Disclaimer - Nope, not Tolkien - don't own it. :o)
A/N - While I don't particularly enjoy slash, I don't condemn it. The views on slash expressed in this chapter are not mine, they belong to their respective, albeit out of canon, characters. With that said, congrats to Huinesoron for figuring out what site it was Melissa "posted" on. :o)
This chapter is an experiment in font. If you do not like things the way they are here, please tell me - and I'll put them back to normal.
"If you can explain," said Aragorn darkly, "Then please do. Please explain why, just a few short seconds ago, I had the odd feeling that Legolas and I were more than friends."
I gulped. Being around an angry Ranger was not high on my to do list. "Er - um - you see, in my world there's a thing called slash . . ."
Almost everyone grimaced. "We have heard of such things," said Aragorn calmly, "but we did not believe them to be true. For how could it be? I am in love with Arwen, and while we are not yet wed, I would never do such a thing as be unfaithful to her with another - and another male, at that!"
"It's okay, Aragorn. Don't stress over it, all right? I wrote this when I was young - and dumb." I replied, making a mental note to try and avoid writing bad slash.
"Very well - if you say so. We cannot condemn you for something done when you were uneducated about the ways of Middle Earth." Aragorn said heavily.
Haldir glared at him, but did not speak.
"Like, Haldir, whatever will we due? I meen, like, whut can i due to warn Frdo?"
"Whut, my luv?"
"I had a most horible vision of Borimir trining 2 take the ring from Frodo!"
"O no - u know that ur visions almost always cum tru!" Haldir exclamed. "We must tri to stop him from taking the Ring."
"I no. Borimir is evil - he must be stopped!" Lossenlossëwen cried. With those final words, she fainted clean away.
"No!" Haldir exlaimed! "U mustn't faint yet, Lossenlossëwen! We hav 2 get Frodo 2 safety."
"Its too l8," Araogrn said saidly. "Borimir is all redy ded. Cum c."
I squinted and sat up slowly. There were bruises all over my backside that I was sure had not been there before, and a strange metallic taste in my mouth. I winced as memories of what had happened in the story came flooding back. Boromir. The Ring. Frodo. Lossenlossëwen's vision. All of it was horribly clear.
Knowing that canon had been, for the moment, reinstated, I managed to stand up and hobble over to the small clearing where I knew Boromir was about to breath his last. But wait. Something was wrong. There were two Boromirs - each with a number of arrows protruding from them.
"Oh crap," I muttered under my breath. "This is not good."
"No," said a new voice, "It's not."
I shrieked and turned around. Standing behind me was someone that could only be described as odd. Wearing a long black cloak and looking extremely sinister, he reminded me slightly of a Wraith.
"Your name is Melissa, correct?" He asked.
I nodded mutely.
"Melissa, you are being charged with disrupting the already fragile canon of your story world by inadvertantly creating two Boromirs and killing them both, thus confusing the canon characters even more than they already were."
"I didn't mean to - I -" I argued feebly.
"It doesn't matter if you meant to or not. The fact of the matter is that you still did it - and now you'll have to pay for that." He replied smoothly, effectively cutting me off.
I glowered at him. "So what's the punishment for killing two Boromirs?"
"Normally you'd be charged with disrupting canon by killing two canon characters, but, as canon was already doomed to begin with, circumstances are slightly different." He said idly, as if he was commenting on the weather.
"Meaning what?" I asked, suddenly nervous.
"Meaning that we are allowed to punish you in any way we deem effective." He grinned wickedly. "Myself, I've always found torching Suvians to be effective."
I gulped. "You can't kill me! It's in my contract - I won't die if I follow the story!"
He frowned. "I know. That's why you're allowed a trial before your peers."
I smiled, relieved. "My friends will stick up for me!"
He continued on. "Your peers being fellow Suvians and Tolkien lovers, some of which will be glad to see you burn."
"T-Tolkien geeks?" I squeaked, as the dim prospects of what I was up against hit me.
"They prefer to be called defenders of canon," he remarked lightly.
I swallowed hard. "At least the Suvians will be on my side!"
He grinned again, in an even more sinister manner. "Not necessarily."
I remembered what I'd said about slash, and prayed that the Suvians would not be allowed copies of the fan fic I'd written, or if they were allowed copies, that they were Haldir fans.
"Are you quite ready?" Asked the cloaked stranger.
"Ready for what?"
"Are you quite ready to leave? The judge and jury will not be happy if kept waiting." He said patiently, as if explaining that two plus two equals four.
"Yes. No. Yes. What's your name?" I asked, desperate for a reason to stay.
"Agent Huinesoron." He answered, before all faded to black.
Slowly, things came back into focus. I was in a courtroom, handcuffed and standing before the judge, Agent Huinesoron at my side, waiting, apparently, for orders as to what he should do. He did not look happy.
Sitting in the jury box, each flipping through a bundle of papers that looked suspiciously like my fan fic were nine people of various ages. Five of them looked horrified, two appeared angry, and the remaining pair ecstatic. I could easily guess who was what. The five were Tolkien fans, probably horrified at the disregard for canon. The first two were Legolas fans, enraged that I'd made Legolas and Aragorn a couple. The last pair were Haldir fans, amazed at how touching the fic was. I winced at the thought.
A tugging at the handcuffs on my wrists brought me back to reality. "Melissa? You're to go on the stand - I'm to question you." He looked pleased at the prospect.
I sighed. "Very well," I said, and allowed myself to be led to the stand.
To be continued . . .
Replies to reviews (I keep forgetting these!):
Huinesoron - Sorry if I've portrayed you as being totally unlike yourself . . . please just ignore it, or consider yourself to be an OC. *That sounded weird . . .* Glad you like it!
The Noble Platypus - Well . . . even if you didn't guess the site, you can still get a kudos. And, if you like, you can be on the jury - just tell me what you are . . . :o)
Next update will be soon - I'm on a roll. :o)
