Author: Alamo Girl
Disclaimer: No, I don't own them. They belong to Belisaurius Productions.
Author Note* Sorry it took so long guys and gals, but when I wasn't busy with all kinds of crap, I was fending off sinus migraines! Oh well, Thanks to all the awesome reviews! You guys are GREAT!
~Chapter 4~
" Breathe Kate, just breathe."
The waves of pain searing throughout Kate's body slowly began to subside somewhat. She managed to stand up by herself and straighten her blouse. She glanced at Ducky, and then returned her eyes to the floor.
"Ducky, its nothing… really. I can still do my job, just like always. There's no need to tell anyone about this, I mean, we don't even know what "it" is yet." Even to Kate, that excuse sounded lame. She was already preparing herself for the worse possible outcome of the diagnosis. But she didn't want to appear weak, even in front of Ducky. Kate looked back at Ducky as she moved to the sink. He had the same look her father used to get, when he knew Kate was hiding something. Usually it had to do with where Kate had said she had been all night, when in reality she'd been off with some guy steaming up the car windows. Ducky played that "father-knows-best" look very well. And to Kate, there was something very comforting about that.
"Caitlin Todd, this is Ducky you're speaking to. I know a biopsy when I see one. Can I assume that you've recently found this abnormality in your breast exams?" Ducky followed Kate to the sink. He watched her as she splashed some water over her face. He knew she would play "tough girl" especially in front of Gibbs. Ducky had been noticing the sidelong glances, the innuendoes, and the sparks that seemed to fly when they locked eyes with one another. Ducky had never seen Gibbs warm up to anyone so quickly, and struggle so hard to keep his feelings under his mask before.
Kate looked up from the sink and dried her face. She sighed deeply, holding all this fear and worry in was simply too much for her. She felt so weak, and she needed someone to lean on, even just to hear her story. She proceeded to tell Ducky everything, from when she first discovered the lump until the needle biopsy from that morning. She told him what the doctor had said about the suspicious characteristics, and she even told Ducky about her family history. Ducky listened dutifully, carefully ingesting all her information.
"Caitlin, you have been through a harrowing ordeal of late. I know that we all work together here, and that when we leave the office, we tend to want to keep our personal lives to ourselves. But Caitlin, despite all of that, we care about each other. You should have told us, no one should go through something like this alone."
"I couldn't tell anyone here Ducky! Gibbs would have replaced me in a heartbeat! You know he's always saying 'Don't bring your personal distractions to work and put MY team in jeopardy'. Kate swallowed the lump in her throat. "All he cares about is the job, Ducky. Nothing else matters," she muttered under her breath. Kate knew she needed to leave, or she would break down and cry right in front of Ducky. Or worse yet, she'd end up admitting some things about Gibbs, she wasn't ready to admit out loud. She looked up at Ducky, her eyes pleading. His gaze was thoughtful.
"Alright Caitlin, I suppose I understand your motives. But I still think you need to tell Gibbs. He may put on a façade of stone, but he has feelings. And some of them run quite deep." Kate nodded, and told Ducky that she would tell Gibbs, when the time was right. She turned and walked out of the morgue. Ducky watched her go, and muttered to himself,
" Yes, when it comes to you, my dear, Jethro Gibbs' feelings run very deep indeed."
Kate thought on Ducky's words as she made her way slowly back to the bullpen. She knew she cared about the members of her team very much. She drowned in Gibbs's sea blue eyes every time they locked with hers. She loved working with him and learning from him; she couldn't imagine her life without Gibbs in it. But she also knew that he was her superior, and a relationship with him… well… would be nearly impossible. Kate wondered what Gibbs was like, away from work. Like on a date perhaps, or maybe a quiet evening at his house in front of the fire place. She smiled as she thought of the two of them snuggled on the couch, sharing a blanket, his arms wrapped protectively around her. The chirping of her cell phone interrupted Kate's dreamy thoughts.
It was the doctor's office. Kate's stomach jumped into her throat as her doctor was transferred onto the phone. Dr. Burns told her that the needle biopsy results were, "questionable". Apparently they had not retrieved a good sample from the lump through the needle, and he recommended that Kate come back in tomorrow and have a lumpectomy. Tomorrow was Saturday, and they could admit her into outpatient surgery, put her under general anesthesia, and excise the lump fairly quickly. That way, they could biopsy the entire lump, and if it turned out to be malignant, they wouldn't have to go in again to extract it. Kate listened to the doctor, although her entire body had become numb. She managed to OK the procedure for the following morning.
"Why wait," she thought, " I mean, might as well find the cancer and bring the rest of my world down on my head."
As she walked into the bullpen, she caught sight of Gibbs' silvery hair at his desk. "Great! Can this night get any better?!" Kate sighed and made her way to her desk.
Gibbs looked up from his paperwork as Kate rounded the corner to her desk. She looked even more haggard and drawn, if that was possible. His gut ached to know what was wrong. Now was as good a time as any Gibbs thought.
"Katie, can we talk?" He watched her carefully. He wanted to be able to stop her if she tried to run again.
"About what Gibbs?"
"About whatever it is that's bothering you so much. I've never seen you like this Kate." 'Don't let her see your worry too much Gibbs', he thought. Stay professional. "Katie, I'm really worried about you." Well that was great, way to keep your feelings on the inside Gibbs!
Kate closed her eyes. She felt like an empty shell, no longer the snarky, spunky Kate Todd she'd always been. She wanted, so badly, to tell Gibbs what was going on in her life. She wanted him to hold her in his arms and kiss her and tell her everything was going to be OK. But she knew he would never do that, that he couldn't do that. And her heart seemed to sink even lower.
"There's nothing to worry about Gibbs," she said mustering the last ounce of her strength, "I can take care of myself, and I won't let it affect the job." She began to gather her things to leave.
Gibbs stood in frustration, his emotions finally breaking through. "Damn It Agent Todd! I have sat here and watched you with- draw into yourself for the past two days! Then you are gone all morning, and come back in even worse shape! Now I want to know what is going on!" Gibbs didn't realize how loud his voice had grown. He winced inwardly as he saw Kate take a step back away from him. The last thing he would ever do is hurt Kate, and it stung him to see her back away from him. The look of surprise and a little fear shown on her face, and Gibbs immediately wanted to grab her and hug her fiercely to apologize.
"Its personal Gibbs, something I have to deal with myself. There is nothing you can do," Kate said in a hushed voice. She turned and walked to the elevator. Gibbs' outburst had shocked her, but she was too tired to deal with him now. She wanted to tell him, but she was scared he would blow her off as a worrywart, or take her off case duty and stick her behind a desk. She couldn't take that. As she entered the elevator, neither Kate nor Gibbs had noticed that Ducky was standing in the corner at the far end of the bullpen.
Gibbs stood at his desk, his shoulders slumped in defeat. Kate didn't trust him to help her. Or she just didn't want him in her life, other than at the office. Did she really think he had no feelings, that Agent Gibbs wasn't capable of caring for something other than his job? He sat down in his chair, and put his face in his hands. He jumped as he heard Ducky move up behind him.
"Well Jethro, you made a real mess out of that didn't you?" Ducky smiled down at him.
"Oh God Ducky," Gibbs said as he sat back running his hands through his silver hair, "I never can say anything right around that woman! Everything I say comes out wrong, and she takes it wrong, and shit… I don't know." Gibbs sighed deeply as he gazed at the elevator doors. "I'm scared Duck, I'm scared I'm loosing her."
That admission struck Ducky. He watched Gibbs closely. Could it be, Jethro Gibbs was in love? And he'd finally met his match in Caitlin Todd? Ducky knew Gibbs had to know what Kate was going through. He hated to see his co-workers and his friends in such turmoil. Ducky made his decision.
"Jethro, Caitlin has a very good reason for her actions lately." Ducky sat on the edge of Gibbs's desk. Gibbs turned to him.
"What is it Duck?"
"Well… two days ago, Caitlin found a lump." Ducky began to tell Gibbs everything about Kate's personal trials of the last two days.
And Gibbs sat and listened to it all in utter silence, as his heart slowly twisted painfully in his chest.
~Chapter 5 Coming Soon!~
