We'll Always Remember
Author's Notes: Well, 8550 odd words in one chapter is somewhat of a record for me. Twenty-three pages, over a months work and countless conversations (wouldn't you agree Brooke, Taylor…? Cheers you two, and everyone else I've ranted at!) and we're finally here. The end of chapter 7. It's Christmas…under a month early. So that's bearable right? Uhh quickly thank you to Brooke and Taylor, as I said above. Brooke – you're still my star beta girl, thank you!! And Taylor – for all those conversations, the little ideas and the in-depth discussions about various characters…what can I say? It was fun too, right! Uhh so enjoy…and feedback would be appreciated, via that little button riiiight down at the bottom of the chapter, or at surrender_something@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: Me? Own anything? Nope.
Characters: John Carter/Abby Lockhart (who wouldn't be the characters that they are without the rather amazing Noah Wyle/Maura Tierney – I was only saying just now that I wouldn't be able to write stuff like this without the convincing performances they give)
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Nothing after "The Letter"/"On The Beach". Forget all about the events of "Lockdown," the whole of season 9 and any spoilers or episodes of season10 (which I'm not spoiled for anyway)
Summary: the tale of a friendship progressing into something much more, told through a series of poignant firsts charting discoveries about each other, their relationship...and love.
Chapter 7: This Christmas…
Abby's POV
'You're such a perfectionist, you know that?' I tease, pressing play on his highly technical and therefore highly complicated CD player…oh no; I'm sorry, surround sound system or whatever the hell he likes to call it! 'No one's really going to mind if everything looks straight and nice and perfect…when you consider the amount of alcohol they're likely to consume, none of them will be seeing straight by the end of the night anyway!'
'You put it so nicely' he comments, laughing as we push the couch into a corner. I grab his hand and he twirls me around briefly before pulling me back towards him. I raise an eyebrow, wrapping my arms round his neck.
'Something you wanted, Doctor Carter?' I query, giving him a quick kiss on the lips.
'Reckon they've adjusted to the idea of us being a couple?'
'Well…when you consider how quickly your Christmas party became our Christmas party…I'd say they've pretty much gotten used to it!' I reply, swaying gently in time with the music.
'You're in a very…affectionate mood this evening' he comments, rubbing small circles on my waist with his fingertips. I smile, tilting my head to look at him.
'Affectionate is good' I murmur, running a fingertip over his lips. 'Reckon they'd notice if this party just ceased to happen? Cause right now I don't exactly feel like being…sociable'
'We're going to have to work on controlling these desires of yours' he comments, teasingly brushing his lips against mine before pulling away and walking into the kitchen.
'Remind me to torture you with this level of teasing later' I quip, flicking my hair back over my shoulders.
'I'll look forward to it!' he calls over his shoulder, as the doorbell rings. 'Can you answer that?'
'What did your last slave die of?' I query, heading towards the door nonetheless.
'Extreme exhaustion' he retorts cheerfully as I open the door, to reveal Susan closely followed by Jing-Mei, Chuny and a hoard of other County staff.
'What put that smile on your face? Oh no…don't tell me. I'd rather not know the intricate details of you and Carter's sex life' Ahh. You can always trust Susan to turn the conversation to that of a very inappropriate nature within mere seconds of her arrival.
'Hello to you too Susan. And who said I was even thinking about telling you any details?'
'You didn't say that on Monday, as far as I recall. Your precious Sunday off was related in all too much detail!'
'Abby!' whoops. John so wasn't meant to find out about that conversation. Damn Susan – she so saw him coming!
'She dragged it out of me!' I exclaim, walking over to him and leaning up to whisper in his ear 'besides, I'll make it up to you later. And that'll be completely private!'
'Don't even want to think about what you just said!' Jing-Mei chimes in, gesturing to the grin that spread across John's face just seconds after my previous comment. He laughs, wrapping his arms round my waist as everyone troops into his apartment.
Not something I'd inflict on my own place, I can tell you that much.
…
I lift myself off the couch, as Pratt turns his full attentions back to Jing-Mei. Much as I love hearing about Greg Pratt's social life, hearing him harp on about…whatever the hell he's been talking about for the last fifteen minutes…can begin to irritate.
I give Susan a little wave, catching her eye as she's mid-conversation with Luka. Hmm, they're getting on rather well. I'll have to remember to tease her about that at some point in the near future – hey, a girl's gotta get her revenge sometime!
'Abby, what star sign are you?' Randi queries, appearing at my shoulder.
'Uhh, Capricorn' I reply distractedly, watching as Carter laughs at some joke Chuny's telling. Damn, he's gotta be the most distracting person I know.
'And Carter?'
'Gemini' I mutter, without hesitation.
'Oohh, we know one another's birthdays huh?' she teases, bringing me totally back to the conversation.
'Randi, what are you on about?' I inquire, pulling my hair back into a ponytail for a few seconds, before releasing it. 'You know as well as anyone else that I don't believe in all that astrological crap'
'I wouldn't have put a Gemini and a Capricorn together. Conflicting personalities, in my opinion'
'Opposites attract' I counter. I've gotta admit this is quite amusing. She's so totally involved in this whole astrological thing…the reason has never really been clear to me, but it's generally best to humour her.
'Makes for a somewhat feisty relationship, wouldn't you say?' she persists, flicking her hair out of her face with one hand.
'I wouldn't have a clue'
'But then again…' she pauses, obviously contemplating something. You know, I'm not so sure if I like this whole people concocting ideas about the state of my relationship. Funny how it never bothered me that much before. 'You do make a particularly cute couple'
'Why thank you Randi, I've always thought so myself' Ahh. Just when I was getting in deeper than I'm able to get out of, I find myself spun round into his arms. I give him a shrug and a clueless grin, before turning momentarily back to Randi.
'I really don't think the stars are going to have any effect on this relationship Randi. We're hardly about to give up now'
'And if you'll excuse us, I need a second opinion on something. You know how hopeless us men are' he offers what I'd consider to be a rather fake looking smile, before steering me away into the kitchen. I smile at the relative silence, wrapping my arms round his neck.
'Something you wanted, Doctor Carter?' I ask playfully, running the tips of my fingers through his hair.
'Just some quality time alone with my girlfriend'
'But its your party. You're meant to mingle. Didn't they teach you anything in that mansion of yours?' I quip, laughing.
'Correction. In their eyes, it's our party. And most of them appear to be well on their way to being so drunk that they won't actually remember how many times they spoke to either of us. So why not take what little chances we get?'
You know what? That idea sounds most acceptable to me. And considering that Kerry's decided to sneakily limit our time together, I guess I should be taking his advice.
I open my mouth to reply, but he swoops in on the opportunity and kisses me quickly before I have the chance to say any more. I laugh softly, catching his lower lip between my teeth for a few seconds.
'Take it you're not so against the idea any more?'
'Mmm not quite so against it, you could say. In fact, you could go as far as to say I'm enjoying it! I give him a small nod, looking up at him through my eyelashes.
'Stop trying to distract me Miss Lockhart…' he retorts, laughing. I rub the back of his neck gently, reaching up to kiss the tip of his nose.
'Aww I'm sorry, were you expecting me to be nice to you?'
'I always expect you to be nice to me!' he counters, pulling that…annoyingly cute…sad face of his. I smile, leaning closer to kiss him, pausing when there's just the smallest distance between his lips and mine…
'Hey…watch those wandering hands of yours!' I admonish, slapping his hand gently.
'You're denying me of life's little pleasures Ab! There's gotta be a law against that' he protests, trying his hardest to keep a straight face as I laugh.
'I'm sure I can find…some way to make it up to you!' Damn him. No really, damn him. I don't giggle. I don't…
Okay so maybe I do.
'Right. Will you two please stop…doing whatever inappropriate stuff here and make an appearance at your own party please!' Well that's one thing you can rely on Susan for…well, spoiling the moment!
'Busted!' I mutter with a grin, grabbing his hand as I make my way back through…they may be my friends, but I'm sure as hell not facing them on my own!
…
'I'm still not convinced. They're going to hate me. They're actually going to hate me John' I know I'm babbling, and I know I sound like an idiot...but how the hell am I meant to keep calm when I've got to cope with his family? I knew this was a bad idea - in fact we should probably turn back now, in a matter of...ooh, fifteen minutes, we could be curled up on his sofa watching some made-for-tv Christmas movie...
'Abby relax. Just...relax. They're not going to hate you; you're not going to fall flat on your face. You're not going to use the wrong knife and fork and you're not going to say anything stupid.' Right. Yeah, that's the reason why I'm going out with him. Because he can read my mind, finish my sentences...and yeah I suppose to an extent he can calm me down...
But this still isn't going to work.
'It's your family though! It's your dad, and your grandmother. How can I relax?'
'By thinking something along the lines of "thank god it's not his mother?"' he kids, glancing at me briefly. 'Hey...c'mon, it's not really that bad is it?'
'...yeah?' I offer, shrugging slightly. He stretches out a hand, and I take it, smiling slightly as he brings both our hands to rest on the steering wheel.
'Just be yourself Ab, that's all you'll need to impress them. It worked for me'
'But you're not them'
'I'm a Carter, right? So there can't be that much difference' he reasons. Damn I hate the logical side of him…especially when said side happens to be right.
'You are different though. You were already involved…and plus, you're easier to talk round' I counter, laughing softly. He gives me a wounded look, and I poke him lightly, relaxing back in my seat.
Maybe I'll give him the benefit of the doubt on this one. I suppose his family could surprise me. You know, if miracles actually happen…
Oh this just isn't going to work.
…
'Abby, why don't we take a walk? I'll show you the gardens while John and he grandmother catch up?' Damn. This is going from bad to worse. If I hadn't done enough by appearing like a nervous wreck right the way though that…pretty impressive…dinner, now I actually have to talk to John's dad without John there.
He walks towards the door and…oh right, this is where I'm supposed to follow. I stand up, and before I've taken two steps I feel John's hand pulling me backwards. He gives me a small smile and places a light kiss on my lips before mouthing "you'll be fine" and giving my hand one last squeeze before walking over to his grandmother.
Well I'm really on my own now.
I follow him through the maze of corridors, perfecting my "I'm not nervous, really I'm not" face on the way. I think I've got it down to a fine art now. He holds the door open for me, before following me into the gardens.
'You've seen this before, so I guess you know I have some kind of ulterior motive right?' Jack asks, gesturing to a bench. I sit down, mentally running through all the reasons why John and I aren't just a fling.
'I…'
'Don't look so scared. John's been building us up to be the family from hell, right?' I shrug slightly, offering him a small smile. 'I just wanted a chance to get to know his girlfriend a bit better. It's fairly obvious that you two are pretty serious so…'
'I guess we are. But it's still fairly new to be honest'
'That may very well be, but you looked so comfortable together, and John…well he's happier than I've seen him in a long time, and I'm willing to bet that the main reason for that is you.' he comments, smiling. 'My son isn't reputed for his taste in women, if I'm perfectly honest but…that may be changing.'
'You mean you approve?' I ask hesitantly, glancing at him properly for the first time.
'Of your relationship? It's hardly my place to approve or disapprove!' he replies with a laugh. 'John's old enough to make his own decisions, and I'm perfectly happy to let him make this one, if that's what you're asking' he adds, smiling. I think that I might be making a fool out of myself here.
'Well I know that your opinions mean a lot to him…' I explain, a smile crossing my face - you know I think I might grow to like his dad.
'I'm not so sure that they do to be honest. John's got a mind of his own - we learnt the hard way that he's all too willing to speak it. But I'll tell you this Abby, I'd much rather see John with someone he loves, and who clearly loves him back, than with someone his mother's chosen purely because she's from the "appropriate circle"' he explains, smiling at me. I offer him a genuine smile back…although I must admit I'm slightly shocked, it was hardly the reaction I was exp…
Hang on a minute. Was he talking about love?
'I…' I begin, unsure how to phrase it, but he cuts me off, a knowing look in his eyes.
'Yes he does love you Abby. I know my son well enough to know that. And I have a sneaking suspicion, although I'm in no real position to assume this, that you love him too'
'Umm, well…' I falter, feeling my cheeks going ever so slightly red. Good job its fairly dark out here - maybe he won't notice. 'I didn't realise that was so…obvious?'
'Well it's not, unless you're specifically looking for it.' so he was watching us. I knew it. 'It's the little things - his hand was always on your back, or your arm...he spent a good 90% of the meal staring at you with a smile on his face and I couldn't help but notice the way you look at him when you think no one's watching you'
Okay this conversation is now verging on being downright embarrassing. I'm not sure I really want his dad to be picking up on things like that.
'Don't worry, it's a good thing' he adds, clearly reading the look on my face in…exactly the right way.
'I can see where Carter gets some of his…personality traits…from' I comment, laughing at the thoroughly confused look on his face. 'Its just…you're actually really similar. Some of the things you say…'
'Like father like son?' he queries, and I nod. 'Just don't mention it to him, I'm not sure how keen he'd be to learn that.' He jokes, smiling. 'So have you had the…pleasure, of meeting my ex-wife yet?'
Ah, Eleanor Carter. How did I know she'd come up at least once tonight?
'We've…met in passing, yes. A while ago though, before John and I were…'
'Well just don't let her put you off, okay? My ex-wife doesn't have what you'd call conventional views, and I'd hate for her to ruin what the two of you have in any way' he adds, standing up and extending a hand to me. I smile as we start to walk in.
'Thank you for…well, for not judging us…or me'
'We're not like Eleanor – she just married into the family, the rest of us aren't so quick to judge' he comments, stopping for a moment to look at me. 'And I'll say this – I'd be more than happy to have you as a daughter-in-law some day, Abby'
Pardon? Did he just say…he just said what I think he said, right?
'Oh, I don't think we're that…' I falter, unsure what to say.
'Don't rule anything out' he counters, still smiling.
'I won't…'
…
'Well you survived'
'You know John, your family really aren't as bad as you make them out to be'
'You haven't met my mother'
'Funny. Your dad said something along those lines' I comment slyly, twisting in my seat so I have a better view of him.
'That reminds me. What exactly did my father say to you out there? You were out there a fair amount of time' he inquires, attempting…and failing…to be casual.
'Well lets just say I've got one admirer in your family. He's very…perceptive. Not at all unlike you, actually' I smile, as he forces himself to keep his eyes on the road. 'He was nice. May have imagined a little too much about our relationship…'
'Abby!'
'Not in that way! Just because it's on your mind twenty four seven doesn't mean it is on everyone else's!' I counter, laughing. He pulls a wounded face, trying to hide a smile at the same time.
'That hurts Abby'
'Get over it' I mutter good-naturedly. 'What I was trying to imply was that there were a couple of not-so-subtle comments about marriage'
'Oh god! Abby I'm sorry…' He jumps in, instantly serious. 'I had no…why are you laughing?'
'I don't mind John! It was kinda sweet, actually' I explain, squeezing his arm gently. 'I like your dad. I didn't think I'd end up saying that, but I do'
'I'm really glad' he replies softly…and the look in his eyes shows me just how important it was to him. Impulsively I lean over, kissing his cheek. 'What was that for?'
'Oh I dunno…for being you?'
'Well just…don't distract me too much' he counters gently, smiling all the time.
'John…?' I ask, after a slight pause. He glances at me for a moment, waiting for me to continue before looking back at the road. 'Did your grandmother like me?'
'What makes you ask that?'
'I just…I don't know, she didn't seem very…'
'Abby, she likes you. Trust me' he replies softly, catching my eye for a moment as we near his apartment.
'How do you know?'
'You know what she said to me while you were outside?' he asks, parking the car outside his apartment block, before turning to look at me, capturing both my hands in his. 'She said that we remind her of her and my grandfather when they were younger…which is quite the compliment'
Wow.
'She also said you shouldn't be so nervous, that you didn't need to try so hard to make a good impression – she liked you because of the person she saw when you relaxed' he adds softly, smiling. 'Abby…you okay?'
'Yeah, I just…I know now how much tonight meant to you' I whisper, leaning over to kiss him properly. I feel him smile more, resting a hand on the back of my neck to draw the kiss out as long as possible.
I eventually pull away, running a hand through my hair as I attempt to conceal a yawn. He laughs softly, leaning over me to open the door.
'Come on. Bedtime for you!'
Hmm. Yeah, bedtime sounds pretty good to me!
…
'Hey gorgeous'
Oh he's so lucky Susan's not following me. Then he really would be in trouble. Not that I mind him complimenting me…I mean, it's taken a while to get used to, but it's not something I minded adapting to! I'd just…much rather keep those sorta things private.
I open the door of my locker, deliberately not looking at him. I hear him get up, and his footsteps are soft but not that soft, so the arms sneaking round my waist that were clearly meant to be a surprise just…aren't.
'I've barely seen you all day' he murmurs, dropping gentle kisses on the side of my neck. I laugh softly, swinging my locker door open…and darting forwards to catch an envelope that falls out.
Funny, looks remarkably like something you put photos in…but I didn't bring any photos into work today…. If this is another one of his little 'secret messages' I'll…well, secretly I'll be quite pleased, but there's no way it'll be getting into the hands of a certain Dr Lewis this time!
'Very sweet John, but I thought we said no more little notes while we're working. You know what happened last time'
'Wasn't me Ab, this is the first break I've had in five hours. Maybe this is some secret admirer!'
'Yeah…like that'll happen'
'Well, open it and find out' he urges, resting his chin on my shoulder.
'I'm going to, give me a chance!' I lift the flap on the envelope, and lift out a sheet of paper. Covering it is Susan's instantly recognisable doctor's scrawl. You know the type of writing, the kind that no patients can read, yet almost every member of staff has grown accustomed to. But like John's really. I'm considering suggesting that a course in reading such handwriting should be incorporated into any medical training course.
But anyway, Susan's note.
Please don't kill me Abby!
I just couldn't let your first Christmas go by without making some record of it – I know you'll never remember!
Love Susan
Plus, you guys make such a cute couple!
'Umm, John…'
'This sounds ominous'
'Tell me about it' I reply, shrugging my shoulders slightly. He pulls his best 'it'll be fine' face and considers what we're about to see…if his mind's working anything like mine right now, he's wondering what compromising positions Susan could possibly have caught us in!
Scary thought. Trust me.
'Well lets look at them then' he finally comments, giving my hand a gentle tug as he heads over to the middle of the room, sitting on one of the chairs. I follow, dropping the envelope onto the table before settling myself on his lap. He smiles, wrapping an arm around my waist to steady me. As I lift the photos out of their envelope, he slips a hand under my top, rubbing his thumb gently over the skin just about the waistband of my scrub pants. I laugh softly, turning round to kiss him quickly…
…before turning my attention away from that more than welcome distraction, back to the matter in hand, readying myself for Susan's worst.
Again. Scary thought.
I pick up the first photo, and can't help but laugh. It's of our private moment in the kitchen, my arms wrapped round his neck…right after the whole "wandering hands" incident, if I remember rightly.
'I knew someone had to have seen something' I admonish lightly, handing the photo to him, laughing as he leans closer, resting his head on my shoulder in the process.
'And trust it to be Susan?'
'Hmm. I think it would only be fair to say we've completely and utterly ruined her innocent view of our relationship'
'Uhh…what innocent view was that? I was under the impression that the words innocent and Susan…didn't go together!'
'Be nice' I counter. 'At least she's given these to us, instead of sticking them up somewhere!'
'True. So lets look at the next one' he urges, tickling me lightly. I laugh, stretching forward to pick up the next one. Ahh, this was funny. He was having what appeared to be the most pointless conversation I'd ever heard…although it was with Pratt, so I'm not quite sure why I'm surprised! Anyway, I was a little bored so I decided to…catch him unawares, so to speak.
I feel him laugh, wrapping both arms round my waist as I lean back against him, smiling at the memory of that moment. I twist slightly to look at him, feeling a moment of sheer cruel teasing coming on.
'I've never seen you move that quickly John! It wasn't even as if I hurt you! It was just a…gentle slap!' I joke, laughing at the wounded look on his face.
'Abby you slapped my ass. As a result of which, Pratt will never see us in the same way again'
'Looks like we destroyed a lot of opinions about our relationship that night!' I giggle, reaching forward for the next photo.
'I think you might be right there.'
Aww. Okay, so I like this picture. Whatever comments I may make about Susan choosing the most inappropriate moments to capture our relationship…she takes a damn good photo!
'I take back what I said about Susan' he comments, as if reading my mind. It's us, standing under a piece of strategically placed mistletoe, kissing. It was only meant to be a short kiss, to satisfy those colleagues who seemed to be determined to get a public display of affection out of us…but from this photo, its perfectly clear to see we got a little carried away with the moment.
'I wouldn't go that far. I agree it's a great photo, but…somehow I don't think she took the picture because we looked sweet. I know how that woman's mind works.' He laughs, squeezing me lightly.
'That's one we'll have to frame. That way if we ever get dull and boring, we'll have something to work towards'
'Not that you're even suggesting that's going to happen, of course' I counter, kissing his cheek as he picks up the next photo. He settles back, holding the photo out so I can examine it. 'You know I'm beginning to think Susan might be secretly taking photography lessons. She seems to have a knack for taking photos from just the right angle'
'Either that, or she's lucky!' he jokes, smiling. I laugh, looking at the photo closer. I remember the moment – Chuny and Randi joined forces to pair everyone up every time a slow song came on, and we were the done deal. Not that we minded, you understand. This particular time, my head was resting on his shoulder as he leaned over to whisper…something…to me.
'John…what were you saying?' I ask, gesturing to the photo. He thinks for a moment, before laughing.
'Something along the lines of "how soon do you think we can get rid of them because I'd love to see just how affectionate you can be tonight?"'
'Ah. And if Susan had taken that photo moments later, it would have been of me slapping you, right?'
'Spot on Miss Lockhart. Right, last photo' he urges, gesturing to it. I lean forward and pick it up…and laugh at the sheer irony of it. I show it to John, who also laughs. It's us, right at the end of the night. He was sitting on the couch and I decided to plant myself on his lap. His arms are round my waist, and I'm leaning against him looking…unfortunately, very tired.
So now you see the irony of the situation? Considering the position we're sitting in right now?
'Isn't she a lovely friend' John comments, pushing me gently into a standing position. It's hard to establish whether that was meant sarcastically or not, so I pretend to consider it for a while.
'Her…heart's in the right place.' I eventually answer, slipping the photos back into their envelope and placing them in my pocket…just for safe keeping you understand…these photos getting into the wrong hands just isn't worth considering.
He holds open the door for me and I walk through, laughing.
'Ever the gentleman' I tease, turning to face him. He shakes his head.
'Think about that one for a moment. It means I get to walk behind you…and that's not exactly a bad view!'
'John!' I admonish, tugging him over to the side of the corridor. He laughs, leaning against the wall and pulling an innocent face. 'Keep…those thoughts to yourself in future'
'Yes miss!' he mocks, grabbing my hand and pulling me closer. I laugh, sliding my hand up to rest just below his elbow.
'So, you fancy helping me come up with a plan of revenge against Susan tonight?' I ask coyly, rubbing his arm gently. I feel his hand rest on my back as he pretends to consider this.
'I could think of…much better uses of our time!' He comments seriously, before laughing. I roll my eyes, attempting to come up with a witty response.
'Abby!' Oh…
Crap.
Maggie.
'Just what I need' I mutter under my breath, spinning around to be confronted with her rapidly approaching. John seems to deem this the perfect moment to take advantage of my sudden change in position by wrapping his arms round my waist and pulling me towards him.
Secret's out now then.
'Hold that thought about tonight' he murmurs, his voice startlingly close to my ear. I twist slightly to glare at him, and he mouths an apology, releasing his hold on me slightly as Maggie bounds up to us.
This doesn't look good.
'Abby...when you told me a couple of weeks ago that nothing new was happening in your life...is this what you classify as nothing new?' she queries, a thoroughly amused look on her face.
'It's…strictly speaking, it's not what I'd classify as "new"' I counter quickly, laughing. John smiles, releasing his hold around my waist so he can lean against the wall. I squeeze his hand, catching his eye for a moment as I wait for my mom's answer.
'Uhh then what would you classify it as?' Maggie asks.
'I'd say about…3 months old' I offer sheepishly.
'You certainly…kept that one under wraps' she offers, the smile never once leaving her face. Something doesn't add up here. She's definitely not manic, because her manic phases never make her happy…at least not to these extremes.
Which means she must be on her meds…but when she's on her meds she's never this happy either. And that…doesn't add up. Not in my books anyway. It does sound a little strange, and maybe I'm overreacting – surely her being happy should be a good thing, full stop?
It's just strange. It's been so long since I've seen her happy. Which, I admit, is mainly my fault because I rarely make the effort to see her unless there's something wrong.
'So Maggie, what brings you to Chicago?' I jolt back into the present, realising that John could have been debating God only knows what with her.
'Oh, I had a couple of weeks of holiday left, and Eric gets no time off over Christmas. So I…booked some flights, booked a hotel and came'
This…is swiftly turning into the Christmas from hell. It was going to be a low-key event…our first Christmas, you know the drill. We've just got used to the idea of actually being together, and suddenly we've got our respective families to contend with, along with some very sneakily rearranged shifts…
But there's one thing I can't deny.
'It's…really nice to see you mom…' I trail off, giving a small shrug.
'Nice to see me on my meds, you mean?' she guesses accurately. 'Don't worry. I know you a little better than you think. I'm doing good Abby'
'I know' I offer sincerely. 'I meant, it's good to see you happy'
'It's Christmas Abby! How can anyone not be happy?' she enquires, laughing. 'Stopping short of singing you a few choice songs…it's just a cheerful time of year. Plus…' she pauses, as I process that muddle of information. 'This little bombshell of yours was a very welcome surprise. You know I never cared for Richard…Luka was nice enough but I know you never really cared for him…'
'Mom!' I'd really rather not discuss my previous relationships in front of John, if that's quite all right with her!
'Abby relax. All I was going to say is that you two look…I don't know, happy. Comfortable…relaxed. Talk about me being happy, I don't think I've seen you this happy for a long time'
'I…yeah, I guess I am happy' I agree softly, smiling at John. He rests a hand on my back, rubbing gently…I mean, the guy can read my mind so he probably knows I'm completely confused by this whole thing.
'Well, we've still got a couple of hours left on our shift so how about we meet after that, go out for dinner? That'd give you some time to unpack, Maggie' okay did I forget to mention that he's a saint as well? He seems to have a knack for smoothing over situations. I smile gratefully at him, as Maggie looks perfectly satisfied with this plan of action.
'That'd be nice. I'll…let you two get back to work, wouldn't want to get you into trouble!' She jokes, as we head towards the door. I keep a watchful eye out for Dr Weaver…like Maggie says, it'd do us no good to get into trouble.
'So if we meet about seven…?' I suggest.
'Great. I'll come to your apartment' she replies, hugging me and saying softly 'Its good to see you Abby'
'Its good to see you too, Mom' I reply, pulling away as she turns again towards the door. 'See you later'
'It'll be so nice to see you over Christmas Abby' she calls as she heads out the door.
I spin on my heel, making my way rapidly back towards the lounge. I collapse onto the couch, not bothering to look up as I hear the door open, because I know who it is.
'Abby what's the matter?' he asks softly, walking slowly over to take a seat next to me. I give a slight shrug, running my hand through my hair as I look up at him.
'Everything's so complicated' I explain feebly.
'How do you mean?' he probes, as confused as I expected him to be.
'I don't know…did you not see how different she was? She was just so…lively. Happy…excited' I stumble slightly, unsure how to get my point across.
'Is that not a good thing?' he asks, resting a hand on my leg. 'She's on her meds, not manic as far as I can tell, and she says herself that she's doing well'
'It's just…'
'Just what?' he asks, and when greeted with silence… 'Abby, tell me'
'I felt guilty' I eventually whisper, looking back down at the ground. When it becomes clear that he isn't going to say anything in response to that, I continue. 'The first thing I thought when she called out my name was "what if she's not on her meds? I don't think I could cope" and then when she called me on that, it made me feel really selfish for thinking about how it would affect me.'
'That's not necessarily a bad thing Ab'
'How?'
'You've been affected by this your whole life Abby. You may not actually have the disease, thank God, but that doesn't mean you don't have the right to be affected by it'
'I know you're right' I murmur, pausing for a moment. 'But will you just…hold me for a bit?' He smiles, slipping one arm round my waist as I slide closer, eventually linking it with his other hand as I settle into his embrace.
And then the thought strikes me.
'Oh my god, what are we going to do? We can't see your family and my mom on Christmas Day, and there's no way in hell I'm putting them together!'
'No one's saying we have to' he comments, tightening his hold around my waist as I pull away slightly.
'Well what other way round this is there?' I counter, unclasping his hands as I turn to face him.
'Well…we could always eat two Christmas dinners' Oh right. Now is the right time to joke, huh? Just…great.
'It's not funny' I snap, the words sounding slightly too harsh, even to me. I stand up; walking over to the window just in time to see Susan and Chuni heading towards the doors, gowns and gloves in hand; Jing-Mei and Pratt having what would appear to be an…argument over a chart; and Randi flicking through a magazine.
I don't know what to say to him. There is nothing to say. There's no way we can choose one family over the other, I'd just end up feeling guilty.
'Abby…'
'Yeah?'
'Why is it such a big deal?'
'Because if we go and see your family then I'll feel guilty because my mom came all the way here just to spend time with me. But if we see my mom, I'll feel guilty because I don't want my family to take over like it always seems to do'
'Abby you need to relax' he replies, standing up and beginning to walk over to me.
'You're not helping' I snap, turning back towards the window…because if I don't I know I'll say something I'll regret. Not that I haven't already.
'Neither is you snapping at me'
'Well forgive me for not being able to just cast it all to the back of my mind!' I counter, a hint of bitterness creeping into my voice.
He's not saying anything. This isn't a good sign. And this has got to stop…quickly.
'John…'
'I don't want to argue with you Abby, I really don't' he replies quickly, his voice soft and clearly controlled – he doesn't like showing when he's hurt, but I know he is…and this time it's my fault.
'I'm sorry. I'm sorry…' I take a few steps towards him, waiting for him to look up at her. 'I'm just a little…'
'Lets not spoil our first Christmas with stupid arguments' he says softly, extending a hand to me. I offer him a small smile, taking his hand and closing the distance between us. I feel his arms snake around my waist and I raise my own, looping them around his neck. He smiles at this, and I reach up, kissing his cheek quickly.
He smiles, taking advantage of the situation and leaning down to capture my lips in a proper kiss. I smile, leaning slightly further into him as he captures my bottom lip between his. I move a hand to rub the back of his neck as he sits on the edge of the table, pulling me closer still. I take advantage of this equality in height, and slowly deepen the kiss, until the need for oxygen becomes slightly too great to ignore.
He pulls away and rests his chin on my shoulder, placing gentle butterfly kisses on my neck. He eventually settles for just resting his head there, as I continue to massage the back of his neck gently with my thumb.
'Abby, lets just spend Christmas on our own' he suggests, his breath warm on my neck. 'You're the one I want to spend the day with…and I'd rather not share you' I use my hand to make him look at me, before kissing him again quickly. He smiles, turning me round so I'm leaning against him, holding me closer.
'Christmas on our own it is then' I agree, linking my hands with his. 'I'm sorry for getting stressed out just now'
'Don't worry. I'm used to it' he teases light-heartedly. I hit him lightly, pulling out of his arms.
'Right. Back to work before Weaver decides it would be a good idea to make us work Christmas Day!'
…
'Abby…'
'Five more minutes' I mumble into the pillow, curling away from him.
'It's Christmas Ab! You can't sleep' he urges, wrapping an arm round my waist as he lowers his lips to my neck.
Way too early. Christmas or no Christmas I don't do this early in the morning. Not for anyone, and especially not for him!
'I'm not asleep. I'm just not going to move' I mutter, attempting to be annoyed.
'I guess you don't want your present then'
'Present?' now we're talking. I might just move for this.
'Well if you don't want it…'
Ah, we're playing that game.
'I'm awake, I'm awake' I roll over, only to be greeted by a grin that can only be described as…scarily childlike.
I didn't realise he liked, no loved, Christmas so much. Maybe there's some psychological explanation, something to do with that whole "we show no emotion" mantra his family seemed to have…
But to be perfectly honest, I've not got the brainpower right now to figure that one out. He smiles, leaning forward to kiss me.
I laugh softly, rolling over so I can prop my chin on his chest. He rests a hand at the back of my neck, leaning over to pick up a little box, wrapped…extraordinarily well I have to admit, with little gold ribbons securing the paper.
'Happy Christmas' he murmurs, kissing my nose then my lips as he places the box in my hands.
'You're very…affectionate this morning' I comment, my voice sounding slightly low and sleepy even to me.
'It's Christmas, and I get to spend the entire day with you. Why wouldn't I want to be affectionate?' he enquires, and I smile, initiating my own kiss. 'Aren't you going to open it then?'
'Give me a chance!' I chide jokingly, lifting the box up.
Hmm. Small, slightly rectangular in shape, not too heavy…I wonder if its jewellery?
You would have thought John Carter would come up with a way to conceal that fact, right?
I pull the ribbons gently, attempting to keep them intact. Which is easier said than done – I didn't realise John was an expert gift wrapper. Ah well. It makes it all the more exciting.
'Could you go any slower? Oh, don't tell me…you're one of those people who saves the gift wrap right?'
'Well…'
'Sentimental value, right?'
'Something like that' I reply, laughing. I eventually remove the gift-wrap…and reveal, just as I thought, a black velvet jewellery box.
'Come on Ab! The suspense is killing me and I know what it is!' he urges, tracing a light pattern on my back. I smile, painstakingly slowly lifting the lid open…
…and lift out what seems to be…a silver charm bracelet. I balance it on two fingers, biting my lip as I look up at him. He smiles, taking it from my hand without saying a word, a look of pure concentration on his face as he fastens it around my wrist.
'There is a story' he explains, before I have the chance to ask as I try to interpret the meaning behind each of the little charms hanging from the delicate chain.
'It's beautiful John' I murmur, leaning forward to kiss him lightly. 'So…explain it to me then?'
'Well' he begins, lifting my arm and leaning forward to kiss the back of my hand gently. He takes the first charm between his fingers. 'A coffee cup. For all the times we've sat in Doc Magoo's for hours, just talking…'
'There have been a few' I smile, running a finger over the little charm. I didn't even think that he'd have put so much thought into this…
'A car' he continues, touching the next charm, 'for that infamous trip to Oklahoma. It may not have been the greatest of moments…'
'It meant more to me than you'll ever know' I whisper, looking up at him. He smiles, squeezing my free hand gently as he moves the bracelet so I can see the next charms. 'A fish? This one's going to need a bit of explaining, I think'
'Do the words Luka's apartment, a fish tank and a police car mean nothing to you Ab?'
'Ohh…' I laugh, remembering the day – it's hard to forget the time I almost got us both arrested, really! I was convinced…sort of hoping, subconsciously, that something might happen that day.
But I guess it was for the best. It couldn't really be said I was over Luka at that point, and I'd only have ended up hurting John.
'I think…that that day was a turning point in our relationship'
'I think it's the only time someone's nearly gotten me arrested' he jokes, placing a kiss on my lips. I watch as he touches the next charm, which looks like a little baseball glove. 'You told me it was your favourite sport as a kid.'
'And who could forget that ER softball game…you know, they're similar' I amend with a smile.
'That time your mom came?' he asks, and I nod.
'It was my favourite as a kid. I remember teaching Eric how to play…he was hopeless at first' I recall with a laugh. He smiles, resting a hand on my cheek.
'It's nice to see you smile when you talk about your childhood'
'We did have some good times' I reply as he glances down at the last two charms on the bracelet.
'A butterfly…which links with the last one. A tornado' he adds, as I lean forward to determine the identity of that particular charm.
'I don't understand…'
'Chaos theory' he replies, clearly waiting for that lightbulb to magically light up inside my head…
'Yeah. You still lost me'
'The flapping of the wings of a butterfly can, given time, change the course of a tornado halfway around the word. It's a lack of predictability in life, love, relationships…you change one thing, you subconsciously change everything'
'So kinda like serendipity, all that fortunate accident stuff?'
'In a way, yeah. It just reminded me of us. You know, we were just two separate people, but since we met it's like I've been drawn to you…and it's a situation I'm in no real hurry to get out of'
'Wow…' I whisper, glancing down at his hand holding my arm gently. I never even imagined he'd put this much thought into this bracelet. I mean, jewellery's a great present, but it never seems to require much thought, does it?
Well this would be the exception that proves the rule.
'John it's beautiful' I add, leaning forward to kiss him. He smiles, resting his hands on my back again. I pull away a little, to whisper 'thank you' before kissing him again.
Eventually I pull away, rolling over so I can grab his present. I prop myself up on one elbow facing him and deposit two boxes on the bed between us.
'Your turn. Open this one first' I urge him, holding up the larger of the two. He takes it…and removes the gift-wrap in record time, compared to me anyway. I catch his eye and laugh, as he lifts the lid of the box he's revealed. I lean over and lift the watch gently from its cushioned position, watching him take in what he obviously expected to be an empty space.
I take the opportunity, and slide the watch onto his wrist, smiling at the perfect fit. He smiles, kissing my cheek as I lift his hand, placing a kiss on his fingertips.
'A key?' he then asks, taking the hidden item from the box.
'To my apartment' I affirm, smiling. 'I mean, I've stolen your spare one…and I wanted you to have a key. You're spending as much time there as I am at the moment, so it just…feels right.' He smiles, running his fingertips gently through my hair as I trace the outline of the watch face, resting on his wrist.
'The watch is great. And the key…'
'I know' I murmur, as he pauses to search for the right words. 'Now open the next one before we start getting all sentimental' I add, moving closer as he slips an arm round my shoulders, taking the lid off the second box. I smile, pulling the covers up around us again as he lifts out the small glass angel.
'Okay this is one you're going to have to explain to me'
'My mom gave me a pair of these when I was about eleven. It was…the one good Christmas I remember. She told me that her mom had given them to her when she was about that age, and that they were supposed to symbolise…luck, happiness and hope. I remember her saying something about how you're meant to give them to someone you love, which I assume she meant to mean my kids. But…my life is good now, with you. And maybe…if we're still together, and we have children, we'll give them to them'
'Abby…' he eventually says, after a considerable pause. I look up from the tiny angel, to see what I think can only be tears in his eyes.
'Happy Christmas' I murmur, looping my arms round his neck, smiling at the silver bracelet gleaming in the light as he stands the angel, in its box, on the table.
'You…you are amazing' he whispers, kissing me again. I smile, placing a kiss on the tip of his nose.
'I'm lucky to have you' I reply, tilting my head slightly.
'I could say the same'
'So what do you want to do with the rest of the day?'
'Umm…staying here sounds pretty good to me?' he comments, that familiar cheeky grin spreading across his face.
'Oh we're so not spending all of Christmas Day in bed!'
'Well we're not spending the entire day watching Christmas movies either' he counters, wrapping his arms tighter round my waist.
'You mean the idea of curling up on the couch together under a big blanket doesn't appeal to you in the slightest?'
'Now you're talking!' well I wonder how I knew I'd get that response? 'But…staying here still sounds good!' I laugh as he drops little butterfly kisses on my neck…one of his tried-and-tested persuasion techniques! One of his techniques that's not working today! We didn't spend ages agonising over what to do, who to see…just to spend the entire day in bed.
Not that I'd normally complain of course, but…it's Christmas!
Although I have to admit, I'm getting less and less opposed to the idea as his hands trace little patterns all over my back and sides…
'Okay a compromise. We'll spend…the morning right here, but this afternoon is my choice. Deal?'
'Deal' he agrees, rolling over so that I'm lying underneath him. I laugh, feeling my breathing quicken as he slides the strap of my top down my shoulder, quickly replacing it with a trail of hot kisses…
I shiver slightly, and he laughs, trailing his lips back up to my mouth.
'How do you fancy another Christmas present?' he enquires, a smile playing at the corner of his lips. I laugh, pulling him back down for another kiss.
'You really do have a one-track mind!' I joke, rubbing the back of his neck gently, as he starts to kiss down my chest… 'But if you insist…'
I have a feeling that this is going to be one Christmas present I won't forget in a long while!
Come to think of it, it's one Christmas in general that's going to be unforgettable, and if this is his way of making it just that…
Well, who am I to complain?
