Disclaimer ~ I don't own the character names, the plot or the setting, but the words are all mine.
Gandalf knocked firmly on Bilbo's door with the end of his staff, his back far too sore from gathering up the fireworks to bother with bending down the nessessary distance to bang on the wood with his hand.
Bilbo's voice issued from within. 'I'm not at home! Ha ha ha! Nope, nobody's here so you might as well go away!'
'Well, it's certainly obvious that nobody's living THERE.' Gandalf muttered to himself, rolling his eyes. 'Open the door Bilbo, or I shall knock it out of its frame!'
The door opened to reveal a terrified 'young' hobbit. Bilbo's eyes widened in fear at the sight of the wizard. 'Please don't hurt me Thorin Oakenshield! I did not mean to speak ill of the dead!'
'Now now, Bilbo, what are you on about?' Gandalf demanded.
'I er... Gandalf? Oh, um. Nothing. Nothing at all, come in, yes. Do come in.'
'I'm afraid I can't, you see I had a nasty incident a few moments ago and can no longer bend my spine to make myself short enough to enter this dratted thing you call a house.'
'Oh. Alright, goodby then. I will see you at the party.'
'Well, there were a few things I wanted to discuss with you,' Gandalf began, but the door had already closed in his face. Sighing, he banged his staff against it once more. 'Bilbo! It is Thorin, come to take my revenge!'
Screaming could be heard from behind the door. 'No, I didn't mean to! I swear! I ment it kindly! You were never a fat old coward that made others do all your dirty work! And I swear, that coment about you being an elf, it was a compliment! Don't hurt me!'
Gandalf sighed again. 'Just get your fat arse out here, this instant, and you will not be harmed.'
The door opened. 'Gandalf? I thought you'd left.'
'As I was saying before you so rudely closed the door in my face, there are some things I would like to discuss with you.'
'Oh, very well. Come on, we'll sit on my house to do it, just don't damage the grass.'
'Riiighhhtttt...Hold on, I wouldn't sit on your roof if you paid me! It's a wreck! It'll colaps under me!'
'Oh very well, we'll sit over there on that hill. One moment.' Bilbo disapeared into his house and emerged with a large plate of food, which he took up to the hill with him. 'There. What did you want to say?'
'Well, for starters, how are you?'
'Fine, I've never been better. Ahh! It's Kili and Fili!' Bilbo jumped, sending food flying all over his rounded roof. 'Oh, no. It was just Samwise Gamgee and Rosie Cotton. That girl should watch out, he'll only break her heart.'
Gandalf was finding it quite strange that Bilbo seemed to keep seeing members of the team that had travelled to the lonely mountain with him, but dismissed it. The sun was beating down on them, and Gandalf just had to take off his hat, which it should be noted was a grey knit thing with a pom-pom on top, often refered to as a touque.
'Ahhhh! Gandalf, your hair!'
'Do you like it?'
'Well, no... and yes.' His eyes got a little freaky, like he was possessed or something. Gandalf shuttered. 'You know,' Bilbo continued, now back to normal. 'I've decided to leave the shire.'
'So you are going to leave?'
'Isn't that what I just said, Dwalin?'
'Gandalf.'
'Right, whatever. Anyway, I simply have to get away. Have you ever had that need to just get up and leave?'
'Yes, whenever that horrible Sam is about.'
'Oh, everyone wants to get away from him. Just so you're warned, he's gotten worse.'
'Worse? How could he be worse?!'
'He just is.'
'Oh my.' Gandalf put asside a moment of silence to imagine this, then went on. 'You were saying about how you need to leave?'
'We've finished with that. Now, come on or I'll be late for my party!'
'Frodo thinks your plotting.'
'Of course he does, he always thinks I'm plotting. Becoming quite paranoid that one.'
'Right, then shall we go?'
'I've already said that we should, I wish you would quite repeating my words.'
'Dori-'
'Gandalf.'
'Right, Ori, my friend,' Gandalf ignored the slip. 'This will be a knight to remember.'
'You mean night.'
'No, Knight.' And he pointed down to where the guests were gathering and a tall figure dressed in shiny armour was serving drinks. Gandalf stared blankly for a moment, then turned his attention to the quest to locate the bush under which he'd hidden his fireworks.
People were having so much fun pigging out on the numerous dishes that very few people, asside from Frodo, noticed when Bilbo delivered a very confusing speech and disapeared. Frodo, on the other hand, jumped for joy, hoping with all his heart that he'd never see the crazy lunatic again.
Merry and Pippin started setting off a bunch of fireworks they had found lying out in the middle of nowhere.
Gandalf decided he'd rather go have a smoke, and somehow managed to get inside Bilbo's house without breaking his back. Moments later, the owner of the hole appeared in the middle of the front hall.
'Ahhh!' Gandalf said as Bilbo imeadeatly called out 'BOO!' then started laughing the the terrified wizard's face. 'I suppose that was for when I claimed to be Thorin?' Gandalf asked.
'Thorin? Where! Noooo!' Started to scream and run around in circles, looking under tables and in cupboards that the deceaced dwarf wouldn't have fit in anyway.
'BILBO BAGGINS!'
'Yes?' Bilbo asked sheepishly.
'Calm yourself and get your rear out that door so I can sit here in peace!'
'Just let me put this ring in an envelope for Frodo.'
'NO, get going!'
'Fine, have it your way, but I've told him it's his so if he can't find it, he'll know who to set Sam on.' The Hobbit dropped the ring on the floor and stomped off angrily.
Drat! thought Gandalf. I should have let him put it in the dratted envelope, I can't reach it all the way down there! Hmm. I should go investigate the origins of this ring. Perhaps it might explain Bilbo's odd behavior. What am I saying! Bilbo's always been a little off, no investigation is needed.
Slowly, a hobbit poked its head in the door. 'Psst! Gandalf!' Frodo wispered. 'Is he gone?'
'Yes, Frodo, it's safe.'
'Thank Eru, if he jumped out at me one more time...' Bilbo suddenly appears again in the room, again shouting 'BOO!' Frodo screamed.
'What, you didn't think I'd leave without saying goodby to you, did you Frodo my boy?'
'I could only hope.' Frodo muttered, clutching his heart.
'Well, goodby then, and take good care of my Presious, got it?' Frodo nodded, Gandalf looked thoughtful for a moment, then dismissed the term. Bilbo had always thought very hightly of this wreck he called a house.
Bilbo left. 'I'm afraid I must leave you now Frodo.' Gandalf said.
''Bout time! I mean, but you just got here.'
'Yes, but a wizards work is never done.'
'Alright, bye.' Picks up ring. 'Now, as for you...'
Gandalf knocked firmly on Bilbo's door with the end of his staff, his back far too sore from gathering up the fireworks to bother with bending down the nessessary distance to bang on the wood with his hand.
Bilbo's voice issued from within. 'I'm not at home! Ha ha ha! Nope, nobody's here so you might as well go away!'
'Well, it's certainly obvious that nobody's living THERE.' Gandalf muttered to himself, rolling his eyes. 'Open the door Bilbo, or I shall knock it out of its frame!'
The door opened to reveal a terrified 'young' hobbit. Bilbo's eyes widened in fear at the sight of the wizard. 'Please don't hurt me Thorin Oakenshield! I did not mean to speak ill of the dead!'
'Now now, Bilbo, what are you on about?' Gandalf demanded.
'I er... Gandalf? Oh, um. Nothing. Nothing at all, come in, yes. Do come in.'
'I'm afraid I can't, you see I had a nasty incident a few moments ago and can no longer bend my spine to make myself short enough to enter this dratted thing you call a house.'
'Oh. Alright, goodby then. I will see you at the party.'
'Well, there were a few things I wanted to discuss with you,' Gandalf began, but the door had already closed in his face. Sighing, he banged his staff against it once more. 'Bilbo! It is Thorin, come to take my revenge!'
Screaming could be heard from behind the door. 'No, I didn't mean to! I swear! I ment it kindly! You were never a fat old coward that made others do all your dirty work! And I swear, that coment about you being an elf, it was a compliment! Don't hurt me!'
Gandalf sighed again. 'Just get your fat arse out here, this instant, and you will not be harmed.'
The door opened. 'Gandalf? I thought you'd left.'
'As I was saying before you so rudely closed the door in my face, there are some things I would like to discuss with you.'
'Oh, very well. Come on, we'll sit on my house to do it, just don't damage the grass.'
'Riiighhhtttt...Hold on, I wouldn't sit on your roof if you paid me! It's a wreck! It'll colaps under me!'
'Oh very well, we'll sit over there on that hill. One moment.' Bilbo disapeared into his house and emerged with a large plate of food, which he took up to the hill with him. 'There. What did you want to say?'
'Well, for starters, how are you?'
'Fine, I've never been better. Ahh! It's Kili and Fili!' Bilbo jumped, sending food flying all over his rounded roof. 'Oh, no. It was just Samwise Gamgee and Rosie Cotton. That girl should watch out, he'll only break her heart.'
Gandalf was finding it quite strange that Bilbo seemed to keep seeing members of the team that had travelled to the lonely mountain with him, but dismissed it. The sun was beating down on them, and Gandalf just had to take off his hat, which it should be noted was a grey knit thing with a pom-pom on top, often refered to as a touque.
'Ahhhh! Gandalf, your hair!'
'Do you like it?'
'Well, no... and yes.' His eyes got a little freaky, like he was possessed or something. Gandalf shuttered. 'You know,' Bilbo continued, now back to normal. 'I've decided to leave the shire.'
'So you are going to leave?'
'Isn't that what I just said, Dwalin?'
'Gandalf.'
'Right, whatever. Anyway, I simply have to get away. Have you ever had that need to just get up and leave?'
'Yes, whenever that horrible Sam is about.'
'Oh, everyone wants to get away from him. Just so you're warned, he's gotten worse.'
'Worse? How could he be worse?!'
'He just is.'
'Oh my.' Gandalf put asside a moment of silence to imagine this, then went on. 'You were saying about how you need to leave?'
'We've finished with that. Now, come on or I'll be late for my party!'
'Frodo thinks your plotting.'
'Of course he does, he always thinks I'm plotting. Becoming quite paranoid that one.'
'Right, then shall we go?'
'I've already said that we should, I wish you would quite repeating my words.'
'Dori-'
'Gandalf.'
'Right, Ori, my friend,' Gandalf ignored the slip. 'This will be a knight to remember.'
'You mean night.'
'No, Knight.' And he pointed down to where the guests were gathering and a tall figure dressed in shiny armour was serving drinks. Gandalf stared blankly for a moment, then turned his attention to the quest to locate the bush under which he'd hidden his fireworks.
People were having so much fun pigging out on the numerous dishes that very few people, asside from Frodo, noticed when Bilbo delivered a very confusing speech and disapeared. Frodo, on the other hand, jumped for joy, hoping with all his heart that he'd never see the crazy lunatic again.
Merry and Pippin started setting off a bunch of fireworks they had found lying out in the middle of nowhere.
Gandalf decided he'd rather go have a smoke, and somehow managed to get inside Bilbo's house without breaking his back. Moments later, the owner of the hole appeared in the middle of the front hall.
'Ahhh!' Gandalf said as Bilbo imeadeatly called out 'BOO!' then started laughing the the terrified wizard's face. 'I suppose that was for when I claimed to be Thorin?' Gandalf asked.
'Thorin? Where! Noooo!' Started to scream and run around in circles, looking under tables and in cupboards that the deceaced dwarf wouldn't have fit in anyway.
'BILBO BAGGINS!'
'Yes?' Bilbo asked sheepishly.
'Calm yourself and get your rear out that door so I can sit here in peace!'
'Just let me put this ring in an envelope for Frodo.'
'NO, get going!'
'Fine, have it your way, but I've told him it's his so if he can't find it, he'll know who to set Sam on.' The Hobbit dropped the ring on the floor and stomped off angrily.
Drat! thought Gandalf. I should have let him put it in the dratted envelope, I can't reach it all the way down there! Hmm. I should go investigate the origins of this ring. Perhaps it might explain Bilbo's odd behavior. What am I saying! Bilbo's always been a little off, no investigation is needed.
Slowly, a hobbit poked its head in the door. 'Psst! Gandalf!' Frodo wispered. 'Is he gone?'
'Yes, Frodo, it's safe.'
'Thank Eru, if he jumped out at me one more time...' Bilbo suddenly appears again in the room, again shouting 'BOO!' Frodo screamed.
'What, you didn't think I'd leave without saying goodby to you, did you Frodo my boy?'
'I could only hope.' Frodo muttered, clutching his heart.
'Well, goodby then, and take good care of my Presious, got it?' Frodo nodded, Gandalf looked thoughtful for a moment, then dismissed the term. Bilbo had always thought very hightly of this wreck he called a house.
Bilbo left. 'I'm afraid I must leave you now Frodo.' Gandalf said.
''Bout time! I mean, but you just got here.'
'Yes, but a wizards work is never done.'
'Alright, bye.' Picks up ring. 'Now, as for you...'
