Chapter 13 - The Showdown

******

A/N - OK this is probably the longest chapter I've ever written. It's got some pretty
good gags in it as well as some dramatic stuff. One more chapter after this and it's
finito. I might write another story about Hilarity and Trin but then again I might pack
it in for a while and concentrate on something else. Depends on the demand. Heh heh.
Feel free to review, guys.

******

Hilarity put the children to bed. Their numbers had increased to about thirty now so
she had to convert Jareth's ball room into a makeshift dormitory. She then desperately
consulted her books for a way out of this terrible situation.

"Find anything?" asked Trin.

"Nope. His declaration of war is completely legit." she said "Ooooh! But I am entitled
to a free goat if we lose."

"What about the whole turning into Jareth malarkey?"

"Hmmm... I don't think there's anything here..." she flicked through the dusty tome to
double check "Oh no, tell a lie." she began reading out loud

"If a ruler canst not rule,
The way the Labyrinth doth intend,
Then the ruler wilt take the form
Of one who can ratify and mend."

"Jesus Christ!" said Trin "That's the worst poetry I've ever heard!"

"Don't knock it if it works. Jareth is obviously the one who can ratify and mend, so
our only hope is either call him back or let the spell take hold." They instantly tried the
crystal but there was no response. "Damn it! Knossos must've known about that poem
and disrupted my magic somehow!"

"Are you sure?" To prove her point, Hilarity tried calling all kinds of people including
Britney Spears and a builder called Steve all were successful except when she tried to
call the Goblin King. "Oh Crap!"

"You see. That little, sodding Justin Hawkins lookalike has cut off all our sources of
credible aid."

"Oh, yeah! He does look a bit like Justin Hawkins." chuckled Trin momentarily
distracted.

"There's nothing for it. I'll just have to let the Labyrinth do its thing this time. If I let
the metamorphosis spell work itself then we just might stand a chance."

"But it's too dangerous. You might never be able to turn back. You don't know
anything about the consequences!"

"I have to, Trin. This place is my responsibility now and I have to protect it at all
costs. Even if it does mean sacrificing my gender!" As she said this, the pupil of her
remaining eye dilated somewhat and its colour changed to an earthy hazel brown. Trin
looked extremely worried "Don't worry kiddo! It'll be OK. I promise." she said
reassuringly "And if things don't go as planned I want you to evacuate the entire
Labyrinth, no exceptions."

"But.."

"NO buts!"

******

The thirteen hours had passed and Trin had successfully evacuated all the children,
tourists and the creatures who weren't able to fight. Hilarity had not come out of her
room for a while and he was beginning to get worried.

"Where is she?" he thought. Suddenly a slightly over-dresses goblin appeared by his
side. Trin assumed he was the army general.

"My Lord. The troll army is at our gates!" it said. Trin looked out the window and sure
enough he could see ten thousand incredibly ugly creatures advancing.

"Don't worry. They'll never find their way to the castle." said another goblin.

"They've brought chainsaws!" Trin cried suddenly. This caused panic among the
remaining goblins.

"Run for you're lives!" they shouted.

"Wait a minute! Aren't you going to stand and fight?" said Trin.

"Hmmm...let me think about that one. NO!!!" cried the goblin general. "They're
computer generated! We'll never stand a chance!"

******

Hilarity could hear the shouting from her room. Things did not sound good. The
metamorphosis was nearly complete and she now looked exactly like the Goblin King.
It had been a rather painful transformation. She adjusted the fastening on her cape and
had to admit that it was quite fetching. With one swift movement she exited the castle
realising that she had to act soon. The entire goblin army was under three feet tall so
they wouldn't stand a chance.

******

The trolls had almost destroyed the entire east side of the Labyrinth and were
rounding on the castle.

"We are so doomed." said one goblin.

"How many do think there are down there?" said another.

"Umm...one...two...three....er...six...erm...lots!" the first goblin finally concluded.

"Could be worse." said the second goblin optimistically.

"How could it be worse?"

"Could be raining." the clouds seemed to join in the attack after the little goblin had
said this and suddenly the castle was soaked through with rain and hailstones. The
first goblin happily gave his friend a slap.

******

Knossos was enjoying his victory and was about to take a bottle of champagne from
his saddle bag when a figure confidently stepped out through the city gates. He gasped
with horror. It was his brother. Knossos knew about the metamorphosis spell but it
was impossible for it to work that quickly.

"Jareth! What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd come back early." said Hilarity shocked at how her voice now sounded.
"There's only so much you can do in a desert."

"I don't believe you! You're not my brother."

"Oh but I am." replied Hilarity exuding the same calm confidence that she had always
secretly envied. She was amazed at her behaviour too. She had even got the walk
right. Deep down, part of her was enjoying this.

"Prove it." Knossos ordered.

"You have a highly disfiguring scar on your left buttock from when I shot you with an
arrow during our boyhood."

"Ah! The first time you ever beat me." said Knossos. No one else knew that. It must
be him.

"Not really. I was aiming for the other side but you turned around." Luckily Jareth had
told Hilarity this story one night when they were both pretty hammered.

"You are surrounded, Jareth. Your goblins are revolting!"

"Well there's no need to get personal. They can't help it." Hilarity chuckled, but it
didn't sound anything like her laugh.

"There is no way out for you. Surrender peacefully and you will be spared."

"Speaking of sparing," Hilarity said with an evil glint in her brown eye "I've just been
going through my financial records. I'm afraid you're severely overdrawn." of course,
that's how she was to ratify and mend.

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"Everything! It means that technically that's my horse you're riding, my shield you are
carrying and, Oh yes! That's my spear you're pointing at me you horrible little man!"
what little was left of Hilarity's conscience decided to sit this one out. "If you don't
leave right now, I will be forced to take this matter to higher authorities."

Knossos halted. He had some painful memories of the last time Jareth sued his arse
off and he commanded a retreat. "This is not over! I will have my vengeance!" he
shouted.

"You have no power over me!" scoffed Hilarity, the last shred of her former self was
getting kind of sleepy. However as she said the words, a huge surge of energy exited
her body. this was more than ordinary magic. This was the power of the Labyrinth
itself. Immediately the entire troll army dissolved into a thousand shards of glass as
did their king. Hilarity's body started turning back the way it was in an impressive
show of lights and glitter. As the energy left her body it returned to the very stones of
the Labyrinth itself. The hedges regrew themselves, the walls were rebuilt and the
forest
broke free of its prunnings until the maze reappeared from the rubble and debri,
infinitely more complex and forbidding than before. The Oubliette reappeared and
was now so dark, light could not escape its depths. The Bog of Eternal Stench seeped
back through the badly drained ground and engulfed the rather nice swimming pool
Trin had built and returned to its usual green horribleness, except that now you could
detect a faint whiff of chlorine among the many other unpleasant smells. Everything
returned to the way it was. This included Hilarity who was
now back to normal, well, normal for Hilarity anyway. She realised that something as
ancient as the Labyrinth could be relied upon to sort itself out. It wouldn't have it any
other way. With this thought she collapsed with exhaustion....