I'm still getting some great reviews from all of you reading and enjoying the story. I'm so happy about that. And I have decided to add a little bit of a Jesse/Lexa angle to it just to break up the Brennan/Shalimar storyline (though it appears that none of you want me to stop talking about the latter pair). I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the ones that came before it and please take the time to review again.
***
Shalimar pushed open the French windows and breathed in the fresh morning air. Dew touched every leaf, every blade of grass and the heat from the previous day had evaporated. Not that it wouldn't return as the day wore on but at that moment Shalimar could smell, feel, hear everything.
She lifted the mug of black coffee to her lips and took a deep sip. She hadn't been able to sleep at all the previous night. The argument with Brennan had been the main factor adding to her insomnia but her feral instinct was to hunt and that hadn't helped either. She had developed, as the moon rose further into the sky a burning desire to leave the mansion and wander around the surrounding area. Maybe it was that her feral side didn't like change. The feral in her was curious about where it was. But maybe it was just that she didn't want to spend the night in the house with Brennan.
She hated when they argued, not that they did very much. They had always disagreed about Adam's way of not telling them anything: while Brennan had demanded to know the truth about everything, Shalimar had been happy enough leaving that decision up to Adam, she had trusted him wholeheartedly. She figured that was why she didn't trust Lexa at all. Adam had let her down. He had broken down the protective barriers she had put up around her and then he had betrayed her. Shalimar had decided that she was not going to make that mistake ever again. So, allowing Brennan access to every inch of her soul, giving herself up to him so completely had been a huge leap of faith for her. She didn't know if Brennan would understand but that was why she had been so angry. It wasn't jealousy, it was the fact that he seemed to be taking her for granted, he had been doing exactly what Adam always did. She shouldn't have overreacted like she did but the part of her that governed reason had been temporarily dominated by her more irrational side.
She placed one bare foot onto the damp grass and closed her eyes, relishing the cool feeling that spread through her. The night, though restless had atleast given her some perspective on the situation at hand. The mission was important and she could not under any circumstances let her emotions override her judgment like they had done the day before. That was a sure fire way to get found out and there was no way she was going to let Lexa hold anything like that over her. There was only one thing she could do to get through it though.
She visibly stiffened as she heard the heavy padding of Brennan's bare feet as he walked through the kitchen towards the open doors. She heard him sniff in the morning air and she could feel his gaze on her back. She didn't want to turn around and face him, admit that she had been an idiot and ask for forgiveness. But she had to solve this, she had to make this better otherwise they wouldn't be able to work together.
'I made coffee,' she said without turning the 180 degrees required to face him.
Brennan smiled. She was trying atleast, though it was a pretty pitiful attempt at an apology, one that he knew she wanted to give. He had known that the mission would prove to be difficult for both of them but he could never have predicted that they would completely fall out over it.
He stepped forward but stopped as Shalimar rotated round to look straight into his eyes. He would happily have broken the look but his eyes were drawn into hers like there was magnetic pull.
'I can't do this,' she said.
'Can't do what?' Brennan asked.
'I can't do this, with you. I can't watch you and her together. I can't wait the hours till I get you back. I can't handle that. I thought I could rise above it, thought I could convince myself that it wasn't so bad, that you didn't like her like that...'
'I don't,' Brennan cried.
'I know. But its too hard to watch you even pretending you do.'
'So what do you want to do?' Brennan asked, quietly. He already knew but had to hear it from her.
'We can't be together,' she said, after a long pause as she tried to find the words to say what she meant.
He looked into her eyes. They were pooling with unshed tears and he could see that she hated what she was being forced to do but that she was determined to get through it.
'Not forever or anything like that, just until the assignments over.'
'So we're gonna temporarily break up,' Brennan asked. He could see her point but there was no way he was gonna let this happen without a fight.
'Yeah,' Shalimar replied.
'And you're just doing this because you think it'll be a good thing for our relationship,' Brennan said, his voice rising in volume.
'Yes. If we stay together we're only going to end up arguing and fighting and then we're gonna break up for real. And I can't watch that happen to us because I love you too much...'
Shalimar closed her mouth quickly as she realised what had just come out. Her and Brennan had never talked about the possibility that they might love each other. Looking across at the tall man standing in front of her she saw that he was shocked by it too.
'You love me?' he asked as he closed the small amount of distance between the two of them.
'I...' she faltered, unsure what to say to him.
'You love me,' he said with more confidence. The corner of his mouth lifted and he raised his eyebrows as Shalimar shot him a look which told him that in no uncertain terms would she kick his ass for pushing the topic. But Brennan was not scared of Shalimar, especially not when she was dressed in a dressing gown.
'Okay, maybe, a little.'
'Maybe a lot,' he said. The smile disappeared as he realised, just like Shalimar had that they couldn't be together.
'I get it,' he said. 'And if you're sure that its the right way to deal with this then I'll go along with it.'
Shalimar looked up into his brown eyes. 'Thank you,' she said with a melancholy smile. She was happy that he had allowed her to go through with her plan but that didn't mean she was necessarily very happy about the result.
'You want a top up?' Brennan asked, gesturing at her mug.
'Yeah,' she said, grateful that he was taking any attention away from the conversation they had just had. He walked back into the house and Shalimar followed, leaving the coolness of the outside world behind.
***
'Did you call them yet?' Lexa asked as she walked into the kitchen. Jesse was leaning on one of the counters waiting for the coffee to drip into the pot.
'I talked to Shalimar last night but she was just as evasive as she was with you so I thought it was probably best if we left talking to her until she'd gotten over whatever it was.'
Lexa sat down on one of the stools placed around the breakfast bar in the middle of the room. She wanted to know what was going on in the mansion not simply out of curiosity like Jesse. He wanted updates because Shalimar and Brennan were like family to him, the only family he truly had and he wanted to make sure they were okay. Lexa on the other hand knew people who wanted updates of activity at the mansion. They were applying pressure to her more than before and she was feeling it. She rubbed her eyes trying to wake herself up a bit. The sleepless nights were just one of the effects of the mission but it was the one she was feeling most.
'You okay?' Jesse asked as he lifted the pot and poured some coffee into two mugs, before walking over to where Lexa was sat and sitting down opposite her.
'Thanks,' Lexa said as she took the much needed mug of caffeine. 'I'm fine, just a little tired.'
'The Dominion?'
Lexa looked into his clear blue eyes. She always managed to underestimate Jesse and what he knew. It was probably because he acted like such an innocent person, almost untouched by the things happening around him. She should have learnt that Jesse was acting, just like the rest of them. They were all playing at being somebody other than who they were and Jesse, it appeared was a pro.
She nodded.
'Maybe you should tell them to get off your back,' Jesse said. He hated what they did to Lexa. They were helpful when they wanted something and Lexa felt this innate need to play towards their every whim. She never stopped doing their bidding and yet she got nothing in return. They weren't paying her, they weren't, atleast not as far as he could see helping her find whatever it was she had lost. It was a completely one sided relationship with them taking everything she had to offer. He wanted to help but she wouldn't open up enough.
'Yeah, I'll just go and e-mail them right now telling them to get lost,' she said in a mocking tone. She chuckled slightly before meeting Jesse's look head on. She suddenly stopped realising how serious he was.
Jesse saw how uncomfortable he had made her so he stood up.
'I'll go call Brennan. See if I can get a little more information out of him,' he said with a smile before turning and walking out of the room. Lexa watched as he left feeling her heart grow heavy within her chest.
***
Shalimar pushed open the French windows and breathed in the fresh morning air. Dew touched every leaf, every blade of grass and the heat from the previous day had evaporated. Not that it wouldn't return as the day wore on but at that moment Shalimar could smell, feel, hear everything.
She lifted the mug of black coffee to her lips and took a deep sip. She hadn't been able to sleep at all the previous night. The argument with Brennan had been the main factor adding to her insomnia but her feral instinct was to hunt and that hadn't helped either. She had developed, as the moon rose further into the sky a burning desire to leave the mansion and wander around the surrounding area. Maybe it was that her feral side didn't like change. The feral in her was curious about where it was. But maybe it was just that she didn't want to spend the night in the house with Brennan.
She hated when they argued, not that they did very much. They had always disagreed about Adam's way of not telling them anything: while Brennan had demanded to know the truth about everything, Shalimar had been happy enough leaving that decision up to Adam, she had trusted him wholeheartedly. She figured that was why she didn't trust Lexa at all. Adam had let her down. He had broken down the protective barriers she had put up around her and then he had betrayed her. Shalimar had decided that she was not going to make that mistake ever again. So, allowing Brennan access to every inch of her soul, giving herself up to him so completely had been a huge leap of faith for her. She didn't know if Brennan would understand but that was why she had been so angry. It wasn't jealousy, it was the fact that he seemed to be taking her for granted, he had been doing exactly what Adam always did. She shouldn't have overreacted like she did but the part of her that governed reason had been temporarily dominated by her more irrational side.
She placed one bare foot onto the damp grass and closed her eyes, relishing the cool feeling that spread through her. The night, though restless had atleast given her some perspective on the situation at hand. The mission was important and she could not under any circumstances let her emotions override her judgment like they had done the day before. That was a sure fire way to get found out and there was no way she was going to let Lexa hold anything like that over her. There was only one thing she could do to get through it though.
She visibly stiffened as she heard the heavy padding of Brennan's bare feet as he walked through the kitchen towards the open doors. She heard him sniff in the morning air and she could feel his gaze on her back. She didn't want to turn around and face him, admit that she had been an idiot and ask for forgiveness. But she had to solve this, she had to make this better otherwise they wouldn't be able to work together.
'I made coffee,' she said without turning the 180 degrees required to face him.
Brennan smiled. She was trying atleast, though it was a pretty pitiful attempt at an apology, one that he knew she wanted to give. He had known that the mission would prove to be difficult for both of them but he could never have predicted that they would completely fall out over it.
He stepped forward but stopped as Shalimar rotated round to look straight into his eyes. He would happily have broken the look but his eyes were drawn into hers like there was magnetic pull.
'I can't do this,' she said.
'Can't do what?' Brennan asked.
'I can't do this, with you. I can't watch you and her together. I can't wait the hours till I get you back. I can't handle that. I thought I could rise above it, thought I could convince myself that it wasn't so bad, that you didn't like her like that...'
'I don't,' Brennan cried.
'I know. But its too hard to watch you even pretending you do.'
'So what do you want to do?' Brennan asked, quietly. He already knew but had to hear it from her.
'We can't be together,' she said, after a long pause as she tried to find the words to say what she meant.
He looked into her eyes. They were pooling with unshed tears and he could see that she hated what she was being forced to do but that she was determined to get through it.
'Not forever or anything like that, just until the assignments over.'
'So we're gonna temporarily break up,' Brennan asked. He could see her point but there was no way he was gonna let this happen without a fight.
'Yeah,' Shalimar replied.
'And you're just doing this because you think it'll be a good thing for our relationship,' Brennan said, his voice rising in volume.
'Yes. If we stay together we're only going to end up arguing and fighting and then we're gonna break up for real. And I can't watch that happen to us because I love you too much...'
Shalimar closed her mouth quickly as she realised what had just come out. Her and Brennan had never talked about the possibility that they might love each other. Looking across at the tall man standing in front of her she saw that he was shocked by it too.
'You love me?' he asked as he closed the small amount of distance between the two of them.
'I...' she faltered, unsure what to say to him.
'You love me,' he said with more confidence. The corner of his mouth lifted and he raised his eyebrows as Shalimar shot him a look which told him that in no uncertain terms would she kick his ass for pushing the topic. But Brennan was not scared of Shalimar, especially not when she was dressed in a dressing gown.
'Okay, maybe, a little.'
'Maybe a lot,' he said. The smile disappeared as he realised, just like Shalimar had that they couldn't be together.
'I get it,' he said. 'And if you're sure that its the right way to deal with this then I'll go along with it.'
Shalimar looked up into his brown eyes. 'Thank you,' she said with a melancholy smile. She was happy that he had allowed her to go through with her plan but that didn't mean she was necessarily very happy about the result.
'You want a top up?' Brennan asked, gesturing at her mug.
'Yeah,' she said, grateful that he was taking any attention away from the conversation they had just had. He walked back into the house and Shalimar followed, leaving the coolness of the outside world behind.
***
'Did you call them yet?' Lexa asked as she walked into the kitchen. Jesse was leaning on one of the counters waiting for the coffee to drip into the pot.
'I talked to Shalimar last night but she was just as evasive as she was with you so I thought it was probably best if we left talking to her until she'd gotten over whatever it was.'
Lexa sat down on one of the stools placed around the breakfast bar in the middle of the room. She wanted to know what was going on in the mansion not simply out of curiosity like Jesse. He wanted updates because Shalimar and Brennan were like family to him, the only family he truly had and he wanted to make sure they were okay. Lexa on the other hand knew people who wanted updates of activity at the mansion. They were applying pressure to her more than before and she was feeling it. She rubbed her eyes trying to wake herself up a bit. The sleepless nights were just one of the effects of the mission but it was the one she was feeling most.
'You okay?' Jesse asked as he lifted the pot and poured some coffee into two mugs, before walking over to where Lexa was sat and sitting down opposite her.
'Thanks,' Lexa said as she took the much needed mug of caffeine. 'I'm fine, just a little tired.'
'The Dominion?'
Lexa looked into his clear blue eyes. She always managed to underestimate Jesse and what he knew. It was probably because he acted like such an innocent person, almost untouched by the things happening around him. She should have learnt that Jesse was acting, just like the rest of them. They were all playing at being somebody other than who they were and Jesse, it appeared was a pro.
She nodded.
'Maybe you should tell them to get off your back,' Jesse said. He hated what they did to Lexa. They were helpful when they wanted something and Lexa felt this innate need to play towards their every whim. She never stopped doing their bidding and yet she got nothing in return. They weren't paying her, they weren't, atleast not as far as he could see helping her find whatever it was she had lost. It was a completely one sided relationship with them taking everything she had to offer. He wanted to help but she wouldn't open up enough.
'Yeah, I'll just go and e-mail them right now telling them to get lost,' she said in a mocking tone. She chuckled slightly before meeting Jesse's look head on. She suddenly stopped realising how serious he was.
Jesse saw how uncomfortable he had made her so he stood up.
'I'll go call Brennan. See if I can get a little more information out of him,' he said with a smile before turning and walking out of the room. Lexa watched as he left feeling her heart grow heavy within her chest.
