Disclaimer - I do not own The Lord of the Rings. However, the supposed story that appears within is all mine . . .unless someone else wants to be blamed for it, of course! ;-)

A/N -Nope, not my best work. Most certainly not. :-) Which means I can have fun. ;o)

FOR YOUR INFORMATION: Writer From Rivendell would like to take this opportunity to say that she is not a Haldir fan.

Warning - This fic may cause extreme queasiness. Buckets have been provided by the author, along with anti-motion sickness pills. ;)

"Lossenlossëwen - you have returned!" Cried Galadriel, overjoyed.

"Yes, nana. I have returned. And thanks to Haldir here, I have remembered who I am." Said Lossenlossëwen happily, winking at her beloved. "Adar!"

Smiling, Celeborn embraced his daughter. "You have returned at the right time, daughter. Our Realm is in great danger. The dark lord has returned - Lothlorien is not longer safe. Evil has been brought into the wood. You know the burden the halfling bears." He whispered into her ear.

She nodded gravely. "I understand, adar. Where is Frodo? And Mithrandir - where is he?"

"Mithrandir is no more. He has fallen into shadow." Said Galadriel softly.

"Then the Fellowship is no longer balanced. They are out numbered - there were to be nine walkers against the nine riders, and now there are only eight. Should there not be one more?" Lossenlossëwen inquired.

Her mother nodded firmly. "Yes. There should be one more - or perhaps two. For there is also a dark lord, is there not?"

"Indeed. There ought to be two more to accompany the Fellowship, to make their number ten. But who shall we send?" Asked Haldir, lost deep in thought.

"My daughter Celebrian would have warned me not to send you, Lossenlossëwen, but she is in Aman now, and I will make my thoughts clear. Lossenlossëwen - I believe that you should accompany the Fellowship, along with your beloved Haldir. With you among their numbers, things will be even once more - and you will not have to be parted more than an arm's length. If you go, I send you with my blessing. Will you accompany them?" Celeborn inquired of her.

A single tear trickled down her cheek. "Celebrian is in Aman? When did this happen?"

"She was attacked by Orcs when travelling through the Misty Mountains. She - Elrond could not heal her, so she chose to sail to the Undying Lands. She has done quite a bit of growing up since you left." Galadriel answered heavily.

"Still - I cannot believe that she was . . . she has . . ." Lossenlossëwen sighed. "It is with a heavy heart that I decide to join the Fellowship. I can only hope that perhaps by my joining I will be able to help somewhat with the events at hand."

Suddenly there was a loud snap as canon returned, and I was allowed to do what I had wanted to all along - scream.

"No you stupid, stupid idiot! You can't join the Fellowship! You'll only mess up the story even more than it already is!" I yelled at the top of my voice.

Haldir, Galadriel and Celeborn all glared at me, as I realized that I was not the only one in pain.

"What is the meaning of this?" Galadriel asked me angrily. "What is this - thing - that wishes to join the Company? Why does she claim to be my daughter? Celebrian is my daughter, and she is in Aman!"

"Meep." I squeaked, not wanting to face the wrath of an angry elven Lady.

Fortunately for me, Celeborn had not been so badly warped out of character, and hence was not as angry. "She is no daughter of yours, Alatariel - at least, not to my knowledge. I believe that this is yet another Suvian being forced to live her story - I am correct, am I not?" He asked, turning to me.

I nodded mutely.

"She herself is not at fault. I am sure that this was her first story - and that she has learned the error of her ways."

Just then, Haldir chose to interrupt. "Actually, she's written multiple Mary Sues, most about me, with one or two involving Legolas Thranduillion. I do not think she deserves our mercy."

A dark cloud seemed to pass over Celeborn's face. "Is what the march warden says true?"

I tried to mumble something incoherent, along the lines of, "No, it can't be, I never wrote any horrible Mary Sues - they were cute! I liked them!"

Unfortunately for me, Elves have excellent hearing.

"You wrote more than one Mary Sue story?" Celeborn asked, blanching at the thought.

"Well . . . you see . . . they weren't really Mary Sues - they were cute!" I justified.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. They were not cute. They made me act unlike myself." Haldir said arrogantly.

"Just because you'd never kissed a girl before doesn't mean anything!" I snapped.

"I will have you know, " said Haldir coldly, "that I am married, with a wife. I have been kissed before."

"You're . . . married?" I squawked.

"Yes. I have been for quite some time now." He answered calmly.

"Icky! I've been writing about some old married dude! Gross!" I exclaimed.

Thankfully, the story chose to take over just then.

(A/N - So, likies this is like two weeks later, k? The fellowship just set out from Lothlorain and now they're on their way down the River. Haldir and Lossenlossëwen are in the same boat, with one of the hobbits, and they keep wanting to make out only Legolas and Grimli keep gibing them dirty looks so their like not, k? BTW - sorry for the abbreviations. I was in a hurry when I wrote this, k? Thats y theirs netspeak.

I screamed in anguish as the author's note echoed through my brain and prayed that I would never have to read - or listen to - such a thing again.

"My love?" Haldir asked me. "R u alright?"

"Yea. Im ok. Someone just walked over my grave, thats all."

"Lossenlossëwen - u r an elf. U cant dye, remember?" Haldir said.

"Oh, yea, right - I remember. Silly me." I said - er, Lossenlossëwen said.

Haldir caught her up in a passionate imbrace. "My love - will u kiss me?"

"Sure, Haldy." Her lips met his, and they began to makeout, with me fighting to break away all the while.

"Ur the she-elf I have always dreamed of . . ." Taunted the hobbit in the boat with they.

Lossenlossëwen would have stick out her tongue, only to find that she couldnt, as it was currently in Haldirs mouth.

Just then, the gods of fan fiction chose to have mercy on me and have reality be reinstilled momentarily. Quickly I ripped myself away from Haldir, wiping off my mouth and trying hard not to vomit. "I cannot believe I wrote that . . ." I whimpered.

Apparently Haldir felt the same way, for Merry - the hobbit currently in the boat with us - was trying hard to keep him from throwing himself overboard.

I could not help myself. Feeling sorry for the poor elf, I pushed him in.