Inside the room, all four of the hobbits were now gagging. STRIDER was looking around at them, clearly confused. 'I don't smell that bad to I?' he asked, sniffing the air. However, years of living with himself had knocked out his scence of smell.

Sam managed to pick up a random object and chuck it at the stranger, missing his target by mere inches.

'Hey! Why'd you do that? Are you trying to kill me?' the man demanded, his voice going unnaturally-high pitched. He pulled something small and red from his pocket and held it up defencively. On closer inspection, it was revealed to be a small plastic cocktail-sword. 'If you come one step close, I will be forced to use this!'

Pippin laughed. 'Like we would want ot come any closer to you, Eru, you stink!'

STRIDER seemed not to have heard. 'See? This sword is stained red with the blood of my enemies. It is a little broken at the tip, see? That's from when my great-great-great-great-great-great-great er... great-great-grate- great grand-father used it to cut the one ring from Sauron's hand... then the guy was blown up- something to do with a sensitive nose, I never really understood it, but this sword is a famous one.' He continued to prattle on as the hobbits set about making themselves nose-plugs.

A sudden hum reached their ears, the beauty of the voice so absolute that it hurt to listen to it. Another quickly followed, this one a little lower in pitch. An alto to the first's soprano.

'What are they?' Frodo asked.

'They were once men, though I don't know the story. I missed that part of history- I believe I was oogleing Arwen at the time... hmm. Yes, that must have been it.'

'I didn't ask what they were, I want to know what they ARE.'

'Right. They're the Nazgul, and for somereason everyone seems to be afraid of them. I've never met one before so, really, I don't know why. Even if I did meet them, they would cower in fear before the mighty Narsil.'

'Uh, riiighttt.' Merry looked doubtful (and, really, who could blame him?)

'Oh. You know, I think there's something I'm supposed to do, but I can't remember wha- oh right. I'm to take you to Rivendell.'

Sam's eyes grew wide. 'Rivendell? NOoooo! I don't want to see those miserable excuses for sentient beings!!!!' Nobody heard him, and the next morning, they set off. Sam was clinging to a horse leash, dragging behind him STRIDER's "pony" (which was really just a stuffed-up, rather fake looking horse-head on a stick).

'Elves are nasty, fowl creatures.' he muttered to the toy horse. 'I'll try to protect you, Billy.'

'Hey, his name is Billrompaddapore.' STRIDER corrected.

'Um, can we call him Bill, for short?'

'Alright.' STRIDER smiled like a little boy and ran on ahead to see what was comming. The four hobbits sighed in relief, free of the smell- if only for a while.

'He's a little insane, isn't he?' Sam asked his master.

Frodo looked at Sam and repressed the urge to say 'It takes one to know one.'

They all walked in silence for a time, and Frodo was grateful to see that his cousin's were, for once, not sending evil looks his way. Instead they had stopped and were setting up a small picknick out of the food they still had. (Sam now carried most of the food and refused to let it go- it was HIS, HIS OWN!!)

STRIDER looked back at them. 'Hey, a picnick? Yay! I love picknicks!' He then turned and started back towards them.

Fearing the horrid smell that threatened to overwhealm them, as well as spoil the food, Merry spoke up. 'On second thought, we shouldn't stop 'til nightfall, should we. I mean, if those weird singing things are still out there...'

Reluctantly, the man nodded and continued to lead the way, his momentary boy-hood joy no longer glowing on his face. Then he looked up at the fluffy white clouds and it returned. 'Look! There's a bunny in the sky!'

Frodo thought of his ring. There was a bunny carving on it... he sighed and glanced around, still warry of his derranged companions.

At last they came to the watch tower of Annie Sole, as STRIDER called it. Frodo had the feeling the man had been daydreaming durring geography as well. Possibly about a girl named Annie.

'I have an idea!' STRIDER declared as they set up camp. 'I'll go hide, and you have to come find me!'

'Okay,' Sam said, eager to get rid of the stench, 'You go hide. We'll be by shortly.'

'Yay!' and the ranger was gone.

As Sam started a fire, the strange sound of singing reached them. It sounded somewhat like a small choir, and the notes were oddly like those of 'Day is Done'. The sun was setting.

The sound was comming closer to Frodo, as were Merry and Pippin. They'd managed to get their hands on a pair of Sam's cooking pots, and he haddn't noticed yet.

Before they could bring the heavy pans down on Frodo's head, Sam came running over. 'HOW DARE YOU STEEL MY POTS!!! THEY ARE MINE, MY OWN!!!!!!!!!!'

'Okay, take the stupid things, we don't want them. We're sorry.' Pippin's terror went unnoticed by Sam, who simply proceeded to knock the youngest hobbit to the ground. Frodo watched as Sam and Merry got into yet another fight. This time, due to the continued possession of the cooking utensil, Merry seemed to be winning.

Just then, nine figures, clothed in robes so blindingly white that it hurt the eyes to so much as know there were there came up onto the watchtower. Merry and Sam seemed not to notice, though Frodo could not say how that was possible, seeing as they were followed by a heavenly song that just radiated from them.

Frodo was reminded of summer birds singing to the dawn, and horrifying little bunnies hopping around in a lovely green field. He also thought of Bilbo, which sent great shivers of fear running through him.

Desperately, he put the ring on his finger. His horrible uncle wouldn't be able to find him now!!

The sight that greeted him was, needless to say, not a pleasant one. Before him were nine figures dressed all in red and green singing in abnormally high-pitched voices 'Oh Come All Ye Faithful'.

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!' Frodo screamed and pulled the ring from his finger, but it was too late, the sound of the Christmas Carol had already penetrated his mind. Even now, he could hear the lines echoing through his mind, and it wasn't even Christmas yet!!!!!

Merry had at last been knocked unconscious, leaving Sam free to launch himself at the Nazgul. 'YOU HURT MR. FRODO!!!!' He shouted, sending them spiralling off the cliff.

STRIDER showed up then, looking rather upset. 'How come you didn't find me?' without warning, he brightened. 'I know! You tried too, but my hiding place was far too good for you to locate, I'm master of this game.' Looking very pleased with himself, he went over and stared down at Frodo, who was shaking with the memory of the carol. 'What happened to him?'

'Those Nazgul things showed up, you crazy old freak! Pick him up, we need to get him some help!' Sam was near panic. As they were preparing to leave, Merry and Pippin woke up. Damn! Sam thought. Now they're going to want to come too!

'Is he gooingg tuo diae?' Pippin asked, hopefully.

'NO, NOW SHUT UP!' Sam snapped, and they were off once more.

~*~*~*~*~*~ Wow! I have readers!

Arby, if you think this is 'one of the best humour things around at the moment' you should read Bookworm2000 'the Parody of the RING'- now that is great humour! But you're right, Frodo probably isn't having the greatest time.

Bookworm, I think you should just be glad you don't have a crush on Elijah Wood, otherwise I'm thinking Sam would be much less willing to let you leave your computer.

FrodoBaggins87, yes, Sam's obsession is very clean. I have a bit of an issue with slash-like things, mainly because so many people really like the coupling of Legolas and Aragorn, which is just wrong. However, Frodo's sanity may only be a temporary thing, which, considering the company he will be forced to keep, is not all that surprising.

Hobbit13, Wow, you liked the prologue? I thought that was the weakest part- didn't think anyone would like it to terribly much. I'm glad you found it amusing.

I hope you all liked this chapter, I know I had a lot of fun writing it, knowing that people were actually enjoying the story.