like all of you to promise that you will not interrupt me throughout the course of my tale, otherwise I may lose the courage to go on. Under different circumstances, I am sorry to say that I might not even have told you any of this at all," He averted his eyes as if in shame for a moment, before turning to meet all of their eyes again. "But what has been happening recently cannot go unnoticed, and it bears too much resemblance to some parts of my past. For all of you to be able to defend yourselves if the need arises, I must tell you about my past and the enemies that haunt me." Kenshin paused, licking his lips lightly before continuing.
"I had a sister who practically brought me up, since our parents died when I was 5. Her name was Tomoe. Although she never really smiled, she was a wonderful person, and certainly a remarkable woman. She was only three years older than me, but she never complained about bringing me up, nor did she complain about having to give up going to school so that she could work part-time to support the both of us. All we had was the house that our parents had left us, and each other, but it was enough, and we were happy."
"When I turned 13 however, everything changed." Kenshin shut his eyes, a painful expression racking his face for a minute before he opened his eyes again. Images of Kenshin's past flashed briefly in Kaoru's mind but when she blinked again, they were gone. "She was run over by a car and went into a coma. The doctors said that she was lucky to have even survived; most people would have died after having been knocked over like that. By some great stroke of luck, Hiko Seijurou showed up out of nowhere, claiming to have been friends with my parents, and said that he would take care of Tomoe's hospital bills if I would train under him in Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu. I accepted, and he became something of a surrogate father to me."
"For two years, I trained under Hiko, learning the art of kenjutsu, while schooling at the same time. For those two years, Tomoe never opened her eyes. It scared me that there was a possibility that she would never wake up. I started to withdraw into myself, turning away from would-be friends until finally, everyone shunned me. Everyone, that is, except for a girl called Shigano Sakura. When everyone else turned away, she continued to try to pursue a friendship with me, regardless of my cold demeanour towards her. When I was walking home one day from school, though, I found her surrounded by a group of men, and saved her from being gang-raped. She stayed with shishou and I for a little while, and it turned out that she wasn't exactly ordinary, but was a budding telepath, and that the men who had been about to rape her were from the Bakufu." He shook his head lightly.
"It was barely 2 weeks before she was murdered by the Bakufu on the way back home from her part-time job. If I had been with her then…" Kenshin's face was grim. "I knew nothing about the Bakufu back then, but after witnessing Sakura-san's death, I was determined to never let such a thing happen again to others like her. Hiko introduced me to Katsura-san and Takasugi-san, and I began working for the Ishinshishi. My first year as an assassin was hell. It didn't matter that the lives that I took were those of criminals, but killing a person doesn't make it right; it just creates more bloodshed. I was ashamed of myself for taking the lives of others, as if I was entitled to, but still, I continued to visit my sister everyday, taking comfort in her presence even though she slept deeply in her coma. Every time I killed, I locked away the me that I had been before Tomoe became comatose, and brought out a mask, a colder side of me, so that I could sort of separate the killer from the normal teenager."
He ran his free hand through his red locks. "That is why my eyes turn amber during missions, and revert to purple during normal circumstances. Without that mask that I built for myself, I would have gone insane a long time ago." A bitter smile touched his lips as his amethyst eyes darkened. "The worst was yet to come though. Tomoe was kidnapped one day by a telepath who worked for the Bakufu; one Yukishiro Enishi. He had been driven mad by the experiments that they had done on him, and he wanted nothing more than to inflict pain onto others like him, to make them suffer like he had. Somehow, the Bakufu had found out that Tomoe was not only a slight telepath, but was also a Dreamwalker and a Seer; I never found out until it was too late. For some reason, she had also never aged since the day that she went into the coma, and they wanted to experiment on her because they thought that maybe her cells held the secret to immortality. I still remember the psychotic grin on his face as he informed me that he had been the one to kill Sakura-san as well, and now he was taking my nee-san from me." Kenshin's eyes took on a slight amber hue; anger flared for a second in the HalfSoul bond that he shared with Kaoru before he forced it down again.
"It was the last straw for me, and snapped my thinly veiled sanity. My assassin nature took over completely, and I went half mad trying to find the Bakufu headquarters to get my sister back. When I finally found it, I went through the compound as if on autopilot, killing and slaughtering everybody in sight, until I finally reached the room where Enishi was with my sister. Tomoe was still in a coma, but Enishi had taken the pleasure of carving cuts into her skin, and although her skin had indeed healed quickly, I still saw the lingering scars that were there. It only served to enrage me further, and we fought." He was lost in the depths of memory as amber flashed in his amethyst orbs.
"What I didn't expect though, was for him to be a telepath powerful enough to screw up all of my senses (1). It was a game to him, and he enjoyed flinging pieces of information that he had picked from my mind at me, making me feel guilty all over again for the people that I had killed. Still, it didn't penetrate my battle-rage, and I continued to fight against him, gaining numerous wounds and cuts while he stayed unwounded. I was adamant on getting Tomoe back though, so I continued fighting, even though I no longer seemed to be in my body. In the process, I somehow managed to inflict some wounds on him, and he became furious. His blows with his sword were harsh, and the wounds that I had taken were quickly becoming a hindrance to me, slowing me down. I decided right then and there that I would make a last stand, and would put all of my strength into one last blow."
Pain replaced anger in his eyes once again as his voice lowered into a soft whisper. "That proved to be one of my biggest mistakes ever. My senses had dulled after his fooling around with my mind and the wounds had made it worse; so I didn't even notice that she had somehow woken up from her coma, and was standing there in front of me, acting as a human shield. Enishi of course, couldn't be more delighted by the fact that I was about to commit the most unbelievable act ever." Kenshin's voice turned bitter. "The power that I had put into the blow was so deep that I not only succeeded in slashing into his shoulder, but also ended up killing my sister as well. Enishi fell unconscious after the blow, and I took notice of him, even while I caught my sister's dying body in my arms. It was so ironic; Tomoe woke up from her coma as she died, and she smiled for the last time, telling me that it was never my fault and that she supported what I had been doing all along, telling me that even in her coma, she had somehow been able to watch over me all along. She transferred her Dreamwalker powers and slight telepathy to me; to this day, I still have no idea how she did it, but I am thankful." He glanced quickly at Kaoru's saddened expression before returning to his story.
"I burnt down the whole compound with Enishi in it, but I never actually witnessed his death, so I cannot claim that he is truly dead. The firestorm burned up behind me as I left with Tomoe's dead body in my arms, bringing her back to the cottage where I stayed with shishou, and we gave her a proper burial after that. Her death had managed to shake me out of my animalistic rage; it made me regret that it had taken her death to bring me back to myself, and I swore that I would never turn into some kind of demon again, so I lived on in her legacy, continuing to kill those who threatened innocents, helping those in need. And it has brought me here, where I stand today." He closed his eyes to lie back in the material of the couch, his story at an end, and the clock struck an hour past midnight.
They were quiet, at a loss for what to say to such a painful baring of Kenshin's past, and so they said nothing. A wry smile twisted his lips as he looked at each of them in turn.
"I would understand completely if you think of me as some kind of monster now, and if you hate me, then I can only say that I rightly deserve it. What kind of person would kill his own sister? What human would lose his sanity and turn into a mindless slaughter machine? All I can say is that I am sorry to have involved you in my ugly past, sorry to have shattered any illusory images that you had of me, because that is not who I am. If you feel that I am undeserving of joining Black Dawn, then I will gladly leave." His eyes were downcast, and he refused to acknowledge Kaoru's soft glances at him, as well as her mental voice that kept reaching out to his; he pushed them away, once again entrenched in his memories, glued to the guilt and the suffering.
"It was truly necessary to do so. Maybe one day you will be able to forgive me for dragging you into what should be buried deeply in the past, but for now, I will not let him hurt any of you and I refuse to back away from all of you. Hopefully what I have told you will alert you to him if he ever comes after any of you." He bowed his head low to them.
"Idiot." Sanosuke was the first to break the tense silence. Surprised violet eyes met the angry chocolate brown ones. "If you think that we would think any less of you for something that was clearly not your fault at all, then you're wrong. Do we seem that petty to you? How can we even venture to judge you when we are all guilty of the same thing? In our respective ways, we have all failed someone important to us in one way or another." He pumped his fist into the air. "Given that our circumstances were probably never as bad as yours, we each bear our own 'sins', we each bear our own masks. If any of us were in your shoes at that point in our lives, we would pretty much have reacted the same way that you did. It was justified after all, and it would be easy to lose touch with sanity with the way that fate seemed to love playing you."
He leaned across the coffee table that separated the couches that they were on to make his point. "So don't you dare pull out on us after barely settling down. We're here to help you coz that's what families are for. And there's nothing to forgive. If you break jou-chan's heart by leaving though, then I'll make sure you'll pay." Sanosuke cracked his knuckles for emphasis.
The red head smiled gratefully at the spiky-haired man. "Arigatou Sano."
"Na, Kenshin." All eyes turned to Yahiko as the young Empath spoke up. He shifted uncomfortably under their glances. "I may be too young to understand stuff about killing and all that, but I know that you're definitely not a monster; heck, you saved Tsubame and I from those wackos, and we're really grateful to you for that. If you hadn't saved us, then we wouldn't be sitting here now, talking to you." The dark brown eyes held volumes of wisdom for such a young age when he finally met Kenshin's gaze. "You're just as human as anyone else, and as Sanosuke said, anyone would have reacted like you did in such a situation, so stop beating yourself up for something that you didn't do. If you think that we're gonna turn our backs on you because of something that happened which was out of control, then you're not giving us any credit at all."
Tsubame nodded to Yahiko's ending comment. "Yahiko-kun and Sano-san are right, Kenshin-san. I don't think that you're putting us into danger at all; you are merely trying to protect us, and I don't begrudge you that at all. In fact, it was hard enough for you to tell us all about your past, and I don't know how we can ever make it up to you for baring your own soul to us. So, onegai, Kenshin-san, stop making yourself suffer."
Soujirou jumped into the conversation as well before Kenshin could even reply to their words. "You never tried to pretend that you were any more than who you were when you first joined us, and you never tried to be who you were not. For that, we trust you and accept you, past, present and future, no matter what happens." Blue eyes that were not Kaoru's met and held Kenshin's. "Family, remember? It doesn't matter what went on in your past, but once you stepped in, you became ours. And we'll stay with you no matter what."
A genuine smile lit Kenshin's eyes this time, erasing the pain and guilt that lingered there. "Minna…arigatou." Now all eyes turned to Kaoru, who had been silent all along, eyes hidden underneath her bangs. Her lips moved and she whispered something inaudible under her breath before squeezing Kenshin's hand lightly once more and then slipping her hand from his, running from them all, light feet pattering up the stairs and into a room. They blinked in shock, with the exception of Kenshin, and his face seemed to once again take on a painful smile. Although what she had said was so quiet that the others hadn't heard it, he had been sitting right next to her, and had been able to hear it.
"Baka." Was what she had said before running from him. It seemed as if someone had shot a bullet into his heart. Wasn't this what he was expecting? Yet it still hurt, more than he ever thought it would. 'But why would she accept me after all the wrongs that I've done?' If he had not been so engrossed in believing that Kaoru hated him now, he would have known that at that moment, Kaoru was in his room crying for him, not hating him. Out loud he whispered into the uncomfortable silence, "I'm sorry."
Soujirou was already in her mind. What are you doing, Kaoru? He could practically see the sad smile on her face. Gomen ne, Sou-chan. He's just such a baka sometimes. How can he even believe that we'll judge him because of his past? It may have made him the person that he is today, but that doesn't mean anything more that that. He is who he is now, and nothing will ever change the way that I feel about him. He could understand that his sister probably wanted to talk to her HalfSoul in private, but Kenshin had taken it the wrong way. Well, he's kinda taking it the wrong way, ya know? Her eyes widened slightly, and she could now feel his self-loathing and pain through their link. "I'm such an idiot." She whispered, closing her eyes again. Why was it that something always seemed to go wrong when it was supposed to be right? Can you ask him to come up please? He complied and was gone from her mind once again.
Kaoru leaned her forehead against the cool wood of the window frame. What had possessed her to act like that? She could have just told him what she wanted to say right in front of all of them, but oh no, of course she had to run away and be selfish, only wanting to tell him when they were alone, which had resulted in his feeling hurt and pained because of her selfishness. The creak of the door told her that the subject of her thoughts was now in the room. It clicked as he shut it behind him.
"Kaoru…" Kenshin whispered uncertainly; how would she react? Would she call him to be so near, only to push him away? He was taken by surprise when she threw himself into his arms, burying her face into his hair as the tears flowed freely from her eyes.
"Kenshin no baka, baka, baka!" Kaoru's words were both vocal and mental. "How can you even believe that I would hate you? You're such an idiot sometimes, Himura Kenshin!" Relief seemed to flood through his veins as she held him tightly, her words like a comfort blanket. His arms tightened around her petite waist, drawing her further into his chest. When you left, koishii…I thought…I thought that you had left me, because of the monster that I am. It was his turn to hold on to her as if his life depended on it; a need to have her in his arms so strong that he was afraid that if he let go, then he would lose her. He sank to the floor on his knees with her still in his arms.
"I promised you, remember?" She whispered into the auburn mane of hair, fingers drawing through the strands. "That I'd be by your side no matter what. How could you believe that I would ever leave you? And you're not a monster at all, itoshii." Her loving acceptance of him drove the guilt away, gentle affection and comfort coming to replace it. "Why? Why do you continue to accept me even though I've done so many things in the past that I can never hope to atone for? Why do you continue to hold me close to you when you know that I could do the same to you, whether it was intentional or not? If it was anyone else, they would have been disgusted, afraid." Kenshin needed to hear the answer badly.
She sniffled slightly. "But I'm not anyone else, am I? All of us here, we're not just everybody else; first and foremost, we are your friends, which means that we'll stick with you through thick and thin; past, present and future. You were ours, as Sou-chan said, when you stepped through that door. We accepted you, knowing that you had your own secrets to keep, things that you didn't want others to know. We accepted you, knowing that you could have been anything or anyone before you met us, but it doesn't matter anymore now."
Kaoru pushed his bangs away from his eyes to see glimmering amethyst. "We accept you because we know that for all the actions that you did, there was a valid reason to back them up. Some of the things that happened to you and your sister were things that you had no control over. How can we blame you for things that you are not guilty of? We understand, more than anything else, the kinds of things that you were forced to go through; in that, we are bound together by similar pain."
She kissed his eyelids softly, continuing to talk. "I continue to hold you close because I love you, baka. Even if we were not HalfSouls, I would continue to love you, so get that through your thick brain, Kenshin." Her lips quirked up into a half-smile as her ocean blue eyes held his. "Do you understand why now? I do this because I want to, not because I feel obliged to. I know that you'll never hurt me on purpose, but if it ever comes to that, then I don't ever want you to feel guilty. You—" Her words were lost under the crush of his lips against hers and she surrendered to the kiss.
Don't say that koishii. The same words repeated all over again. Don't ever say that it'll come to that, because it won't! It won't! His kisses were desperate even as his mind denied the words that she had said. The familiar electricity twinged between them and they found themselves in the recesses of their minds again. Crystals holding memories glinted in the light as Kenshin held Kaoru so close that her body melded into his.
"Don't say that something like that will ever happen koishii. Because if it did, I don't know how I'd ever be able to live with myself. I can't lose you, Kaoru. I know I'm being selfish but I need you, like water, like air. Don't say that I'll do something stupid like kill you with my own hands! Don't say that you'll try to save me in the midst of battle even though I'd tired out and half dead! Don't Kaoru, don't!" One of the nearby crystals flared a dark blue-gray before returning to its original colour.
She reached up to make him look at her. "You know what my answer is Kenshin. Can you promise me that you wouldn't be put in my position and do what I would do for you? Can you safely say that you wouldn't try to stop my death if I was in harm's way even at the cost of your own life? It's like asking me for the moon, itoshii; it is something that I would want to promise you, but you and I both know that I would be lying if I said that I could do that." She placed a hand upon his heart, fingers splayed against the fabric of his sweater. "My heart acts as it wills, just as your heart does; you know that even if our minds refuse it, our bodies will act differently. If you would throw your life away just to save me, then why wouldn't I? It is a reciprocal need, Kenshin, please understand that; I need you just like you need me. I cannot give you promises for the things that I know I cannot hold true to, just like I cannot promise that we will be able to come home unscathed from every mission."
She rested her forehead against his, noses and lips touching. Some of the desperation seemed to leave him and he spoke, his lips brushing against hers, eyes closed. "I know that it's impossible to ask that of you, Kaoru, but can you blame me for trying? I want you to be safe and sound, even though we work in a trade such as ours. And you are right, koishii. I would do anything in my power, even give my life if it meant that you would live." Kenshin's eyes opened now to meet the endless blue depths of her eyes. "I understand, I understand now what shishou was trying to say to me all those years. I never really valued my life before I met you Kaoru; I was merely living for a means to meet the end, wanting to die half the time so that I would be free from this world. I would have put my life on the line for anybody, not caring whether I would be alive or not at the end of it."
"I finally realise now that my recklessness and disregard for my life caused my sister's death; it was what caused me to go into such an animalistic rage, and I understand now that if I keep doing something stupid like that, I'll lose all of you." He pulled back from their contact, looking away shamefaced. Kaoru's palm on his cheek made him turn back. Her eyes were gentle as she smiled at him. "But its still not too late to make amends, itoshii. You're still here. We're still here. The future is uncertain, and that is why we should make the most of every day, ne? That's why you should remember that your life is not yours to give alone; all of us who are part of your life have a say in it as well, baka."
Kenshin's lids were hooded, sooty eyelashes against his cheek. "What did I do to deserve such a wonderful woman like you, Kaoru?" She tugged at his hair, making him face her before moving in to touch her lips to his.
"Because you deserve no less."
Notes:
(1) See? Enishi's telepathy powers are so strong that he can screw around with minds so very easily, and that is why he is able to block Katsura's visions. Does that answer your questions?
Dictionary
Tadaima – I'm back
Okaeri – Welcome home
Daijoubu da yo – I'm fine
Koishii – beloved, what men call their girlfriend or wife
Shishou – master
Nani – what?
Itoshii – beloved, how women usually address their boyfriend
Arigatou – thank you
Baka – idiot
Onegai – please
Minna – everyone
Gomen ne – I'm sorry
A/N: Phew~ yet another chapter done. See? Everything about Tomoe and Enishi has now been brought into the open (and it's no surprise that Kenshin's getting another inferiority complex thing coming on). *Now* you know where Kenshin got his paranormal powers from, and some questions have been answered as to why Enishi's after Kenshin's guts (again?). And excess KxK WAFF once again. I swear, I specialise in this kind of stuff or something! Well, hope ya'll enjoyed that chapter, and I'll see you in the next update!! In the next chapter: Megumi finally shows up! _ I can hear all the cheers from the Megumi and Sano fans now. An Aoshi and Misao heart-to-heart will also be there, so that's extra happiness for both AxM and SxM fans! KxK fans need not worry, coz KxK fluff will be sure to show up soon enough!
