We'll Always Remember
Author's Note: Well here we are at the start of Chapter two, and it's officially an exam free zone! So I thought we'd celebrate by cracking open the champagne and having a little party… or with chapter two of this? Ready to delve a little further into the relationship? Well look no further :) And Brooke, hunny you've been great! A beta reader with a difference – love ya loads! Thanks for the encouraging comments, everyone who's reviewed – I hope you enjoy this chapter as much! Don't hesitate to leave a review, or e-mail me at surrender_something@hotmail.com – I don't live on the reviews, but they are greatly received! But, without further ado…
Disclaimer: I borrowed them. They will be returned in pristine condition, when the end arrives. Till then…they're here to act out the products of my imagination. Please don't sue…pretty please!
Characters: John Carter/Abby Lockhart…with a bit of Susan Lewis definitely planned, and I'm sure that others will creep in at some point in the near future.
Rating: I'm gonna go with PG-13, although at the moment it's probably only PG. Like I said, I have plans for this story…
Spoilers: Nothing after "The Letter"/"On The Beach". Forget all about the events of "Lockdown"/the whole of series 9.
Summary: the tale of a friendship progressing into something much more, told through a series of poignant firsts charting discoveries about each other, their relationship...and love.
Enjoy!
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Chapter 2: Things I Have To Say
(Carter's POV)
There must be some magnetic force that draws us to this spot time and time again. I think I've lost track of the number of important conversations we've had here…the number of nights we've ended up here, not particularly wanting to go home. Or met before our shifts to put the world to rights, so to speak. More so since that night outside the Lava Lounge.
It's quite easy to tell her mood. If she's sitting on the bench, cup of coffee gripped in her hands, she's avoiding something or someone. If she's leaning against the railing with her back to the river, she's getting impatient…generally because I'm late. But if she's leaning on the railings, staring out at the gently rippling water, there's something wrong.
Like today.
'What's up?' I ask, coming to a halt beside her and holding out her coffee.
'The temperature?' she offers dryly, taking the coffee with a grateful smile, bringing the scalding liquid to her lips. 'I just…you know, today felt like it would never end'
'Don't feel much like going home?' I ask, gripping the polystyrene cup in my hands in the vague hope that its heat might spread to the rest of my body.
'What's at home?' she asks with a shrug. 'Dark, cold apartment? Some crappy late-night movie? A take-out menu?' I give her a small smile as I take up her stance, elbows resting on the railing; eyes focused on the water. She certainly knows how to paint a pretty depressing picture when she wants to.
'Well I'm sure there's some sort of moral behind "When Harry Met Sally," if you think hard enough' I say, giving her a brief glance before returning my gaze to the water's surface.
'Sure, that a man and woman can't just be friends, there'll always be something more?' she deadpans, meeting my gaze as she realises the significance of what she's just said. Maybe that was a bad film to pick. At least if I'd said "Shrek" it would have had no relation to us. She gives another small shrug and tosses her empty cup into the nearby trash can. I follow suit, watching as the cup sails into the trash can.
As we turn back to the river, she takes my hand, using it to focus my attention on an elderly couple on the opposite bank. His arm rests around her waist as they carry on a conversation. I look back at Abby, confused.
'They're here every Thursday, without fail. Sometimes they just stand there, content with being together I guess. Other times they talk, and it looks as though they never run out of things to say. It's fascinating…that their bond can be that strong. It must be something really special to have, don't ya think?' she explains softly, returning her gaze to my face with her final question.
'I guess…that it's something you'll only experience once in your life with one person. They're lucky – they look as though they've held onto it for a long time' I've got to agree with her. It looks pretty amazing. 'You want something like that eventually?' Well it was begging to be asked.
'I think every girl dreams about that at some point in their life. You know the whole being swept off into the sunset idea? But then something will undoubtedly happen and all your dreams will be shattered, crumbled, in a heap around your feet' she says, with a small sigh. 'I just…I don't know, the whole idea of contentment, having that strong a bond with someone' she points to the couple again, and it's at this point I realise our hands are still joined, 'You know, its something I would like to have, yeah. The passion, the commitment…someone who you know will be there unconditionally. Who'll love you despite your faults…' She gives a small laugh, 'you must think I'm hopeless'
'Hopeless? Why, for wanting to be happy?' I ask, tilting my head slightly. She glances away, a small smile crossing her face before she looks back, rolling her eyes slightly.
'Still holding onto that elusive dream after all the crap I've seen' she points out. 'Plus, it makes returning to an empty apartment kinda hard' she adds, sweeping her hair out of her face.
'It'll happen for you someday' I say softly, returning to my vigil over the now still waters of the river. Out of the corner of my eye I see her shake her head and stare down at her hands as she grips the railings.
'I don't think…'
'What?' I ask softly. She's always doing that – starting a sentence, then coming to a complete halt. It's quite cute actually, but only serves to accentuate her uncertain tendencies. I gesture for her to continue as she looks up at me…and there's something different about the look in her eyes. Another one of those forces…there seems to be so many different ones in her life.
'…that anyone would want to be with me right now. I mean it's not that long since I fell somewhat spectacularly off the wagon John…' she whispers. Ah, we're back to the drinking. I thought that might be the root of her seemingly unprovoked moments of reflection here. But, I wanted her to be the one to initiate the subject.
So I stay silent.
I can see that it's hard for her to talk about – I know that from the times we've sat in Doc Magoo's lingering over hot fudge sundaes as she struggles to find the words…but I know that all the questions I want to ask wouldn't help right now. This has got to be something she does for herself, not for me.
'I just feel like I'm not in control of my own life at the moment, like other things are determined to rule. I never…I never wanted to start drinking again. I wanted to be past that' she stops, rubbing her temples gently. 'It was always like my backup plan, whenever things got so bad that I had nowhere else to turn. And no matter how hard I try; I can't seem to break the habit…can't seem to find a new backup plan. And I can't do it on my own anymore' Well, you know, sometimes we all need a little help along the way.
'I'll be your backup plan' I offer gently. 'I can't do this for you, it's got to be for you, because of you. But…I can be a pretty good support system, a shoulder to cry on, whatever…' She glances up at me, and she actually looks truly touched.
'I…you'd do that, for me?' she asks, her voice sounding slightly choked. I nod, and she allows a small smile to cross her lips. 'No one's…ever offered to do things for me like you keep doing. I don't know how you don't get sick of me'
'I'd guess you're a pretty hard person to forget Abby, a pretty hard person to handle being sick of. Not to mention the fact that I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for you doing what you knew was right. But I'm serious, you can get through this…and I'll be right behind you the whole way'
'Kinda like a…sponsor?' she asks, looking sort of dubious. I shrug, remembering how our last attempt at the sponsor/dependent relationship turned out. You could describe it as a complete and utter failure. Maybe that's not the best way to describe it.
'Not exactly. I was going more for your support system…I don't like the whole sponsor thing, it damn near ruined our relationship before. Maybe it doesn't have to have a title.' I shrug, realising that I'm rambling…but at least it elicited a smile.
'Okay, you'll be called untitled from now on' she says with a laugh. 'I can deal with that' I smile and pull her scarf tighter round her neck as she shivers slightly. 'Our relationship will be untitled…and maybe someday it'll be more' she whispers, that uncertain look crossing her face again.
Whoa.
Hang on a minute. Did she just say what I think she just said? Is she standing right in front of me, that curly mass of brown hair flying around her face, that half smile on her lips, that questioning look in her eyes…telling me she wants more?
'You…I…we…' I shrug, throwing my hands into the air as I fight to keep the smile from dancing across my lips. She laughs slightly at my attempt to string a sentence together and takes it as a chance to finish what she was saying.
'I think that it's an attraction I've been denying for a long time, John. And I think that we're getting closer to it being the right time.' Oh that's definitely a smile on her face. She's gorgeous when she smiles…when she laughs…okay, not the time to think about that John.
'You think…' I appear to have lost the mechanism to form complete sentences. 'Are you saying what I think you're saying?' She laughs, giving a slight shake of her head to relegate her hair to its resting position behind her shoulders.
'In a way. I guess that what I'm trying to say is…' she pauses, her face taking on a slightly more serious expression. 'That I can't commit to this right now ...you have no idea how much I want to, but I just can't. I need to get the whole drinking thing under control…under my control, otherwise I'd feel as though I was being unfair on you, and putting too much pressure on myself at the same time. Pressure to be someone I'm not. And I don't want to do that, because...' she pauses at this, and looks up at me. '...When it does happen, I want to be able to enjoy it…cause I know its going to be indescribable.' she stops, and shrugs her shoulders slightly, before adding quietly 'I just need a little time...'
There are really no words to describe this woman. There's nothing she can do that ceases to amaze me. And there are no words to describe the way I feel about her, except that she manages to evoke some emotion I didn't know I was capable of feeling, just by being herself. There are no pretences between us. We're comfortable enough to be ourselves around one another, not constantly trying to be the person we think the other wants us to be.
'I'll wait for you Abby, as long as it takes I'll wait for you...I promise' I say softly, opening my arms to her. She doesn't hesitate to step forward, and we stand there, arms wrapped round one another as we're caught up in our own thoughts. When she eventually looks up at me, I swear there are tears glistening in her eyes. She opens her lips and looks down, before whispering
'Promise me you won't break my heart John Carter...I don't think I could take it...' as her smile grew once again, the tears even closer to falling. She links her hands with mine and I squeeze them gently, kissing her forehead lightly.
'Never…' I promise, taking a moment to capture the image on her face before pulling her close again, inhaling her unforgettable scent, a cross between vanilla and some exotic spice. We may be taking the undeniably long and winding road…
But after all, we've got the rest of our lives to get this right.
