Keeping Up Appearances Fan fiction.
Storyline: Hyacinth and Richard Return for another series…If only…!
Characters
Hyacinth
Richard
Elizabeth.
Mr Falling
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Scene: Hyacinths house, Richard is asleep Hyacinth is Dusting the house. Singing to her self.
Hyacinth. La He had it coming, He had it coming, He only had himself to blame. Oh I LOVE modern Musicals…
(Richard awakes)
Richard: Will you stop singing please Hyacinth! I am trying to sleep.
Hyacinth: There is no need to snap Richard Dear, that was very harsh of you. Why don't you just rip out my Vocal chords.
Richard: Oh no! I didn't mean that.
Hyacinth: No it's Ok Richard I don't mind AT ALL. I know when my talents not wanted..
(phone rings)
Hyacinth: Bouquet Residence lady of the house speaking,…SHERIDAN oh how lovely it is to hear from you…….Yes. Oh I see…GREECE!….Oh you and your university friends…Jonathan and who else? Oh just you and Jonathan Oh you two are close then dear? (knock at the door) Oh hang on dear (she goes to the door)
Hyacinth: Elizabeth. How are we? I did say eleven, it's only 10:55 Please stay outside for a while.
(She shuts door and Goes back to the phone)
Hyacinth: So dear where were we…Hello…Oh that's Funny the Lines gone completely dead.
(she goes back to the door)
Hello Elizabeth sorry, I was on the phone to Sheridan.
(Elizabeth walks in)
Hyacinth: ELIZABETH! Shoes please take them off, now you know I'm not a fussy person but I do like a clean house.
Elizabeth: Oh, Sorry, and no you're not fussy, what so ever. (rolls eyes)
Richards voice: Shall I make the tea.
Hyacinth: Of course Dear what cups are you using?
Richards Voice: The China!
(Hyacinth Runs into the kitchen)
Hyacinth: NO! I shall make the tea, do take a seat Elizabeth.
(Elizabeth goes to sit)
Hyacinth: not there I was going to sit there dear.
Elizabeth: I'm sorry…Of course you were *whispering* you do it all the time*
Hyacinth: What was that dear, I didn't quite catch it.
Elizabeth: Nothing, I said nothing.
(Hyacinth hands Elizabeth a cup)
Hyacinth: Now remember dear, D-O-N-T S-P-I-L-L.
Elizabeth: I'll try not to!
(Hyacinth goes right up to Elizabeth's face)
Hyacinth: (Singing) ALL THINGS BRIGHT….
(Elizabeth drops her cup it spills all over Hyacinths Blue and Green Dress)
Hyacinth: RICHARD. Close all the Windows and pull all the blinds down We don't want the neighbours thinking Hyacinth Bouquet Cannot Hold Elevenses in STYLE!
Elizabeth: I'm Awfully sorry.
Hyacinth: (with a look of Disapproval) Not to worry dear, it'll wash, It will wash.
(The phone Rings)
(Richard answers it)
(He does not see Hyacinth Running up behind him)
Richard: He…(Hyacinth Pulls the phone from out of his hands)
Hyacinth: The Bouquet Residence lady of the house speaking! Hello Yes this is she! Oh really Yes we'd Love to…What time…Oh ok then We'll be there Good BYEEE!
Richard: who was that?
Hyacinth: That was our next step up the social ladder, not that we can get much higher mind you.
Richard: Who was it?
Hyacinth: That was Mr Falling From Falling Cars incorporated, He wants us to go and have Dinner with him.
Richard: When.
Hyacinth: Tonight.
Richard: What time.
Hyacinth: 5:30, which of course means be there for 2pm and make a good impression. (Shouting) Elizabeth, I am terribly sorry, but you have to go.
(Elizabeth runs out with a big grin on her face)
Hyacinth: Good Bye!
Richard: Now shall we get ready. If YOU want to be there three and a half hours early…
Hyacinth: Yes I'll get ready first I need to look extra smart tonight.
(Scene Changes to bedroom)
Hyacinth: What Should I wear?? *she picks out the most hideous looking orange dress you have ever seen* Oh yes! This is very, Very Suitable. Now Hats. *She picks a hat that has a car image on it*
Ah now I look stunning and Look like I have Knowledge of cars.
END OF SCENE.
Scene two: The front garden. They are about to get into the car when hyacinth spots the Milkman.
Hyacinth: MILKMAN! What time do you call this…I want milk at 7:05am Every morning, Not 1:15pm. Now I know you have other houses but you in your profession should look at a house and go, they deserve early milk, now look at my house, and what does that make you think.
Milkman: Err. (He passes Hyacinth the milk and runs)
Hyacinth: (putting milk down) Service today, They'll be expecting you to Milk your own cows next! Richard I really think we need a new car, This P registration is getting out of date what with the new system coming in.
Richard: Look, are we going to This place or what.
Hyacinth: Yes, I was waiting for you, to stop Gabbling for heavens above Richard.
.END SCENE.
Scene: The Fallings household Hyacinth is sitting on the Sofa the time is 5.30.
Hyacinth: Mr falling. I wonder what your say on the local stock market crisis is?
Mr falling. I don't really have a say.
Hyacinth: Oh come on, you're a very respected person and all respected people such as myself and you of course have a say.
Mr Falling: Well It's not good.
Hyacinth: I agree. When Shall Starters Be served.
Mr Falling: Erm, we're not having starters.
Hyacinth: Oh (A look of shock) What are we having?
Mr Falling: Bangers and Mash
Hyacinth: (To Richard) What's bangers and mash?
Richard: Sausages and Mash Potatoes.
Hyacinth: Oh.. (To Mr Falling) Bangers and mash will be lovely.
Mr Falling: That's Great. I'll just go get them.
(He leaves)
Hyacinth: Richard this is the last time you see Hyacinth Bouquet eating "Bangers and Mash" ok?
Richard: Yes dear.
(Mr Falling enters with a tray and three plates)
(Hyacinth falls off Seat)
Richard: Hyacinth What the matter!
Hyacinth: what's the matter? What is the matter. This man Is making us eat food off our laps. Now Let's GO!
(They run out)
( You see Hyacinth and Richard running out into the car as the camera fades)
The end.
Episode 2 coming soon: PLEASE REVIEW THIS.
