Author note: Ok, so point me with a gun and shoot me...I can handle it...go on...waits...Sweatdrop...Ok!!! Nonono!! Stop there...I know you'd do it easy...Sigh
Ok, me to blame, for anyone who read this fic, that you thought I was dead or had abandoned it...I'm sorry!!! I trully am!!! drops to her knees
Just let me explain; If you thought I had abandoned this...well, I have to say I did think about it. I didn't really pretend on continuing it, since I'm so packed with homework, exams and stuff and to say the truth I didn't even have a clear idea of how I would continue this...and if now you wonder why I did, lets just say I heard Sen calling me from somewhere in a file and begging me (ok, it was most like an order like "come here, keep writing or I'll shove my foot up your big fat a$$" U) to continue, so I just had to...
Besides, after reading several fics out there I just felt "jealous" and thought "yeah? Well I can write too!" and ran to find my old ficcie, which was somewhere lost in page 60 of Ffnet, lol.
Anyway, about the storyline...don't ask...I have absolutly no idea of how I'll continue this. Believe me, I WILL continue it, this wont die again, but certainly I have not much of a pair of ideas to write the next few chapters. Which doesn't really mind, to say the truth, since this full chapter was written without an even near idea of what it would come out to be, and I have to say...I kind of like it! (Thought it is kinda long due to all the deep thinking I've put into it...)
Ok, I know you must be wanting me to cut out short here (After making you wait and I'm still capable of making this long...I should really shoot myself), so lets get to it:
-This chapter is made extra long for all those who used to read the fic and liked it so far. I have to say I didn't plan to do what I did on this chapter, but it doesn't really mind, since waiting so much was worth what this chapter has in store for all those who like romance...(cute grin)
So this chapter has a bit to much of romance, of deep thinking, some angstiness...it has probably a bit of everything, so I don't think you'll be really dissapointed (if you are, review and tell me, but, not flames please)
So, hoping you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writting it, I give you chapter 3 of: Kamikaze Hearts
Disclaimer: Well...do I still have to say this? Fine...
Riku, Sora, Kairi and Square belong to me and only m...someone shoots taking some of my hair away...okokooook!! relax dude!!
Get the point? As much as I wish, they're not mine...set for my special little Sen hugs little Sen and glares at readers so don't you dare take her away...
Kamikaze Hearts Chapter 3: One step foward
One step foward, spin, two crossed steps to a side, bow, swing an arm to the right, raise the other one in the air, three fast steps foward, and suddenly the rythm grew mad...
The dance became furious yet not one dancer seemed to notice as they worked through each step as if they were born for it, as if their only purpose in life was to fullfill correctly those moves, to move their bodies in such an elegant yet astounding way...
The lead dancer performed each move with perfect precision, always stepping in the proper place, not one inch further, not making a diferent move, as if the whole piece would fall apart if she made a mistake. Moving her body with the elegance and flexibility of a wind breeze, the whole world seemed oblivious to her. Nothing existed, nothing interfered in that moment; it was her alone against the music...her mission, her life, to prevail in this challenge, to make it to the end without a flail.
As the dance continued, unthought movements flexed and shifted her body constantly, her feet and hands wouldn't stop still once the music and the beat had taken over every inch of her body and soul; she had become a puppet letting her body be masterly puppetered by the notes of the melody and while being under the spell of it her mind was flooded by a sudden wave of images: Places, scenes, moments, memories, things that had been and things to be, people, friends...a boy...hair, lips, eyes...
A sudden wave of emotions streamed wildly from her mind to her heart, bringing her, unconsciously moving, body back to reality just in time for the music to end and for her to pose the final move.
Perfection in its biggest expression.
As every dancer straigtened and applauded their own performance, giving an end to the practice class, the lead dancer stood still, starring at her reflection in the wide mirror that covered the wall oposite of her.
Cristaline beads of sweat rolled down from her forehead to her chin and from her neck to her chest, where a small golden papou fruit pendant rose and fell with every intake of air she breathed into her tired lungs.
She had made it; she had "survived" once again to the challenge even if this had been the last chance to do so. The next time she encountered with the music, with the rythm, she'd be on top of a sceneary, from where thousands of faces, both familiar and not, would be staring at her, observing every step she took, observing every spin, every movement and awaiting her victory...or her downfall...
Next time...she'd be the master of puppets, she'd take over the music and demonstrate everyone she was worth it...demonstrate him she could make it...that everything would be fine, just as he promised...
Absently nodding to herself, Sen turned around to face her companion dancers, who where happily picking up their things, longing to return home before dark, and straightened up if only to make herself seen and heard above the joyfull chat that everyone held.
-Listen...-Everyone stared at their leader curious about what she had to say after so many hours of hard practice- guys...you've done great. I'm proud of our team and where we have taken it.- Her words were rewarded with bright smiles from the tired dancers- We've practiced really hard, leaving our time, our strength and our hopes in this project...We've worked to the point where we could barelly move and yet we kept on dancing!- Sen closed her eyes for a second, sighed softly and continued putting all of her emotions into her last words- Now...the time has come. The time for us to show up, to give it all in our last dance, to make this the best performance ever!! I believe we'll make it, so don't let me down guys!!
Sen's eyes flamed with strength and courage as she raised her fist in the air, followed by the excited cheers of her classmates who instantly dropped all their packs and ran to Sen lifting her up over their heads while chanting her name with every push-up given to her.
At first, Sen overreacted feeling her feet being separated from the wooden floor, waving her hands in circles to her sides and pleading to be put to safe ground once again.
Afterwards, though, she just let her mind relax, despite the continued roars of excitement of the team, and drifted away into her thoughts; all she could think about, all she wished for, was that tomorrow, everything mimicked that which had been today, that everything went perfect so she wouldn't have to blame herself for breaking the happiness that now filled the small class, and most specially, that he realized how much effort she put into this just to see him smile at her...
Feeling extremely excited herself about the celebration which was to be held tomorrow and where she would have to star in, Sen allowed a small smile to grace her shining face as she lost herself in this unique moment of pleasure...
-I'm hereeeeee!!! Guys...!! – Sen ran through the darkened corridors with all the energy the training had left on her, which was not much, hoping to open the heavy wooden doors and, if only, find her friends waiting with angry faces at her for being late once again- Guys, I-I'm so sorry!! I...!!
To her dissapointment, once she got to the entrance and pussed the barriers away she found nothing but a deserted plain where only a cold breeze of wind greeted her arrival.
-I...see...well, serves me right- shrugging to herself, she jumped the few stairs to the sandy ground and, putting the bag strap to her shoulder, started walking slowly towards home.
As she made her way, she took a pair of long turns that would make her go around about half the island before she got to her destiny, thought it would also give her the chance to walk along the silent beach, which was usually packed with people under daylight, but was silent and calm to a dead point by night time.
Paradise.
This was Sen's paradise.
The sea glowed beautiful under the pale moonlight, as the waves softly caressed the moon reflection over the dark blue liquid.
The sky was perfectly clear, no clouds to be seen, not a single shining star to be covered by unwanted fog.
The soft breezed was cool enough to make the hairs on Sen's forearm stand up, but yet, she didn't care at all.
This was her paradise, the only place she had to feel free from everything, to set her emotions free without being bothered or being questioned, to forget about everything surrounding her, her fears, her problems...to sense the calm and peace she most needed within her...
Dropping her bag on the sand, Sen sat next to it pulling her knees up to her and resting her chin on top of them. Staring at the wide ocean before her, her mind slowly drifted into a -absent of thought- state.
By then, everything was perfect. She even felt confidence about tomorrow night where she would have to dance for everybody in the so called, Destiny Islands. She somehow knew, by sitting there, that everything would go fine and that he would be proud of her...maybe even something more...
Shaking her head back into reality, Sen realized how an uncomfortable blush had crept over her cheeks to stay there, even if the air was now cold enough to chill a fire.
At the notice that she was shivering, the girl embraced herself and rubbed her arms hoping to heat herself up a bit, yet failing to it since her hands were also quite cold. Surrending to her futile try to warm up, she dropped her hands to her sides and continued staring into the vast blue ocean, even if the cold was starting to make her lips grow purple.
She just didn't want to go home yet; she didn't want to go back to the loneliness and fears...and if it meant she had to suffer the cold just to feel as free as she felt here, then be it...
30 more minutes, though, were enough to make her strong determination weaken at the prospect of dying out cold in the spot. Her lips were completly blueish-purple by now, and her hands were so stiff she could have sworn they would break up as thin glass if she smacked them.
But still...she wanted, needed, to stay here...this was like her second home...further more, this could have been her home if it wasn't because it had no roof to lay under.
Closing her eyes she concentrated in pressing her body as close as she could to herself to warm up, even knowing the try was silly enough to be useless.
Seconds later of trying, she suddenly noticed how her arms seemed to warm up a little, and continuing on, her whole body seemed to be covered by some sort of cape that covered her trembling body from the wind.
Astounded at herself, Sen, now shivering quite less, didn't dare to look over her in fear of what she may find out to be warming her up...so she just keep her eyes shut tight awaiting for the cold to be back if she just ignored the pleasing heat.
-And I wondered where would you be by now...- A soft elegant voice broke the uncomfortable tension that had built inside of the girl. A voice so smooth and calm Sen felt a pair of shivers, yet not out of the cold, run back down her spine. That voice that she knew only too well...
The silver haired boy walked slowly from behind Sen, where he had just placed his wide black leather coat over her shoulders, and came to sit next to her, pushing aside the girl's bag.
He had been worried about her, she thought. He had thought about her and looked for her when he realized she hadn't got home by that hour in the night. He had even given her his coat, Sen looked down at it and gripped it to pull it closer to her, when he saw she was shivering like mad at refusing to run home...
-Riku...I...
-Beautiful sight- He absently interrupted her, much to her satisfaction, since she didn't really know what to say- I see why you didn't go home right away...this is really magnificent
-It is...- Sen nodded, looking once again straight ahead of her, to the dark infinity the ocean was- this...is my...
-Secret place?-Riku finished her sentence, mildly surprising her- I know. Everyone has one...Kai, Sora and me share the same secret place; you instead found this place...
-Well, its not like I actually "found it"- Sen giggled shortly, since this place was so popular to everyone, just that no one ever thought of coming here by midnight to admire it as she did
-You found out its beauty...that's enough to call this your Secret Place- Riku shrugged and flexed a knee to his chest, resting his arm over it, and continuing to stare in deep silence at the horizon.
Without answering to his last statement, Sen mimicked Riku in his activity, letting time pass by as if it was to let the night last forever.
Secretly, in her heart, Sen wished this to come true...
Long time passed before either of them spoke again; both were absent eyed staring into infinity, yet, thinking of something inteligent to say to shatter the strange silence that had crept upon the scene.
-Do you think...we'll ever get out of this place?- Riku's, suddenly childlish, voice took the first step in breaking the ice. Sen didn't bother to turn her head to answer
-Why would you want to get out of here?- Her voice was calm and soft, yet somewhat sad at the thought...
-Well...-The moon haired boy shifted in his sandy seat- I've always wanted to see land beyond these islands, and...nevermind...-he cut himself off before continuing in what could be an unproper coment
-And?-Sen questioned, still looking foward, wondering what could have made him withdraw from saying what he wanted
Riku sighed and looked down at his knees, like if what he was about to say ashamed him the most and wouldn't allow him to look straight.
-And...don't you sometimes feel you're alone? That no matter how many people you have around you, you still feel hollow and aside? That no matter how many times you call this your home you'll always feel that...
-That you don't belong...-Sen was the one to finish the sentence this time, much to Riku's surprise. Averting her eyes from the view ahead of her, the girl closed her eyes for a second before turning her head softly aside to meet aqua blue orbs gazing into her own radiating green ones. Almost choking in her breath, Sen tried to remain still while staring in the infinite depth of the sea Riku's eyes were. She wanted him to know...she wanted him to see what she felt...or at least, let him know she was there and that, after all, he wasn't as alone as he thought he was...
Riku, who had been caught by surprise at hearing Sen finish his phrase as if it was himself speaking through her voice, had instantly turned his head just to find those radiant green eyes dig into him with such gentleness, with such a calm and serene expression, with so many feelings, that his heart pounded like mad in his chest while his mind fought to make it slow down to a normal pace. Suddenly he even found it hard to breathe...
How could she know? How could she also know that feeling he knew painfully too well? Why? Did she feel it too? Did she suffer the same way he did?
Somehow, the thought of her feeling sad or suffering made his heart lurch into a painfull knot and made his confused feelings of protection and care for her grow even bigger...posibly into something else?
Riku's eyes widened at the thought.
Was that it? Were these feelings, that confused the hell out of him day by day, each time Sen was near him, each time her sweet voice reached his ears, of caring deeply for her, as something more than a simple friend? Did he really think about her in that way?
Sen had been his friend about as long as Sora and Kairi had been. Maybe even before. He knew he trusted her like he trusted no one else, maybe because she was always the calm and sweet person that could listen to your problems without failing to paint a smile over her lips not one second, or maybe because she had always been near when he seemed to have something bothering him, as small as it could be.
Suddenly it struck him; Sen had been there all the time, giving him her hand in every step of the way, walking two steps behind him when she didn't feel the need to be near, walking aside when she did. She had never left his side, not a moment in Riku's life had been sad without Sen trying to help, trying to make him feel wanted...After all, it seemed that he had never really been alone, thanks to her...
Though, he wondered, had he been as helpful to her? Had he made her lonelines fly away when she felt sad? Had he been such a friend when Sen was feeling low?
Come to think about it, untill now, Sen had never really shown any saddness emotions, she had always been the bright one trying to cheer everyone up, even if her eyes were sometimes clouded by a sad mist no one would posibly notice...no one except Riku, of course...
Realizing he had spent a unknown amount of time staring wordlesly at the girl in front of him, like a lover would do, he shook his head briefly, trying to hide any emotion his thoughts may had allowed to run over to his face in an unwanted blush.
Still, even as he lowered his head and averted his eyes from the penetrating green gaze, he could still feel it upon him, begging for him to look up at her, to reveal any emotion, something that could make this uneasy feeling of emptyness go away...
-Thank you...Sen...- Three words. Only three words came out with artificial calmness from Riku's dry throat. He didn't even know why he said it; maybe to break the once again silent scene, maybe because he really meant it after thinking that she had always been there. One way or another, he knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear, yet it was the only thing he could say under the tension of not knowing what to do next.
Forcing himself to look up to her if only to search for any reaction over his coment, he found that the girl's eyes had started to be shaded with the sad mist that covered her each time she fought to cover her pain. This time, though, the pain was prevailing over her cheerful shield and Riku felt his heart drop when a single tear rolled down to her chin.
-Sen...
-I-I'm sorry...I should...I...-With the coat's sleeve, Sen tried to wipe away her tears, but as much as she wanted she couldn't stop new tears forming in her eyes.- I'm sorry Riku! You shouldn't see this...I shouldn't cry...I should be strong but...I can't...-Her voice trailed off avoiding further statements she would later regret
-Why?- The long haired boy questioned softly, gently, almost...lovingly, Sen realized with a skip of her heart. It was more of a request for an explanation than a simple question and the girl just felt the need to drop, for once in a lifetime, her problems over someone.
-Because I'm sick of this!! Because the festival's tomorrow, because I'll have to perform for hundreds of people, because everybody will be staring at me, because my team depends on me to make it...-Sen choked a small sob and continued along other lines, very much more important to her than the festival a few hours ahead.- and...because I wake up alone, day by day, to find that I have no one who'll care for me, no one to say goodbye when I run to school, no one to receive me with arms wide open when I get home; because everyone depends on my smile to be happy themselves, not even realizing that I'm the one that needs support, because I have to keep up this big fat lie I call a happy life when I'm dying with my pain inside!!- Sen's voice cracked and Riku felt the sudden urge to bring her up close to him and make her feel wanted, to let her know there was someone who needed her as much as she needed someone. But his primary intentions were interrupted as Sen continued choking on her words to throw away all of her pain- But...most of all, because I need...I want...I long for...and...I can't...I just...even if I need to say it I simply can't!!- Riku's face was now filled with a confused expresion and Sen found herself in the need to expose herself to him and tell him all she needed to say, to make him know how much he meant for her. She didn't even blush this time- Riku, I...I...!!
-You're cold...- The boy's ungloved fingers were now gently pressed against her frozen lips, where cristaline tears had come to rest, making the area grow colder. Sen's eyes widened as she fought with her mind to keep as cool as her lips were. But it was hard...really hard, once she had Riku so near of her, barelly inches away while his fingers rested on top of the smooth skin of the girl's lips and his eyes bore into hers as if trying to clean away the tears by only looking at them.
Then, Sen completly froze still.
A hand had sneaked around her waist, with her barelly noticing over her state of absolute perdition into the boys eyes, pulling her slowly towards the warm, well-built body of her friend. The arm was strong enough to move her without her helping to it, since otherwise she would have just stood there out of confusion and nervous paralizing.
Seconds later, Sen found herself being pressed against Riku's warm and strong chest, and, as if the confusion had passed imediatly, a new pool of tears gathered in her eyes as she buried her face in the fabric that covered the boy's torso, this time, though, feeling quite more relieved and undesperate to cry than the time before.
-Cry all you need...I'm here...-Riku's words were enough to make Sen spill every single tear drop she had within her; with or without a reason, she desesperately needed this, and now she had the chance to do it without regret. Meanwhile, Riku rested his chin above her head and softly caressed her hair waiting for the storm to pass.
Ocasional sobs and the last few tears were all that was left of Sen's delivered pain. Her face was still buried in Riku's shirt, which was now damp with tears where she had cried for nearly an hour. Not like he really cared anyway...
Looking down on the chestnut head below his he found a pair of misty green eyes looking up at him, with the most adorable expression Riku could think of; huge green eyes stared at him in an angelical expresion, being framed by long shiny and silky brown bangs of hair falling over her forehead and shoulders.
A perfect face, perfect eyes, perfect lips, perfect neck...a perfect girl, he realized, a girl so pretty it was rather stupid he hadn't noticed before; this girl, he was holding in his arms, that was looking straight into his eyes, expectant of his reaction, looking so angelical with her expresion, so beautiful when bathed in the pale moonlight...this girl, wouldn't cry again, wouldn't have a reason to be sad or lie of happiness, wouldn't have to cry about wanting something she couldn't get...as long as he protected her; as long as he was with her.
And this was his decision.
Directly looking down into her eyes, Riku moved a hand to where a thin band tied her hair up in a pony tail and removing it he let her long mane fly freely in the gentle sea breeze. She didn't move at this and Riku found her so atractive he had to resist himself from rushing into her and doing something he might regret later on.
Still gazing into her emerald eyes, Riku lowered his head untill it was barelly two inches away from hers, and ran his thumb along the line of her bottom lip, making a small shiver take pleasantly over her.
-You're not alone...not anymore...not with me...
If she had had the time to react, if she had only said one simple word, if she had been surprised at his coment...but lucky for her, Riku didn't give time for any of this, as he took over the small distance between them, replacing his cold finger for his warmer lips and feeling the coldness in Sen's begin to fade away.
He hadn't even thought about this...he hadn't even planed about it as he usually did. It had simply happened, like if Sen's lips had summoned his to press against them.
Yet, not really mattering about how it happened, Riku was glad it had. Now he knew where he was meant to be, what he was meant to do, with he was meant to spend his life with...and it felt good to know he was cared and cared about, maybe as good as the kiss he was sharing felt...
At that same instant, Sen's mind raced at an incredible speed. How had this come to be? Wasn't she crying her soul out a moment ago just because she couldn't reach him? Then, why were they in such a moment? Why were they sharing this moment designed exclusively for lovers or pairs? Was it perhaps that he had realized? Was it that...he was able to answer her?
So many as the questions were, the girl's mind began drifting away, forgetting to answer all of them and just concentrating on the simple but passionate kiss she and the man she loved were sharing. It was all she needed to fight her sorrows and pain away, he was all she wanted and all she'd ever need to be happy and never cry again. And she felt a new strength take over her, a strength big enough to make her do the imposible, a strength so powerfull that allowed her to know that he felt that same force inside of him.
Sitting in the seashore, where the moon was starting to be replaced by a bright fiery sun, and the last blows of night brezee blew their hair softly into the air above, both youths realized, as drowning in endless feelings and unwanting to break the bond between them, how good it felt to be loved by someone...
Author note: Aww, so much for romance...(sorry I had to put so many questions and thiking into it, but I had to give a sense to everything...maybe just the way I am...)
Well guys, hope you liked this. I trully say I've put my soul into this chapter, trying to make it the best for you. If still, you don't like it, please, please, review and tell me what's wrong. If you do like it thought, dearly review too, I need it to go on!!
I'll update this as soon as I posibly can. I wont stop, but I might be slow, since school takes so much off my time...it sucks, I know, but its how life is...cruel, aint it?
Ah! Also, please give me your votes about the Leon/¿? Pairing. Notice I WON'T use Leon/Yuffie, since I hate her with a passion, so it'll have to be Leon/aerith or Leon/OC. I have the OC set up...I'm sure you'd like her, but still, give your opinion on it, ok?
Thanks! I know I could count on you! ;)
Anyway, coments, cheers, bad news...anything, just review or e-mail. I'm always here, for whatever you need, so don't hestitate, alright?
Thanks and sorry...once again.
Kail Angelfire