AN: This is in the style of Enid Blyton, that figurehead of British conservatism, inspired by a story I read in 2000AD, which was absolutely hilarious. The arithmancy professors are, in another life, our maths teachers, who are all very strange.

"I say chaps," interrupted Wormtail, "what if Snape follows us?"

"Not now Peter," retorted Prongs "We're far too late in the planning to worry about Snape now!"

"Yes, be a good sport now old boy," agreed Moony.

"Besides," added Padfoot, "Snivellus is probably with his best friend, Professor Shadysuspectdude, drooling over the dark arts. 'Yes Professor, I know all the unforgivable curses. I bet you're really good at them Professor. May I please lick your boots please Professor,' Git!" He frowned at the thought, as the others laughed raucously at his imitation.

------

The four friends approached the whomping willow cautiously. Wormtail pressed his paw to the special panel and the tree froze, a little trapdoor springing open violently and catapulting wormtail over the heads of his four friends.

"I thought you said you'd catch me this time," whined Peter through a mouthful of mud.

"I did," replied Padfoot, his camera swaying where he held it out just above Wormtail's head. Jerking it out of the bruised boy's reach, Sirius stalked off towards the trapdoor. ------

Remus and James crouched to follow their two friends as they pattered along in animal form, Remus because he was not animagus and James because those damned antlers wouldn't fit down the tunnel.

Poking their heads through the hole in the floor, the boys, now all back in human form, gazed upon a scene too shockingly ghastly to be believed by most of their naïve schoolmates.

There, splayed out on the floor, were the professors of the arithmancy department. All around them in disordered heaps where several galleons worth of dangerous controlled substances. Professors Ward, Walker and Pointing were clearly out of it, as the only reaction they gave to their stoning being interrupted by four fourth year students was a faint groaning, before Professor Ward was violently sick all over her cheap robes.

"Eww!"

"I quite agree Wormtail!"

------

The friends turned in the teachers who were fined seven sickles each for possession and sent to nurse their aching heads with Miss Pomfrey eyeing them with a look of revulsion in the hospital wing.

"How anyone could abuse their God-given health like that, I really don't know," she said as she shook her head dolefully.

------

"I'm only glad we stopped them when we did," sighed Prongs as the four friends sat with Dumbledore eating some scones and drinking orange squash from delicate china teacups.

"Well James," comforted Dumbledore, "I'm jolly glad you boys are alright. I'd hate to see you boys any less than spiffingly clean now." He laughed jovially.

"Your jolly well right, old bean," concluded Padfoot as he swallowed the last of his juice.

Thus ended another thrilling adventure of The Infamous Four.