The Schism

Chapter 4

R was getting rather frustrated. As a duchess, one of her main roles in VFD was to set up an annual VFD masked ball at her mansion at Winnipeg Manor. This ball was a rather nerve-wracking affair; personally, R would rather it were conducted at the Baudelaire or Snicket mansion, instead of at hers. Everything had to be made just so; there were overnights rooms to be prepared, invitations to be written, caterers to be hired, extra sugar bowls to be ordered - the list went on and on.

So it was reasonable for R to be frustrated. It was a near impossible feat every year to get the thing organized, but with the influx of new Volunteers this year, it was going to be even more impossible. R needed help, and she was desperate for it.

* * *

Fifty miles away, the Volunteer called B woke up to the sound of her telephone ringing. Grumbling irritably, she dragged herself out of bed and looked at the clock. 6:30 AM Saturday morning. This had better be good.

She managed to pick up the telephone through half-closed eyes and held it to her ear. "Hello?" she said groggily. No answer. She waited ten seconds before she realized the receiver was upside-down. She turned it over hastily. "Hello?"

"Is that you, Bea?" came the Duchess's voice through the other end.

Well in heaven's name who else would it be? thought Beatrice. She hated being called by her nickname. She thought it sounded too much like her initial, which was used only during formal VFD meetings. Everyone called her Bea anyway.

"Yes, it is I, Gina," she responded, knowing full well that Regina, Duchess of Winnipeg, hated being called by her nickname just as much.

There was a cold silence on the other line for a moment and then, "Ah, good, Beatrice. I was wondering - I am having a spot of trouble with the Masked Ball -"

Oh, yes. The Masked Ball. Well, no wonder she's having trouble, waking up this early, thought Beatrice. As if we don't have enough to worry about, what with that Julienne woman and all.

"- and I wanted to know if you could perhaps bring yourself and some other Volunteers, just to help out."

And then there is Olaf, thought Beatrice. He isn't himself lately. He's acting... strange....

- Flashback Friday evening -

(A/N: Yes, yes, I know flashbacks are corny. Too bad, I'm using one anyway.)

Olaf and Beatrice had gone to the Café Salmonella ("Isn't it delish / To dine on pink fish?"), a rather annoying theme restaurant which Olaf had recently discovered. Admittedly, it was less annoying than the Anxious Clown up in Lachrymose, but that was hardly an accomplishment.

Beatrice loved salmon, so she relished the food, though she thought the salmon costumes were a bit much. As were the salmon ice cubes. And she refused the customary salmon corsage offered by the person at the door.

Beatrice and Olaf had gotten onto the subject of VFD - which was not hard to do, considering they were both members of it. Still, it was dangerous to talk about VFD in public, as one would imagine, but luckily they had gotten a booth, which offered more privacy than regular seating did.

"What do you think of our hierarchical system?" Olaf asked her.

"I - I'm not particularly sure; I never thought about it before that much. Why?" Beatrice responded.

Evidently Olaf had thought about this before; his answer was prompt and quite detailed. "I would prefer if we had a change of system. The rankings confuse everyone - they must be done away with entirely, I think. I would prefer it if there was one leader at the head, with unranked subordinates below him. Still quite hierarchical, but less so."

Beatrice giggled into her water glass. "You must be joking," she said.

"I am quite serious," said Olaf.

This took a minute to sink in. Then: "I don't understand. I mean - let me rephrase that - I don't see how that would work. VFD is spread out across the world - how could a leader possibly govern all that?" Beatrice asked.

"We already have a leader governing all that," said Olaf shortly.

"Yes, but not really. She doesn't do much, except preside over the meetings of our lead reps," she replied.

"These lead reps are what make everything so complicated. They squabble and argue over every issue that they come across, while the rest of us must wait for their verdict. If there was just one leader writing the rules, assigning the duties..."

"I see your point. But it's too much. VFD's too big. It would never work," Beatrice said uncomfortably. This was getting rather in-depth. "It's much simpler just to stick to the way we have it. I mean, it seems to be working quite well, doesn't it? We really haven't had any problems, have we?"

"Think about it, Beatrice. Think of all the problems there have been," Olaf responded.

This was true, she thought even more uncomfortably. They'd had to go underground, literally, to stay underground, figuratively. And there was that newspaper column that had everyone so worried. "Every government has its flaws," she said rather lamely, as if this was supposed to be an excuse.

"Is that supposed to be an excuse? Flaws must be fixed sooner or later," he said. He suddenly stared at her. "You know I love you, Beatrice," he said.

"And I you."

Suddenly a salmon-costumed waiter interrupted this rather cheesy interlude. "Dessert, sir and madam?" he said in an oily voice.

"Yes, please, said Beatrice, and they waited as he brought the tray.

- End sappy flashback -

"Beatrice? Beatrice, are you there?" said Regina nervously.

Beatrice was jolted out of her reverie. "Oh - um, yes, sorry, Your Duchessness."

"Will you come and help?"

"Yes," she said shortly.

"Will you bring friends?

"Yes."

"Alright, good, thank you, Beatrice, I hoped you'd accept."

"Good-bye."

"See you soon!" The Duchess hung up.

Now, the matter of who to bring. Perhaps the five who had all gone into town Friday. She, of course, was coming, and then Olaf, Daniel, Jacques, and... who else came? Oh yes, Lemony. Yes, they would do perfectly. The Duchess would be pleased.

* * *

All right, I cranked out chapter four. Those of you who watched Gladiator (who hasn't?), Olaf is starting to sound a bit like Commodus, isn't he? Maybe not.

What did you think? Stupid, clever, corny, original? Review and tell me! Thank you.

~ Anoriel