Disclaimer: Happy birthday to my ficcy! It's an adult now! ^_^ But despite that, Trigun isn't mine…
Chapter Eighteen: Following the Angel's Guidance
Rem stood behind him, clear as crystal and as real as a dream woman could get. She was smiling, and it enraged Knives to see her smile at his hurt.
"What do you want, bitch?" he spat, standing to face her, Rhianne's body held tightly in his arms. Rem moved forward, extending her right hand to him. Knives recoiled, sneering at the raven-haired woman who had caused him so much hassle.
"I only want to help you Knives." She smiled warmly, and a low chuckle escaped Knives' lips "help me do what? You've been enough of a hassle, you stupid piece of filth. You ruined my plans and because of you my sisters are dying at the hands of your race. You have no right to speak to me, you are the killer of my people."
Rem looked abashed, taking a step back and raising a slender hand to her lips. Her chocolate eyes looked confused. She closed them and shook her head a few times, and the look of hurt was gone from them when her eyelids lifted back up.
"Now isn't the time to talk about that, you need help." She stated "that girl loves you, and it's time to come to grips with how you feel."
"What do you know, you stupid pacifist bitch? Leave me the hell alone and get me the fuck out of this dream." Rem smiled lightly "ah, the glory of lucid dreams, eh Knives? You know you're sleeping, but you are still unable to wake up on command."
Knives' eyes narrowed angrily and he would have struck her if not for the corpse in his arms. She looked exactly like he remembered her, her image burned into his mind and shoved back to the darkest recesses, only to be dragged up when he least needed it.
"I can handle myself, leave me alone." He spat. Rem laughed a mocking laugh that Vash would never have thought her capable of, he thought too highly of her for that "yes, it seems you're handling things quite well…" she stated flatly, although Knives knew she would have liked to be sarcastic, her overall pacifism kept her from being mean and rash.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Knives shot back, sounding rather hurt, although not meaning to. He knew what she was talking about, but wasn't going to admit that to her, now was he?
"You have problems addressing your feelings, and I'm here to help you come to grips with that." Knives eyed her warily, squeezing Rhianne's form close to his chest. She was getting colder, and he didn't like the feeling of all the warmth of life leaving him with only an empty shell. Rem noticed this, and pointed out her fact again: "you can't deal with your emotion, and I'm here to help you." Knives laughed a little "why? Why is my wellbeing of any concern to you?"
" Because, despite the despotic madman you've become, I know that deep down inside the little boy I raised is fighting to get out; and I intend to help him." Knives' lips parted a little and he smiled a little.
"I was a fool then, but I have learned the err of my ways and I am not the naïve child I once was. I know the solution to my problems, and am fully aware about what to do about them." Rem raised an eyebrow "do you? What about Rhianne? You don't seem to have a solution about that situation." She pointed out, a little smugly.
Knives glared at her angrily "shut up. I'll figure it out, I always have." Rem's smile disappeared and she looked annoyed "and I assume that killing thousands of innocent people is a just solution to your childhood problems?" Knives smiled, looking self- satisfied "yes."
"Look, this isn't important right now. I'm here to give you sagely advice, so please listen." She sounded almost pleading as the said the latter part.
"Why should I? If my own brother doesn't even care about me, then why should you? Or her, for that matter?" he nodded to Rhianne's cold form. Rem looked a little sad "the reason I'm here is because of Vash." She stated quietly.
"He can sense your hurt because of the bond between you, and it hurts him to see you hurting." Knives snorted "what does that have to do with you?"
"I don't like seeing Vash unhappy. He was a wonderful child, and has been very true to his promise to take care of you." Knives laughed, a loud bark that echoed around the dead realm that still stood around them.
"You call this taking care of me? I've been trying to keep him safe and he keeps foiling my plans and shooting me! He killed Legato! He betrayed you!…" he trailed off, taking deep breaths. Rem shook her head and stepped forward "no Knives, you think he betrayed you. I'm of no concern to you, it's the fact that your brother still is loyal to me that bothers you. You feel that he chose me over you, and because of that one little incident, you've shut Rhianne out as well." She moved her chin in Rhianne's direction "she loves you, and you keep shutting her out. She tried to make you happy, and this is what you're left with. You're unhappy, and it pain me to see it, Vash to feel it, and Rhianne to know the same, so suck it up and go after her already!"
Knives was ready to spit back a retort, but didn't get time, as his vision was suddenly consumed by a brilliant white light and Rem faded into the intense whiteness that burned the back of his eyes.
He squinted his eyes shut and rolled away from the light of the twin suns from directly above him. "Damn it." He stated, rubbing his eyes against his arm, trying to dislodge the sleep from his eyes.
Rising slowly, he stretched the kinks out of his back and shoulders, moving his shoulder blades and moving his neck around a little. His eyes were closed as he did this, marveling at the sereneness the darkness provided. He stretched his legs, moving them out a little and wriggling his toes as would a little child. He felt calm and much more at peace than when he had fallen asleep. He had once heard the Hornfreak mention to his late pet Legato Bluesummers that sleep was a calming device that would subconsciously sort through your thoughts and regulate them so that you woke up feeling calm and serene. It had been at this point that Legato had stated that he was never at peace because Vash the Stampede was not suffering for causing his master pain, that he was a piece of filth who did not deserve to live. And that he would only be truly at peace when he lay cold on the ground and did not stand in the way of his Master's Eden. At the moment, Knives felt the truth of the Hornfreak's words. He felt strangely refreshed.
"Oh Knives…I miss you so much"… The words of sadness pierced the veil of his thoughts, as they had done before. Knives opened his eyes with surprise, and saw Rhianne standing before him. She looked as she had been in his dream; her hair falling on her shoulders, the light in her eyes, the opalescence of her long dress. She was smiling a little, as if she knew that her image was only fleeting. As it was so, because as soon as Knives blinked, she was gone, the image his brain had put there carried away like the sand in the wind.
Knives shook his head, trying to clear it a little. She tried to make you happy, and this is what you're left with… Rem's voice was carried over to him, almost as if she was standing over the dune and the wind had carried her voice to him. But Rem was long dead, most unlike the feelings he still couldn't accept.
Go to her, you baka! Vash's voice popped up, then faded away like the spark of light in the darkness; fleeting but noticeable at the same. Knives shut his eyes and shook his despondently. This was of no use. He would sit and fume over this until he finally confronted her again.
So, half-begrudgingly, Knives walk to the top of the dune, looked in the direction Rhianne had taken, and took off over the dune after her, his mind and muscles complaining both at the sudden movement he was making them do, and the direction he was going in. But as he strode beneath the bright light of the twin suns, sweat pouring down his forehead and staining the fabric of his suit, his breath in long gasps and his eyes narrowed against the dirt and grit the wind carried, his heart was light.
He felt both half-asleep and wide-awake with the exhalation and inhalation of each breath, lost between both in the desert of his heart. But somewhere in the vastness of his blackened soul, he realized was the spark of light. It was like a lone candle in a castle, casting only the smallest of glows, but at the same time pushing at the darkness and making it recede, if only a little.
Perhaps it wasn't the best option to follow the female plant, he mused, but it was the only option that he could think of that wouldn't make his hurt. And that's what it really was, an aching from the very bottom of his dark and cold soul that cried out for the light and warmth that she carried with her; her torch held aloft as a beacon for his heart. He could sense her, the life that coursed through her veins, and the love that had caused her to leave. He was the dark and she was the light; he was yin and she was yang, they were both of the same blood, yet not related at all; she was good and he was evil; and angel and a demon; they were enemies yet allies at the same time; war and peace; the darkness of space and the light of the moon; a thousand things yet nothing at all. They were two contradictions that contrasted perfectly, he thought as a little smile parted his lips, as he watched the and in the lazy breeze drift away the remains of the light footsteps of the woman he loved.
