Disclaimer: The Sweet Sixteenth Disclaimer: Donna own Trigun

Chapter Sixteen: And While She Walked Away…

The moons drifted away into the morning sky as Rhianne trudged along, the golden light of the rising suns catching her hair and playing with the colors of her locks as she stalked sullenly along. The skyline was laced with a brilliant, almost blinding gold that faded into the yellows and light oranges of the early morning light, giving way to the sapphire blue of the eternally blue sky that hung over the sand that billowed over the planet's surface. Tears fell from her eyes and stained her path in that sand, soon to be washed away either by the ever present breeze or by the thirsty light of the suns. Her cheeks still bore the redness that had come with Knives' slap an hour or so earlier. It pained her, and oddly enough, she wished it would never face away. The mark was all she had left of him, save her memories, and she really hadn't attained any of him she really wanted to remember.

More tears made her vision swim as she thought again of Knives. Why had he cast her off? Couldn't he see that she truly felt for him?

It's your own fault, she mentally chided herself you gave him the opportunity, and he simply took advantage of it. You brought this on yourself, and if you didn't want him to tell you to go, then you shouldn't have given him that option. Tears still fell unchecked from Rhianne's eyes and she swatted them away with the back of her hand.

It as her fault, as much as she hated to admit it. But if she regretted it so sorely, then why had she done it in the first place? And why had Knives told her to leave? Foolish pride on both their parts, most likely. She had figured he'd be man enough to understand how she felt, and accept it, and he had been to stubborn to admit that he might have eventually begun to feel for her as well. But, she had been let down and he had brushed her off, leaving her stranded in the middle of the ocean that was her emotions.

But the big question remained: if she had known all along that leaving Knives would hurt her, and he had obviously known this as well, why had she still supplied him with the means to get rid of her? She bit her lips refusing to let a loud sob break between them. She had brought this on herself, and she was going to have to cope with it.

Why am I putting myself through this? She asked herself sadly. But the plant already knew the answer: because it made Knives happy. That was what it all really wound down to in the end. She wanted to make sure that Knives would be happy, and if her leaving was what it took, then so be it. That should be it; girl shows up, meets Knives, Knives asks her to leave, she never sees him again, end of story. Or so she wished. It wasn't as if she could forget Knives if she wanted, much less her feelings for him. He was one of those few people that Rhianne couldn't wash her mind of. Even if she wanted to, she doubted she could. Knives had an attractive personality, as insane as that sounded. She supposed he had to be if he had had as many followers as she had picked up on. Could it possibly be that Knives had never felt love, she wondered idly as she trudged along. Even while surrounded by people all his life, he had never experienced the feelings a man got for a woman… Knives had never fallen in love?

Rhianne supposed it could be quite plausible. He seemed to alienate himself from everything, not getting to close to anyone because of the crippling fear of intimacy that could possibly waver him from his path to carry out his genocide plans. Was he that afraid of giving up his plans that he would give up a shot at happiness for it?

But who was to say that they would have gotten along anyway? He might have proven to be an elitist jerk and an asshole that… she scoffed, Knives was all those things anyway, she didn't need to dwell on those things. Or did she? Maybe that was the way to deal with her heartache, to pick Knives apart until she wasn't attracted to him anymore. She sighed. She didn't really want to, it felt like the coward's way out, but she was willing to give it a shot if it meant being able to stop crying.

Knives wasn't worth her tears. He was an immature jerk who took out all his aggressions on her and when things didn't go his way he threw a fit and pounded his beliefs down the throats of others. He was selfish, undisciplined, immature, undignified, rude, an elitist, prejudiced…. the plant she had come to love.

Argh, she sighed angrily, so much for that effort.

Why was it that she correct the err in her opinions? She knew the faults were there, the bastard that so often was the cause of her broken heart had so many problems that she could hardly overlook them… hardly. He was a horrible person, a mean childish sonofabitch that she could barely stand… barely. That was the key word. Hardly; barely; almost; nearly… they were all the things that kept her from kicking the living shit out of him. Well, that wasn't true either, she could kick the living shit out of him, but still feel for him.

We have a really abusive relationship, she thought remorsefully. Or at least we would if Knives wasn't so afraid of his emotions. She added bitterly, sighing heavily. She wished that she hadn't left him now, No matter what she did, all she thought about was him. She bit her lip remorsefully, hopefully she would be able to forget about him when she reached wherever her feet took her.

It was about then that she realized that she had no destination in mind. Damn, she was screwed. Here she was, wandering alone through the desert on a desert planet that she had no clue how to navigate upon, with no one to ask directions from. For a moment her mind doted on the thought of going back and asking Knives for directions, but dismissed the thought almost as soon as it had bloomed in her mind. There was no way she was going back there. She wasn't going to give in. If this was what Knives wanted, then so be it. She wasn't going to run back there and pester him more than she already had. To him she was a nuisance, nothing more.

But she couldn't help remember that gleeful shine in his eyes when she had finally opened herself up to him. He looked like a child on Christmas morning, basking in the glow of the twinkling tree lights and at the abundant pile of presents stacked neatly at the bottom, each one lovingly wrapped with his name printed neatly on the "To:" tag. There was a light in his eyes that hinted at something deep within his black soul that Rhianne couldn't overlook; he hinted at a mutuality in the feelings she had expressed for him. When that light shone in his eyes, he seemed ready to wrap his arms around her and never let go. But that light was fleeting, like a flicker of light in the dark. There a moment, then replaced by the icy bitterness that froze his glaze like a winter's breeze.

Something was there, that was for sure. Something Knives didn't want to accept; something that plagued him and taunted him at every turn: that Knives wasn't the soulless killer he had made himself out to be. He was a person, just like everyone else. And he couldn't stand to have someone prove it to him, so he had cast her aside, just like he had to everyone else. He would forget her in good time, she figured. And of he didn't; if he continued to yearn for her company as she had sensed he had begun to, then he would come for her. If he didn't… well, she would deal with that when the time came.

For now, it was to put as much distance between herself and him as possible, because the farther away from him she was, the less likely she was to turn around and run back to him. She already knew that going back would be like suicide on her heart. Sure, she could probably make him see, help him come to terms with himself, but what was the fun in that? Sure, she liked the guy, but she was angry at him and the thought of him squirming beneath her thumb brought a smile to her lips, which were shiny with tears that hadn't stayed on their paths down her cheeks.

She could almost picture him, sitting on the sand of the dune she had left him on, his head in his hands, wondering why he had just fucked himself over like that. He would miss her, and he would grapple with his mind about it. It might take days, months, or even years for him to accept it, but Rhianne was willing to wait.

Because that's what you do when you're in love.