Title: The Strength Within

Author: Alamo Girl

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me; I'm just borrowing them for fun.

Author Note* Well I finally got the last chapter done! I hope everyone has enjoyed reading my first fan fiction attempt. Thank you to every one who has read and reviewed, you guys are awesome!

~Chapter 5~

An icy wind cut through Caitlin Todd's coat and sweater as she wearily got into her car outside of NCIS headquarters. She started her car and pulled out onto the slick D.C streets. She was too tired to cry, too tired to scream in frustration; she was just so damn tired.

"How do I get through tomorrow alone?" she said to herself. Kate wanted someone to be with her, and she knew deep down that even though he frustrated the hell out of her, the one she wanted was Gibbs. Her chest ached, and it wasn't just the biopsy spot that was hurting. Just as Kate pulled into her apartment parking lot, her cell phone chirped again.

She pulled it out and looked at the number. It was Ducky's. Well, at leased she could tell him about her scheduled surgery for tomorrow. She pressed the "talk" button.

"Hi Ducky," Kate said softly.

"Caitlin, oh I'm glad I caught you. Listen, I feel I should tell that..," but Kate cut him off.

" Hey Ducky, I actually wanted to say thanks for listening to me today. I know I've been acting really weird lately, but I think I'm going to find something definite out tomorrow at the doctor."

"What do you mean Caitlin, what's happened?"

Kate told Ducky about the conversation with her doctor after she had left the morgue. She told him of the lumpectomy surgery that she had scheduled for the next morning. Ducky listened anxiously, wanting to tell her something important as well.

"So basically, I'll find out if I'm terminal or not tomorrow," Kate said with a small chuckle.

"Caitlin, I'm so sorry you have to go through this, but I really.."

"Hey Duck, ya know, I'm really wiped out, I'm practically fallings asleep walking up to my apartment. But I will call you tomorrow once they release me from the hospital; I'll be at Memorial. Talk to ya later Duck," she said as she hung up the phone. Her strength was waning fast, and she was in no mood to listen to one of Ducky's monologs.

Ducky stared at the phone, and let out an exasperated sigh. He looked out the window of the NCIS building in time to see a car peel out of the parking lot heading for Kate's apartment. "I hope you don't mind Caitlin, but I believe you are about to have company," Ducky muttered to himself as he walked away, shaking his head.

~*~

No police officer in Virginia would have dared pull Agent Gibbs over for speeding that night. Not if they wanted to keep their heads at leased! His car roared through the streets like it was possessed. Gibbs' knuckles were white, as he gripped the steering wheel fiercely.

"I cannot believe she wouldn't tell me about something like this! Like she could keep something this important from me, and expect me not to try to find out! Does she really think I wouldn't care, or that I was that heartless?" Gibbs thought to himself as his heart continued to twist in his chest. He yanked the wheel, narrowly missing a sign.

There was no way Gibbs was going to let Kate go through this alone. He had seen what chemotherapy did to people. That is, IF she even had breast cancer. Ducky had said that her doctor had only found some odd characteristics, but he didn't say cancer. Gibbs was angry. But more than that, he was scared. He was scared for Kate, and that was a feeling Jethro Gibbs was not used to at all. He knew from the marines that you look out for your teammates. He'd watched over Kate during cases, without being over protective. He knew she wanted to be treated as "one of the guys", but the truth was, every time they had to pull their side arms, Gibbs was worried about her. He would always try to put himself in front of her, shielding her if he could. But this was something Gibbs couldn't shield her from. She was hurting, and there wasn't anything he could do to protect her. It made him feel helpless, and that was something Gibbs simply could not stand to feel.

As Gibbs parked in her parking lot, he looked up at her building. Something else was tugging on his insides. Kate must have felt she couldn't come to Gibbs with her problem. It was personal, but Gibbs thought they were getting along pretty well lately. He wanted her to feel safe with him, to know he would always be there for her. But obviously, she didn't feel that way, and that cut Gibbs like a knife. Finally he drew in a deep breath.

"No sense in putting this off any longer," he said as he got out of his car and proceeded up to Kate's apartment. A touch of fear hit Gibbs as he entered the building. How would Kate react to him knowing about her personal problem?

~*~

Kate walked from her kitchen with her cup of tea, her hair was loose and hung in damp tendrils around her face. She was just about to sit down when she heard a somewhat forceful knock on her door. She stared at the door for a second, trying to think who would possibly be knocking at this hour. Whoever it was better had a damn good reason, for Kate was beyond exhausted, and her nerves were frayed to the breaking point.

She unlocked the door without looking through the peephole, not something Kate usually did. She opened the door, and her mouth dropped like a trap door. Gibbs stood in her doorway, his clothes were a little rumpled, but his eyes were alert and intense. He stared down at Kate, his face stayed void of expression, except Kate thought she could see something else in his eyes.

"What the Hell are you doing here Gibbs?" Kate blurted out unceremoniously. She crossed her arms as best she could; her left shoulder was still sore. She suddenly felt very exposed and vulnerable, in her flannel pants and basketball jersey shirt. Gibbs had never been to her apartment, especially at night!

Gibbs never took his eyes from hers. "I want to know why you couldn't tell me," he said.

"Why I couldn't tell you what?" Kate said softly.

"About the lump! About the doctor's appointments and the biopsies!"  Gibbs leaned in closer to her, and tried to control his rising frustration. She hadn't invited him in yet, and he didn't want the neighbors calling the cops for people yelling in the halls.

"Damn it Ducky," she breathed. "I didn't feel it was necessary for me to tell you about something so personal Gibbs. Besides I still don't even know if its malignant or not. There was no sense in telling everyone until I had all the facts." Kate watched Gibbs, then averted her eyes to the floor and said, "Its not you'd care anyway. If its not job related, it might as well not exist."

Gibbs let out a shuddering breath he'd been holding. "Kate, you really didn't think you could trust me enough to tell me something like this? I'm not some robot special agent ya know, contrary to what everyone thinks! I do care about the people I work with! I can't believe you would think I was so cold!" Gibbs ran his hand through his hair. He wanted so desperately to hold Kate, and comfort her. " I should have known Kate, we are part of a team, and we're supposed to be friends. I should have known."

Kate shifted nervously in her doorway. She was so close to breaking down; tears were welling up in her eyes. "Why? So you could stick me behind a desk? I would rather be fired!" She tried to control her shaking voice. "Look Gibbs, I have a really early day tomorrow at the hospital," Kate said as she started to go for the door. Gibbs caught it with one hand. With his other hand, Gibbs reached out under her chin and gently turned Kate's face toward his. Kate froze, as a tear escaped down her cheek. His eyes were tender, and filled with worry.

"Katie…I.. I want you to feel like you can tell me anything… I want to know. I just wish you would let me in." Gibbs slowly let his had fall as he held Kate's gaze. It was ripping his heart out inside to see her crying. Kate blinked and then her face went to stone.

"You don't tell anyone anything personal about yourself. You, Agent Gibbs, never let anyone in. Yet you want me to suddenly tell you all my life's secrets? You don't get to have it both ways." And with that, she closed the door. Gibbs' face was of rejection, and disappointment in himself.

As he walked out to his car, Gibbs felt cold and empty. He knew she was right, and for the first time in a very long time, Gibbs knew what it was like to want someone in your life with you. Now he knew the one he wanted, if he could just get to her let him in.  

Kate sat down behind her door, sobbing. She was so confused. How could she give all she had to someone who would never return the favor? How could he lay all this on her now, of all times? Kate sat on her floor sobbing, until there were no more tears; the light of morning was peeking through the windows.

~*~

At the hospital the next morning, Kate was prepped for surgery. Her doctor had come in and explained the procedure again, and told her that they should have the biopsy results fairly quickly. She sat numbly as he talked, only hearing bits and pieces.

The next thing Kate knew, her throat was sore. She struggled to open her eyes and to sit up, but her muscles didn't seem to work. Once she worked her eyes open, everything was a little fuzzy, but the pain in the left side of her chest and arm was very real. Kate gasped as she tried to move, when a large, warm muscular hand grasped her right hand.

"Easy Kate, you can't go run around the hospital just yet."

Kate recognized the deep soothing voice, but she couldn't believe she actually heard it. She turned on her pillow and found herself gazing into a pair of very weary, very deep sea-blue eyes. Gibbs offered a warm smile, something Kate rarely got to see.

"Gibbs?" Kate tried to work it out in her head. Gibbs was here, in the hospital, after last night? Her heart ached in her chest when she remembered the harsh things she'd said to him.

"Yea, Ducky told me you were having this procedure this morning, and where you'd be."

"Damn Ducky," she said with a small smile, "The man can't keep anything to himself. I'll have to thank him later." Kate squeezed Gibbs' hand. It felt so good to be close to him, and feel his reassurance.

"Kate I'm sorry about last night, I shouldn't have said those things…well I shouldn't have said them that way I guess."

"No Gibbs, I'm the one who should be sorry. I mean, you have a right to your privacy and your life outside of work. You're our senior agent, and you don't have to let anyone in your life if you don't want to. I was out of line saying that." Kate suddenly was hushed by Gibbs' had reaching out and stroking her cheek, so gently. She didn't know badass Gibbs could be that tender. He leaned in close to her, searching her eyes for understanding.

"You were right, Agent Todd," he whispered, "I haven't let anyone really "know" me in a very long time. I put up these walls for protection, and after a while, I didn't realize how lonely it could get. Until you came along." Kate swallowed hard; she'd never expected Gibbs to say these words she'd dreamed he'd say to her.

"I saw you hurting Katie, and there was nothing I could do and you wouldn't let me in, and well… hell my first instinct is interrogation. I didn't mean to come off so harsh back at headquarters last night. I just… didn't know what to do." He let his hand drop to hers, and clasped her small hand in both of his.

"Agent Gibbs, not knowing what to do? Now there's a news head line." Kate joked. They both laughed, and Gibbs realized it was the first time he'd seen Kate smile in what seemed like weeks. Gibbs' expression became serious again, and he leaned closer to Kate as she sat up more.

"I'm ready to let someone in Kate." He held her gaze with a fierce intensity. It was as if he was trying to tell her with his eyes how deep his feelings for her had grown. She returned his soul-reading gaze, no longer afraid that her eyes would betray her feelings. She wanted him to see all things he made her feel.

Kate smiled softly, she didn't need to reply. Gibbs could read the affirmation in her eyes; he knew she wanted to be the one. He finally read all the penned-up feelings for him that she'd been carrying for so long, with that one heart-melting eye lock. Gibbs unconsciously began leaning into her, as she leaned up to him; their lips getting closer and closer, when a there was a knock at the door.

They both jumped back as Kate's doctor came in, a knowing smirk spread on his face. Gibbs' trademark smirk appeared, but Kate began to blush. Then her stomach jumped into her throat as she realized he would have the biopsy results. Gibbs became serious when he saw Kate tense up, and he took her hand. He could feel her trembling.

 "Well, Ms. Todd. We have you biopsy results," the doctor said, and he pulled out her chart and looked it over. Kate felt like she was going to be sick if he didn't tell her right now! Gibbs squeezed her hand, willing her to calm down. "It seems that the mass we extracted from your left breast was benign. I was a fibrous mass, which until we could get the whole thing, had been confusing the biopsy equipment. Once we had the whole mass, we could get a better biopsy of the cells. I very happy to bring good news to you. So many times we doctors have to be the bearers of bad news, especially with breast lumps. With you family history, Ms. Todd, you are very lucky. You should be able to leave later this afternoon, and you have to take it easy for a couple of days. That surgery site will be very sore." And the doctor gave her his numbers if she had any questions, and then left.

Kate dropped back into her pillow as all the tension of the whole week melted from her in a wave. She did NOT have cancer! She let out the breath she'd been holding while the doctor spoke, and turned and smiled at Gibbs. Relief had washed over Gibbs as well, as he smiled broadly back at Kate.

"Well Katie, looks like your gonna be back digging in trash cans in no time," Gibbs laughed as Kate made a half-hearted swing at his arm with her good hand.  

"Oh I can't wait," she said. She stopped laughing as she felt Gibbs' hand brush through her hair. She looked over at him, as tears of joy began to fill her eyes.

"I'm so glad your OK Katie," Gibbs whispered. But again, the moment was interrupted by someone bumping through the door.

"I told you she was in room 305, and you almost made me drop my flowers!" Tony stumble through the door with Abby close on his heels.

"You are such a baby Tony, you were holding up the entire hall drooling over that nurse. I simply tried to move you out of the way," Abby said.

Kate and Gibbs looked up at them in surprise. Kate's mouth formed the word "how", but Tony and Abby both said Ducky had told them. Tony walked up the Kate's bed with a bouquet of daisies and his patented mega-watt smile.

"I mugged a guys down the hall for these flowers, so if he comes looking for them deny everything."

"Gee, Thanks Tony. I always knew you were the mug-the-old-people kind of guy." Kate winked at Tony. She told Abby and Tony that the biopsy was benign, and they said they would relay the message to Ducky. Tony suddenly realized that Kate and Gibbs had been really "cozy" looking just as they had come in.

"We uh… didn't interrupt anything in here did we boss," Tony asked as he cocked an eyebrow at Gibbs and Kate. Gibbs frowned at Tony, and stared him down.

"DiNozzo, why don't you go find some nurse to hit on."  The 'get out of here or die' look on Gibbs' face made Tony's smile fade.

" Ya know, I think I need some coffee," Tony said nervously, and he and Abby left the room. Abby threw a knowing smile back at Kate and Gibbs as she walked out. Kate and Gibbs looked at each other, and laughed.

~*~

Kate sat at her desk at NCIS headquarters a few days later. She was finishing up her paper work, when she noticed that everyone in the bullpen had left. She must have been really concentrating, not to notice when Tony left. She looked around, and even Gibbs wasn't at his desk. She sighed; he had been so attentive to her lately at work. There seem to be a new connection between the two, and the sparks were even hotter when they locked eyes now. Gibbs had even called her at home to check on her a few times. Kate wondered if he would take it any farther, or if he had reconsidered letting her into his life. Maybe he thought it wasn't a good idea after all. Disappointed, Kate gathered her things and walked to the elevator.

She was walking down the walk in front of the building, when she heard something behind her.

"I thought you would never come down Agent Todd," Gibbs said as he strode up behind her. He cocked his head to the side and grinned his boyish, playful grin. Kate smirked at him.

"I thought you'd have gone home by now," she said eyeing him.

Gibbs walked up beside her, reached down and took her hand in his, lacing their fingers together. He glanced out into the night, then looked down at Kate and put on his smirk.

"Well I thought maybe we could continue our conversation from the hospital…over dinner…at…uh…my place?" His expression was confident, but Kate could see a tinge of apprehension and anxiety in his eyes. It touched her.

"I'd love to Gibbs." Kate smiled and leaned into his warm, broad shoulder.

They walked together hand-in-hand toward the parking lot, as snowflakes began to drift slowly down, covering the bustling city with a peaceful white blanket.

~END~

~I hope you enjoyed the story. I plan to write more NCIS fan fictions, so look for them! (sorry for the shameless advertisement) ;-)