Watch Out For That Hoooooole!!!

A/N: This one is seriously demented, I mean, I've never written anything so idiotically crazy.  This time the victim is our prim Instructor, Xu!

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A very angry Xu stormed in the SeeD quarters that evening, her uniform clinging to her slight frame.  She was barefoot, her ruined boots swinging from her hand.  She roughly slid her card key into her door and practically shoved the door open – much to the surprise of the other SeeDs.  Xu was seldom bad- tempered, and if she was, this must be something big. 

She threw her boots against the opposite wall and jumped when her boots hit something alive.  The thing squealed and jumped, nearly hitting the ceiling.  Xu stopped and stared.  It was green, fuzzy and had long ears that twitched. 

Carbuncle.

Her temper flared again.  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

Carbuncle blinked its shining black eyes at her, oblivious to her yell.  It squeaked and jumped down from the bed, carrying something in its paws.  Xu suspiciously retrieved it and unfolded the note.

Just to apologize, Carbuncle is a great soother! – Rinoa.

"Oh is he..." Xu crumpled the note and turned to the small GF, who was looking up adoringly.  Carbuncle really was adorable.  Its fluorescent green fur was really soft to the touch, and the ruby set into its forehead contrasted sharply with its overall color, quite adorable really.  The fact that Carbuncle is really harmless already soothed Xu.  She had enough of destructive GFs for the time being.

"How sweet," Xu murmured as she hugged Carbuncle.  The GF squeaked happily and buried her (A/N: I dunno... I just assume Carbuncle's a female, hmm?) head into Xu's shoulder and purred.

Xu conveniently remembered she was drenched after her brief – and unpleasant – experience in Pandemona's vacuum bag.  Her shoulder was still sore where a chair leg had rammed into it earlier.  Next time there's a GF warning, she'll be nowhere near the vicinity.  "Carbuncle, can you wait? I need a bath." She gently patted its head and hurried into the bathroom.

Carbuncle blinked and waited for a while, when Ifrit suddenly called from the inter-dimensional plane.  "Yo, titch! Wanna join us in a game of Triad?"

Carbuncle squeaked miserably.  "I do, but I gotta wait for Miss Xu to finish her bath.  But I'll watch!!" she said excitedly and opened the dimensional hole where she usually appears from.  Right below, Ifrit, Shiva, Alexander and Diabolos were playing their improved version of Triple Triad.  Basically it involved more squares, more players and an additional set of rules.  Like no elemental allowed.  It really isn't fair to Shiva, who doesn't have any fire cards at all, and Alexander, who's cards are all Holy.

Carbuncle was watching with rapt attention, so immersed was she that she didn't notice Xu had come out of the bathroom, dressed in nothing but a towel.  And that's how most disasters strike – negligence.  Xu was so caught up looking at Carbuncle, Carbuncle was so interested in the Triad game – that both forgot about the hole. 

Naturally, Xu stepped right into the hole.  'Yaah!!!"

"Crap!!" Shiva cursed when Xu plunged right through the floating board, destroying the entire game.  And she was just winning!  "What's going on?!"

"Diabolos, catch her before she falls further!!!" Alexander cried.  Flying on swift wings, the GF neatly caught the shocked lieutenant.  "Are you alright, Miss?"

"I..." Xu managed a nod, and after a moment Diabolos constructed a seat for her out of his bats.  GFs can float in the inter-planetary dimension, but so far no human ever entered.  Judging from how fast she fell, there's no doubt she cannot float.  Xu was a surprising first.  "How did this happen?" Shiva demanded, and the clamor attracted Siren and Bahamut.  "Miss Xu?!"

"Somebody please get me out of here?" Xu pleaded, feeling thoroughly frazzled.  "Carbuncle?"

"She cannot appear in the physical world without being summoned," Bahamut explained.  Who else is junctioned to Mistress Rinoa?"

There was an awkward pause.  And then; "None of us."

"This is bad..." Bahamut groaned.  Well, who can bring her out?"

Xu looked at Alexander and the GF shook his head.  "Sorry Miss.  I never move from the Holy Ground.  I merely fire my missiles from there – unless you want to ride my missiles?"

Siren.  The pretty nymph shook her head too.  "I'm junctioned to Mr. Irvine, and he's asleep right now."

"Wait, maybe my Mistress can help," Bahamut said suddenly.  He opened a link with Quistis.  It was lucky that the SeeD never-ever unjunctioned her GFs, despite the rules.  She can be pretty stubborn when she wants to.

Quistis frowned when she felt Bahamut forming in her mind.  What is it?

Mistress, I have a request.  Can you please call Mistress Rinoa?

Quistis sneaked a peek at the clock and shook her head in defiance.  Oh no.  Nadda.  Nope.  You see, right now she's... occupied. What is it?

Can't we disturb her just for a second? Miss Xu has accidentally appeared in the inter-dimensional plane, and we need to take her back.

Quistis grinned wryly.  When you're makin' lurve, every second counts.  Sorry.

I see.  She felt Bahamut laugh.  Then can you call me? I will bring her back.  Though, I'd advise you to ready a warm blanket before you summon me.

Quistis blinked.  Why? Don't fly so fast then.

It's not that, Mistress.  Miss Xu is... inadequately dressed.

Humor tickled her.  Alright. She couldn't even begin to wonder how Xu got stuck in the Inter-dimensional plane, and why she was inadequately dressed.        

As she made her way back along the corridor, she bumped into Zell and Seifer.  "Yo, Instructor, what's the hurry?" Zell was ever chirpy.

"Oh, Xu got trapped in the Inter-planetary plane and I need to summon Bahamut to bring her back." She said absently, trying to dart past them.

"Oh? Don't worry, we can help you!" Zell said excitedly.  Instantly Quistis realized her mistake.  Her MAJOR mistake.  'Zell no – "

"Ifrit! Bring Xu back!"

Quistis clapped a hand to her forehead, Squall-style.  This can't be happening...

With a roar and a rush of heated air, Ifrit appeared – without Xu.  Zell scratched his head.  "Where is she?!"

Ifrit shifted uncomfortably, steam coming out of his nose.  "Well, you see, Master, when you summoned me, my Hell Flames... well, they sort of... burned her towel off."

"She was only dressed in a TOWEL?" Seifer immediately got a nosebleed and got a bruised nose too, when Quistis punched him straight on.  "That's enough! Good night, and sweet dreams, Seifer," She sweetly patted his head and distinctly heard him mutter "You mean wet dreams, right?"

Needless to say, he got a painful jab in the crotch with a sharp heel.