Chapter 3

"We should go in." Gordo states for what feels like the millionth time in the last 15 minutes. From the instant Lizzie had pulled into an empty parking spot and shut off her car Lizzie and Gordo had sat in silence that was only broken when Gordo suggested they get out of the car. Gordo always suggested, Lizzie always nodded and then neither of them would make any sort of move to get out of the car.

"I can't go in." Lizzie states breaking the cycle finally.

"What? Why?" Gordo asks staring at her.

"I just, I can't face her." Lizzie turns her face away from Gordo, but it's obvious she is crying.

"Why not?" Gordo ask, "what did you do?"

"I wasn't there for her when she obviously needed me.""Lizzie - this isn't your fault, freshman year we all went our own ways. We've had no real contact with each other since then."

"Don't you see? It's my fault we went our own ways in the first place." Lizzie's voice shakes as she speaks.

"Lizzie that wasn't your fault. We all made the choice to go our separate ways."

Lizzie shakes her head, "no it wasn't. I was so damn afraid that I would get left behind."

"What?" Gordo questions, this information was new to him.

Lizzie takes a ragged breath, before speaking again, "everyone was talking, freshman year, about how in high school you drift away from people you've been friends with and i was so scared that you and Miranda would get so busy you would leave me behind. So I did the only thing I could think of, I took advantage of a stupid fight and broke away from you guys. I thought it would be more painless this way. We would just all go our separate ways and make new friends. I convinced you that this was right, but Miranda was against it the whole time. Don't you see Gordo, this is all my fault." With her words Lizzie leans her head against the steering wheel her hair hiding her face from Gordo's view.

Gordo sits awkwardly for a minute before gently touching Lizzie's shoulder, "this isn't your fault Lizzie. Sure Miranda was going through something but you can't take responsibility for not being there for her. You didn't know, you can't blame yourself. If anything I am more to blame then you are."

Lizzie lifts her head her blue eyes are swimming in tears, "what?"

"I've been watching you guys since Freshman year....I noticed that she seemed really different and there were times when I would think that maybe she needed someone to talk to. But I never did anything about it, I just brushed her off like an old newspaper."

"Gordo..." Lizzie seems lost for words and Gordo knows that he is right, that he is to blame. "Gordo, no. If I'm not to blame then you aren't either. Or maybe we're both to blame, I don't know anymore. I don't understand how we got her. How we got from the three of us being inseparable to the two of us not even knowing what could have spurred her to commit suicide."

"Then I guess that's why we need to get out of this car and walk into the hospital and go see her." Gordo responds, and this time he unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the door. By the time Lizzie has gotten up the nerve to go the same Gordo is waiting around the front of the car for her.

"Do you think we are doing the right thing?" Lizzie questions as they walk slowl toward the hospital doors.

Gordo shrugs, "I'm not sure. Our parents seem to think so. And if they don't want us to see her I'm sure her parents aren't going to let us into her hospital room."

Yeah, I guess I never thought of that." Lizzie stops, "oh my God Gordo I never thought about Miranda's family. They must be taking this so hard."

"I'm sure it can't be easy." Gordo sighs as they continue walking, "maybe we should bring her something." Gordo suggests as they pass a gift shop.

Lizzie nod sand follows Gordo into the small cluttered gift shop, "So what do we get her?"

Gordo shrugs, "I'm not sure, a card?"

"That says what? Sorry I wasn't a good enough friend?"

"Good point. A stuffed animal?"

"Maybe," Lizzie nods heading to the section with stuffed bears holding signs that said things like: "Get well soon", "it's a girl", "it's a boy" and various other lame clichés.

"OK maybe not." Gordo sighs as he and Lizzie work their way further back into the store.

"Flowers." Lizzie finally decides.

Gordo nods, "I guess they say everything without really saying anything."

"Carnations and baby's breath, Miranda loves baby's breath."

"Carnations and baby's breath it is then." Gordo states pulling open the door and picking up the bouquet and vase. Once Gordo and Lizzie have paid for flowers they head toward the large nurses station.

Lizzie and Gordo exchange glances and Gordo finally asks the busy nurse, "could you tell us where we an find Miranda Sanchez?"

The nurse types a few things into her computer before responding, "she is on floor six, room 207."

"Thank you," Lizzie shoots over her shoulder as they hurry toward the elevators. A woman has an elevator held open for them but Gordo waves her ahead.

The elevator ride to the sixth floor seems both painfully slower and entirely to quick for both Lizzie and Gordo. The elevator opens in the sixth floor waiting room revealing Miranda's family there. Miranda's two younger siblings sit at a table in the waiting room coloring in coloring books while Mr. and Mrs. Sanchez argue loudly. Miranda's older sister is the only one to notice Lizzie and Gordo's entrance.

"Lizzie, Gordo," 23-year-old Marisa walks toward the two.

"Hi Marisa," Lizzie greets unsure of how Marisa is going to react to Lizzie and Gordo's appearance.

"I'm glad you guys are here, Miranda will be glad to see you."

Lizzie and Gordo exchange glances, obviously Marisa didn't know neither of them had spoken to Miranda in three and a half years.

"What are your parents arguing about?" Lizzie questions staring at the normally calm Mr. and Mrs. Sanchez.

Marisa shrugs, "who knows, since they got divorced they can't be in the same room together without arguing about one stupid thing or the other. Miranda's sleeping right now, I'm sure she'll be awake soon though."

"How's she doing?" Gordo questions.

Marisa leads Lizzie and Gordo to the opposite wall of the waiting room, "she's pretty out of it. She just woke up this morning, she was completely out of it all night. With the amount of sleeping pulls she took they weren't sure if she would wake up or not. She lost a lot of blood but they were more worried about the pills in her system."

Lizzie has her head buried in her hands so Gordo asks, "but she's going to be OK?"

Marisa wipes a stray tear off her cheek and responds, "physically she is going to be fine. Emotionally," Marisa shrugs, "I'm not sure. Do you have any idea why she would do such a thing? I saw her during summer break and she seemed a little down but I didn't think…"

"None of us thought…" Lizzie's words are barely a whisper.

"Well," Marisa stands, "why don't you guys do on into her room. She should be up."

Lizzie and Gordo nod and walk toward the hospital door. Pushing the door open gently Lizzie and Gordo are faced with a shocked looking Miranda, sitting in bed with dried tears streaking down her cheeks.

"Hi Miranda." Lizzie greets quietly.

"What are you guys doing here?" Miranda questions harshly. "Here to look at the freak who tried to kill herself?"