I feel the tears in my eyes, but I don't think I remember how to cry.

Forgive me?

 It's been so long, and still it hurts. I still see his smile in the mirror, the sadness in his eyes never completely erased by the joy he tried to show.

I wonder if he'd miss me, if I were the one.

I watched in slow motion             As the pieces of my life fell apart

Like a child building a tower of wooden blocks, on an uneven surface.

            Eventually,

                        The tower must fall.

                                    And the child cries.

I miss him so much. I wonder if he misses me.

I still see you sometimes. A flash of smile, a twinkle in an eye. It breaks my heart.

I know they wonder, I know they blame me.

They should.

It hurts me to look at you now, to think what you were, what you might have been.

You're empty now.

I shouldn't have let you in.

I shouldn't have let you care.

I couldn't have stopped you.

I should have tried.

I still love you.

I wonder if you can still love me.

It breaks my heart to see you,

That loving smile over vacant eyes.

Going through the motions.

You're not there anymore.

I want to cry, but I don't remember how.

You're still here, but you're gone.

I may not have killed you, but it's my fault you're dead.

I wish I could be with you.

I look up, and you're smiling.

There's no joy in your eyes.

I wonder if you remember how you used to smile.

I smile, but there are tears in my eyes.

Can you forgive me?

            Would I deserve it, if you could?