Chapter 9 (Green and Brown Eyed Monsters)

The Hogwarts Express arrived at Hogsmeade Station and a familiar voice sounded from outside the train, Firs'-years! Firs'-years over here. Just about all of the 7th years felt the same sense of beginning of the end with that voice. They all remembered their fear of that big, giant of a man, Hagrid, as he called them over to the boats. That ride across the lake took them to what became their home 9 months out of the year for the previous 6 years for the first time. The enormity of their last year of schooling hit many of them as they exited the train and headed to the carriages to take them to Hogwarts. The past few years had been traumatic in the wizarding world, and this year, and the percentage of students that were able to see the thestrals was almost as high as it was during Voldemort's first reign of terror.

Hermione helped Hagrid load up the boats and thought she might end up having to join the first years because of the amount of time it had taken, but one carriage had remained behind for her. She opened the door and asked, Room for one more? before noticing that the only other person in the carriage was Harry. Hermione sat down next to him so she didn't have to ride backwards. She tried to remember the last time they had been alone together. Other then a few early mornings at the Burrow between 5th and 6th year, the only thing that really came to mind was when she had led Professor Umbridge deep into the Forbidden Forrest. Hermione had never been able to admit to herself how much of what she had done that afternoon was based purely on revenge for the pain the professor had put Harry through that year. She intended the Centaurs to commit cold-blooded, but completely justifiable murder, but she had made the mistake of underestimating their intelligence and their unwillingness to be used. The only time she had ever been totally outsmarted was by Bane, and he had seen right through her and it almost cost their lives.

Harry smiled at her, How are you doing, Head Girl?

I'm keeping up. Hermione smiled back. It's a lot of responsibility and we have our NEWTs this year as well. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it all. She admitted.

Harry laughed, That's a funny statement from someone who just planned a naked pool party in the Prefect's bath for tonight!

Hermione blushed, Malfoy planned it, I just went along with it. And not a word to anyone else!

What I'm wondering is why? It doesn't seem like the Hermione I know.

Maybe that has something to do with it. Maybe there is more to me than anyone knows. Hermione stated with sadness.

Harry gave her a look in the dim light of the carriage that asked what she meant by that.

Who am I, Harry? Who am I really? Hermione asked

Harry asked, Is that rhetorical or do you really want an answer?

I'd like an answer if you don't mind. Hermione bit her lip while waiting for some sort of response.

Harry sighed. It could have been worse. At least she wasn't asking if her uniform made her look fat! You're a good friend, my best friend's girlfriend

She interrupted. No, that's what I am to other people. Who am I?

For a moment, Harry recalled an article of Ron's that he read over the summer that had a list of the top 25 things to say to impress witches, but somehow he didn't think Hermione would allow herself to be distracted by anything like that. He thought hard. I'm not sure exactly how to answer that, Hermione. I think people are a combination of what they value, what they've done, and what they plan on doing in the future. She nodded and he knew she didn't have enough of an answer yet. You are a hard working, intelligent witch who is always willing to help out someone who doesn't catch on as quick. You value the rights of all humans and other intelligent creatures equally, sometimes to the extreme frustration of other humans. I think you might be guilty of projecting humanity to any creature that has the ability to speak. I mean, look at how angry Centaurs get when you do that! But you'll get angry at me if I question your commitment to SPEW.

She smiled, Good call, that.

I know you've risked your life in the fight against the Death Eaters. Especially last year. I'm the one with the scar and the one that's fought till the final moment of most of the battles, but I have this feeling that you have more importance to the big picture than anyone else realizes. Harry thought for a moment but Hermione still didn't speak. I didn't intend to share that with you.

Did you have some sort of vision? Hermione asked. They moved closer together and locked eyes. Even in the dim evening light, Harry's green eyes sparkled. Hermione could swear she noticed Harry's head moving closer to her and his lips preparing for a kiss.

Hermione was correct, Harry had been thinking about kissing her. He had no idea where that desire had come from...well actually, he had a pretty good idea about the desire itself, just not a clue when the connection with Hermione had come in to the picture. He hadn't thought that he had any ulterior motives in deciding to wait and ride to Hogwarts with her. Ron had been being such a prat, and the rest of the group wanted to make sure they didn't miss anything. Harry had thought things had been going much better the last few weeks of summer now that Ginny had learned to stay in her room at night. He ignored the impulse and continued the conversation. No, more of a feeling. I'd even go as far to say a premonition. I think you are someone else that has some sort of a role in all this.

Hermione was glad she was sitting down. I wonder what Ginny would have to say about that? She was trembling slightly and hoped he didn't notice. She must have been imagining things about the way he had looked at her.

Plenty I'm sure. She'll be there fighting her heart out as well. He paused, not sure if he should continue. I'm not sure we'll all make it to the final battle. Harry decided to attempt to change the subject. He forced himself to break eye contact and faced forward again. Speaking of Ginny, she really missed you this summer. Actually everyone did.

Hermione wanted to ask if he had missed her, but she remembered something Ginny had told her about and blushed, She owled me about a fortnight ago about plans to wake you up wearing something barely there and a smile. That must have been a fun night. How'd it go? Hermione had no idea how she hid her jealousy.

Harry was instantly very uncomfortable. I'm not sure that's your business, he stated and quickly changed the subject and looked away. Ron really missed you, you know. He loves you so much.

Hermione sighed.

So when are you going to tell him? Harry asked.

Tell him? Hermione asked.

Harry shook his head. I may not have your grades, but I know what I'm seeing. Harry paused for a moment. OK, I'm not sure exactly what it is I'm seeing, but I know there is something you're not telling Ron.

Hermione wondered what Harry had figured out. What do you think it is?

A few things come to mind, he started. But I think you're not really sure how this whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing started in the first place and you don't have a clue how to break it off.

Harry watched how she reacted to his hypothesis, and knew he was correct. It surprisingly infuriated him to know the she wasn't being honest with Ron. Angry, yes, but this angry? You wanted to know who you are? I'll tell you. You're a person that cares more about damn house elves than a human being who has been your friend for 6 years and your boyfriend for a year. You are a liar that strings him along, not letting him know you don't love him while every night he dreams of you waking up in his arms for the rest of his life. At least you knit things for the damn house elves to try to set them free. You don't even do that much for Ron. Knit him an effing hat, Hermione!

He hit a nerve, or maybe a major artery was a better analogy, because the words spit out of her mouth like blood from a fatal wound. What do you want me to do? Have sex with him out of some sort of obligation because I don't have a clue how to tell him I only ever wanted to be friends without hurting him. She raised her voice, I'm not like you, Harry! Just because he's a good friend and we've been together for a while and I have fun with him when he's not being such a git doesn't mean he gets to show up in my bed with some sort of all-access pass like some people I know! Hermione did a poor imitation of Ginny, Let's race on our brooms, let's talk Quidditch, let's have sex!' Why the hell do you think I stayed away from the Burrow this summer? Ron wouldn't have forced anything, but the pressure would have been miserable!

Harry was silenced. He felt that even if he tried to correct Hermione's misconceptions about his tine with Ginny, she wouldn't believe him anyway. He also thought that his usually perceptive best friend had completely misunderstood his feelings about how she was stringing Ron along. If she was certain that she only wanted to be friends with Ron, he was totally against her doing anything to make him think otherwise. Maybe it really hurt her feelings when he called her a liar, but he believed she was lying to Ron by not breaking things off with him. He decided to change the subject a bit and picked the same question she had thrown at him earlier. Who am I, Hermione? Harry asked gently.

Hermione was not expecting that question. Harry...Please, don't make me answer that now! I'm extremely furious to the point of boiling over I know I will say something I regret.

Harry didn't heed her warning. If that's what it takes to get the truth, I'll take the risk.

She took a deep breath, but the only truth that came out were feelings of raw jealousy that came out as hurtful as knives. You are the kind of man that doesn't notice a that woman cares about you unless she can zoom around you with her legs wrapped around a huge phallic symbol. She was shocked at the amount of pain in her words but she found she couldn't stop. They continued to spit out like venom, You must have to have some bisexual or homosexual tendencies because you've never have any romantic interest in anyone until you see that person stalking you with at least 18 inches of hard wood sticking out from between that person's legs. I'd be willing to bet there isn't a woman on the Gryffindor Quidditch team you haven't fucked and I bet you dream of having a Firebolt II shoved up your ass!

Harry didn't think. He hit her across the face so hard she cut the inside of her mouth against her teeth. Hermione slowly brought her hand to her cheek as they both sat totally still, in shock, staring.

Hermione had to get up a few times to hold her head out the window to spit the blood from her mouth, but her eyes were strangely dry. Harry's knuckles were actually throbbing from contact and he knew if he hurt like that, he may have done some real damage to her. He would have given anything to have hugged rather than hit her. He wanted to say something to make it better, but didn't know where to begin.

Hermione wasn't sure what to say either. She had been so happy to spend some time with Harry without Ginny climbing all over him like a little horny monkey, but it had turned into a nightmare.

Harry tried to speak first, he started and looked into her eyes.

Hermione looked into his eyes as well but it was several minutes before he could find the any words to say at all. By the time Harry finally came up with something to say, his eyes had already taken care of, I'm so sorry, I'd take it back if I could.'

Are you going to give me detention? Even though what he said seemed light-hearted, the words were serious.

Physical violence against a Hogwarts Head is grounds for expulsion. Hermione stated simply, glad for something to say because that meant she didn't have to think.

Gods, Hermione, what just happened? Harry was still in shock. He had never even hit Dudley before. Where did that come from?

She had no idea if he was talking about her comments or his actions. Had he heard her jealousy, or was he angry that she questioned his sexuality? I'm not sure, Harry, but we can't tell anyone about it. If word got out that you hit me, I might not be able to do anything to stop the repercussions.

Harry looked at her face. No one is going to need to say anything for people to know. Your face is already swelling and you are going to have a black eye. Hermione, I HIT you. I deserve to be punished."

Hermione put her finger to her lips. "None of that now. Perhaps, in theory, yes. But you're 17, that makes you an adult in wizard society. The last thing the Order needs is you in trouble with the law with Voldemort on the rise."

Harry squeezed his eyes shut. "You know almost everything else, how are your healing skills?

Hermione shook her head and realized how much the movement hurt. Nothing strong enough. I wish Padma were here, she'd know what to do. She was only just starting to realize how hard he must have hit her. It was no slap; he had hit her with all his strength.

If Padma or anyone else had been here, we wouldn't have had this conversation. Harry pointed out. He looked out the window and felt numb inside. We're just about there, I think we're just going to have to risk it and get you to Madame Pomfrey's as fast as possible.

Do not pass go, do not collect 200 Galleons? Hermione commented and Harry forced a fake smile. That's not just a muggle reference anymore, Harry. Fred and George are selling a game called Wizardopoly,' it's a big seller. Hermione stated, trying to make small talk so she didn't have to think.

Harry kissed her on the forehead. I don't deserve it, but forgive me?

Hermione answered, Harry, we're still friends and I will forgive you eventually. I hope you'll forgive me as well. I've always believed that there never is an excuse for hitting someone, but I didn't know I could ever say something so brutal. Right now protecting you is paramount. Harry started to argue as the carriage came to a stop at their destination. She silenced him and spoke some instructions very slowly, clearly and concisely. Listen to me. You are too important to the Order. I fell on the way back to the carriages after helping first years get on the boats. Do you understand? Harry nodded and she continued, Do not add any more details. You didn't see it and that is all I told you because I was in pain. If they ask for more details, let me add them.

Harry helped her out of the carriage and it looked like they had a clear path to the Hospital Wing until Malfoy blocked their way. Hermione hid behind Harry. Excuse me, Potter, but the Head Boy and Girl are needed now in the Great Hall.

Harry had to say something, We have a quick detour to make first; I'm taking Hermione to see Madame Pomfrey.

Draco smirked, What do you need Pomfrey for, I know a hickey removing charm. Ginny and Ron will never know about you two and your

Draco was silenced as Hermione peeked out from behind Harry. I fell right before I got in the carriage. Hermione stated. I think it's best that I'm healed before entering the Great Hall tonight.

Draco nodded. You're forgetting one thing. Poppy is in the Great Hall right now waiting for the sorting to begin. Draco took charge. Potter, go to the Great Hall and get Poppy to come back to the Hospital Wing. I'll take care of Grang Hermione.

Malfoy almost forgetting to use Hermione's given name amused Harry, but he decided that it wasn't the time to acknowledge it. Take care of her, Draco Harry said and quickly headed to the Great Hall.

Draco easily lifted Hermione in his arms and carried her to the Hospital Wing. Most likely, she probably could have walked, but she really had developed quite the headache and she was a bit dizzy, so it felt much better to close her eyes and be carried.

The Hospital Wing was empty when they arrived, so Draco lay her down on the closest bed to the door. He found a washcloth, soaked it in some cool water and after wringing it out, placed it on her forehead. He finally spoke. My mother used to fall all the time. It's funny, I don't think it's happened since father was sent to Azkaban.

Hermione had to think hard about her answer. She adjusted the washcloth while she thought. She decided to answer in code, I'm glad your mother isn't prone to accidents anymore. Then she talked about her own injury, I'm sure you remember how slippery and jagged the rocks are near where the first year's board the boats, Malfoy. I seem to remember a certain blond haired future Slytherin complaining about ruining his custom made shoes.

Draco nodded. Maybe his suspicions about Hermione's accident' had been wrong. Just as he sat down on the bed next to Hermione's, Madame Pomfrey entered the room. Miss Granger, I think you have broken the record for the fastest trip to the Hospital Wing for the school year. Then she remembered back to the year the Dementors guarded the school, Well, perhaps you and Mr. Potter have tied.

She switched topics and began the healing process. Harry said that you slipped and fell on the rocks by the first year boats. Those hands of yours must sting, let me get them cleaned up.

Hermione tried to hide her nervousness as she showed her non-injured hands to Madame Pomfrey. Hmm, not a scratch. With the amount of damage to your face, and lack of any scrapes, I would have expected you to have broken your fall somehow or you would have been in much worse shape. How did you land?

I... I don't remember exactly. I just remember losing my balance and then picking myself back up and walked over to the remaining carriage. It's all kind of a blur. Hermione hoped that would end the questions.

Did you see what happened, Mr. Malfoy? Madame Pomfrey asked.

No, I took the first carriage back to Hogwarts. I was waiting for her so we could make our entrance into the Great Hall as this year's Head Boy and Girl. Arriving together would show unity since Slytherin's and Gryffindor's aren't always on the best terms. She didn't show up for almost a half hour and when she did she was hiding behind Potter.

Madame Pomfrey made a mental note in her head of yet another mysterious she had better keep track of without arousing the suspicions of the students. She had the reputation of not asking a lot of questions, but what the students hadn't figured out was that one didn't need to ask questions when one already had the answers or could get them in other ways. She ran her wand over Hermione's body. No broken bones. Just a lot of bruising.

Hermione added, And quite a headache, ma'am.

Madame Pomfrey nodded and did a quick spell over Hermione's body. All better, hun? Hermione nodded and noticed that even her headache was gone. Here's a bit of peperup potion for you. Our new Head Girl needs to be in top shape for tonight. Hermione stood up and obediently swallowed the pleasant tasting potion.

Madame Pomfrey decided to play one more card to see if Hermione had anything else to say about her accident.' I was about to tell you to run up to your room and get changed out of those dirty robes but I don't see a spot on you. You must have found a nice, clean, dry place in the rocks to slip.

Hermione knew she had to continue the pretense. I had been a bit dirty, but once it dried, it brushed right off. And I am a 7th year. I may not know how to heal, but I do know a few cleaning spells by now! Both Draco and Madame Pomfrey were curious as to what she would have said if her potion had contained a few drops of Veritaserum.

*****

Hermione and Draco stood outside the doors of the Great Hall and smiled for a moment. The Pepperup potion made Hermione feel like she did after that sugar high from too many wizard sweets she had experienced a month ago in her room. They both could hear Dumbledore giving his yearly welcome speech so she knew they had missed the sorting.

Draco realized something. By now, their absence had certainly been noticed, so when they opened the door, they would be making quite an entrance. He grinned as he realized that he couldn't have planned this timing better if he had tried. As they heard Dumbledore get to the part about Filch's school rules, they knew the speech was just about over. They opened the huge doors and entered the Great Hall as every student, teacher, and employee of Hogwarts' eyes turned to watch them.

Draco surprised Hermione by offering her his arm. She took it and allowed him to escort her into the room. Draco may have only been wearing his school uniform, but his robe had this way of flowing over his tall muscular body that the other guys envied. What they didn't know was that Draco had a little help in this area. All of his uniforms were custom made at Madame Malkins, not just off the rack and tailored. The material looked the same to most people, but a trained Wizard Tailor would have been able to tell that Draco was not wearing the exact same fabrics as the other students. The silk and wool mixture made his cloaks and sweaters drape, just so. He also had begun wearing his platinum hair in a much more flattering style. Hermione was just wearing her standard school uniform and hadn't been able to take the time to put on any makeup, but the potion she had taken had made her face glow like a movie star and her brown bushy curls framed it perfectly. They made quite an impression on everyone including people they had known for the past six years. They nodded and smiled to the students as if they had just been voted King and Queen of the Prom.

Dumbledore, who had just finished his speech, welcomed the new Head Girl and Boy into the room. Miss Granger, Mr. Malfoy, I do thank you for gracing us with your presence tonight. This broke the spell and many of the students began to giggle. Please take your seats quickly, I don't believe I can wait another moment for the feast. And with that, the tables filled with food and Draco and Hermione separated. Draco went straight to his usual place with the Slytherins. Hermione saw Ron and Ginny gesturing to her pointing out the chair they had saved, but Hermione walked right by them, and sat down with the new Gryffindor first years.

They were so tiny! It was hard to believe she had ever been that young. She remembered the names of everyone she had met on the train and welcomed them to Hogwarts and told them how pleased she was that they had been chosen to be in the same house as she was. The first years beamed! Not only was one of the big kids sitting with them, but THE big kid. The Head Girl and she was from their house. They couldn't wait to owl their parents about this!

A little boy with a mouth crammed with food asked, Do we always get to eat like this? and at least 20 eyes stared unblinkingly at Hermione.

She smiled. No, not quite like this all the time. There's always something nice though. And don't talk with your mouth full!

This time a really tiny girl had a question, That man over there, the one that looks like he doesn't wash his hair, Hermione held in a laugh and found it hard to believe that the little thing could be any older than eight. My big brother said that sometimes, if you've been very bad, he eats little Gryffindor girls for dinner! Hermione had never liked Snape, and she had even been a bit afraid of him, she still was a little bit actually, but never to that extent!

No, all little Gryffindor girls have been present and accounted for as long as I've been here! She answered and was surprised at how relieved all of the first year girls and even some of the boys looked. Hermione had to get to the bottom of this one. Let's see, you're Kendra, right? Are you sure you're 11? Who's your older brother?

The little girl pouted for a bit and Hermione thought she heard a tiny foot stomp under the table. The girl sat up as tall as possible. She was tired of looking young for her age as well as being ahead of older students and used to defending it. As a matter of fact, I'm still 10. I won't be 11 for two months, but Headmaster Dumbledore let into Hogwarts a bit early because I've already learned everything up to third year from my brother's old books. It's not like he ever read them or anything! I think I was the first to even open some of them! Unfortunately, my brother is Gregory Goyle. Hermione tried started to say something to her, but Kendra continued. I'm so glad I'm not in the same house as my brother, he's such a prat! I think he was adopted.

Hermione did her best to hold in her laughter. She thought of Goyle and his Death Eater parents and figured, if anyone was adopted it was clearly this little thing.'

The children from Muggle families had some really funny questions. If I'm a witch, does that mean I can magic up a whole bunch of money for my mom and dad? Hermione did her best to explain why it didn't work that way. Another asked, When do we get to meet Hobbits?

Hermione couldn't help but laugh out loud at that one. Um, that's from a famous Muggle book. They're not real.

That wasn't a good enough answer for them, Well, there are witches and wizards in Muggle books, even that one, and we're all real?

Hermione smiled at them. You're going to have a lot of relearning to do if you're mom and dad weren't witches or wizards. You can always ask an older student or a teacher if you have any questions.

Kendra jumped in, Don't ask my brother! God knows what he'll tell you. Hermione laughed and hoped that wouldn't open up the Muggle born/pure blood can of worms. She didn't feel like talking about that over dinner.

A little blond haired girl blurted out, Are there Unicorns?

Hermione smiled, Yes they are and they're beautiful. You'll get to see one sometime.

This opened up the floodgates, Is Narnia a real place?

Pretend. But at least Turkish Delight real.

Dragons?

Yes, but they aren't in the wild in England anymore.

Are there people from other planets?

We don't know that yet either.

Duck Billed Platypuses?

Real, but they aren't magic or anything. They're just Australian

What about Elves?

Yes, but not like in that book we were talking about earlier.

Father Christmas and flying reindeer? asked a young boy.

The rest of both the Muggle born and wizard family first years laughed at him. There's no such thing!

He argued. Well, she said there really were unicorns and elves. Why not Father Christmas? The first years put their little heads together and really didn't have a good answer.

Hermione had recovered enough to reply, No, still no Father Christmas. There really was a Muggle man called St. Nicolas a long time ago, but he wasn't called Father Christmas or Santa like Americans call him even when he was alive. Reindeer don't fly naturally, but I'm sure someone could make one fly with a spell.

They all said in unison.

A/N:

Sigh...I know that was a hard core chapter, so I decided to end it on an up note with the converstion with Hermione and the first years. On a personal note, Harry/Hermione are my favorite couple, but in this story, I think when you add in the weight of the world, the reality of the relationship with Ginny (how it's far more one sided than Ginny knows)and Hermione's verbal attack, I think Harry just got hit far too close to home (and he feels every bit of guilt that he should in a situation like this). Even in this storyline, I can't imagine him doing it again. He's not past redemption.

As to the "where are you going with this?" question, I do have a goal in mind, but the journey is kind of uncomfortable for the characters for now. Most of them are in their last year of school so some of what is going on is an evaluation of 'is who I decided I was at 11 or 12 who I want to be as an adult?' And to answer another question, no this isn't going to turn into Harry/Draco slash.