Disclaimer: *shakes a stick at anyone who says she owns Trigun*
Chapter Forty-Four: If Knives won't…
One day I'll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
What more could your Love do for me?
When will Love be through with me?
Satine (Nicole Kidman)- One Day I'll Fly Away (Moulin Rouge)
Blood rushed to her cheeks and she felt a wave of remorse wash over her as she pulled away, her lips tasting of dried, metallic blood and the bittersweet taste of his perspiration clinging to her lips. A hand rushed to her reddened lips, as though to hide them from his eyes which brimmed with confusion and surprise.
The apples of her cheeks shone cherry under the soft caress of the fire light; the softly pulsing light of the embers smooth along her skin like a lover's touch, and the leaping and dancing flames catching in her hair and setting it aglow like crimson ribbons. Crimson and citrine and golden ribbons that spun and danced in the breeze and the glow from the fire that mirrored the one that burned within her soul. Skin as clear and unblemished as ivory stained by dark red blood and the illuminating light of the gleaming fire flushed further with the shame of her act and the unfaithfulness that she had displayed therein.
She trembled with fear of her actions, wishing not to confront the unabashed hatred she now felt towards herself for betraying her love in a fashion such as this. Upon her lips still lingered his taste, and she shamefully savored it, licking it from her lips and sighing silently inside her weary soul at the fiery and uncontrollable taste that erupted on her tongue. He tasted so pure. Of fresh fallen snow and of hot, dry sand and of uncontrollable and irreplaceable love that she envied him for. Not for the love her felt, which raged through the very marrow of his bones and his crimson blood in the name 'Meryl', that love which so warmed her heart in a night of darkness and bitter unforgiving cold. No, her eyes blazed a flashing jade green envy for the love that this woman whom she had never met, yet felt the effects of her love for him in all he did, gave to him like an exquisite gemstone for all it's rarity and beauty. For the labors of their love showed in all the blonde man did. When he spoke of her his voice betrayed his lust, his insatiable craving for this woman who had charmed him so skillfully. It spoke of years of love for this woman; love so strong that it ran in his very veins and gave it its crimson sheen. Red for love. Red for Meryl who he loved so unquestionably and utterly.
It was so unfair, she reasoned, that everyone should be able to feel love but her. She wished it so; craved it with an insatiable need that was near overwhelming. She wanted to desperately to be loved; to be cradled within someone's arms as she slept, to wake to their smiling face and to know that they did not judge her for the mistakes she'd made in her past. She had been a foolish and hasty woman once, and had sought to escape the consequences of her actions in the arms of someone that could accept all that; and love her for it.
Who do I try to fool with my hopeless dreams? She thought bitterly, wiping at a tear sliding down her cheek no one will ever love me. Knives doesn't even love me…
"He does"
Her head snapped up, gazing into his aqua eyes she saw herself mirrored in them, as he saw her: a brave and determined woman whose life had been filled with many a trial and tribulation, whose hope and wondrous spirit had carried her through days of endless pain and a broken heart that constantly was torn apart by the man whom she dared to call her love. More tears formed in her eyes as she looked into those pools of love and understanding, she felt her heart swell in admiration for this man who saw everything with open eyes and an unyielding heart. Who could see the beauty in any man, and saw it in a creature like herself. For in her mind's eye that was what she truly was; a terrible creature who had been so selfish as to consent to killing millions over the life of one person, a disgusting monster whom she could not even truly call a woman because of her rash acts that would have brought about the end of countless lives; both guilty and innocent. The pain of it was more than she thought she could ever bear. She had fled her planet, fearful of the consequences of her actions, to begin a new life amongst new people. Here, on this listless dust ball of a planet she had sought to find renewed hope amongst her kin and, perhaps, even a shred of love in a life that been so barren since that fateful day when her only family had vanished like a phantom from her life forever.
"What did you say?" she asked, her voice naught but a whisper caught by the wind and carried off into the waning night. His eyes she gazed up into with such transfixion softened for her, shining like water beneath moonlight at the tears that lapped at them. "He does love you Rhianne" he stated again, his words as soft and gentle as a lover's caress as they reached her ears. Tears sprung afresh in her eyes and trailed down her bloodied and reddened cheek at these words, which came like the sweet and sad melody of a violin in her ears. Her hands clenched and unclenched tightly in her palms as she tried in vain to control the emotions engulfing her like the rising tide consumes a tower of sand, lulling it with it's harmonious sounds and it's smooth and effortlessly beautiful rhythmic movement. Until it moves to it's unsuspecting prey and laps gently at first, eroding it's sense of insecurity with it's gentle caress and then wrapping it in it's arms and pulling it away into to ocean. And like the tide pulls even the proudest tower to the waters her emotions had lapped gently at her heart and now crashed down upon it and dragged it asunder; and a salty ocean of tears crashed down upon her face like the waters upon the soft sand.
"He doesn't Vash" she sobbed, partially overtaken by the wrenching spasms "he never did. I was just his toy. He just wanted to use me, just like he's used everyone else he's ever met. I'm just another figure, another casualty to his heart. I…I really thought I could change him" she sighed through her tears, looking up into his fire lit face which, too, was streaked with tears "but Knives doesn't want to change." She felt Vash's hands on her shoulders and she submitted to her emotions and turned to bury her face in his chest. Her fingers entwined themselves in the fabric of his shirt, tugging at the smooth cotton and dampening it with her tears that were warm against his skin. She was painfully aware of his hands entwining themselves in her hair, caressing her head and she cried into him and unleashed her months of anguish and deception from his brother in her sobs, large shuddering spasms that rocked her whole body and caught in her throat. The weight of his chin upon the crown of her head comforted her as he held her close and whispered in the softest of voices:
"If Knives won't love you, I will"
Her sobs halted, her tears blinked away as she pulled herself from his chest, ignoring the large wet marks upon his shirt. Her eyes, wide and disbelieving, gazed at him as he sat before her, bathed in the glow of the dying fire whose embers lit his hair aflame and shone a crimson light upon his skin. His hand found hers and held it fast as she attempted to pull away. His right hand, his flesh hand, reached up to brush stray rugged blood-clotted hair that fell before her awestruck eyes and he smiled at her "my feelings for you grow ever-stronger with ever second my eyes are upon you. You are an angel, Rhianne, and none of us are worthy to even lay our eyes upon you" Rhianne attempted again to pull her hand from his, yet he held it fast, still smiling at her beneath a sky of fading stars and light that crept silently over their heads in an array of reds yellows and oranges.
"Vash" she sighed, turning her head away "you love Meryl. If this is truly how you feel then I will leave you, because I would never dare to tear you from her. She is your woman, your wife and your love and it is not my place to take you from her. I refuse it." Vash's flesh hand crept to her chin and turned it to face him, ignoring the small resistance she gave him "Rhianne, Angel, do not think that I love you more than Meryl, for that can never be. I will never love anyone the way I love her. But I love you; that much is painfully true to me. You're like the daughter I can never have. The sister I grew up without. I adore you in the way I once adored Knives, so long ago while we were still surrounded by the only family I have ever known upon the Seeds ship. It hurts me to see you in such pain over him, and if you would do Meryl and I the honor of blessing us with your presence in our home it would make me very happy. If Knives refuses to love you and be your family, then I will take his place. I can never love you like he will, and I refuse to do so on Meryl's account."
He paused, and his fingers brought her face closer to his, mere millimeters separating them. She could feel his warm breath upon her face, could count his lashes without missing a one and was terribly aware that the strain of his fingers on her skin had stopped and she allowed herself to be this close to him.
"…But I do love you Rhianne"
And suddenly she felt his fingers push her closer, annihilating any space between them and forcing her lips against his, and she melted at the wonderful contact. He was so warm, his caress so loving as his hand moved to caress her jaw and the other drew her closer to him, so that their bodies touched. Their lips moved together as one, their breath in tandem, and she reveled in the luscious feeling that overtook her. Her eyes opened as he skillfully slid a tongue into her mouth and met with his for an instant, and forced her to recoil, tearing herself from his grasp and the embrace of his lips. For a moment she had seen them flash icy blue, so like Knives' that a terrible sense of guilt overtook her.
"Vash I…" she stuttered, daring to meet his gaze. Yet his eyes were not on her, they were cast, wide and terrified, across the fire to the open desert. Fear blossomed in her chest, tight and hot, as her gaze followed his eyes and met with the icy pair that regarded her angrily from across the crackling fire.
