Disclaimer: see chapter 1
Sorry this is kinda late, but you know how it goes, school etc.
Oh, and the reason art's British is because,......... well, .......
Chapter 2
The elevator doors opened to reveal a raven haired boy, looking at the floor, a small bag tucked between his legs. Rei glanced impassively at him before stepping in, carrying her own bag. Art looked up and grinned. Rei turned around to face the doors as the slid shut.
"Good morning," said Art.
"Is it?"
He laughed, "Well, it started okay."
Rei was confused. As far as she could tell there had been no jest on her part. 'Strange boy.' The elevator reached the bottom floor, and a strangled electronic sound was heard, which was probably once a ping. The doors slid open, and the blue haired girl, and black haired boy walked out to the street.
It was a clear early morning. Even the clouds had refused to get out of bed, and so the chill of the night remained. Art breathed in a good lungful. The air was crisp, a kind of frosty smell that he associated with home. You could almost taste the cold on the tip of your tongue. He grinned.
Rei stood on the side walk, bag in hand, looking blankly across the road. Art looked at her. She wore her school uniform. He was not sure about Japanese customs, but surely she was allowed to wear something besides that. The uniform looked as though it could not cope against the cold. "Um, are you cold?"
"Yes."
Art mentally shrugged. He was used to Rei's special brand of point blank honesty, unnerving though it may be. "Well, do you want to borrow my jacket or something?"
"Why would you do that?"
"Um, 'cos otherwise you would be cold?"
"Oh."
"So do you want to borrow my jacket?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because then you would be cold."
Art sighed, but was saved from having to reply by Misato's car pulling up.
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In the hospital room reserved for this frequent visitor, Shinji Ikari dreamed. What of?
"It bothers you doesn't it?"
Shinji managed a weak nod. Misato chuckled as they drove into a tunnel, the bright lights a break from the dark of night. "It's because you care too much about what others think of you."
Shinji looked at her, "I just don't want to be hated."
Misato shook her head, "You don't want to be alone, so you pander to the wishes of others."
"No, that's not-"
"It's pathetic Shinji."
There was a long pause. "I know that Misato."
"Do you really?"
Shinji searched his mind for an answer. "No. I can't really say I do."
"That is why it's pathetic."
The car seemed to melt away around them, leaving Shinji sitting on a small fold out chair. The world seemed to swirl into a new place, a green park, the sun shining on the recently cut grass.
Shinji looked around, wondering why he had been brought there.
---------------------------------
"Are you ok back there Arthur?" Misato asked sweetly, an evil grin on her face.
"Mef, 'm fim mamr, *Yes, I'm fine Major*" said a pile of luggage on the back seat. "mich,*best not translated*" it mumbled.
"Oh, good."
Art sighed. It would be an hours trip to the airbase. He probably should not be so arrogant towards the major, but she started it. Besides, it was a matter of who cracked first now, no matter who started this private war. Art mentally shrugged, he could not physically there were too many bags. He was stubborn as hell when it came to private wars, and he would be damned if he would lose.
Misato grinned, 'Me one, arrogant English kid, nuffin, heh heh.' She realized it was a little unfair taking on a teen in a private cold war, but he started it. Well, if foreigners whose ego could barely fit in the car wanted to start a grudge match against her then she would finish it. Besides, she needed something to do over the long plane journey.
Asuka sat in the front seat, a scowl on her face. Truth be told, she was terrified of the boy in the seat behind her. He was present at some of the most desperate times of her life, and she hated the fact that he knew about those events. What made it worse, was the fact that he had not mentioned it all to anyone, least of all her. The only indication he gave was a tendency to give her a worried look when he thought no one was looking.
She was terrified he would just tell people about what happened to her in the eva cage. It could ruin her piloting carer, and that was the only thing keeping her together right now. Her social life was damaged heavily as word of her mental breakdown got around, and her popularity had taken a dive. All that was left now was herself, her job, and a shaky relationship with Misato. She could not afford to loose any of them. Not now.
Rei was staring out of the window. Not thinking much at all.
Through a gap in the suitcases that he was drowning in, Art could see Rei staring out of the window. He was confused. Every now and then he would think up some random feature of Rei and sit fascinated by it for hours. This was new to him, and he was passing it off as a brief infatuation, and hoping to hell, he was right. To him, a relationship was the last thing he wanted, especially just before a combat engagement. 'But, god help me she looks good in that uniform.'
Asuka squirmed in her seat. She could almost taste the tension in the car. She resisted the urge to leap over the seat and throttle the boy until he promised not to say a word. 'Later,' she told herself, 'When Misato can't hear.' That seemed to calm the anxious voices in her mind. Calm them. Not silence them.
Rei almost smiled. They were driving past the hospital.
--------------------------------
Shinji smiled as he saw Misato walk up a winding gravel path amongst the bright grass. Seeing Shinji she stepped off the path, and walked up to him. This was more like it. He had this dream many times before, and he enjoyed it immensely every single time. Each time he experienced it, Misato got a little bit more ...
"Inventive," he said out loud.
But something was slightly wrong. Her expression was not the usual cheerful, warm and, um, 'suggestive' smile that usually blessed her features. She was coldly glaring at him, an expression of iron set determination. Shinji did not really take much notice. If his psyche wanted to explore new avenues he was more than willing to rise to the challenge.
His excitement grew as she closed to within a few steps of him. He wore the same stupid grin of men everywhere when they knew that, one way or another, the next few moments would be full of excitement. The dark quality of her eyes did not detract from the anticipation he felt. She raised her arm.
Shinji heard the crack before he felt the pain. A bright red hand mark blossomed onto his cheek. Dumbfounded by this change in the plan, his jaw fell to the floor, his eyes widened with shock. He slowly drew his hand up, not quite sure what the hell just happened.
Then the barrage started.
"You disgust me."
Shinji felt an ice cold dagger drive into his heart. This was the kind of pain he ran from. He hated this. He was helpless against that chill which penetrated his soul and pulled all the switches marked 'Hurt'. only those that knew him had that power. he distanced himself from these people, never truly trusting them. Why he only kept the ideal of the person in his head, and never the reality. His perfect people who could never hurt him because they were not real.
"This is what you think of me then?"
He felt burning shame rush up from his gut. He treated these people poorly. His perfect people nothing but objects for him to play with. They could never feel pain, never ever tell him that he was the cause of suffering. But, here she was, a more real version of Misato confronting his worst side of himself where Shinji thought only he could go. she attacked him right in the sub-conscious.
"Is this why you worry what people think of you? Are you frightened they'll see what's really inside?"
He could never let people inside. If they saw what was inside they would call him a monster. He let them see his ideal, the Shinji Ikari he wanted them to love, and the one he desperately wanted to be himself. If only so he could begin to like himself. He believed with an almost fanatic fervour that if he kept pleasing everybody, bowing to their wishes then they would like him. Then perhaps it was possible that he was not the scum he thought himself to be.
"So you distance yourself?"
he distanced the real part of himself yes. He had to. But the ideal Shinji Ikari was their for all to see, all to like, all to love. But as people got closer they always seemed to see right through that Shinji Ikari, right to the pathetic wimp who he despised. And when they saw that he despised himself, then they despised him. He could not help it. It was his way. As a result, he kept everyone at arms length. A least then they tolerated him, or at least tolerated the fake Shinji.
"Even when someone is crying out in pain, you refuse to let your heart open."
That was the worst time to let people see him. When they needed someone's help, they did not need stupid, weak emotional wreck Shinji. They needed tough, strong, never give up Shinji. he was the Shinji who piloted eva, not because it gave him a meaning but to help others. It was not his fault that this Shinji had no real compassion. He usually ended up causing more pain when he tried to help. there was nothing he, or the real Shinji could do. A brief image of Misato weeping over the kitchen table filled his mind. Nothing he could do. Even for the woman he considered his mentor, his friend, the closest thing to a parent he had since his father abandoned him.
"You disgust me."
She had accepted him, or at least the Shinji he had shown to her. She had let him into her life unconditionally. His only friend during the early days. And he had let the pain of her lovers death eat her insides until their was nothing but the raw and bloody core of her soul left. The cold steel which she had placed around her heart from then on was a survival reaction to the loss of her kindred spirit was his fault. if only he had not been such a coward then perhaps he could have kept her from becoming so numb to the world. Made her more like the perfect ideal he had in his head.
"A boy who can't even live with his own harsh reality."
It was true. he could never face what was inside him. He pushed others from him to keep them from seeing his core. He ran away from those who tried to see what lay behind his expressionless face. He put up ideals around the things closest to his heart, the things he was most ashamed of. If they saw what was inside, then he would see the reflection of his darker self in their terror and disgust filled eyes. He simply could not face the beast within himself.
"That's sad."
Shinji Ikari screamed.
--------------------------------
Art's eyes flicked open. Vibrations. Through his seat. His sleepy mind struggled to bring the world into focus. 'Let's see. Seats to the front, vibrations through chair. That weird recycled smell. Must still be on plane.' He yawned as the world slowly began to make more sense.
He liked this bit of waking up. It was a little bit outside reality where the nightmares and dreams faded, and before the horrors and joys of reality hit. He shook his head. he must of read that in a book somewhere. He was about as poetic as a brick, especially when he just woken up.
Then reality hit like a tornado. 'Ah yes. The reason of why we're going to um...' He stopped. He was going somewhere, to do something pretty awful, and yet he had no idea where. If he was going to kill people he wanted to know where he was doing it. Killing people. That was the thing. He was not sure how he felt about that. He was aware it may happen eventually, but there was a real difference between learning to fight and actually pulling the trigger.
He was rescued from having to think about the problem by a red head standing over impatiently. 'Ah, no wonder I woke up.'
"Are you just going to sit there English?"
"Uh, didn't have any other plans. Why?"
"I need to have a little chat with you," she looked to the left of Art. He followed her gaze to see a sleeping Rei, leaning against the cabin wall. A brief grin crossed across his face. She was so peaceful.
"Hey! Stop ignoring me!"
"Ok, ok, calm down. I'm coming."
Asuka waited impatiently as the boy got up from his seat. She still thought it was a stupid idea, but she had to tell him to keep his mouth shut. It was killing her, the anxiety that he would blab about how weak she had been. She just could not bear that anyone had such power over her life.
The boy stood, "Where's the major?"
"Oh, she's flirting with the pilot in the cockpit. I hung around for a while, but when she tried to grip his joystick I just left. Follow me."
"Yes ma'am." He followed her to the back of the plane. The jet had been commandeered by Nerv for the safe transport of the eva pilots. As a consequence it was empty except for the children, Misato and the, um, lucky pilot, and an escort of high altitude-fighters. The cabin lights had been dimmed, to allow the pilots to rest before they got to the field of battle.
At the end of the cabin Asuka led Art into the unused galley, harsh bright light illuminating the spartan kitchen. She span on her heel to face him, "Okay English boy, what are you up to?"
Art was taken back by her sudden demand, "Uh, you told me to follow you, so-"
"Not that dumkopf. When do you plan to tell everyone what happened in the eva cage, huh?! You biding your time?! Waiting for me to be at my lowest?! Or do you just plan to hold this over my head forever?! Well?! Tell me?!"
Art backed away. Asuka pressed forward, walking towards him, "That's it isn't it! You were going to blackmail me for something weren't you?! Or are you just some kind of sicko who gets off on causing others pain?! You were waiting for my life to get real good weren't you?! Just so you could rip the carpet from underneath me."
Art hit the cabin wall. As he felt the plastic of the bulkhead behind him, a change passed over his eyes. He stopped backing away. His blue eyes seemed to blaze an icy fire. Asuka stared directly into the face of a boy with no where else to run. She began to take a step back. His expression remained the same, but his eyes just hinted
As quickly as the moment came, it departed. Art's eyes seemed to return to normal as Asuka backed away, the cold fire replaced first by shame, and then pity. Art let a long breath out. "Look Sohryu, as far as I'm concerned what happened in the cage stays there."
He walked past her, on the way to his seat. As he drew shoulder to shoulder with her, he stopped. He searched for something meaningful to say, something that would not sound trite, or petty. He sighed, "Goodnight Ms. Sohryu."
Asuka just stood speechless. Art left, having nothing else to say.
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A nervous corporal stood to attention as they walked down the flight of stairs wheeled up to the plane. It was dusk there, and all the noises of the nearby city were drowned out by the engines of the plane. As Misato walked passed him, he through up a quick salute, but was neatly ignored by Misato who was scowling at the cheap land rover they had sent to pick them up. The nervous corporal began to shake with nervousness.
He held his salute as Asuka walked past. She stopped, looked him over, glanced at Misato still glaring at the landie. She turned back to him, "Baka." She walked away.
Rei stepped past him, and barely acknowledged him. The corporal, began to sweat with anxiety. Was he expected to hold this salute all day?
Art stepped down, already unbalanced by the weight of Misato's and Asuka's hand luggage. He staggered down the last step, regaining his balance, and looking at the nervous corporal. He glanced at Misato. "You know, officer baiting only works if the officer is paying attention."
"Phneh!"
"All right, all right. Major? This guy wants to talk to you."
"Good 'cos I wanna talk to him about this so-called transportation." She strode up to in front of him, "What the hell is that poor excuse for a rusted out old sh-"
The corporal stood there, a look of polite incomprehension on his face. His hand holding the salute began to waver, and a film of sweat coated his forehead. Art looked at his uniform and noted the US flag stitched proudly onto one arm. He sighed.
"She said she's un-happy with the transportation," he said in English. Switching back to Japanese he addressed Misato, "Want me to get your stuff for you while you discuss these matters?"
"Yeah, Art. Now how the hell are we supposed to fit al the bags in that?"
"She said that they need a bigger car to fit all the bags in."
The corporal was still saluting, "Uh, you need more luggage space? Than a land rover?"
Misato saw the look of disbelief in his eyes, and knew what he said without needing Art to translate. Misato eyes closed to slits, "What are you implying?"
Art's voice called out from where the luggage was being deposited on the taxi-way, "She asked what you were implying."
"Um, nothing, nothing at all."
"He says he's sorry Major."
Asuka's voice could be heard above the whine of the dying jets, "Hey Cooper, why are you taking Misato's stuff?"
"Well, what are you going to do about it?" Misato demanded.
"Um, ... just being polite I guess. I don't really know why but it's always seemed to be the right thing to do ... You want me to carry your bags as well right? She wants to know what you're going to do about it by the way."
"Um, call out another vehicle?"
"You know, you're not as dumb as you look," said Asuka
"Cheers. I think. He said he'd call out another car."
"Well done. I can tell you're a career man."
"Christ that's heavy. She says well done."
"Thank you ma'am."
"He says thanks." Art's voice was a little muffled now.
"Well, get to it then."
"mee, mfs met mo mi," said a walking pile of luggage.
Asuka sighed, "She told you to get your ass in gear, dumkopf."
"Uh, yes ma'am." In the corner of his eye, he could see a walking hill of luggage. Asuka lifted up a very small bag and placed it lightly on a spare finger that was protruding from the pile of cases.
"See," she said triumphantly, "I told you he could take everything wonder girl."
"I simply stated that he should not have to take all of the luggage."
"Ma'am, I'll send someone along to help with your luggage."
Asuka relayed this information to Misato.
Misato grinned, "No he's doing fine-" There was a loud crash, followed by a muffled bugger. Misato grinned a little more, "On second thoughts, send someone to dig him out from under that."
"She says help the idiot Brit."
"Uh, yes ma'am!" Misato began to walk away, "Uh, ma'am?" Misato noticed for the fist time that he was saluting.
"Oh," and returned the salute. As she walked away, the corporal breathed out. His arm was really tired. He turned to the mound of luggage, which had a boy trying to dig himself out from under a suitcase. 'Poor bastard. It'll take three humvees to move that.'
-----------------------------------
A man sat in his darkened office, illuminated by a faint green glow.
"Sir?"
"What is it."
"Sir, the Nerv personnel have arrived in the country."
"Really?" The man had grey hair, and sat behind a desk that could fit a tank on its surface. On it were piles of paper with columns of numbers, small sketches of what looked like Jet Alone models.
"Yes sir."
"This was sooner than expected. Leave."
"Yes sir."
The man stood, picking up an ebony cane from the desktop. "So you turn to bite our hand Ikari."
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It was night. Asuka and Rei had been assigned a room with a bunk bed and told to sleep. Asuka was naturally on the top bunk, with Rei simply nodding an affirmative to her choice.
Asuka fidgeted in the itchy bunk that she had been assigned to. She was pretty tired, but she had too much on her mind to sleep now. 'That damned Cooper.' That boy had her all mixed up inside now, just by the simple act of dragging her from a watery grave.
She still could not trust him. He was just a boy she had met only a few weeks ago. Someone who just happened to save her life when she wanted it to end. She knew nothing of him. She would even prefer Misato to know about what happened in the eva cage than this stranger.
As she fidgeted the plastic that covered the mattress crackled. This annoyed her. For a start the plastic made the bed hot as hell, and the noise it made when she shifted positioned just pissed her off.
Not for the first time, she wished he had just let her drown.
Rei listened to Asuka grumbling for a while. She had no need to sleep, despite her orders being to do so. She had slept on the plane, and so now she simply stayed still, very quiet, staring straight upwards.
She was thinking about Ikari again. Shinji.
She had told herself that it was not her that wanted to be with him, but some other girl. It annoyed her to think that she was not listening. But as she thought about it she was slowly hoping that it was her desire to be with him. The giddy feeling of being close to him was intoxicating.
She found herself grinning when she thought of him, which was an odd event in itself. She had seen the same expression on Coo- Art. He had asked her to call him by his first name. Until now, she thought it was just a normal expression, but now she was not so sure.
----------------------------------
Art sat on the edge of his bed, absent mindedly glaring at the far wall. It was a little unfair for him to keep switching between time zones. Only a fortnight ago he had been back in Blighty. As a result his internal clock was out of time with the rest of the world.
He sighed. He knew that was not the reason why he was still awake. It was what happened on the plane.
He cursed himself for coming so close to losing control. He hoped to God that Sohryu had missed it, but the rage which he kept trapped behind chains of iron had tried again to get out. It was probably a minor thing that everyone had, but it terrified him to think that there was a sea of rolling black behind his eyes. When his blood was up, and a feeling of pure rage built up he could feel it speak to him, tempting him to cast off the bindings he put there, to let the black run free.
He remembered what his father had told him. Another piece of advice from his father stored away.
He sighed. Why in the hell was he here?
--------------------------------
A/N: (sigh) When did my fic turn into an episode of nadesico. Oh well. Best review wins a cookie! And I promise, next chapter there will be some eva action.
I mean it.
Honest, guv.
Stop looking at me like that.
Thanks to sprite for pre-reading
Sorry this is kinda late, but you know how it goes, school etc.
Oh, and the reason art's British is because,......... well, .......
Chapter 2
The elevator doors opened to reveal a raven haired boy, looking at the floor, a small bag tucked between his legs. Rei glanced impassively at him before stepping in, carrying her own bag. Art looked up and grinned. Rei turned around to face the doors as the slid shut.
"Good morning," said Art.
"Is it?"
He laughed, "Well, it started okay."
Rei was confused. As far as she could tell there had been no jest on her part. 'Strange boy.' The elevator reached the bottom floor, and a strangled electronic sound was heard, which was probably once a ping. The doors slid open, and the blue haired girl, and black haired boy walked out to the street.
It was a clear early morning. Even the clouds had refused to get out of bed, and so the chill of the night remained. Art breathed in a good lungful. The air was crisp, a kind of frosty smell that he associated with home. You could almost taste the cold on the tip of your tongue. He grinned.
Rei stood on the side walk, bag in hand, looking blankly across the road. Art looked at her. She wore her school uniform. He was not sure about Japanese customs, but surely she was allowed to wear something besides that. The uniform looked as though it could not cope against the cold. "Um, are you cold?"
"Yes."
Art mentally shrugged. He was used to Rei's special brand of point blank honesty, unnerving though it may be. "Well, do you want to borrow my jacket or something?"
"Why would you do that?"
"Um, 'cos otherwise you would be cold?"
"Oh."
"So do you want to borrow my jacket?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because then you would be cold."
Art sighed, but was saved from having to reply by Misato's car pulling up.
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In the hospital room reserved for this frequent visitor, Shinji Ikari dreamed. What of?
"It bothers you doesn't it?"
Shinji managed a weak nod. Misato chuckled as they drove into a tunnel, the bright lights a break from the dark of night. "It's because you care too much about what others think of you."
Shinji looked at her, "I just don't want to be hated."
Misato shook her head, "You don't want to be alone, so you pander to the wishes of others."
"No, that's not-"
"It's pathetic Shinji."
There was a long pause. "I know that Misato."
"Do you really?"
Shinji searched his mind for an answer. "No. I can't really say I do."
"That is why it's pathetic."
The car seemed to melt away around them, leaving Shinji sitting on a small fold out chair. The world seemed to swirl into a new place, a green park, the sun shining on the recently cut grass.
Shinji looked around, wondering why he had been brought there.
---------------------------------
"Are you ok back there Arthur?" Misato asked sweetly, an evil grin on her face.
"Mef, 'm fim mamr, *Yes, I'm fine Major*" said a pile of luggage on the back seat. "mich,*best not translated*" it mumbled.
"Oh, good."
Art sighed. It would be an hours trip to the airbase. He probably should not be so arrogant towards the major, but she started it. Besides, it was a matter of who cracked first now, no matter who started this private war. Art mentally shrugged, he could not physically there were too many bags. He was stubborn as hell when it came to private wars, and he would be damned if he would lose.
Misato grinned, 'Me one, arrogant English kid, nuffin, heh heh.' She realized it was a little unfair taking on a teen in a private cold war, but he started it. Well, if foreigners whose ego could barely fit in the car wanted to start a grudge match against her then she would finish it. Besides, she needed something to do over the long plane journey.
Asuka sat in the front seat, a scowl on her face. Truth be told, she was terrified of the boy in the seat behind her. He was present at some of the most desperate times of her life, and she hated the fact that he knew about those events. What made it worse, was the fact that he had not mentioned it all to anyone, least of all her. The only indication he gave was a tendency to give her a worried look when he thought no one was looking.
She was terrified he would just tell people about what happened to her in the eva cage. It could ruin her piloting carer, and that was the only thing keeping her together right now. Her social life was damaged heavily as word of her mental breakdown got around, and her popularity had taken a dive. All that was left now was herself, her job, and a shaky relationship with Misato. She could not afford to loose any of them. Not now.
Rei was staring out of the window. Not thinking much at all.
Through a gap in the suitcases that he was drowning in, Art could see Rei staring out of the window. He was confused. Every now and then he would think up some random feature of Rei and sit fascinated by it for hours. This was new to him, and he was passing it off as a brief infatuation, and hoping to hell, he was right. To him, a relationship was the last thing he wanted, especially just before a combat engagement. 'But, god help me she looks good in that uniform.'
Asuka squirmed in her seat. She could almost taste the tension in the car. She resisted the urge to leap over the seat and throttle the boy until he promised not to say a word. 'Later,' she told herself, 'When Misato can't hear.' That seemed to calm the anxious voices in her mind. Calm them. Not silence them.
Rei almost smiled. They were driving past the hospital.
--------------------------------
Shinji smiled as he saw Misato walk up a winding gravel path amongst the bright grass. Seeing Shinji she stepped off the path, and walked up to him. This was more like it. He had this dream many times before, and he enjoyed it immensely every single time. Each time he experienced it, Misato got a little bit more ...
"Inventive," he said out loud.
But something was slightly wrong. Her expression was not the usual cheerful, warm and, um, 'suggestive' smile that usually blessed her features. She was coldly glaring at him, an expression of iron set determination. Shinji did not really take much notice. If his psyche wanted to explore new avenues he was more than willing to rise to the challenge.
His excitement grew as she closed to within a few steps of him. He wore the same stupid grin of men everywhere when they knew that, one way or another, the next few moments would be full of excitement. The dark quality of her eyes did not detract from the anticipation he felt. She raised her arm.
Shinji heard the crack before he felt the pain. A bright red hand mark blossomed onto his cheek. Dumbfounded by this change in the plan, his jaw fell to the floor, his eyes widened with shock. He slowly drew his hand up, not quite sure what the hell just happened.
Then the barrage started.
"You disgust me."
Shinji felt an ice cold dagger drive into his heart. This was the kind of pain he ran from. He hated this. He was helpless against that chill which penetrated his soul and pulled all the switches marked 'Hurt'. only those that knew him had that power. he distanced himself from these people, never truly trusting them. Why he only kept the ideal of the person in his head, and never the reality. His perfect people who could never hurt him because they were not real.
"This is what you think of me then?"
He felt burning shame rush up from his gut. He treated these people poorly. His perfect people nothing but objects for him to play with. They could never feel pain, never ever tell him that he was the cause of suffering. But, here she was, a more real version of Misato confronting his worst side of himself where Shinji thought only he could go. she attacked him right in the sub-conscious.
"Is this why you worry what people think of you? Are you frightened they'll see what's really inside?"
He could never let people inside. If they saw what was inside they would call him a monster. He let them see his ideal, the Shinji Ikari he wanted them to love, and the one he desperately wanted to be himself. If only so he could begin to like himself. He believed with an almost fanatic fervour that if he kept pleasing everybody, bowing to their wishes then they would like him. Then perhaps it was possible that he was not the scum he thought himself to be.
"So you distance yourself?"
he distanced the real part of himself yes. He had to. But the ideal Shinji Ikari was their for all to see, all to like, all to love. But as people got closer they always seemed to see right through that Shinji Ikari, right to the pathetic wimp who he despised. And when they saw that he despised himself, then they despised him. He could not help it. It was his way. As a result, he kept everyone at arms length. A least then they tolerated him, or at least tolerated the fake Shinji.
"Even when someone is crying out in pain, you refuse to let your heart open."
That was the worst time to let people see him. When they needed someone's help, they did not need stupid, weak emotional wreck Shinji. They needed tough, strong, never give up Shinji. he was the Shinji who piloted eva, not because it gave him a meaning but to help others. It was not his fault that this Shinji had no real compassion. He usually ended up causing more pain when he tried to help. there was nothing he, or the real Shinji could do. A brief image of Misato weeping over the kitchen table filled his mind. Nothing he could do. Even for the woman he considered his mentor, his friend, the closest thing to a parent he had since his father abandoned him.
"You disgust me."
She had accepted him, or at least the Shinji he had shown to her. She had let him into her life unconditionally. His only friend during the early days. And he had let the pain of her lovers death eat her insides until their was nothing but the raw and bloody core of her soul left. The cold steel which she had placed around her heart from then on was a survival reaction to the loss of her kindred spirit was his fault. if only he had not been such a coward then perhaps he could have kept her from becoming so numb to the world. Made her more like the perfect ideal he had in his head.
"A boy who can't even live with his own harsh reality."
It was true. he could never face what was inside him. He pushed others from him to keep them from seeing his core. He ran away from those who tried to see what lay behind his expressionless face. He put up ideals around the things closest to his heart, the things he was most ashamed of. If they saw what was inside, then he would see the reflection of his darker self in their terror and disgust filled eyes. He simply could not face the beast within himself.
"That's sad."
Shinji Ikari screamed.
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Art's eyes flicked open. Vibrations. Through his seat. His sleepy mind struggled to bring the world into focus. 'Let's see. Seats to the front, vibrations through chair. That weird recycled smell. Must still be on plane.' He yawned as the world slowly began to make more sense.
He liked this bit of waking up. It was a little bit outside reality where the nightmares and dreams faded, and before the horrors and joys of reality hit. He shook his head. he must of read that in a book somewhere. He was about as poetic as a brick, especially when he just woken up.
Then reality hit like a tornado. 'Ah yes. The reason of why we're going to um...' He stopped. He was going somewhere, to do something pretty awful, and yet he had no idea where. If he was going to kill people he wanted to know where he was doing it. Killing people. That was the thing. He was not sure how he felt about that. He was aware it may happen eventually, but there was a real difference between learning to fight and actually pulling the trigger.
He was rescued from having to think about the problem by a red head standing over impatiently. 'Ah, no wonder I woke up.'
"Are you just going to sit there English?"
"Uh, didn't have any other plans. Why?"
"I need to have a little chat with you," she looked to the left of Art. He followed her gaze to see a sleeping Rei, leaning against the cabin wall. A brief grin crossed across his face. She was so peaceful.
"Hey! Stop ignoring me!"
"Ok, ok, calm down. I'm coming."
Asuka waited impatiently as the boy got up from his seat. She still thought it was a stupid idea, but she had to tell him to keep his mouth shut. It was killing her, the anxiety that he would blab about how weak she had been. She just could not bear that anyone had such power over her life.
The boy stood, "Where's the major?"
"Oh, she's flirting with the pilot in the cockpit. I hung around for a while, but when she tried to grip his joystick I just left. Follow me."
"Yes ma'am." He followed her to the back of the plane. The jet had been commandeered by Nerv for the safe transport of the eva pilots. As a consequence it was empty except for the children, Misato and the, um, lucky pilot, and an escort of high altitude-fighters. The cabin lights had been dimmed, to allow the pilots to rest before they got to the field of battle.
At the end of the cabin Asuka led Art into the unused galley, harsh bright light illuminating the spartan kitchen. She span on her heel to face him, "Okay English boy, what are you up to?"
Art was taken back by her sudden demand, "Uh, you told me to follow you, so-"
"Not that dumkopf. When do you plan to tell everyone what happened in the eva cage, huh?! You biding your time?! Waiting for me to be at my lowest?! Or do you just plan to hold this over my head forever?! Well?! Tell me?!"
Art backed away. Asuka pressed forward, walking towards him, "That's it isn't it! You were going to blackmail me for something weren't you?! Or are you just some kind of sicko who gets off on causing others pain?! You were waiting for my life to get real good weren't you?! Just so you could rip the carpet from underneath me."
Art hit the cabin wall. As he felt the plastic of the bulkhead behind him, a change passed over his eyes. He stopped backing away. His blue eyes seemed to blaze an icy fire. Asuka stared directly into the face of a boy with no where else to run. She began to take a step back. His expression remained the same, but his eyes just hinted
As quickly as the moment came, it departed. Art's eyes seemed to return to normal as Asuka backed away, the cold fire replaced first by shame, and then pity. Art let a long breath out. "Look Sohryu, as far as I'm concerned what happened in the cage stays there."
He walked past her, on the way to his seat. As he drew shoulder to shoulder with her, he stopped. He searched for something meaningful to say, something that would not sound trite, or petty. He sighed, "Goodnight Ms. Sohryu."
Asuka just stood speechless. Art left, having nothing else to say.
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A nervous corporal stood to attention as they walked down the flight of stairs wheeled up to the plane. It was dusk there, and all the noises of the nearby city were drowned out by the engines of the plane. As Misato walked passed him, he through up a quick salute, but was neatly ignored by Misato who was scowling at the cheap land rover they had sent to pick them up. The nervous corporal began to shake with nervousness.
He held his salute as Asuka walked past. She stopped, looked him over, glanced at Misato still glaring at the landie. She turned back to him, "Baka." She walked away.
Rei stepped past him, and barely acknowledged him. The corporal, began to sweat with anxiety. Was he expected to hold this salute all day?
Art stepped down, already unbalanced by the weight of Misato's and Asuka's hand luggage. He staggered down the last step, regaining his balance, and looking at the nervous corporal. He glanced at Misato. "You know, officer baiting only works if the officer is paying attention."
"Phneh!"
"All right, all right. Major? This guy wants to talk to you."
"Good 'cos I wanna talk to him about this so-called transportation." She strode up to in front of him, "What the hell is that poor excuse for a rusted out old sh-"
The corporal stood there, a look of polite incomprehension on his face. His hand holding the salute began to waver, and a film of sweat coated his forehead. Art looked at his uniform and noted the US flag stitched proudly onto one arm. He sighed.
"She said she's un-happy with the transportation," he said in English. Switching back to Japanese he addressed Misato, "Want me to get your stuff for you while you discuss these matters?"
"Yeah, Art. Now how the hell are we supposed to fit al the bags in that?"
"She said that they need a bigger car to fit all the bags in."
The corporal was still saluting, "Uh, you need more luggage space? Than a land rover?"
Misato saw the look of disbelief in his eyes, and knew what he said without needing Art to translate. Misato eyes closed to slits, "What are you implying?"
Art's voice called out from where the luggage was being deposited on the taxi-way, "She asked what you were implying."
"Um, nothing, nothing at all."
"He says he's sorry Major."
Asuka's voice could be heard above the whine of the dying jets, "Hey Cooper, why are you taking Misato's stuff?"
"Well, what are you going to do about it?" Misato demanded.
"Um, ... just being polite I guess. I don't really know why but it's always seemed to be the right thing to do ... You want me to carry your bags as well right? She wants to know what you're going to do about it by the way."
"Um, call out another vehicle?"
"You know, you're not as dumb as you look," said Asuka
"Cheers. I think. He said he'd call out another car."
"Well done. I can tell you're a career man."
"Christ that's heavy. She says well done."
"Thank you ma'am."
"He says thanks." Art's voice was a little muffled now.
"Well, get to it then."
"mee, mfs met mo mi," said a walking pile of luggage.
Asuka sighed, "She told you to get your ass in gear, dumkopf."
"Uh, yes ma'am." In the corner of his eye, he could see a walking hill of luggage. Asuka lifted up a very small bag and placed it lightly on a spare finger that was protruding from the pile of cases.
"See," she said triumphantly, "I told you he could take everything wonder girl."
"I simply stated that he should not have to take all of the luggage."
"Ma'am, I'll send someone along to help with your luggage."
Asuka relayed this information to Misato.
Misato grinned, "No he's doing fine-" There was a loud crash, followed by a muffled bugger. Misato grinned a little more, "On second thoughts, send someone to dig him out from under that."
"She says help the idiot Brit."
"Uh, yes ma'am!" Misato began to walk away, "Uh, ma'am?" Misato noticed for the fist time that he was saluting.
"Oh," and returned the salute. As she walked away, the corporal breathed out. His arm was really tired. He turned to the mound of luggage, which had a boy trying to dig himself out from under a suitcase. 'Poor bastard. It'll take three humvees to move that.'
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A man sat in his darkened office, illuminated by a faint green glow.
"Sir?"
"What is it."
"Sir, the Nerv personnel have arrived in the country."
"Really?" The man had grey hair, and sat behind a desk that could fit a tank on its surface. On it were piles of paper with columns of numbers, small sketches of what looked like Jet Alone models.
"Yes sir."
"This was sooner than expected. Leave."
"Yes sir."
The man stood, picking up an ebony cane from the desktop. "So you turn to bite our hand Ikari."
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It was night. Asuka and Rei had been assigned a room with a bunk bed and told to sleep. Asuka was naturally on the top bunk, with Rei simply nodding an affirmative to her choice.
Asuka fidgeted in the itchy bunk that she had been assigned to. She was pretty tired, but she had too much on her mind to sleep now. 'That damned Cooper.' That boy had her all mixed up inside now, just by the simple act of dragging her from a watery grave.
She still could not trust him. He was just a boy she had met only a few weeks ago. Someone who just happened to save her life when she wanted it to end. She knew nothing of him. She would even prefer Misato to know about what happened in the eva cage than this stranger.
As she fidgeted the plastic that covered the mattress crackled. This annoyed her. For a start the plastic made the bed hot as hell, and the noise it made when she shifted positioned just pissed her off.
Not for the first time, she wished he had just let her drown.
Rei listened to Asuka grumbling for a while. She had no need to sleep, despite her orders being to do so. She had slept on the plane, and so now she simply stayed still, very quiet, staring straight upwards.
She was thinking about Ikari again. Shinji.
She had told herself that it was not her that wanted to be with him, but some other girl. It annoyed her to think that she was not listening. But as she thought about it she was slowly hoping that it was her desire to be with him. The giddy feeling of being close to him was intoxicating.
She found herself grinning when she thought of him, which was an odd event in itself. She had seen the same expression on Coo- Art. He had asked her to call him by his first name. Until now, she thought it was just a normal expression, but now she was not so sure.
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Art sat on the edge of his bed, absent mindedly glaring at the far wall. It was a little unfair for him to keep switching between time zones. Only a fortnight ago he had been back in Blighty. As a result his internal clock was out of time with the rest of the world.
He sighed. He knew that was not the reason why he was still awake. It was what happened on the plane.
He cursed himself for coming so close to losing control. He hoped to God that Sohryu had missed it, but the rage which he kept trapped behind chains of iron had tried again to get out. It was probably a minor thing that everyone had, but it terrified him to think that there was a sea of rolling black behind his eyes. When his blood was up, and a feeling of pure rage built up he could feel it speak to him, tempting him to cast off the bindings he put there, to let the black run free.
He remembered what his father had told him. Another piece of advice from his father stored away.
He sighed. Why in the hell was he here?
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A/N: (sigh) When did my fic turn into an episode of nadesico. Oh well. Best review wins a cookie! And I promise, next chapter there will be some eva action.
I mean it.
Honest, guv.
Stop looking at me like that.
Thanks to sprite for pre-reading
