I awoke the next morning to the sound of running water.
Groggily, I turned my head to find the space beside me empty.
"April?" I called, yawning.
"In here!" Her voice answered from the bathroom.
Rubbing my eyes with the back of my hands, I slid out of bed and quickly changed into a pair of jeans and an old wrinkled white T-shirt.
When I moved my duffel bag to find my toothbrush, April's purse slid off the bed, spilling some of its contents onto the floor.
I knelt down on my knees, sweeping loose change and a few tubes of lipsticks and mascaras back into the bag. I saw that something had rolled under the bed as well, so I reached with my arm until I felt my fingers bump into a cylindrical object.
Frowning, I pulled my hand back out from under the bed, revealing a prescription bottle of small white pills. Guiltily, I glanced at the description on the label. Anti-depressants.
"I'm coming out, so don't look," I heard April call.
Quickly, I shoved the bottle back into the purse, and tossed it onto the bed seconds before April emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her.
"What did you do?" she asked, grabbing her crumpled denim sundress from the floor.
"What?" I said, nervously.
"You look like you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar," she said, smirking.
"Uh, no. Just changing," I said, lowering my eyes to the floor.
"Oh. Well, so am I. I just came out to get my clothes," she said, stepping back into the bathroom.
"I'll be ready in a sec!" she called, once the door was closed.
"Alright," I said, softly. I glanced at the cheap plastic purse, lying on its side on the bed. I wondered what else might be in there.
You're just being paranoid, I chided myself. Lots of people take anti-depressants. It's not THAT much out of the ordinary.
But was I?
***
"Any station requests?" I asked, once we were back on the road.
"No. Anything's good."
"Good, because there's only one station on this goddamn thing that works," I said, grinning. I reached over and turned on the radio.
The guitar he could not find a purpose for
Only pieces of wood, he muttered
Break it up and float it to a distant shore
To pursue his own good
"So how long have you been playing?" April asked, referring to the guitar which had now made its home in the backseat of the car.
"Since I was nine," I replied.
"You have any rock idols?" she asked, smiling.
"Yeah…two years ago I had myself convinced that I was the next Led Zeppelin."
"And that all changed?"
I shrugged. "I guess so."
"Why?"
"I had a reality check. I took a look at myself and realized that I could never be as good as Zeppelin, or anyone else."
"Way to have loads of self-esteem," April said, sarcastically.
I shrugged. "I don't care. I'm fine knowing that I'm just mediocre."
"Is that what your friends think or is that what you think?"
"What?"
"Well if it's just you who thinks you suck, you're being too hard on yourself. If it's your friends and other people who think you're bad, maybe you do suck," she grinned.
"Well…I think I'm horrible."
"What about the rest of your band?"
"Well…considering the fact that they chose me to be the lead guitarist, I guess they like me."
"Well. There you have it," April lay back in her seat, satisfied with herself. "You beat yourself up over nothing."
"I do not!" I retorted. "Besides, you've never heard me play. You can't judge it."
"Well then, how about you play for me?"
"I uh…I don't know."
"Why don't you?"
"I guess I could…maybe. Later. I'll see."
April shrugged, and we sat in silence for the next few minutes.
The raft is floating 90 miles
Then freedom comes
It's coming closer to 90 miles
Then freedom comes
"Can you stop here?" April asked, as we neared a gas station. "I have to pee."
"You have to pee," I repeated.
"Yes."
"I've never heard a girl say it like that."
"How the hell would you say it, then?"
"You'd say, 'I need to use the Ladies' Room.'"
"That's stereotypical and stupid. I need to take a piss."
"Okay, okay," I gave in, turning into the station.
As April rushed into the bathroom I walked into a little convenience store a few feet away.
Casually, I flipped through a few magazines and glanced at the packs of beer in the freezer.
The girl at the cash register stared at me, not blinking her eyes. She paused every few seconds to crack her gum. "You gonna buy something?" she asked.
"No, I'm just looking."
She rolled her eyes and sighed, an guiltily, I grabbed a small box of cough drops and placed it onto the counter, fishing around in my pocket for loose change.
"Seventy five cents," she said, her mood seeming to have risen, slightly.
"Roger? You ready?" April asked, sticking her head in from outside.
"Yep. Hold on a sec," I said, handing the money to the cashier.
April nodded and went back out to stand by the car.
"That your girlfriend?" the cashier asked, handing me back the cough drops.
"No," I said. "She's my sister." I shoved the cough drops into my pocket and went back outside to the car.
"You've got everything?" I asked April, as I slid back into the car.
"Yes."
"Good," I said, turning the key in the ignition. The motor stirred, and then died.
"No," I said quietly, turning the key again. I got the same response.
"Fuck!" I shouted, causing April to jump. "God damn it!" I swore, opening the car door and slamming it behind me.
"Roger? Roger get back here! What the hell are you doing?" April yelled as she scrambled after me.
Not answering her, I approached the gas tank and began ramming the heel of my foot into it.
"Jesus, Roger, CALM DOWN," April exclaimed.
"Calm down?" I exploded. "I drove all the way out here in some shitty car, knowing that it wouldn't get me far, thinking I could actually make it to Santa Fe to start a new life. And go figure, the damn thing died before I could get halfway there!" I sighed and leaned my elbow against the tank. "Maybe it was stupid coming out here. Maybe I should just go home."
"You really think you should?" April asked, quietly.
"There's nothing else left to do," I grumbled.
"How are we going to get anywhere with a dead car?"
"I don't know…wait. Mark!" I exclaimed.
"Mark?"
"My friend, Mark. Remember, I told you about him?"
"Yeah. What about him?"
"I'll call him, and he can pick us both up and drive us back home."
"He must be a pretty good friend if he'd be willing to drive all the way out here for you," April said, as I walked over to the pay phone, jamming a few quarters into it.
I dialed Mark's number and waited impatiently for him to pick up.
Mark had just recently bought a small apartment between Avenue A and B in the city. He'd moved out of his parent's house because he'd wanted 'More space to do his artistic work.' Mark was into filming. He had a video camera practically permanently attached to his hand.
It was a miracle that he had the cordless phone already working. A blessing, even.
"Yeah?" Mark finally picked up the phone.
"Jeez, I'd be too scared to pick up the phone like that. Your mother would flip."
"Hi, Rog. You in Santa Fe yet?"
"I wish," I snorted. "My car just died."
"Oh, shit, that sucks…What are you going to do now?"
"Well, that's where you come in." I could almost hear Mark grimace.
"Could you come out here and pick us up?" I asked.
"Who's 'us?'"
"Oh…I met this girl on the road. Her name's April. We shared a motel room last night and she's just been traveling with me."
"You shared a motel room? Way to go, Roger!" Mark laughed.
"You asshole," I snapped.
"Hey, watch it- you want me to come get you, don't you?"
"Would you?"
"Yeah, I guess so. You're lucky I'm so flexible- I know for a fact that most of your friends would NEVER do this. Not even your parents."
"Don't I know it," I said. I told him where we were, and then checked the name of the gas station and gave that to him too.
"Okay, great. So I'll see you in what…three hours?" Mark asked. I could tell he was trying not to be too obviously sarcastic.
"If you drive fast," I said, flatly. "Thanks, Mark."
"Don't mention it. See you there."
"Bye," I said, hanging up the phone.
April stood beside me, questioningly.
"He's picking us up."
"Great," April sighed with relief. "So what do we do until then?"
"I don't know…just go back in the car and hang out there for a while.
April shrugged. "Sounds like a plan."
We both got back in the car. The radio was still on.
Will freedom come?
It's coming close
It's coming soon
It's been 23 days and 90 miles
Will freedom come?
I reclined the chair and turned on my side, facing the window.
Must be coming close
Must be coming soon, God knows
I closed my eyes.
It's been 23 days in oblivion.
I woke up to find Mark hovering over me.
"Wake up, Sunshine!" he sang, switching on his camera to film me and April.
"You've got to grow out of that film-everything-in-sight phase," I groaned, as April stirred.
"You're April, I presume?" Mark asked her, from behind the lens.
"You presume right."
"April, this is my unfortunate friend, Mark. Mark, this is April."
"Don't forget best friend," Mark corrected me, leaning forward to hold his hand out towards April, who shook it, hesitantly.
"You kids sure looked cozy in there."
"What time is it?" I asked.
"It's almost seven."
"Go figure," I yawned, grabbing my duffel bag and guitar case. Following my cue, April picked up her purse, and we followed Mark to his car.
"What are you going to do with the car?" April asked me.
I grinned. "Leave it to me." I turned to Mark. "Got any quarters?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"I need to make a phone call."
He shrugged and turned out his pockets, handing me two quarters.
"Thanks," I said, walking back over to the payphone.
I dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up.
"Hello?"
"Dad?" I asked.
"Well, look who decided to call. You decide to turn around already?"
"My car died," I said.
"And I suppose you're expecting me to come and get you?" he asked. "Just because you decide all of a sudden you're responsible and you can just do whatever the hell you want?"
"I know you think I'm a nothing, Dad. You don't need to put it into words."
"A 'Nothing' isn't the right word," he muttered.
"I left the keys in the ignition, though. You can come and get it whenever you like," I said, and quickly began to recite to him where we were.
"WHAT? Pick it up? You buy that piece of shit car that you insisted on getting and then you expect me to babysit it for you? What the hell is wrong with you? You irresponsible ignoramus…I'll…"
I let the phone drop, ignoring the muffled yells coming out of the receiver.
"Everything all right?" Mark asked, as the three of us got into his car.
"Everything's fine," I replied, grinning at April.
Song: 90 Miles by Daphne Rubin Vega
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